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Post by cakewench on Nov 5, 2017 9:30:09 GMT -6
Ladies, I need some advice and don't want to hijack the randoms thread.
When I got all my shots at 28w, the doctor recommended we have anyone who is going to be near the baby a lot in the first few weeks to get flu/TDAP as well, especially since it's winter. I emailed my parents, ILs, bro, SIL, BIL, and my best friend (BIL and BFF are the godparents) requesting they get the shots, with apologies for sounding like a crazy FTM. I knew my family wouldn't be an issue - since bro/SIL had my nephew last year, they and my parents got their TDAPs already and get a flu shot annually. My best friend's sister had a baby around the same time so she has her TDAP as well, and is getting the flu shot if she hasn't already.
Yesterday I asked H if he'd made his shot appointments yet (he hasn't but will), and commented since I never heard back from his family that I'm assuming that means they don't want to get them. Apparently my ILs have told H and BIL (but not me) that they don't want them, and BIL isn't super keen on getting them either. They aren't "shots cause autism/etc" people, mostly "we don't go to the doctor unless it's a problem" people. MIL has a host of health issues that could easily be solved with regular checkups, but nothing anyone says can get her to go to the doctor unless it's an emergency. (She's only a few years older than my mom but looks 10-15 years older because she just doesn't take care of herself. H compares it to driving your car around for 20 years and never getting the oil changed unless you break down.)
My question is, how far do I push this?
The fact is, my ILs are retirees who live in Florida and won't see the baby very often. OTOH, they left on October 20 for a cruise and won't be back until Dec 8. Cruise ships are a hotbed of germs and at least one of them almost always gets a nasty cold (if not worse) when they return. This is likely going to be their only grandchild (BIL does not want kids), so I don't want to go full "no holding the baby until you get the shots", but at the same time, I don't want my child to suffer because they won't get a shot.
H says he will back whatever I want, and he's already warned his parents/brother that if they don't get them and something happens, God help them. I feel like at bare minimum they should at least get the flu shot. I just don't know what to do.
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rooskie
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WWD17D?
Nov 5, 2017 11:46:50 GMT -6
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Post by rooskie on Nov 5, 2017 11:46:50 GMT -6
I would blame it on the pediatrician if you need an out. Ours doesn’t want us to take the baby into big public areas until 2 months to avoid the germs.
But I would push it. You don’t have to go to the doctor to get the shots. The health department can do tDap and flu shots are everywhere.
My famil has both done but H’s is all against the flu shot. I pretty much told H he was getting the shot and will likely avoid going to the inlaws house until after 2 months or if we know that anyone is sick. H’s whole family got tdap when my niece was born.
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WWD17D?
Nov 5, 2017 12:47:07 GMT -6
Post by cakewench on Nov 5, 2017 12:47:07 GMT -6
I would blame it on the pediatrician if you need an out. Ours doesn’t want us to take the baby into big public areas until 2 months to avoid the germs. But I would push it. You don’t have to go to the doctor to get the shots. The health department can do tDap and flu shots are everywhere. My famil has both done but H’s is all against the flu shot. I pretty much told H he was getting the shot and will likely avoid going to the inlaws house until after 2 months or if we know that anyone is sick. H’s whole family got tdap when my niece was born. I'm touring a potential pediatrician on Friday, so I can double check with them. I mean, they're on a boat for another month so there's nothing I can do until then.
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typo31
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Post by typo31 on Nov 5, 2017 15:14:49 GMT -6
When are you due and how soon after they return from their trip will your baby potentially see them?
This is a no win situation in a lot of ways. I would suggest narrowing your focus to you and your H and what your gut instincts are interacting with potentially sick people/unvaccinated individuals for x amount of time after the birth. Set parameters that make sense to you (for visits, holding the baby, using hand sanitizer, whatever), communicate them to the VIP's now, and then hold everyone to the same standard. This keeps the responsibility on them for their own decisions - where it belongs.
We told all the grandparents about Tdap and let them make their own decisions. 1 out of 6 got it.
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Post by babydsmama on Nov 5, 2017 15:33:48 GMT -6
STM here but my DD is a May baby so it wasn’t a huge issue since she was able to get her flu shot at 6 months. My Mom’s entire family lives on our street and with gatherings always hosted at my parents I have been hammering into everyone’s head that they have to get at least their flu shot if they think they’re holding this baby. I would like for them to get their TDAP too but I haven’t pushed that as hard. I think narrowing it down to the people who will be around the baby most is most important. I agree with typo31 with holding everyone to the same standard. I also don’t think youre crazy to be concerned! You’re doing what you need to do to protect that baby. Family need to understand that, and respect it. I’m glad your family is on the same page as you. Hopefully your H’s come around. 😊
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WWD17D?
Nov 5, 2017 16:03:19 GMT -6
Post by cakewench on Nov 5, 2017 16:03:19 GMT -6
When are you due and how soon after they return from their trip will your baby potentially see them? This is a no win situation in a lot of ways. I would suggest narrowing your focus to you and your H and what your gut instincts are interacting with potentially sick people/unvaccinated individuals for x amount of time after the birth. Set parameters that make sense to you (for visits, holding the baby, using hand sanitizer, whatever), communicate them to the VIP's now, and then hold everyone to the same standard. This keeps the responsibility on them for their own decisions - where it belongs. We told all the grandparents about Tdap and let them make their own decisions. 1 out of 6 got it. I'm due the 15th. BIL lives in our city and is over at the house all the time, so he will likely be visiting us in the hospital. We haven't really worked out with my ILs when they are coming after the baby is born. It's entirely possible they may not come up until the baptism in March. They may also come for Christmas. No clue, and we can't really talk to them about it until after they get back anyway. They won't be able to be here for the birth no matter what; MIL doesn't fly and it's a 2 day drive for them. The only thing we do know is my mom will come for a month to help once the baby comes. I think rooskie has the right idea, I'll ask the nurses/doctors I meet on the ped tour on Friday what they think is best. I also agree with you, typo31, that once we pick a line we need to hold everyone to it. MIL will probably bitch that's not fair but it's not my fault my family is better about this stuff. And also get giant pump bottles of sanitizer. Personally, I think flu shot is minimal and not asking a lot. You can get them at Walgreens for God's sake. (I still want H to get TDAP, though.)
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Post by officedronette on Nov 5, 2017 22:07:12 GMT -6
I've requested that all close family/contacts have TDaP and flu. They all got TDaP before DD#1. My youngest sister is giving me shit about flu this time. I plan on reminding her again next week that I am quite serious that she won't be holding her niece without it. It wasn't as big an issue for DD#1 because she was a summer baby, but bringing DD#2 into the world at the height of flu season makes me want to give her all the protection possible.
It really blows my mind that people give push back about this. I understand not everyone is as concerned and has different risk tolerances, but the people who get to make that call for a baby are the parents.
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Post by kensie5226 on Nov 6, 2017 8:00:47 GMT -6
I don't find it realistic not to take baby out in crowded areas until 2 months, and it's pretty easy to keep rando strangers from touching baby (Ergo!) but for people who are coming to my house and anticipate spending time in close proximity to baby; vaccines are necessary. This was something I was and am non-negotiable on. Thankfully, my family has no issues complying with that and MH's family is in Cali so we likely won't see them until after the 1st round of vaccines anyway. My dad whined at me a little, but I was like...homeboy if you want to hold my baby get the freaking shot. You're a grown man, you can handle a shot.
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Post by sarahandben108 on Nov 6, 2017 9:15:17 GMT -6
Immediate family or people who have a lot of contact with the baby need to be vaccinated. My mom lives with me and I made sure she was all set. Other family members who we don't see as much or often sho want to visit the baby will have to wait until they baby is old enough (2+ months) to see and hold the baby, cannot visit if they feel unwell, and/or will have to wash their hands before touching the baby. You are the parent and you make the rules regarding anything involving him/her. Tough for everyone else.
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ldubhawksfan
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WWD17D?
Nov 6, 2017 10:00:45 GMT -6
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Post by ldubhawksfan on Nov 6, 2017 10:00:45 GMT -6
ILs resisted the tdap for DD at first but once I had dh explain about how deadly whooping cough can be for an infant and no shot meant no visits, they got their butts down to cvs. I’m pretty adamant about these vaccines for anyone seeing our babies before they can get immunity.
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WWD17D?
Nov 10, 2017 15:28:38 GMT -6
Post by cakewench on Nov 10, 2017 15:28:38 GMT -6
We had a great pediatrician tour today! I really like the feel of the place, the nurses seem really nice and the head of the practice came out to speak to our group for a little while. He reminds me of my doc from when I was a kid. He's been there so long he has kids he used to see now bringing their babies to the practice.
I asked about the shots and they agreed flu and TDAP were best, especially for this time of year, for anyone who will be around the baby a lot. On our way home H and I agreed that his brother definitely needs to get both. We're OK just holding his parents to the flu shot for now, since they probably will only see the baby once before the 2-3 month mark. We both agree they shouldn't come until they know they don't have any illnesses from the cruise. H says he'll handle talking to his family.
Fingers crossed...
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