WWYD: telling work

[larzhope]

I was originally going to wait to tell work until after the first trimester (which my doctor believes lasts to 14 weeks, which puts me right after Thanksgiving). I work in HR and my team, while wonderful, can be a bit gossipy. I had to stop by my benefits partner's office today to ask a question about a client and I shut the door to keep things confidential and she said "oh, are you coming to share your good news?"

I wasn't quite sure how to react, so I told her no, but why would she think I have good news to share? apparently a few of the team members have been guessing that I'm pregnant because I've made a few "i'm starving" comments and I'm "walking differently" (news to me).

Here's the WWYD - Because she is in benefits she has to keep health related things confidential so I told her to please treat the conversation as a confidential one and that I wasn't confirming anything. Given that my team is a bit gossipy (for example this same person told my direct report about my promotion before I knew about it), should I come clean with my manager now? I would hate for my manager/my head of HR to find out from someone other than me, but man I really didn't want to share yet. The other issue is that I'm currently hiring a direct report (my first full-time direct) and I don't want them to change their mind/regret that decision given I will be going out on leave next year. i realize that's discrimination, but let's be real here...

I'm so bummed and not sure if I should put my head down and keep on keeping on. wwyd?

[skidevil87]

*lurking from IF board*

Gosh that sucks about the gossip in your work place. I'm a nurse, and we work with a bunch of nurses, obviously. But they are also super gossipy. I have one coworker who wasn't necessarily keeping her pregnancy a secret, but it really wasn't anyone's business. So she literally didn't tell our manager. At all. The only reason our manager knew was at 36 weeks when she turned in her FMLA paperwork.

So really, you don't have to do anything... For what it's worth- I think out of spite, I wouldn't say anything. I don't think I would ever say anything... and even if I were as big as a whale and my boss asked me... I would say no with a straight face. Again. Out of spite.

[Risscaboobs]

Fuck them. Tell them when YOU are ready. Lie with a straight face if you’re asked before you’re ready. It’s your news and you get to choose when/if you share it.

[budders]

Oct 26, 2017 12:55:16 GMT -6 Risscaboobs said:

Fuck them. Tell them when YOU are ready. Lie with a straight face if you’re asked before you’re ready. It’s your news and you get to choose when/if you share it.

I agree with this. Don’t change your plans because of her.

[chriskoo]

It is absolutely your decision if and when you tell anyone. If you're most comfortable waiting until after thanksgiving and until after you hire your direct report, then go for it. It was incredibly rude of your benefits partner to assume anything and to bring it up to you unprompted, I hope she was embarrassed when you wouldn't confirm anything.

[ajm]

Oct 26, 2017 12:55:16 GMT -6 Risscaboobs said:

Fuck them. Tell them when YOU are ready. Lie with a straight face if you’re asked before you’re ready. It’s your news and you get to choose when/if you share it.

Exactly this.

[armpants]

Agreed, don't tell until your ready.

[larzhope]

sorry I totally disappeared yesterday. Thank you all for your input and validating what I was feeling- I really appreciate it! After I posted, one of my other coworkers directly asked me if I was pregnant and when I said "what would make you think I am" she was like "well, you're thin. you're showing already" um.... rude! My constipated bloated belly is none of your business! I'm in much better spirits about this today and much more willing to let it roll off and wait until I was originally planning on telling my boss.

thanks all!