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Post by Deleted on Oct 17, 2017 6:30:41 GMT -6
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JukEboX
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Post by JukEboX on Oct 17, 2017 6:37:57 GMT -6
As a man who hasn't really had the confidence to talk to many women I feel awful about myself as a man that so many terrible things have happened to all of you. This #metoo movement had me racking my brain to double check myself on if there has been something I have ever done to make anyone feel uncomfortable at any point in time. I can't really think of a time but I can't remember every second of my teenage/pre teen years so forgive me if I can't give you an example of previous bad deeds. I can say I am a man so I do acknowledge to myself when a women is pretty but it is a far stretch to say I could go up them and say something. I have never been a big macho guy and I really can't relate or even get along with "bro" culture. I can't say I have ever had "game" as they call it to talk to women comfortably so going any further than "Hi, how are you" makes me nervous. I am for the most part straight edge so alcohol, smoking, drugs is not something I ever do really. I believe my only experience where I actually knew publicly about abuse was my aunt whose Ex was very religious (southern baptist) and he kept her under thumb. It was uncomfortable seeing her so submissive when my family and I knew she was never like that. I challenged him on lots of things when I talked to him maybe the 2 or 3 times I actually talked to him. Luckily she was able to see what was going on after so long and separated from him. I can't give you to many details because I can't remember them as I was in my early teens. As for myself I have always tried to maintain myself in a respectful way. I work in a mostly male field in a mostly male facility and I can't say I don't hear the male chauvinism at least once a week. It is so old world it disgusts me. I can't stand this culture of slut shaming, objectivism, and male dominance. I can tell you stories of talking to some people who are truly stuck in the 50s and 60s and my conversations with them about why they are stuck there and this is the new millennia and how its time for change. Full disclosure DW is one of only a few people I have really been comfortable enough to get close to my whole life and she is a saint for putting up with me. So on behalf of myself I want to say I am deeply sorry for everything you all have gone through, and continue to go through. It is truly unacceptable to me. Just because they are men they feel entitled. That is so wrong it makes me physically angry. I do my best to stop, correct, and educate those around when I see it. Even it it doesn't make a difference I feel I should be trying. For my DW and especially DD sake I do try. Has anyone seen the #itwasme response? A friend of my husband posted one and it was really well thought and a a genuine apology and appeal for men to do better. This person has never done anything to me, but his apology even made me feel better. It felt good to be validated on my experiences by having a man admit that he has participated in behaviors that were objectifying, pushed the boundaries of consent, blamed on alcohol when it really should have been testosterone, etc. I know this dude and he is a pretty progressive, forward thinking guy. And the kind of guy who now, would stand up and say something- so it's good to see him open up on faults. I wish more men would to so others can see instead of denying it exists we (as a society) can apologize and move forward and be better. This is great to see people speaking out. This has really inspired me to put something on my FB in support of #metoo. I do want to say that there is others like him around and it is not everyone. The overly aggressive men that does these things is so uncomfortable for me to think about because I can't wrap my head around their thinking. From our society to many religious views, it really is geared to subservience and we can be far past that thinking now. Enough of us just need to stand up and change it. Also I want to shout out jkjacq for your post on the picture about how language is used to direct the problem as a women's problem. I agree with you more and I never really thought of it that way, the way grammar is used to place the blame on women. I will be more sensitive to this point when I read things news to this topic and use it as a talking point when correcting people. Thank you. ETA for gammar and spelling
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danib
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Post by danib on Oct 17, 2017 7:02:13 GMT -6
blurnette989 I saw an #IAmGuilty which I thought was a step in the right direction.
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Post by anastasia on Oct 17, 2017 7:10:17 GMT -6
I didn't #metoo publically because it wasn't bad enough, and then because I was afraid it would upset my dad (not at me, but for me, since I never said anything). I regret it now, but feel like it's too late. I wish I had had the courage to be a part of it.
When I was 17 and interning at my mom's company, this beloved man her age brought me to a storage facility, alone. It was my first week, maybe even day. He gave me a tour, then stared into my eyes and went in for a kiss. I backed away. I don't even remember if I said anything. I left the building and got back into the company car we were driving. We didn't talk on the ride back. I thought I imagined it, but when we were alone a couple hours later, he half apologized and said I was just so beautiful. At the time, I felt like he was sorry and it was over and nothing happened so I didn't report anything. I worked there for 8 years, on and off, he continued to say joking, yet inappropriate things all the time. I warned all the other young girls, and definitely let everyone know I disliked him, just not why, but never actually did anything. I should have told HR. Or my mom. Or my boss, who loved his quirky sidekick, but I am pretty sure would have never tolerated that behavior.
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Post by Uncaripswife on Oct 17, 2017 7:29:06 GMT -6
Thank you for sharing this.
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piccyami
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Post by piccyami on Oct 17, 2017 7:38:15 GMT -6
I spent last night talking with DH because both of our sisters were victims. At first, he didn't understand why girls just didn't put themselves in those kinds of situations. As in, if she wasn't there, she wouldn't have been a victim. After a lot of yelling and me walking away, he finally got the point.
This is someone that should have completely understood after escorting me to every male professor's office in both undergrad and grad school because we had both heard stories about most of them. I guess he felt that since he was able to protect me from anything physical that everyone can protect themselves. He finally understood that I was protected, but those men still got to others, and that was the problem.
I feel like I'm not explaining myself well, but the point is that he finally understood and feels terrible for his privilege to ignore it.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 17, 2017 7:52:35 GMT -6
I didn't post #metoo on social media. Just, why is it up to us? Why do we have to put it out there, relive it....we shouldn't have to. I get it in a way, I get the reasoning.
I am struggling with it and I feel like a lot of women are being left out of this.
Then I read the link @nellybluth posted, and yeah.
A lot of white women helped elect a sexual predator as President of the United States. So, I'm just....I don't know. I have a lot of feelings I cannot quite put into words today.
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allisong
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Post by allisong on Oct 17, 2017 8:53:26 GMT -6
I’ve always felt I was wrong thinking I was a victim of sexual assault because my instances are probably much more minor compared to most, but I did post the #metoo as well.
Growing up as one of the more bustier girls in school I had so many inappropriate comments made to me about my boobs. So much so that I still feel uncomfortable showing off cleavage.
“Friends” of mine forced me to kiss a boy in 6th grade who I had no intention of ever kissing.
My asshole father in law hit on me while he was drunk at a wedding and rubbed my shoulders inappropriately.
A guy came up to me at a bar during my best friends bachelorette party and grabbed my boobs. I was so shocked that I couldn’t even think to say or do anything. I just stood there while he had a giant fucking smug grin on his face.
I’m so sorry to those who have these awful experiences. ❤️❤️❤️
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Post by crimsonandclover on Oct 17, 2017 8:58:43 GMT -6
So I decided to re-post on FB today with one of my stories. Somehow I feel more comfortable with that compared with it being so vague. I've also been reading so many heartbreaking stories on a private ex-pat group I belong to. I cannot believe everything that women go through and never talk about.
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jkjacq
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Post by jkjacq on Oct 17, 2017 9:19:18 GMT -6
I saw a good post that I cant find right now, but it basically said, every single woman was going back thru their minds trying to figure out if an incident was harassment or assault. And its heartbreaking.
There is another where it talks about the difference between what men and women do to keep themselves 'safe', but basically men don't think about it and women thread their keys, check their backseats, go out in groups, have cab money, dont set our drinks down, watch them being poured, etc. its crazy.
I really want to send everyone gentle hugs and/or ice cream here. Even if you think it wasnt traumatic 'enough'. And those who have had experiences that have impacted their day to day my heart goes out to you and I hope you are in your safe spaces.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 17, 2017 9:48:26 GMT -6
Add me to the list of people who were panicked last night and yesterday while thinking of my own experiences that I have never shared with anyone else. It makes me cry to think of how young I was and how much I didn't understand and how I didn't know I had the right to tell these assholes to fucking stop and leave me alone.
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crunch
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Post by crunch on Oct 17, 2017 10:55:53 GMT -6
One of the things I learned is that it doesn’t matter how “big” the event was or “small” the event was. It happened and it is harassment/assault.
(Sorry I’m popping in and out randomly. I haven’t been near my phone much)
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Post by blablabirdie on Oct 17, 2017 12:02:11 GMT -6
I didn't post #metoo on social media. Just, why is it up to us? Why do we have to put it out there, relive it....we shouldn't have to. I get it in a way, I get the reasoning. I am struggling with it and I feel like a lot of women are being left out of this. Then I read the link @nellybluth posted, and yeah. A lot of white women helped elect a sexual predator as President of the United States. So, I'm just....I don't know. I have a lot of feelings I cannot quite put into words today. This is so much how I feel. I have tried to ignore my anger and frustration that came up because of this, but I cannot (not at people posting, but at myself, at the people who hurt me, etc). I'm so proud and stand with all of the women who have come forward. And I think you are doing something so important. But I just don't feel like teaching anyone about this. And it really hurts to be pushed into discussions with DH and other loved ones when I don't feel like it right now. But then again, I lost my best friend after one incident, when her fiancé, now husband, told me I should be flattered because his friend, my attacker, was a well known photographer who only dated models. So yeah, telling people hasn't usually gone well for me.
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Post by pianolove on Oct 17, 2017 14:52:46 GMT -6
I've gone back and forth and I'm not going to post Me Too on social media. But I did see the one tweet where someone said "if you have to ask if it was harassment/assault, it probably was." And that rang true for me.
I used to attend this young adults group, and there was a guy there who would not leave any of the women alone. Every one of us had turned him down/let him know we weren't interested. That's didn't stop him from coming up behind me while I was sitting and running his hands right over my breasts while he "hugged" me. I jumped up, and left. I didn't know what to do and I wish I would have said something. I've never told anyone besides MH.
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Post by pianolove on Oct 17, 2017 15:03:55 GMT -6
Reading all of these posts, I'm so sorry you guys have gone through what you have gone through.
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Minerva
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Post by Minerva on Oct 17, 2017 16:51:34 GMT -6
This Facebook response for allies asking what they can do to address rape culture is pretty darn good advice.
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NamasteBirches
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Post by NamasteBirches on Oct 17, 2017 18:09:35 GMT -6
Saw this on facebook today. Lots of truth to this.
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NamasteBirches
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Echelon ♥️, Family LIfe
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Post by NamasteBirches on Oct 18, 2017 9:22:40 GMT -6
**Trigger warning** Did anyone see that USA gymnast McKayla Maroney came out with #metoo and shared her years of sexual abuse under the USA team doctor? McKayla has the famous pic with Barack Obama’s giving her not interested look. It has shaken me. I saw that a little bit ago. I feel as though this is getting far too commonplace & it frightens me for our children's future. It's literally everywhere.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 18, 2017 9:42:55 GMT -6
**Trigger warning** Did anyone see that USA gymnast McKayla Maroney came out with #metoo and shared her years of sexual abuse under the USA team doctor? McKayla has the famous pic with Barack Obama’s giving her not interested look. It has shaken me. Earlier this year or maybe last year, a number of USA gymnasts testified before Congress about this same issue. It went on for so long. The only reason I knew about it is because the sister-in-law of one of the stars on the SF Giants testified and I follow her sister on IG and saw it. The woman was on the Olympic team in 2000. It’s awful.
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Post by roseinbloom on Oct 18, 2017 16:38:56 GMT -6
DD
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Post by enchanted on Oct 18, 2017 16:43:24 GMT -6
roseinbloom First of all, hugs to your sister. I'm glad she was able to testify. Second, fuck that asshole. Just because you have a vagina does not mean he gets to talk to you that way.
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JukEboX
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Post by JukEboX on Oct 19, 2017 5:53:13 GMT -6
Good morning everyone. Daily Dot posted a guide to men on how to combat rape culture outside of Twitter. Men, here’s what you can do to fight rape cultureI think it was a generally good start for people looking to change and to me it seemed like common sense. What do you guys think?
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Post by Uncaripswife on Oct 19, 2017 7:19:11 GMT -6
Good morning everyone. Daily Dot posted a guide to men on how to combat rape culture outside of Twitter. Men, here’s what you can do to fight rape cultureI think it was a generally good start for people looking to change and to me it seemed like common sense. What do you guys think? I think that the Daily Dot is giving some good advice here. I think the hardest thing, but most important thing, is for "good guys" to call out their bros when they are marginalizing, demeaning, harassing, or otherwise harming a woman.
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withanie
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Post by withanie on Oct 21, 2017 4:20:40 GMT -6
Sending love to everyone who shared their stories, and those that haven't 💞 I shared this link on my BMB but didn't realize there was a Me Too thread here. This article really spoke to me regarding the idea that any given incident wasn't bad enough to "count" (tw for descriptions of sexual assault incidents, similar to the one's that have been shared here) totalsororitymove.com/literally-why-cant-i-say-metoo/I did not post #metoo. It felt to vulnerable but also like I was being a fraud. And it was too much soul bearing for social media. I didn't want to upset my family. Etc etc etc. But my heart broke for how many people on my friends list did post it.
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Post by Uncaripswife on Oct 21, 2017 5:23:07 GMT -6
Sending love to everyone who shared their stories, and those that haven't 💞 I shared this link on my BMB but didn't realize there was a Me Too thread here. This article really spoke to me regarding the idea that any given incident wasn't bad enough to "count" (tw for descriptions of sexual assault incidents, similar to the one's that have been shared here) totalsororitymove.com/literally-why-cant-i-say-metoo/I did not post #metoo. It felt to vulnerable but also like I was being a fraud. And it was too much soul bearing for social media. I didn't want to upset my family. Etc etc etc. But my heart broke for how many people on my friends list did post it. This was a tough read for me. I'm not sure why, considering all the similar things I've read in the last week. A little too close, maybe.
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JukEboX
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Post by JukEboX on Nov 7, 2017 7:44:15 GMT -6
This is a whole new low. I am DISGUSTED!!!! HUffPO and NPR reporting this Harvey Weinstein Hired Private Investigators To Bury Allegations: ReportHe hired ex and current Israeli spy agency members to dig up dirt on women he harassed and use that as ammo to keep them from talking. I am so baffled I can't express my rage into words. This is UNACCEPTABLE! He is clearly a DEPLORABLE! I hope he gets life in prison and all his assets seized and divided up to all the victims.
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Post by summerbabe on Nov 7, 2017 8:14:18 GMT -6
This is a whole new low. I am DISGUSTED!!!! HUffPO and NPR reporting this Harvey Weinstein Hired Private Investigators To Bury Allegations: ReportHe hired ex and current Israeli spy agency members to dig up dirt on women he harassed and use that as ammo to keep them from talking. I am so baffled I can't express my rage into words. This is UNACCEPTABLE! He is clearly a DEPLORABLE! I hope he gets life in prison and all his assets seized and divided up to all the victims. It's super gross, but I am not surprised at all. He had a lot to lose. I think that it will get worse before it gets better but I think a lot of other people in Hollywood (and name an industry) will go down. Today it looks like it is Ed Westwick.
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