Me too *TW Sexual Harassment/Sexual Assault*

[jkjacq]

I've seen a couple of comments that are 'it wasnt that bad' as a reason for not posting. I want to tell everyone that it doesnt matter if it wasnt 'that bad' it still happened, and the point is to bring awareness how this is pretty much an occurrence in almost every woman's*** life. From catcalling to assault, its not the degree that matters.


***broad generalization because I realize men are affected as well

[enchanted]

*poof*

[Minerva]

Cut and paste from the other thread:
I ended up posted "me too" this morning after thinking about it last night. I don't talk about it much and posting about it on fb makes me feel incredibly vulnerable, but a few of my closest friends posted about their experiences and I felt like letting them know "me too" was a way to stand with them. It's amazing how posting two simple words brought up so many emotions. I suspect that will be lost on the haters out there.

I also don't want anyone who doesn't want to post about being harassed or assaulted to feel compelled to put it out there. I did it for me and my friends, no one else.

Anyway, me too.

[enchanted]

Please consider likes from me in this thread as support.

[crunch]

I posted me too. I was sexually assaulted in college. I was too drunk to even remember. I blamed myself until I went to a non profit to get an AIDS and STD test. There was the first time I ever heard it wasn’t my fault.

And I was sexually harassed at a DC steelers bar. I went every Sunday and every Sunday this older man would talk about how good I looked or made a yum sound or wanted to touch my body. I’m so much more confident and out spoken since then and I wish I would have been that way then. I never said anything. I didn’t even say stop. I regret it so much.

I’m sorry to my friends here that have experienced assault or harassment. Sending you love.

[cheshirecat]

Oct 16, 2017 7:50:56 GMT -6 jkjacq said:

I've seen a couple of comments that are 'it wasnt that bad' as a reason for not posting. I want to tell everyone that it doesnt matter if it wasnt 'that bad' it still happened, and the point is to bring awareness how this is pretty much an occurrence in almost every woman's*** life. From catcalling to assault, its not the degree that matters.


***broad generalization because I realize men are affected as well

Thank you for saying this because this is exactly how I have been feeling.

[athn64]

I don't talk about it. Most people don't even know. It's more than one instance. But I was six the first time.

Eta I haven't posted me too. I'm thinking about it but it's hard for me to put on display.

[joelies]

Me too.

It's nothing I want to revisit at this point in my life, to be honest. But it pisses me off to say that I know very few women who DON'T have a story. Most of us have kept quiet because we weren't the ideal victim, we were human instead.

[jkjacq]

Sitting in a bar with a girlfriend having drinks and a couple guys came and sat with us. Next thing I know his hand is going up my leg and grabbing. Asked him to stop, leave and it was my fault for being 'unfriendly'.

Thankfully we were friends with the bouncers (benefits of being a regular) and it was resolved quickly but its still a violation. And not the only time something like that happened.

[crunch]

Also, the same guy at the bar used to tell me how I should do my hair. When I would wear it curly he would tell me it looked much better straight.

Like, get the fuck out of here with that. God I wish I could go back in time and get on the microphone and call his ass out.

I think my biggest struggle is wishing I would have responded differently.

[jkjacq]

athn64, so many hugs. Please keep yourself in a safe spot.

[byjove]

I said me too, but it really felt like I should be saying +eleventymillion.

[crimsonandclover]

Also cut/paste from the other thread:

This (referring to Minerva 's post) I really struggled with whether to post it or not because I don't want to make it sound like I'm attention-grabbing or jumping on the bandwagon, and I really don't want to talk about it. I feel like some of my extremely conservative relatives will roll their eyes and think I and others posting it are exaggerating or too sensitive / too easily offended. But I've had a guy grab me Trump-style as I was getting off public transportation and another one grab me on the street and kiss me, and another situation that was similar but would take too long to explain. Anyway, all pretty cut and dry non-consensual sexual grabbing. But I don't want to post details on FB to justify why I posted it.

[sweetc129]

I know the importance of it, but I just can't come to post it. I'm to private of a person and don't really want to have anybody ask me about it.

I typed it out and decided I can't share. It was not good and it was a situation that went beyond just the actual sexual assault/harassment itself. I ended up leaving college over it and never went on to graduate. My parents still just think I'm a bum who is a college drop out or just wasn't cut out for it or something. I don't blame them because how could they have known. The worst part about it is it took years to even recognize how fucked up the situation was and for years I thought it was my fault and was more embarrassed that I let it happen. So many times you hear why didn't they report it or say no or do something. What people who have never been in that situation don't realize is how many women do feel like they are at fault or feel like they put themselves in that situation and are more embarrassed then pissed off and angry that they were assaulted.

It's been almost 20 years and I still am sitting here in tears even thinking about it, it's still so raw.

[crimsonandclover]

Oct 16, 2017 8:27:27 GMT -6 @heartbot said:

When I was 17, I had an OBGYN refuse to refill my BCP prescription--which I was on for medical reasons other than preventing pregnancy--w/o a pelvic exam. He made my mom leave the exam room and refused to believe a teenage girl could still be a virgin if she'd been on the pill for 2 years, and basically said if I wouldn't consent to a pelvic exam, he couldn't give me more BCP because he knew I was having sex. It was horrible. I cried and shook through the whole thing. At the time it didn't occur to me that it was a kind of sexual assault. I don't think he took any sort of sexual pleasure in it, but forcing a teenage girl to let you stick your fingers inside her by withholding medication she needs is a complete and utter violation.

And this isn't even getting into street harassment and men groping me in public places.

I really hope you changed OBs. How awful.

ETA: That kind of sounds like I was saying you were somehow at fault if you didn't switch immediately. It is really hard to "break up" with a doctor and I would totally understand if you still went to him. I have continued to go to doctors I really haven't liked for long periods of time before. What I was trying to say is that I hope for your sake it was the last time he was your OB.

[Minerva]

(((Hugs))) sweetc129

[enchanted]

I also don't think anyone should feel like they have to post or be open about their experiences.

I do think it is great that there are those speaking out but I understand and agree with the point about how it shouldn't be on the victims to bring the issue to light.

I don't know how to say what I'm thinking. Everyone has to deal with things in their own way. Cope how you cope. If these are conversations you do not want to have, then please, don't feel badly about that. You have to take care of yourself first.

[sweetc129]

byjove, Yes. just because I have one very bad experience doesn't mean I haven't had a million times somebody say inappropriate things or put me in uncomfortable situations. It's so wrong on so many levels.

[byjove]

Oct 16, 2017 8:32:55 GMT -6 sweetc129 said:

byjove , Yes. just because I have one very bad experience doesn't mean I haven't had a million times somebody say inappropriate things or put me in uncomfortable situations. It's so wrong on so many levels.

First, a squishy hug <3 And yes, this is true. I was thinking more like a list of posts where you say +2 +3 etc. down the chain because you agree with the sentiment. But it works both ways. 

[sweetc129]

Oct 16, 2017 7:50:56 GMT -6 jkjacq said:

I've seen a couple of comments that are 'it wasnt that bad' as a reason for not posting. I want to tell everyone that it doesnt matter if it wasnt 'that bad' it still happened, and the point is to bring awareness how this is pretty much an occurrence in almost every woman's*** life. From catcalling to assault, its not the degree that matters.


***broad generalization because I realize men are affected as well

Yes DH worked somewhere when a couple women would make crude comments to him, but because he was a man he wasn't going to say anything to their boss. He was uncomfortable at work because of it and it wasn't right that he felt like he wasn't allowed to be harassed because he was a man. Sexual Harassment is Sexual Harassment.

[Minerva]

@heartbot, I had a situation with a doctor who did my women's health check at the campus clinic. He made me feel profoundly uncomfortable, though there wasn't a particular action that I could put my finger on that made me feel that way. A year later, he was dismissed and charges were filed against him for sexual assault of several women while doing exams. It wasn't the event that I was thinking of when I posted me too, but it felt very violating and is the main reason I no longer see male ObGyns.

[Uncaripswife]

I debated about posting "me too" on Facebook because for me it has just been inappropriate groping, sometimes masked as an "accident." And of course your basic "women aren't smart enough/tough enough/are too emotional" to [fill in the blank]. But in the end I did post. And now my husband's cousin is #notallmen to me and I'm like GTFO.

[crimsonandclover]

I'm thinking of taking mine back down. Only 2 people have reacted, but I'm feeling very uncomfortable having put it out there. :/

[danib]

I posted Me Too on Facebook but didn't share any details.
It's really sad that I wasn't even thinking of the harassment (like getting felt up/grabbed by guys in bars/parties or verbal stuff) until reading others mention it. That's how common this type of behaviour is. Which is absolutely disgusting when you really think about it.

PDQ
*poof*

[jkjacq]

This showed up on my feed.  It kind of hits.

Attachment Deleted

[joelies]

danib - The first thing I thought of was a situation quite similar to the one you described, though with a "friend". But +100 about the rest of it - verbal harassment, pinches, pats, etc. - being so commonplace that my mind didn't even go there. It's sickening.

[jkjacq]

Oct 16, 2017 10:26:29 GMT -6 @jboogie said:

Oct 16, 2017 9:53:43 GMT -6 crimsonandclover said:

I'm thinking of taking mine back down. Only 2 people have reacted, but I'm feeling very uncomfortable having put it out there. :/

My FB page is full of them and most of the posts only have a few likes. I think people don't know what to say, which is part of the reason I am struggling.

One dude had the nerve to share someone else's story and encourage all women to share their stories so that men get it. I was so angry at the laziness and sense of entitlement that entailed.

The best response I saw to men was a tweet from Andy Goss
Men: If #MeToo doesnt have you frantically searching your memory and thinking "Did I?" you're either inexperienced or The Problem.

I also saw a guy post that he needed to do something then admit to harassment.

[crunch]

Oct 16, 2017 9:53:43 GMT -6 crimsonandclover said:

I'm thinking of taking mine back down. Only 2 people have reacted, but I'm feeling very uncomfortable having put it out there. :/

Not a lot of people have responded to mine. I’m sorry you’re feeling uncomfortable.

[Minerva]

Oct 16, 2017 10:43:32 GMT -6 crunch said:

Oct 16, 2017 9:53:43 GMT -6 crimsonandclover said:

I'm thinking of taking mine back down. Only 2 people have reacted, but I'm feeling very uncomfortable having put it out there. :/

Not a lot of people have responded to mine. I’m sorry you’re feeling uncomfortable.

Hugs, friends. I think people just don't know how to react. I would give you both ❤️ if we were fb friends.

[shadesofgold]

Oct 16, 2017 8:58:41 GMT -6 @blanche said:

Oct 16, 2017 8:11:06 GMT -6 cheshirecat said:

Thank you for saying this because this is exactly how I have been feeling.

Me too. One guy, one time grabbed my butt while I was printing his bar check. This seems so inane, comparatively speaking.

When I first started seeing the "me too" I initially thought it didn't apply to me. After hearing stories from nearly every other woman I know about being serially harassed, stalked, assaulted or raped, my default was that I was that anomaly who had been so "fortunate" as to not have those stories. But over the past 12 hours or so since I first saw it, incidents keep popping to mind that I'd shoved down in my memory or somehow counted as so par-for-the-course that they didn't register. Like the time I was studying abroad and went about 6 subway stops with an Italian man jabbing his hard penis into me, stepping toward me every time I shifted away, feeling like I couldn't say anything because I didn't have the words in Italian and so feared being the "ugly American." Or the countless times I've been catcalled on the street. Or the 10 fucking years a high school ex boyfriend sent me unsolicited emails, letters and pictures of himself, after slut-shaming me our entire "relationship."

So, yeah, me too. And how screwed up is our culture that we bury, justify, minimize, self-censor ourselves so effortlessly?