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Hold me
Sept 28, 2017 20:14:59 GMT -6
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Post by bellatrix on Sept 28, 2017 20:14:59 GMT -6
I've started wavering on being oad.
I don't know what I want & it scares me.
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NamasteBirches
Global Moderator
Echelon ♥️, Family LIfe
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Sept 29, 2017 5:18:44 GMT -6
Post by NamasteBirches on Sept 29, 2017 5:18:44 GMT -6
Seems like you go through these feelings every so often. Was there something that triggered it, you think?
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Hold me
Sept 29, 2017 9:29:15 GMT -6
Post by twohopes on Sept 29, 2017 9:29:15 GMT -6
I am just going to pull up a seat and join the "I don't know what I want" team.
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Sept 29, 2017 10:36:14 GMT -6
Post by radiantfate on Sept 29, 2017 10:36:14 GMT -6
((hugs)) Your DD just started K, right? I remember that's when I had my first big pangs of "I want another" (but XH and I were divorcing so obviously it was a no-go at that time). When I met MH and we got married and decided to TTC it was definitely a mental process. My DD is 9. I'm literally half done with her. Do I really wanna start over? But then MH is such a great stepdad and will be a wonderful dad. No advice, but commiseration.
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Post by jillywilly on Sept 29, 2017 11:49:48 GMT -6
I'm sorry you're having the mixed emotions - I know how hard they. An be. I've had them basically since we decided to be OAD earlier this summer until a late period this week actually made me realize I was happy with just the one, at least right now.
One thing I read that really helped me after processing everything while we were deciding whether to do more fertility treatments is to take a pause at the dinner table and look at your family. Is your heart full, or is it missing someone? It sounds cheesy, but it did help me realize I was really content with just my H and DS being our little family. Good luck sorting through all the emotions, I know how tough they can be.
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Hold me
Sept 29, 2017 13:22:53 GMT -6
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Post by bellatrix on Sept 29, 2017 13:22:53 GMT -6
Seems like you go through these feelings every so often. Was there something that triggered it, you think? I know, it's awful. Just keep thinking of the future & whether I see just the 3 of us or not. We are also for the first time in a place financially to have another.
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Hold me
Sept 29, 2017 13:24:06 GMT -6
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Post by bellatrix on Sept 29, 2017 13:24:06 GMT -6
((hugs)) Your DD just started K, right? I remember that's when I had my first big pangs of "I want another" (but XH and I were divorcing so obviously it was a no-go at that time). When I met MH and we got married and decided to TTC it was definitely a mental process. My DD is 9. I'm literally half done with her. Do I really wanna start over? But then MH is such a great stepdad and will be a wonderful dad. No advice, but commiseration. Yes, she just started K. I'm nowhere near definitely wanting another, but I no longer have a huge aversion when I think about it...if that makes sense.
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Hold me
Sept 29, 2017 13:25:35 GMT -6
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Post by bellatrix on Sept 29, 2017 13:25:35 GMT -6
I'm sorry you're having the mixed emotions - I know how hard they. An be. I've had them basically since we decided to be OAD earlier this summer until a late period this week actually made me realize I was happy with just the one, at least right now. One thing I read that really helped me after processing everything while we were deciding whether to do more fertility treatments is to take a pause at the dinner table and look at your family. Is your heart full, or is it missing someone? It sounds cheesy, but it did help me realize I was really content with just my H and DS being our little family. Good luck sorting through all the emotions, I know how tough they can be. I'm totally content right now, but worry I won't be in the future. I'm pretty confused right now, where I used to be hardcore oad.
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NamasteBirches
Global Moderator
Echelon ♥️, Family LIfe
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Sept 29, 2017 14:26:09 GMT -6
Post by NamasteBirches on Sept 29, 2017 14:26:09 GMT -6
Seems like you go through these feelings every so often. Was there something that triggered it, you think? I know, it's awful. Just keep thinking of the future & whether I see just the 3 of us or not. We are also for the first time in a place financially to have another.I see. When I hear other people waiver, I always think of that one poster on Parenting back on TB who said she knew for sure she was OAD once she had her 2nd child & confessed she had major guilt afterwards. It really resonated with me. Like what a crappy position to be in. I don't know if that helps any. Lol
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sammysam
Sapphire
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Sept 29, 2017 14:44:07 GMT -6
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Post by sammysam on Sept 29, 2017 14:44:07 GMT -6
You know I can commiserate with this.
There is no wrong family size. One child or more than one...no one family type is right, just different.
Have you talked to your H about it? What does he say?
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Hold me
Sept 29, 2017 15:04:03 GMT -6
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Post by bellatrix on Sept 29, 2017 15:04:03 GMT -6
I know, it's awful. Just keep thinking of the future & whether I see just the 3 of us or not. We are also for the first time in a place financially to have another.I see. When I hear other people waiver, I always think of that one poster on Parenting back on TB who said she knew for sure she was OAD once she had her 2nd child & confessed she had major guilt afterwards. It really resonated with me. Like what a crappy position to be in. I don't know if that helps any. Lol I've thought of that before, which was part of why I was 100% oad before. Now I'm questioning if I would regret not having another. Ugh
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Hold me
Sept 29, 2017 15:05:04 GMT -6
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Post by bellatrix on Sept 29, 2017 15:05:04 GMT -6
You know I can commiserate with this. There is no wrong family size. One child or more than one...no one family type is right, just different. Have you talked to your H about it? What does he say? I have & he is fine either way. He has mentioned wanting another before, but also said he would be happy with oad. Basically he's of no help. Lol
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sammysam
Sapphire
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Hold me
Sept 29, 2017 16:44:24 GMT -6
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Post by sammysam on Sept 29, 2017 16:44:24 GMT -6
You know I can commiserate with this. There is no wrong family size. One child or more than one...no one family type is right, just different. Have you talked to your H about it? What does he say? I have & he is fine either way. He has mentioned wanting another before, but also said he would be happy with oad. Basically he's of no help. Lol Haha. Yeah. Sounds like my SO. He says he wants another but is ok being OAD if it's what I want. Absolutely no help:) Good news is you can't make a wrong decision. Both directions are right.
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Post by jillywilly on Sept 29, 2017 19:01:47 GMT -6
I'm sorry you're having the mixed emotions - I know how hard they. An be. I've had them basically since we decided to be OAD earlier this summer until a late period this week actually made me realize I was happy with just the one, at least right now. One thing I read that really helped me after processing everything while we were deciding whether to do more fertility treatments is to take a pause at the dinner table and look at your family. Is your heart full, or is it missing someone? It sounds cheesy, but it did help me realize I was really content with just my H and DS being our little family. Good luck sorting through all the emotions, I know how tough they can be. I'm totally content right now, but worry I won't be in the future. I'm pretty confused right now, where I used to be hardcore oad. I get this. A lot. My little man is only two, and right now, one toddler is plenty, and no thank you very much to adding a baby. I do wonder if I'd rather have two as he grows into being an older kid, or if I'll miss bigger family gatherings as he (and any hypothetical other kid) grows into adulthood, but realistically, H and I are hitting those ages in the next year or so where we want to be done with babies, soooooooo, here we are.
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Hold me
Sept 29, 2017 19:05:00 GMT -6
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Post by bellatrix on Sept 29, 2017 19:05:00 GMT -6
I'm totally content right now, but worry I won't be in the future. I'm pretty confused right now, where I used to be hardcore oad. I get this. A lot. My little man is only two, and right now, one toddler is plenty, and no thank you very much to adding a baby. I do wonder if I'd rather have two as he grows into being an older kid, or if I'll miss bigger family gatherings as he (and any hypothetical other kid) grows into adulthood, but realistically, H and I are hitting those ages in the next year or so where we want to be done with babies, soooooooo, here we are. Exactly, I know how much I hate the newborn stage but it wouldn't be like that forever.
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Hold me
Sept 29, 2017 20:11:46 GMT -6
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Post by yellowwallpaper on Sept 29, 2017 20:11:46 GMT -6
I remember there was a while when you were on the fence. If you are feeling that pull again, it's worth giving yourself some time to think about it.
By the way, I totally thought this post was going to be an announcement after reading the title 😂
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Hold me
Sept 30, 2017 8:20:47 GMT -6
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Post by bellatrix on Sept 30, 2017 8:20:47 GMT -6
I remember there was a while when you were on the fence. If you are feeling that pull again, it's worth giving yourself some time to think about it. By the way, I totally thought this post was going to be an announcement after reading the title 😂 Ha ha, I didn't even think of that when I made the post. I'm letting myself think about it, but I don't know that I'll ever act on it.
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Post by misspeansmama on Oct 2, 2017 8:33:13 GMT -6
I see. When I hear other people waiver, I always think of that one poster on Parenting back on TB who said she knew for sure she was OAD once she had her 2nd child & confessed she had major guilt afterwards. It really resonated with me. Like what a crappy position to be in. I don't know if that helps any. Lol I've thought of that before, which was part of why I was 100% oad before. Now I'm questioning if I would regret not having another. Ugh I think someone, who no longer hangs out here, said that they would rather regret not having another child than regret having one. If you regret having one, you have to stare that child in the face everyday. I cannot imagine how awful that would feel. That may or may not be helpful, but I just wanted to throw it out there.
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Hold me
Oct 2, 2017 9:54:14 GMT -6
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Post by bellatrix on Oct 2, 2017 9:54:14 GMT -6
I've thought of that before, which was part of why I was 100% oad before. Now I'm questioning if I would regret not having another. Ugh I think someone, who no longer hangs out here, said that they would rather regret not having another child than regret having one. If you regret having one, you have to stare that child in the face everyday. I cannot imagine how awful that would feel. That may or may not be helpful, but I just wanted to throw it out there. It may have been me. Lol. I do feel that way, I would hate to find out I really was oad after having a second.
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