5 weeks along post IVF and looking for new friends/support

[mela99]

Hi all.

I'm new here. DH and I were TTC for 3 years. I have one blocked tube and he has low morphology. We did hybrid cycles, injection cycles and one IUI cycle. On September 6th we had our first cycle of IVF. We transferred two, four cell embryos on day 3.

I've had three betas - 109, 143, and then 271 at 72 hours. So those numbers look good (I think). My U/S is next Thursday. It's so hard to wait. 

I'm definitely having symptoms. The dry heaving and gagging in the morning (and as of yesterday, once at night) and nausea all day and the constant watery discharge. Sore in the hips and lower back and once in a while pulling/pinching cramps on one side. And the exhaustion ... you'd think that would mean insomnia wouldn't be happening but you learn something new every day ...

I guess my first question is, how did you all survive those first few weeks and not go completely insane? I haven't figured out how to stay calm and peaceful. I listen to meditations and try affirmations and positive thinking.

What was the first U/S like for you?

Open to any thoughts and suggestions. Glad to be here finally

[codex320]

Welcome and congrats! My betas were a little wonky at first but the dr. decided the first beta may not have been 100% accurate. Who knows.

Anyway, the first few weeks really did drag on and on. I started to read everything that I had saved on my kindle. It really kept my mind off of everything. If you are better at listening to things then I would do that, but I get so distracted so I brought my kindle EVERYWHERE and just read.

I always have to remind myself to be patient.

Good luck to you!!

[mela99]

codex320, Thank you
I'm glad to hear that I'm not alone in the weird beta. It's so strange that they seem set on "these are the levels" but there is such a variance for women. Doesn't really help the stress, y'know?

I've been trying to read and meditate whenever I'm not at work and trying to not let my mind run away with me. It's just still so unreal to me and I don't know WHEN I'm going to believe it. Or maybe I'm not letting myself believe it for fear or having my heart crushed again.

[yianna]

mela99 the after IVF roller coaster is certainly different and with its own challenges (and worries!). It's been over 9 years since my successful IVF cycle (he'll be 9 next month!).

Here's what I can tell you... my betas were LOW. My first BETA was 13dp5dt. We put back 4 embryos (it was our 4th IVF and I was done). My first beta was 144. It doubled after that. We did my first scan at 6w2d, and saw one sac, and one HB.

SPOILER: Click to show

{Trigger Warning}I went back two days later for another scan due to some bleeding. We saw 3 sacs, and 2 HB. I was shocked because my betas were low and not in twin/triplet range at all... sadly, we lost the twin/triplet, but my Alexander made it!

The weeks waiting for that first ultrasound is really rough. And you may not see a heartbeat at your first ultrasound if it's right on the edge of 6 weeks. And that's normal!

Every day I would wake up and remind myself I was pregnant. Today I am pregnant. And I would repeat that throughout the day as I needed to. I won't lie, you'll probably be a bundle of nerves, and worried, but guess what? That just makes you a normal mommy.

[Rama]

Welcome and congrats! Early pregnancy is seriously a mindfuck. I saw your thread on another board about the weird way your doctor talked to you and I admit that would have rocked my boat as well. *hugs*

The weeks getting to your first ultrasound are hard. There's no nice way to cut that. It's just rough. Everything gave me anxiety and even after we saw one flickering little heart at 6w6d, I still had a hard time getting my head around the idea that this could work.

I just want to say that it's okay to be nervous or anxious or scared or whatever you feel. It's okay to feel out of control. Just take a few deep breaths, remind yourself that today you are pregnant and you love your baby, and the days will (excruciatingly) go by. I have to repeat the mantras to myself often. "Today I'm pregnant." "I am pregnant until proven otherwise." And when the hysteria in my head starts to get the better of me, every single person here has always had my back. Let the crazy out, let us catch you.

Deep breaths. It'll get here. Until then, I'll hold your hand. Every time you hold your phone, that's my hand. We'll get there together.

[mela99]

Rama, I'm trying to not cry at work. Thank you. Really. I don't know how I would do this alone and only so many people understand. It's just such a roller coaster. I have all the symptoms - the dry heaving and gagging, I've had to pee 12 times since I got up, I'm exhausted but I can't sleep, hungry but no appetite and I have insane dreams.

If I have the slightest twinge I'm convinced my uterus is about to fall out. I have the watery discharge and every time I shift I'm sure it's blood. I am looking forward to that ultrasound but I am petrified beyond words to go.

And I'm still furious with the doctor and I don't know if I have a right to be. Was I being irrational? I can't get over the contradiction - "I'm happy with your 3rd beta but that second one was not what I wanted to see".

Thanks for being here <3 I needed a hand today.

[Rama]

mela99 I'm irritated at your doctor, too. I understand that the rise between betas 1 and 2 wasn't ideal, but the rise between betas 2 and 3 were great. The latter betas would be what I counted on more. I think the better thing for them to have said was something along the lines of, "The first rise was low, but the second one was great. I wonder if maybe both of your embryos stuck initially, but you ended up with one. We'll keep an eye on it and I want to stay cautious. The soonest we can get you in to an ultrasound is xx/xx and I'm hoping we see a good little yolk sac, maybe even a heartbeat." The delivery they gave you was just...awful. I'm so sorry you had to deal with it.

Cautious is okay, but trying to keep new moms as peaceful as possible should (IMO) always be the provider's goal. The way the info was delivered to you definitely did not do that.

I liked the idea from someone to ask for a fourth beta isn't a terrible one. Since your doctor already expressed being iffy about the first rise, I wouldn't think it's unreasonable to ask for it to give them and you more clarity to go with. Even if it's not two days apart ('cause I know they do love those 48 hours), there are definitely ways to see whether you're rising appropriately or not. It's just math.

So many hugs. So, so many hugs. I really hope they shape up and don't do this to you again. I'll burn it down.

[mela99]

I considered asking for a 4th beta, but I'm not sure my nerves could take it. They're already shot. Which sounds absolutely pathetic out loud. It has been only six days since that third beta and I'm not sure I've calmed down at all. Well - I take that back. I was calm until the doctor called. But everything everyone else has said seems to support that the betas were just fine. And I've driven myself nuts searching levels and following every forum in existence to reassure myself. Still makes me mad - reassurance should be coming from the doctor, not the internet.

I was dry heaving and gagging again about two hours after dinner so that's a plus... though I still had my moment of oh god what if this is only happening because I THINK I'm pregnant?

I have acupuncture tomorrow and I'm hoping that will provide some relaxation for me. We did it before and during the IVF process.

I feel like you're gonna be sick of hearing from me before next Thursday - but I'm still so glad to have 'met' you guys.

[mela99]

I hate being the person who posts one right after the other but I have to get this out.

I felt great after acupuncture today. And on a whim I took a HPT — the last one sitting in the bathroom — and that line popped up almost instantly after getting wet. I shared this with a fellow IVFer saying I felt relieved.

She told me she made sure not to take any after her BFP because “if you miscarry it’ll still come up positive for weeks so it’s not accurate.”

Thanks ... that’s ... totally what I wanted to hear . Why would you say that to someone especially knowing what they’re going through ?

I kinda want to punch her in the face.

Also, that wasn’t even FMU and I’d had a ton of water today - there’s no way it would have been that dark that quick if there was nobody in there.

[codex320]

I would want to punch her in the face too.

That is not helpful. Sorry.

[Rama]

Sept 29, 2017 13:27:08 GMT -6 mela99 said:

I hate being the person who posts one right after the other but I have to get this out.

I felt great after acupuncture today. And on a whim I took a HPT — the last one sitting in the bathroom — and that line popped up almost instantly after getting wet. I shared this with a fellow IVFer saying I felt relieved.

She told me she made sure not to take any after her BFP because “if you miscarry it’ll still come up positive for weeks so it’s not accurate.”

Thanks ... that’s ... totally what I wanted to hear . Why would you say that to someone especially knowing what they’re going through ?

I kinda want to punch her in the face.

Also, that wasn’t even FMU and I’d had a ton of water today - there’s no way it would have been that dark that quick if there was nobody in there.

Like for hugs.  Add a third punch into your friend's face.

The HPT news is reassuring and while technically your friend is correct about tests showing up positive for awhile after a loss, it's definitely good to hear that it's getting dark immediately.  Like you said, if no one is home, then that line wouldn't have gotten so much darker so quickly after the "questionable" betas.

Don't worry about post order, just let us reassure you.  You are pregnant until proven otherwise.  You love your baby.  I'm looking forward to hearing good news later this week. <3

[kensie5226]

The first few weeks are deinfitely waiting hell. You're not alone there. Congrats and welcome.

[mela99]

You guys are amazing. I'm so glad you're here.

I've been having some of the pulling and pinching feelings around my left hip. I get a little scared by it but everyone seems to say its normal. Still dry heaving morning and night and I pee like a racehorse and feel like a gas powered engine.

I just wish it was Thursday.... Tom Petty was right about the waiting.

[mela99]

Exactly 6 weeks today. Still not sleeping, still lots of nausea and dry heaving. No cramps, no spotting, no bleeding.

Tomorrow is the big day, I am literally counting down the minutes. I am petrified beyond words. I had a mild panic attack this morning because my Ovia app told me "you should have sore breasts today" and I don't so I freaked out. I'm beginning to think pregnancy brain and anxiety should be its own diagnosed condition ...

What should I expect at the ultrasound tomorrow? To just see if there's someone in there? Do they expect to see a heartbeat this early? I am such a ball of emotions. I have a feeling I'm just going to walk in there and start sobbing and or barfing all over the place.

[Rama]

Oct 4, 2017 12:19:15 GMT -6 mela99 said:

Exactly 6 weeks today. Still not sleeping, still lots of nausea and dry heaving. No cramps, no spotting, no bleeding.

Tomorrow is the big day, I am literally counting down the minutes. I am petrified beyond words. I had a mild panic attack this morning because my Ovia app told me "you should have sore breasts today" and I don't so I freaked out. I'm beginning to think pregnancy brain and anxiety should be its own diagnosed condition ...

What should I expect at the ultrasound tomorrow? To just see if there's someone in there? Do they expect to see a heartbeat this early? I am such a ball of emotions. I have a feeling I'm just going to walk in there and start sobbing and or barfing all over the place.

I had the most tender breasts with my first two pregnancies.  Nothing with this one.  To say it freaked me out was an understatement.  Each and every pregnancy is different and you never know what you're going to get in your grab bag of symptoms, if anything at all.

I'd expect to see a yolk sac, a fetal pole, but probably not a heartbeat.  Maybe, but don't count on it.  6w is very early, so even if there is cardiac activity, it could be really hard to find at this point.

Look for a blob.  Basically a little circle, maybe with a bump on one side.  My 6,3 ultrasound looked kind of like a [diamond] ring.  Hopefully they'll bring you back in a couple weeks when the HB is much easier to see.

[mela99]

All I want to see is that somebody is in there. My biggest fear is the doctor is going to just say, nope, sorry, all of this was in your head.

[Rama]

Oct 4, 2017 12:54:30 GMT -6 mela99 said:

All I want to see is that somebody is in there. My biggest fear is the doctor is going to just say, nope, sorry, all of this was in your head.

I'm crossing my fingers you see exactly this.  Update us tomorrow?  What time is your ultrasound?

[mela99]

2pm. I get to leave work at 1 tomorrow. I wish it was earlier because I don't know how I'm going to focus for even a few hours.

[mela99]

Ever think the universe is definitely looking out for you? Got a call from the clinic saying my doctor was scheduled for surgery later so I needed to come in sooner, 12:30 instead of 2:00. That's a little less waiting. I'll take it.

[Rama]

Thinking about you today, mela99. <3 Good luck!!

[mela99]

We saw the heartbeat!! Just one little coffee bean!! I ugly cried to a point of near hysteria. One more ultrasound at 8 weeks and we are released to the OBGYN. I can't believe it. This is still so surreal. I don't think I will be totally calm (or calmer) until week 8. My RE says the risk of loss is less than 5% then.

[Rama]

What a beautiful little bean, mela99 ! I'm so glad to see this update! Congratulations, mama!

If you're interested, a friend of mine shared this website with me after my first loss and it has helped me feel better this pregnancy. {LINK}

[mela99]

I can't get the link to work -- can you try again? And thank you!!!!

[Rama]

Oct 5, 2017 17:39:55 GMT -6 mela99 said:

I can't get the link to work -- can you try again? And thank you!!!!

The coding was not playing nice, try now!

[mela99]

This is wonderful -- thank you!!! I'd love to send you a box of cookies for this <3 <3

[codex320]

Yay mela99! +1 to that link and also a doppler when the time is right. Happy to see a good update

[yianna]

mela99 beautiful bean you have!!

[mela99]

Six more days until our 8 week ultrasound and being released to our own OBGYN. I can't wait. I'm still so anxious. I want to see her again already. I've been freaking myself out for two days because it seems like my symptoms have been fluctuating. Breasts heavy and tender, then they're not. Nauseated all day one day, not much the next. The only constants have been the insomnia, increased peeing and disrupted sleep. I don't know if this is normal or not.

I just keep reminding myself that the risk of loss is so much lower right now, especially since we saw a heartbeat (and the incredible chart Rama, sent me - priceless) and I have no spotting or cramping...

But for those of you who have been pregnant before - is the fluctuating symptoms normal?

[Rama]

Oct 10, 2017 12:06:48 GMT -6 mela99 said:

Six more days until our 8 week ultrasound and being released to our own OBGYN. I can't wait. I'm still so anxious. I want to see her again already. I've been freaking myself out for two days because it seems like my symptoms have been fluctuating. Breasts heavy and tender, then they're not. Nauseated all day one day, not much the next. The only constants have been the insomnia, increased peeing and disrupted sleep. I don't know if this is normal or not.

I just keep reminding myself that the risk of loss is so much lower right now, especially since we saw a heartbeat (and the incredible chart Rama , sent me - priceless) and I have no spotting or cramping...

But for those of you who have been pregnant before - is the fluctuating symptoms normal?

Yes.  Unfortunately.  Some days your body can take the hormones better than others, it's one of the reasons first trimester is a crapshoot.

I'm looking forward to hearing more good news about your bean next week.

[mela99]

So excited to be able to share this! Our gorgeous little bean grew, and popped up on the screen the instant the probe popped in - her heartbeat was visible and a healthy 168! We have been released to my own OBGYN and only have to do three more weeks of progesterone!