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Post by Dramaphile on Oct 3, 2017 7:08:18 GMT -6
milano sometimes when I need to check out I change my password and log out of devices so at least it's not the unconscious scrolling that happens every day. This is a good idea. I might even delete the fb app. I've done that when I needed to force myself off, and also turned off notifications so I only see them when I open the app. Every time I'd get a notification, I would pick up my phone and then end up opening FB and go down the rabbit hole. I also moved the app to the last app screen, so it's not the first thing I see when I open my phone. I need to go through and do a purge of groups and friends. I have a bunch of people unfollowed because I couldn't deal with their obnoxious/offensive/repetitive posts but wanted them to be able to see mine if they want.
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stringy
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Post by stringy on Oct 3, 2017 7:43:54 GMT -6
Well I engaged on fb this morning. It didn't go horribly but I tried to be civil.
Maybe its time I take a break from it too.
Except...can you still use messenger? Cuz there's a few people I only IM on there. I guess I just need to get their phone numbers...
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Post by Dramaphile on Oct 3, 2017 8:25:17 GMT -6
Well I engaged on fb this morning. It didn't go horribly but I tried to be civil. Maybe its time I take a break from it too. Except...can you still use messenger? Cuz there's a few people I only IM on there. I guess I just need to get their phone numbers... You could make your account private on FB, which should allow you to still use the messenger app. Deleting your FB account may also delete your messenger account.
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milano
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Post by milano on Oct 3, 2017 8:29:29 GMT -6
Well I engaged on fb this morning. It didn't go horribly but I tried to be civil. Maybe its time I take a break from it too. Except...can you still use messenger? Cuz there's a few people I only IM on there. I guess I just need to get their phone numbers... I have an Android phone and when I tried to delete the app, it just disabled it for me- so the icon is gone but it's still somewhere in my phone, I just have to go to settings and enable it when I'm ready for it to come back. My Messenger still works and is there, since it's FB connected but a separate app.
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Post by critter015 on Oct 3, 2017 8:39:52 GMT -6
I moved my FB app so I have to scroll several pages and go into a folder to get to it. It is killing me how different FB is since DH's cousin died last weekend, she was the life of every party, including FB. I am feeling mentally drained from taking care of DH all last week as well as a little goat that is (hopefully temporarily) blind. In addition to all of that, DH's family has put me in the middle of this huge situation with their rent houses while DH was too sick to know about it and now I'm afraid he is going to be as pissed at me as he is going to be at them. I tried to get him to call and talk to them so he could hear it from them and I wouldn't be as involved, but he refused, so now I have to figure out how to tell him. He already has enough on his plate today at work too, and I hate causing him more stress.
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Post by ovenrack on Oct 3, 2017 10:52:45 GMT -6
Willy, you've got a lot going on. I'm sorry. Please be gentle with yourself and know that we're here to listen (read) to you.
<3
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mc13
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Post by mc13 on Oct 3, 2017 11:01:31 GMT -6
@criscosalad One baby is hard enough, let alone two. Pregnancy and newborns don’t mix well with my marriage either but somehow it got better. I hope it gets better for you too. I’m sure you’re doing better at the twin momma thing than you think. I’m here to listen! Hang in there.
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Post by charlotte on Oct 3, 2017 11:08:31 GMT -6
I’m sorry, Willy. That’s a lot. I remember you talking about things here prior to your pregnancy, so I had wondered how you guys were doing. You still have plans to move closer to your support system at some point, right? You are juggling so much right now and you deserve to be treated with respect.
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mimsy
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Post by mimsy on Oct 3, 2017 11:41:56 GMT -6
I really wish BIL's fb page was memorialized. Instead it is open and my niece tags him in everything. It is particularly jarring to see her tag a picture of his headstone going on about how terribly she misses him. It doesn't feel like healthy behavior to me, but I'm also not comfortable with cemeteries so I don't know how much of that is my feelings.
I can't spend my time worrying about my niece when I've got other rabbit holes in falling through.
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milano
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Post by milano on Oct 3, 2017 11:53:07 GMT -6
Willy you've got a lot going on. Feel free to vent to us anytime, we'll support you with whatever you need. I'm frustrated for you that your H doesn't have enough self awareness to recognize that he needs to make some changes.
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stringy
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Post by stringy on Oct 3, 2017 13:14:41 GMT -6
@criscosalad, big hugs. I'm so sorry you are struggling. Feel free to vent to us anytime. And keep going to counseling. Even if its just for you.
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Post by Dramaphile on Oct 3, 2017 13:40:42 GMT -6
Hugs, Willy
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mapleme
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Post by mapleme on Oct 3, 2017 16:45:48 GMT -6
Damn Willy, that sucks. I really hope that you both can reach a good place with this and I'm sorry that it is all so hard on you guys.
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snowmoon
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Post by snowmoon on Oct 3, 2017 17:58:20 GMT -6
I'm sorry you're having a hard time, Willy. It's so, so hard to be with someone who doesn't realize they are part of the problem. I hope you guys can keep going to counselling and reach a better place.
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tj
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Post by tj on Oct 3, 2017 18:40:33 GMT -6
Hugs wills.
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sassyq
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Post by sassyq on Oct 3, 2017 19:01:34 GMT -6
Sorry things are so hard Willy! Hugs
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Speedy
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Post by Speedy on Oct 4, 2017 9:46:31 GMT -6
Had my first psychologist appointment this morning. Apparently I fit all of the criteria for avoidant personality disorder. Great. The good thing is that I am very aware of the issue and what my triggers are so he said that it shouldn't take much work to find some coping mechanisms that work for me. In the meantime, medications are helping to manage the anxiety.
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mimsy
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Post by mimsy on Oct 4, 2017 11:01:12 GMT -6
Had my first psychologist appointment this morning. Apparently I fit all of the criteria for avoidant personality disorder. Great. The good thing is that I am very aware of the issue and what my triggers are so he said that it shouldn't take much work to find some coping mechanisms that work for me. In the meantime, medications are helping to manage the anxiety. Be our Dr. Google and tell us what that is, please? Unless it's too much. Then I'll google.
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Post by critter015 on Oct 4, 2017 11:42:46 GMT -6
Speedy I definitely have that too. It is kind of weird, the way you talk in your posts has always reminded me a lot of myself in some way and I wonder if that is why. I feel like I'm coping a lot better than I used to, but every day is still a struggle - it's that desiring human contact but avoiding it because I'm super awkward. I am always in awe of how at ease other people seem to be all the time, because I over analyze everything I do.
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Speedy
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Post by Speedy on Oct 4, 2017 12:57:59 GMT -6
Had my first psychologist appointment this morning. Apparently I fit all of the criteria for avoidant personality disorder. Great. The good thing is that I am very aware of the issue and what my triggers are so he said that it shouldn't take much work to find some coping mechanisms that work for me. In the meantime, medications are helping to manage the anxiety. Be our Dr. Google and tell us what that is, please? Unless it's too much. Then I'll google. It's a social disorder, where the sufferer wants closeness with others, but has difficulty forming those bonds due to feelings of inadequacy, ineptness, and a fear of being rejected or disliked. The coping mechanism most fall back on is avoidance of the feared interaction, which leads to feelings of isolation and loneliness. In my case, it also affects my ability to do things that are important, and time sensitive sometimes, but where there is a chance that I may be rejected. Things like making important phone calls, or the 50 million times I've applied for advanced education and not followed through before the deadline.
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Speedy
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Post by Speedy on Oct 4, 2017 13:01:20 GMT -6
Speedy I definitely have that too. It is kind of weird, the way you talk in your posts has always reminded me a lot of myself in some way and I wonder if that is why. I feel like I'm coping a lot better than I used to, but every day is still a struggle - it's that desiring human contact but avoiding it because I'm super awkward. I am always in awe of how at ease other people seem to be all the time, because I over analyze everything I do. Yes, what you describe is exactly how I feel. I have my safe people, but even with them I feel awkward sometimes and find myself questioning why they want to be around someone as weird as I am. And there's definitely more people who I would love to be able to get closer to, but stop myself because I can't help thinking that once we get into a one on one situation, that it will get weird.
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mimsy
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Post by mimsy on Oct 5, 2017 9:19:25 GMT -6
Be our Dr. Google and tell us what that is, please? Unless it's too much. Then I'll google. It's a social disorder, where the sufferer wants closeness with others, but has difficulty forming those bonds due to feelings of inadequacy, ineptness, and a fear of being rejected or disliked. The coping mechanism most fall back on is avoidance of the feared interaction, which leads to feelings of isolation and loneliness. In my case, it also affects my ability to do things that are important, and time sensitive sometimes, but where there is a chance that I may be rejected. Things like making important phone calls, or the 50 million times I've applied for advanced education and not followed through before the deadline. Thanks
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stringy
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Post by stringy on Oct 5, 2017 11:43:42 GMT -6
I'm not doing great this week. LV certainly didn't help. I have done little to no work this week which makes me feel so bad about myself. I can't concentrate. I saw my doctor and upped my medication today. We are going away tomorrow for the long weekend and I think I may delete fb and tapa and turn off news alerts on my phone. I need to actually have fun and relax. This is when I hate that phones are also our cameras.
In other depressing news, my doctor said that I'm likely having mild allergic reactions to alcohol, which can happen after pregnancy (WTFF?). So that's like one strike against this weekend ::looks at pile of bags from liquor store waiting to be put in car::. Not that some coughing and wheezing will stop me...
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milano
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Post by milano on Oct 5, 2017 11:51:08 GMT -6
stringy allergic to alcohol! Oh my. I hope you get over that real quick. Good idea about taking a break this weekend. I have had a tough week too but feel very slightly better today. Hugs!
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Post by charlotte on Oct 5, 2017 12:06:55 GMT -6
stringy I’m glad you went back to the doctor. I’ve had kind of a shitty work week productivity-wise and stuff, too. Hard to focus. I hope you are able to relax and unplug this weekend.
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tj
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Post by tj on Oct 5, 2017 12:42:35 GMT -6
I'm not doing great this week. LV certainly didn't help. I have done little to no work this week which makes me feel so bad about myself. I can't concentrate. I saw my doctor and upped my medication today. We are going away tomorrow for the long weekend and I think I may delete fb and tapa and turn off news alerts on my phone. I need to actually have fun and relax. This is when I hate that phones are also our cameras. In other depressing news, my doctor said that I'm likely having mild allergic reactions to alcohol, which can happen after pregnancy (WTFF?). So that's like one strike against this weekend ::looks at pile of bags from liquor store waiting to be put in car::. Not that some coughing and wheezing will stop me... This happened to a friend of mine!!! How awful strings. If it helps, she found that she can drink liquor, but she can't drink champagne, wine, or beer. So it may be worth some experimenting. After this vacation of course. ETA: oh yeah. And quit being such an asshole tj! I'm really sorry you are struggling. LV has been really hard on a lot of people. So don't be hard on yourself. And I firmly agree with your proposed phone plan. Unplug. Have fun.
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Post by ovenrack on Oct 5, 2017 12:51:04 GMT -6
Stringy, I am completely serious in saying that when you're ready, I will come to your house with two shots of various boozes every 3-5 days, to experiment with you. Like a baby starting solids with a parent who actually waits between foods to assess for allergens, I volunteer to do this with you.
I think, as a pregnant lady, I am the perfect person to take small indulgences with you.
And I'll make sure they're delicious.
Also, big hugs.
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stringy
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Post by stringy on Oct 5, 2017 12:51:57 GMT -6
I'm not doing great this week. LV certainly didn't help. I have done little to no work this week which makes me feel so bad about myself. I can't concentrate. I saw my doctor and upped my medication today. We are going away tomorrow for the long weekend and I think I may delete fb and tapa and turn off news alerts on my phone. I need to actually have fun and relax. This is when I hate that phones are also our cameras. In other depressing news, my doctor said that I'm likely having mild allergic reactions to alcohol, which can happen after pregnancy (WTFF?). So that's like one strike against this weekend ::looks at pile of bags from liquor store waiting to be put in car::. Not that some coughing and wheezing will stop me... This happened to a friend of mine!!! How awful strings. If it helps, she found that she can drink liquor, but she can't drink champagne, wine, or beer. So it may be worth some experimenting. After this vacation of course. ETA: oh yeah. And quit being such an asshole tj ! I'm really sorry you are struggling. LV has been really hard on a lot of people. So don't be hard on yourself. And I firmly agree with your proposed phone plan. Unplug. Have fun. lol, the alcohol is the bigger issue here. My doctor actually said that about liquor so I was all "so you want me to start having a shot on tuesday nights instead of a glass of wine?" And that will most definitely be experimented with this weekend.
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stringy
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Post by stringy on Oct 5, 2017 12:53:26 GMT -6
Stringy, I am completely serious in saying that when you're ready, I will come to your house with two shots of various boozes every 3-5 days, to experiment with you. Like a baby starting solids with a parent who actually waits between foods to assess for allergens, I volunteer to do this with you. I think, as a pregnant lady, I am the perfect person to take small indulgences with you. And I'll make sure they're delicious. Also, big hugs. and dying at the bolded
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Post by charlotte on Oct 5, 2017 13:14:00 GMT -6
Wow ovenrack is the kind of friend every girl needs! Lol
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