Can I rant for a second?

[DrHooch]

I'm sorry, no one needs to read this but I need to get it out. I am generally a good person. I try to be nice, I work hard. How have I gotten the crappiest luck lately? The probability of having two consecutive miscarriages is 5%. In between those two miscarriages, I had a false positive hpt. The probability of that is like 0.1%. The chance of having both of those things (2 consecutive m/c and a false positive hpt) would then be 0.005%. The probability of having them all in a row is impossible to calculate but must be ridiculously small. Couldn't I have just won the damned Power Ball or something instead? That seems more likely anyway.

[hawkward]

I totally get it. H and I have talked a lot about the odds of all the stuff that happened to us. Meanwhile, BIL looks at a chick in the bar and has another kid nine months later...

It's frustrating and really easy to fall into a "why me" spiral. With a few years' distance now, it's easier for me to just acknowledge that it was our journey and there was no reason for it. When you're in the middle of it, it's an overwhelmingly heavy, bitter thing.

[twohopes]

I have spent a lot of time in that space ... My husband's chromosome rearrangement is 1/1000, and yet he still has it. While not consecutive, I have had two losses and a bunch of chemicals and it is soul crushing. How do you feel physically?

[oldbaylover1024]

Huge hugs. That's a tough place to be. Over time I've stopped thinking about the odds, but it took a long time to get there. So sorry, it's definitely a hard place.

[DrHooch]

Thanks, everyone. It helps to hear how you have gotten past this. Something to look forward to.

twohopes, physically I feel like crap. Super strong pregnancy symptoms, moreso than I had with my successful pregnancy. Heartburn, nausea, extreme fatigue, trouble sleeping in the early morning hours... It is the only thing giving me the tiniest bit of hope.

[twohopes]

Is it possible that they are just not able to see the embryo because of the angle of your uterus or something like that?

[DrHooch]

We could see the embryo at my last u/s, but it was measuring 6 weeks (I should have been 8 weeks) and there was no heart beat. We had no problems seeing my successful pregnancy - if it were a structural issue, wouldn't it have affected that one, too?

[twohopes]

DrHooch,Yeah, that does not sound very good at all. I am sorry. That just happened to me, except we did see a slow heartbeat for a bit, but I was always 7-8 days behind and I knew that was impossible because I was dating from the first positive blood test (the whole later ovulation did not make any sense in my case because I had a blood beta, positive, and was dating the pregnancy as conception about 9-10 days prior. Even 14 days prior did not account for the discrepancy). Anyway, the doctor told me that with some uterine positions it might be harder to see and measure well, but I too had never had an issue at my previous pregnancy, saw an embryo measuring perfectly on time and with a strong HB at 7 weeks and 3 days. My pregnancy symptoms were horrific with this last miscarriage, and I found that to be the most cruel part. I vomitted again with morning sickness 8 hours after my D & C...
I hope from the bottom of my heart things turn out differently for you. Those cases definitely exist!

[DrHooch]

No growth or heartbeat at the u/s this morning. Now I stop progesterone suppositories and see if my body takes care of things on its own.

[addymac]

I'm so sorry hooch. Sending you hugs

[oldbaylover1024]

I'm so sorry, DrHooch.

[hawkward]

I'm so sorry.

[Rama]

I'm so sorry DrHooch. I wish things had gone differently. *squeeze*

[muscari]

I am so very sorry DrHooch 💛💛💛