PGAL Check-In 9/18

[snowyowl]

Hello! The PGAL check in is posted on Mondays. If it is Monday and you would like to post it, please feel free.

How far along are you? EDD?

How are you feeling physically and emotionally?

Any upcoming appointments or milestones?

Any other word vomit to share?

QotW: Share an odd quirk or hidden talent. Or both!

[snowyowl]

How far along are you? EDD?
18+4 (eep! How does this all go so quickly and so slowly at the same time?), February 15th

How are you feeling physically and emotionally?
Physically I feel good. Fairly energetic and the bump isn't getting in the way or getting to heavy yet.
Emotionally I'm really nervous this week. I have my anatomy scan on Thursday and I'd just like it to get here so I know everything is ok.

Any upcoming appointments or milestones?
I thought I might have felt a kick last night. I felt DS quite late, but I've been hoping for earlier movement with #2.

Any other word vomit to share?
I had a dream the other night that the baby was born and it was a boy. I was a little disappointed but got over it quickly. I think it was my brain preparing me. I'm mildly hoping for a girl, but I'll be happy either way!

QotW: Share an odd quirk or hidden talent. Or both!
Odd quirk... I haven't thrown up since 3rd grade. Not during pregnancy, not front drinking, nada. I've now developed a major phobia, but I don't know what came first. I don't throw up because I'm obsessed with avoiding it, or I didn't for so long that now I'm terrified of the unknown.
I also love baked bean sandwiches.

[mattsgirl2004]

Thanks for the check-in snowyowl. I hope your A/S goes perfectly this week!!

How far along are you? EDD? 
11 weeks, 4-9-18

How are you feeling physically and emotionally?
Physically I'm less nauseous, but the exhaustion seems to be getting worse.

Emotionally I'm less anxious with the help of my doppler, but my Mat21 results should be back this week. So, I'm a little on edge about that. Also, the EDD of the baby boy we lost in March is next week. That's heavy on my heart and mind.

Any upcoming appointments or milestones?

My 12 week appointment is next week. If all goes well, I can start to space appointments out to every 4 weeks instead of every 2.

Any other word vomit to share?

2 mom's from one of my BMB's were pregnant the same time as I was when I had my loss earlier this year. One just had her baby and one will be having hers. It's hard to not think about how we should be prepping for the birth of our baby boy right now. I'm extremely happy for them though and so blessed to be pg right now too. It's all just one big mix of emotions.

QotW: Share an odd quirk or hidden talent. Or both

I'm not even sure, to be honest. I'm such a boring person, haha. I'll have to think about this and come back with an answer.

[officedronette]

I am 28w 3d. RCS scheduled for 12-6.

Physically, meh. I woke up with a sore throat Sat and it was worse Sun so I went to urgent care, where I surprised both husband and doctor with my strep throat. (Yes, I know I don't have a fever and my throat is not very red, but I know when I have strep thanks.) Emotionally, meh. A little better than last week since now that I have the new (presumably more accurate) monitor, my readings have been fine.

Appointment with the diabetes educator a week from Tuesday, growth scans and NST/BPPs start mid-October.

I'll share an odd fact - my mother was adopted and I found her birth mother on the internet. Lawyer super sleuth tools for the win.

[sarahh]

How far along are you? EDD? 24w6d RCS scheduled 12/28

How are you feeling physically and emotionally? Physically, okay. The usual stuff. Emotionally. I get anxious when I don't feel kicks for a few hours. Baby is probably sleeping but it's making me anxious. I'm also kind of on edge and I'm not sure why. I've been snapping at DH lately which I feel bad about. Sometimes I feel like he forgets that I'm pregnant and isn't cutting me any slack on my hormonal outbursts.

Any upcoming appointments or milestones? Next appt is Sept 27 and I think they are doing my gestational diabetes test then.

Any other word vomit to share? We are leaving for a week long trip tomorrow to Maine and I can't wait. This is my first vacation this year and is definitely needed.

QotW: Share an odd quirk or hidden talent. Or both! I'm boring and can't think of anything. I'll update if I do!

[rm2013]

snowyowl, GL at your anatomy scan!

mattsgirl2004, hugs 💗. I had a loss in March too. I'll be thinking of you next week. Hope you get a great test result back on Thursday!!

officedronette - yikes! Glad you pressed the issue and hope you feel better soon!

sarahh - enjoy your vacation! Sounds fun!

[Rama]

How far along are you? EDD? 12,4 3/30

How are you feeling physically and emotionally? Physically, I'm still always tired. At this point, I'm just going to have to accept that getting in a nap before bed is routine. Emotionally, I'm a little spread thin. Friday/Saturday at around midnight I had some significant bleeding and went to the ER. Everything is fine, but I'm still having a hard time shaking that whole thing off.

Any upcoming appointments or milestones? Appointment next Monday with the OB

Any other word vomit to share? I really want to be team green for this pregnancy and it's something I've looked forward to since before I'd ever gotten pregnant. But part of me wonders if I'm going to be this disassociative the entire pregnancy if I don't get all the information I can about this kid to start bonding on more than an "I'm carrying you and providing a nourishing environment for you" level. Like, I want that surprise at the end. I've dreamed for this. But I don't want to hold my kid at arm's distance for months, either, kwim? It weighs on me some days.

QotW: Share an odd quirk or hidden talent. Or both! I switch parts of words ALLLL the time. For instance, we were talking about putting bread in the fridge yesterday (which I am a hard pass on), and I ended up saying Fred in the Bridge, which ended up being a lovely little story about how Fred can put his bread wherever the heck he wants as long as I don't have to deal with his fridge bread. I also have a hard time with hairy legs and often just call them my Larry Hegs. At this point, I just go with it, even when my husband is snickering his beard off.

[snowyowl]

Rama I found out, but for me the scans and eventually feeling the movement were more what helped me feel connected. I couldn't do team green because I'm too impatient and I hate suspense 😁

[jules1614]

How far along are you? EDD?
30w- where did the time go?!?!!

How are you feeling physically and emotionally?
Physically sooo HOT! Emotionally good- tons and tons of kicks but I still do not feel as emotionally connected- AL brain sucks hard core.

Any upcoming appointments or milestones?
Nope- everything is on track so far!

Any other word vomit to share?

QotW: Share an odd quirk or hidden talent. Or both! [/quote]
Uhhh- I got nothing right now.

[nevertoomanyshoes]

Rama I didn’t find out with DS1 and I definitely didn’t feel that connected with him while I was pregnant (but also partly a protective thing in case something went wrong I guess). If I’m honest, it took probably until we got home from hospital. I think I’m feeling more connected to this baby, knowing he’s a boy, because I can picture myself with him if that makes sense? I don’t know if articulating that right though.

[nevertoomanyshoes]

How far along are you? EDD? 13w 5d due March 23

How are you feeling physically and emotionally? Still nauseous, bit over that! Emotionally much better, getting into second tri and good scans and NIPT results have helped somewhat for sure.

Any upcoming appointments or milestones? I’ve stopped hiding the pregnancy at work and it’s kind of obvious but no one has said anything yet. I can’t seem to get the actual words to come out of my mouth.

Any other word vomit to share? Nope

QOTW: Share an odd quirk or hidden talent. Or both! I can’t eat mentos one at a time, it has to be two at a time.

[Waffle]

How far along are you? EDD? 26w4d, 23/12

How are you feeling physically and emotionally? I'm feeling quite good. I had the GD test this morning so I've been hungry all day but apart from that physically ok. Emotionally also ok, I'm starting to connect more. I did feel quite overwhelmed this weekend when we bought a bed and changing table but I'm better now though it's still quite surreal.

Any upcoming appointments or milestones? I had the GD test this morning. Fingers crossed for good results... There were another 4 women there and they all had to go lie down so I'm hoping it's a sign that things are ok.

Any other word vomit to share? It's my MIL's last night at ours :: happy dance ::

QotW: Share an odd quirk or hidden talent. Or both! Can't think of anything!

[Waffle]

snowyowl, mattsgirl2004, hope you have great appointments!

Sending hugs to all those that need them.

[Rama]

Sept 20, 2017 4:51:45 GMT -6 nevertoomanyshoes said:

Rama I didn’t find out with DS1 and I definitely didn’t feel that connected with him while I was pregnant (but also partly a protective thing in case something went wrong I guess). If I’m honest, it took probably until we got home from hospital. I think I’m feeling more connected to this baby, knowing he’s a boy, because I can picture myself with him if that makes sense? I don’t know if articulating that right though.

No, you explained exactly what I'm worried about, so thank you. <3  I just hope that I can somehow figure out how to love my kid before they're here instead of being overwhelmed and confused when they're born.  It makes me sad to think.

I feel like if we knew what this kid was genital-wise, I could start to imagine them and think of what they'd look like or how they'd act and that would bring me closer to them.  But with that question mark hanging over me, I'm not sure if the shadow I see is all I'll see until they're here.  I just want this kid to have every ounce of love they deserve for every second they're here and alive.

[addymac]

Rama so... if you should find out- I think no, bc I don't think you should have loss take yet another thing away from you - you've always wanted to be team green, so be team green, dammit!!

I think this last sentence of yours speaks volumes - " I just want this kid to have every ounce of love they deserve for every second they're here and alive." and is really all you need to think about and know you already love the shit out of your baby, even if you can't quite feel like you are there yet. i do think once you start feeling movement and see a healthy baby on an u/s wiggling around, regardless of not knowing the gender, will help a bit. And maybe not 100%, but you'll g et there. And even being disassociated from it, you still love it.

*anecdote / TW - LC mentioned* I don't think I felt connected until my mid /late 20 weeks when he was viable, I felt a good amount of kicks, and I had a cute bump that couldn't be confused with being fat, and I knew he's have a high chance of surviving if born early and having a developmentally normal life. Also, when I looked at my rainbow after he was born and we were still in the L&D room, I just stared at him like "WHAT IS THIS?? This is mine?! Holy crap. What do I do with him now?? Omg I have a real, living, healthy baby!" 😱 And sometimes now I look at him, a month old, and feel bizarrely detached like I still can't believe I got a take home baby and then overwhelmed with how much I love him.

[ldubhawksfan]

Sept 20, 2017 9:16:58 GMT -6 Rama said:

Sept 20, 2017 4:51:45 GMT -6 nevertoomanyshoes said:

Rama I didn’t find out with DS1 and I definitely didn’t feel that connected with him while I was pregnant (but also partly a protective thing in case something went wrong I guess). If I’m honest, it took probably until we got home from hospital. I think I’m feeling more connected to this baby, knowing he’s a boy, because I can picture myself with him if that makes sense? I don’t know if articulating that right though.

No, you explained exactly what I'm worried about, so thank you. <3  I just hope that I can somehow figure out how to love my kid before they're here instead of being overwhelmed and confused when they're born.  It makes me sad to think.

I feel like if we knew what this kid was genital-wise, I could start to imagine them and think of what they'd look like or how they'd act and that would bring me closer to them.  But with that question mark hanging over me, I'm not sure if the shadow I see is all I'll see until they're here.  I just want this kid to have every ounce of love they deserve for every second they're here and alive.

We were and are team green and while I think I wasn't as connected with DD as I could have been, I don't think it was from not knowing her sex. It was from the loss. I couldn't fully ever bring the wall down and am having the same problem with this pregnancy. I will say that waiting to find out is one of the few surprises you still can have and I love it. Having DH tell me the day of is such a special moment. If you want to be green, I say go for it!

[nevertoomanyshoes]

Sept 20, 2017 9:16:58 GMT -6 Rama said:

Sept 20, 2017 4:51:45 GMT -6 nevertoomanyshoes said:

Rama I didn’t find out with DS1 and I definitely didn’t feel that connected with him while I was pregnant (but also partly a protective thing in case something went wrong I guess). If I’m honest, it took probably until we got home from hospital. I think I’m feeling more connected to this baby, knowing he’s a boy, because I can picture myself with him if that makes sense? I don’t know if articulating that right though.

No, you explained exactly what I'm worried about, so thank you. <3  I just hope that I can somehow figure out how to love my kid before they're here instead of being overwhelmed and confused when they're born.  It makes me sad to think.

I feel like if we knew what this kid was genital-wise, I could start to imagine them and think of what they'd look like or how they'd act and that would bring me closer to them.  But with that question mark hanging over me, I'm not sure if the shadow I see is all I'll see until they're here.  I just want this kid to have every ounce of love they deserve for every second they're here and alive.

My initial reaction was “oh my god what do I do now????” The love came later, just kind of snuck up on me. You will figure it out, I’m sure

[officedronette]

Rama, I agree with those who say if you have always wanted to be Team Green, stick to your guns. I'm the opposite, I need to know ASAP and we've named before 20 weeks as well, and while I think that helps me connect, I also think it's more for my own anxiety/discomfort with liminal states (pregnancy is super hard for me).

Waffle, hugs. I always found a huge uptick in anxiety whenever I take a concrete "planning" step towards the hopeful rainbow baby, like I was jinxing it somehow. It generally passed in a few days, but it was uncomfortable and unpleasant to have what should be a fun time tinged with sadness and anxiety.

[ajetter]

Rama I've been staying out of the loss boards just to try and keep my head in a good place, but I am SO THRILLED to pop in and see you here. Sending you lots and lots of fabulous vibes.

If you've always wanted to be team green, I think you should do it. I've found out with every pregnancy.

Anecdotes: My first, I felt so connected. So excited. And then she was born and I was like what is this what do I do with it what were we thinking etc etc etc. And it took me a few weeks (or more) to get over it. With my second I didn't feel quite as connected with the pregnancy, (but much more so than my current pregnancy), however when she was born it was instant love and awe. The third is harder to describe. Less connection to the pregnancy, not as much connection right away at birth. This time around the loss has left me so guarded, and while I'm relaxing more and more, I know too much about the negatives that could still happen and I can't shake them. So despite a perfect ultrasound, feeling consistent movement, etc, I'm still not connected. No idea what the birth will bring.