Intro and tw: losses & uncertainty

[twohopes]

Hi all,
I am twohopes, and I am 37 with one daughter who will be 3 in less than a month. I have had 4 confirmed pregnancies since 2013, in this order: blighted ovum at 6 weeks, chemical, success, missed miscarriage at 8 weeks in July of this year. My husband has a chromosome rearrangement and our naturally conceived daughter is a true, true miracle, much like every single human being out there. At this moment, I am trying out "one and done" for size, and this path is starting to feel more and more comfortable. I am not 100% there yet, the yearning is still there for a sibling, but I am not sure what the future holds. We might try again, I don't know...for now the plan is IVF with PGS, but our chances of success are 50% at best. I try to push the thought off because it is too painful. In the meantime, can I play with you all? You all seem like a wonderful bunch. I think this will be a wonderful safe space for me to normalize this decision and increase my comfort with it. Of course, I will keep any potential TTC talk away from here, if we ever get to that place again. Will you accept me?

[yellowwallpaper]

Welcome. I am so sorry for your losses.

[misspeansmama]

I am sorry for your losses. You are certainly welcome here while you try out the OAD life.

[Deleted]

Welcome. I'm so sorry for your losses.

[NamasteBirches]

Welcome. I am so sorry for your losses.

[LED]

Welcome. I'm sorry for your losses. That's such a difficult striation to be in.

[jillywilly]

Welcome! I'm so sorry for your losses. My H and I are also OAD for not completely voluntary reasons - my DS is an IVF baby, and we tried to give him a sibling via a FET late in the spring. It failed, and even though we still have more embryos, we're both pretty done with IVF cycles, so we also decided to be OAD and see how it felt. I'm not going to lie - it's been easier on my H than I, but as we moved through the summer, just having my one little boy is starting to feel more and more right for us. I'm not sure if you have participated/lurked the IF boards (I lurked them when we first did IVF to conceive DS, but never participated), but there's a lot of good info there, or feel free to PM me if you have any questions about the actual IVF process.

[sammysam]

I'm so sorry for your losses. Yes come and play here:)

[twohopes]

Thank you, thank you all. More than anything at this time, the isolation is killing me, not having a "tribe." Not quite an infertile woman, and not quite where I want(ed) to be either. The survivor's guilt and the simultaneous jealousy of those who never struggled and have 11 children. So, thank you for making me feel so welcome and at home here, a place where I most likely belong far more than anywhere else.

[bellatrix]

Welcome, I'm sorry for your losses.

[Deleted]

Welcome, twohopes.