Let's talk Doulas.

[pinkcat]

I am starting to think about that fact that this baby has to find a way out in February, and feeling a little scared about birth! I have been browsing some sites for local doulas and trying to see if it's something I want to plan on.

My plan is to go unmedicated, but I am not set on it- if the pain gets too bad I am open to an epidural. Basically, my plan is to not have TOO much of a plan. I see midwives through my OB practice and that is who will deliver the baby. They have OBs in their practice as well who are always on call, so if anything starts to go wrong they will be at the birth too.
I am worried that because I'm not set on unmedicated, and because I already will be working with a midwife, the cost of the doula may not be as worth it. 

Have had used a doula in the past? Are you planning on one for this birth? Any pros or cons of your doula experience? 

[benandjerrys]

I used a doula with DD and will not be using one this time.

I did all the things with my first pregnancy - I did 30 hours of labor prep classes (omg) and that gave us a lot of ideas and strategies. I wanted to go unmedicated too. Having the doula, she gave ideas of positions and strategies for laboring and it was kind of like I was stepping on her toes to want to try some other strategies from our class. Our midwife was also telling us things to do. I think I would have been better off with just one or the other. It was just too much prep and of course nothing went according to plan anyway.

And then I got the epidural anyway so.... Shruggy guy.

This time I would like to go natural and if it seems like it is happening a lot faster than my 37 he labor with DD I will try to stick with that plan. But I am a lot more go with the flow this time around. If I need or want the epidural I'm going to get it.

[maddisonrose]

Didn't use a doula last time but am looking into using one this time.

My experience with DS is a bit different, had no set plan but was open to unmedicated or medicated if the pain was unbearable. I made it to 6cm when I headed in for the epi. At that point the hospital was too busy and I had to be diverted to another city (WORST drive of my life) but when we made it to the other hospital I got it after a few hours. It didn't quite work properly and only one side was numb. I developed an infection and became severely dehydrated and was completely denied any fluids including ice chips. In total I laboured for 24 hours like that plus the 12 hours on my own before hand. Looking back I wish I had a doula to help advocate for me on my behalf. I never fully progressed despite the pitocin and finally the doctor made the decision for a rush emergency csection. After DS was born he was rushed out with MH and I was left there alone while all the nurses and doctors carried on with their shop talk. I had the worst panic attack and the anesthesiologist just yelled at my to calm down or he was going to knock me out. Everyday I wish I could have had just someone to sit near my head and talk to me calmly and then maybe I wouldn't be so traumatized by the whole thing. So if I'm allowed, I am asking for a doula to also be allowed in the room to stay with me while H goes with the baby.

Plus post partum help and check ins are always a good thing!

[aprilz81]

DH was kinda useless during labor with Ava, but under the circumstances I'm not upset. My mom was with me 90% of the time and she was the one helping me move positions, getting wet washcloths and throwing away my puke bags. I'm planning on having Mom in the room again because she is calm and supportive (and been there done that) and is also a nurse so she can help with the medical interpretations if I don't understand.

[rebeccabunch]

maddisonrose the way you were treated was not ok. I'm really sorry for your treatment and hope this birth gives you a completely different experience!

[benandjerrys]

Check your local laws re doula interaction with your Dr. I was disappointed that my doula didn't advocate more for me but then I learned they aren't really allowed to interact with the Dr. On your behalf. Like if the Dr says you need the vacuum the doula can't say, "no, let's wait". They can say, "can we have a minute to talk privately" and then they could go over options are with you and you can discuss them with the Dr.

Not doula bashing,just pointing out something that was a surprise here. I don't know if it is different in different states or in Canada.

[hedwig]

I did not use a doula and will not be using one this time either. My first was a 25 hr unmedicated birth in a hospital without midwives and my second will be at a birth center with midwives. The decision to not have a doula with my first was due to pressure from MH. He felt that he could be there for me in the same capacity. I don't think that he fully understood what a doula does, but it worked out for us. He was a great labor partner and I never felt like I needed anything more. I did make sure that I had a naturally minded nurse and a very direct birth plan. I felt that I could and did advocate for myself. All this to say that you can do it without a doula, but your husband should understand how much you will need him. If you are uncomfortable being firm with the midwives/nurses/doctors and uncomfortable asking a lot of 'is this necessary' questions (if you are unsure about a policy, etc), or unknowledable on best practices to promote an unmedicated birth, I'd strongly consider hiring a doula. I've heard great reviews of MOST doulas. Not all are created equal.
If you are trying for a natural labor, the #1 thing that I would recommend is to read Ina Mae Gaskins' Guide to Childbirth.

[tiffrobot]

I've never used a doula or midwife, but both my previous births were unmedicated if you want to talk about that (I planned on epidurals both times, but the kids had other ideas). I also had amazing bedside nurses given to me both times, so that was super helpful. ETA so I guess I'm just fingers crossed for that kind of treatment again.

[benandjerrys]

Thanks for the reminder to reread Ina Mae's books hedwig!

[flippinchica]

My experience was similar to yours benandjerrys. We did a birth class that wasn't as long and we had a doula. I ended up getting the epidural after 24 hours or labor and no sleep. At that point I was still only a 6 or so and dr wanted to start pit and I was exhausted so i decided i needed the epidural I slept for the next 14 or so hours on and off and am happy with the decision I made. I wax on the fence about getting a doula again but DH really liked not being the sole support so he wants to get one this time too.
I haven't decided if I want to try unmediated again or not.

[maddisonrose]

Sept 12, 2017 15:58:56 GMT -6 rebeccabunch said:

maddisonrose the way you were treated was not ok. I'm really sorry for your treatment and hope this birth gives you a completely different experience!

Thanks. A lot more women have to go through worse, but as a first timer it was a bit scarring

[bassa]

Yikes maddisonrose I'm sorry, that sounds like a traumatizing birth experience.

I had a doula last time, and am glad that I did, but will not be getting one again.

Basically I was in a pretty shitty hospital and family lived a few hours away, so I wanted someone there who knew what was normal and what wasn't and could help me understand things should something go wrong. The nurses didn't do much besides yell at me to stop making so much noise, so it actually was helpful for the doula to be there and offer ice, new positions or back rubs.

I did also do a 2-day birthing class before hand, and read Ina Mae's book. I have to say, that book gave me lots of confidence for going med-free and reinterpreting the contractions as "waves" and not as pain. L-O-fricking-L.

[benandjerrys]

Sept 12, 2017 20:10:11 GMT -6 bassa said:

I have to say, that book gave me lots of confidence for going med-free and reinterpreting the contractions as "waves" and not as pain. L-O-fricking-L.

I legit screamed at my midwife when she told me what I was feeling was pressure, not pain... Umm no psycho, that shit was straight up pain.

[jessijean]

My hospital actually offers free doula services. I really planned to use one but I was admitted on a Saturday evening and labored through the night and they were pressuring me to get some sleep so I pretty much forgot. He was born by 9 am the next mourning so it worked out. I guess one reason I didn't ask for one was my nurse when I was admitted and again during pushing taught my child birth class so I was comfortable with her.

I probably will not use one this time although I see the benefits, especially for a FTM.

[helloerrbody]

My husband and I did Bradley classes to prepare for an unmedicated birth. I delivered in a hospital but with a midwife who is amazing. My mom was also there and was a postpartum nurse in the past so she was sort of like a back-up doula for me. All went well and I'm planning for the same thing this go round.

I did not feel the need for a doula since my midwife is incredible and both my husband and mom were on board with my birth plan and did research and preparation. If those things hadn't worked out, I would have definitely considered a doula.

[easternshoregirl]

No doula. I went through all the mental prep with Ina May's book, practiced guided relaxation blah blah blah. What really happened was my water broke about 20 hours after I started contractions at home (had regular but not close ones for about 20 hours). Went to hospital and was like half a cm dilated. Little progression over next 20 hours or so (missed 2 nights of sleep at that point) and finally at 7am on the third day got the epi. Nothing went as I had thought it would. Except the doc did let me go a couple extra hours after they originally said I could and I was able to deliver vaginally after a ton of pitocin. (I was relieved not to need a c-section...without epi I would have been too exhausted, with it I was able to get some rest!)
Definitely going in this time planning on getting the epi if it works out. I actually enjoyed the delivery part since I couldn't feel a damn thing, it was just exciting, not painful.
PS- I thought I could handle it....you know b/c I've run up to 50 miles at one time and know how to manage pain. After 2 nights of contractions radiating down my legs (weirdest thing ever...why did it start in my hip flexors and then work down from there?!) I was like eff that.

Sorry...this ended up having nothing to do with doulas. Just my birth story really. D'oh.

[flippinchica]

We are almost birth story twins easternshoregirl. You should listen to the longest shortest time podcast episode "the missing chapter in Ina May's guide". It is really old, episode 30 or something. The host talks to Ina May about her experience which I related to in some ways.

[ajetter]

easternshoregirl during my first labor I felt contractions from my butt down the backs of my legs. Now I get cramps down the backs of my legs during my period. It is so weird!

[ajetter]

I really thought I wanted a doula but didn't know how to go about it with my first pregnancy. And then I wound up being induced for gestational hypertension with all three and once they broke my water combined with pitocin I just couldn't handle the contractions and wanted the epi. I have had a birth photographer (who I've known for like 10 years at this point) who has actually advocated for me pretty well the last two births. She's not timid or shy and made sure the nurses took care of me.

I think a doula can definitely serve a purpose, but if you have a partner that is willing to speak up, can stay calm, and is super supportive I don't think they're necessary.

[pinkcat]

Thanks everyone for the stories! This was all so helpful. Lots to think about now!!

[flippinchica]

Sept 14, 2017 9:32:52 GMT -6 pinkcat said:

Thanks everyone for the stories! This was all so helpful. Lots to think about now!!

In my opinion the main con of a doula is cost (as long as they aren't rigid in their beliefs). However the most important factor is having a medical provider whose views generally align with yours. Flexibility in your own mind is really important because you just have no idea how things will go down.

[dragonflyinn]

Sept 14, 2017 2:01:16 GMT -6 ajetter said:

easternshoregirl during my first labor I felt contractions from my butt down the backs of my legs. Now I get cramps down the backs of my legs during my period. It is so weird!

I felt them here too! Just on one side, I guess my epi wasn't as strong on that side. But it was so weird & I was so confused the whole time like why am I cramping on this leg so bad haha.

[amesie]

No doula. No midwife. No books. No classes. I was team #dotheleast. I'm a nurse (not L&D) so I felt like I was able to understand the medical side of things and advocate for myself when needed, since I'm used to doing that for my patients all day long. I don't regret any of it.

[easternshoregirl]

I will also say our hospital/OB practice is very "crunchy!" So there was a lot ofsupport to try to do it unmedicated and not once did I feel pressure...it was 100% my decision.

Pressure to get meds/epi

[sweetsurprise]

Late to the game but I'm having a planned c-section so nope to a doula for the delivery. However I may look into a postpartum doula. I haven't decided entirely but we found having a newborn to be very stressful the first time around - breastfeeding, all the crying, etc. I know it will be easier this time around but it's tempting to have this a few days a week for the first few weeks.