Not sure what to title this **TW MC**

[Radley]

So back in February we had a miscarriage, we had a stomach virus run through our family at the same time (<<that's relevant to the info later sorry) and my H and I had some stress going on as well.
Anyway ever since the MC DS1 will ask me if I have a baby in my tummy again, especially if someone we have been around is pregnant. His Aunt is pregnant now so it's coming up a lot. He is only four but he remembers we were playing Candy Land when I realized we miscarried and he'll ask me if I still like that game. Or like the last time we got sick and H and I were tense, he (DS1) yelled at me "you said you were going to have another baby and you never had another baby". Should I be concerned that this is still a problem for him?

[oldbaylover1024]

Huge {{hugs}}, Radley. I'm so sorry for your loss. That's a lot to go through.

I don't think you have anything to be concerned about. My daughter is 4 and she remembers everything, and brings the same things up over and over all the time. I think it's her way of showing us she is paying attention and trying to participate in our family. I assume DS1 is reminded of your pregnancy because of his aunt (which has got to be tough on all of you). How much have you talked to DS1 about your loss? Does he express any feelings about it - sadness, anger, curiosity, etc.? Maybe sitting down and talking about it in an age-appropriate manner would help.

Again, I'm so sorry. It's hard enough to go through a loss as an adult, but trying to help a child understand has got to be really tough.

[hawkward]

Aug 30, 2017 9:02:32 GMT -6 enchanted said:

I don't think it's necessarily a problem. My four year old gets mad when plans change or he doesn't get something he really wants. Obviously, not getting a cool toy is NOT the same as losing a baby, but if it was something he was really excited about, if he has really wanted a sibling and he sees other women pregnant, I can see him still getting mad.

Kids learn by association, too. We teach them that way, so I can also see him tying a stomach bug or a game to a time in his life when Mom and Dad were really upset and that sticking out for him.

You can always ask the pedi if s/he thinks it goes beyond normal, but in my gut, while I know it's hard on your heart, I think it's your kid growing up, having a longer memory, and being part of the family, like oldbaylover1024 said.


Huge, huge hugs! Loss is so hard and come sneaking up on you in ways you never expect.

I agree.

Years later, DS1 still brings up the sister he never got. There is a lot less sting to it on both sides now though.

[Radley]

oldbaylover1024 we have talked about it, he said it makes him sad and he is clearly curious as he asks a lot of questions like can the baby come back or things like that. I can see how it would be him trying to be part of the family by discussing and remembering "grown up" stuff.

enchanted thank you. I didn't really think it was super abnormal but I wanted to make sure I wasn't under-reacting by not talking to his pediatrician. It definitely isn't something that comes up everyday. Pretty much only when it's something that would remind him. It's definitely been hard on him. He has a littler brother who is over two but he really wants a sister, so I think it bothers him a bit.

hawkward I'm so sorry for your (and your sons loss). I know that is incredibly hard on both of you.

Edit- hit post too soon.