addymac
Emerald
Posts: 12,695 Likes: 54,090
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Rough day
May 26, 2017 15:42:42 GMT -6
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Post by addymac on May 26, 2017 15:42:42 GMT -6
I don't have anywhere else to post this because no one in real life (except DH) can understand this...
Today was DHs med school graduation. We should have had a 3mo with us. I had to stand in line to get into the ceremony space behind a family with a 3-4mo and my parents and ILs were cooing over her and it just threw me for a really big loop and kind of triggered a lot of feelings I hadn't felt for a few weeks. 😔
I'm so grateful for this baby that's coming now but I just constantly wonder what life would be like *right now* if my Feb17 baby had lived. Especially when big moments like this happen. I just wanted to sob but I couldn't. And we've been so busy with family today I haven't been able to talk to DH about my feelings because he's pretty good at soothing me and giving me hugs and hairpats.
And it doesn't help that I feel like my parents have just forgotten / completely ignore loss baby's existence and don't even think that I could still be struggling with emotions of having lost a baby and having another one. And, they were so unsupportive in the way I needed them during my loss that their excitement and obsession with this pregnancy and baby overwhelms and irritates me 😒
Just.... sigh. Thanks for listening 💛
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cali
Gold
Posts: 799 Likes: 1,915
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Rough day
May 26, 2017 17:08:08 GMT -6
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Post by cali on May 26, 2017 17:08:08 GMT -6
((hugs)) addymac. I'm so sorry today was so hard. I hope you are able to have some alone time with yh tonight so that you two can talk and hopefully he can comfort you.
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Post by notelsie on May 26, 2017 17:13:59 GMT -6
addymac, what you are feeling is totally normal. I've been feeling a lot of the same things myself.. it's so hard, and then we feel guilty for being sad because we feel it isn't fair to the new lives growing inside of us. So many hugs to you. Your baby is loved and your baby matters. Our babies will forever live on in our hearts and in the hearts of those who love us. It may not be so obvious, but we have to remember this is something we live with every day in our immediate lives. It doesn't mean our families have forgotten <3 And it doesn't mean they are ignoring it either.. it's hard all around, and some don't know how to handle it. <3 <3 <3 <3
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Rough day
May 26, 2017 17:57:37 GMT -6
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Post by mattsgirl2004 on May 26, 2017 17:57:37 GMT -6
I'm so sorry. What a difficult moment that must have been. I know I've had similar ones and they seem to kind of sneak up on you and catch you off guard. It's hard and I'm sorry.
Your angel is loved and remembered here. ❤ So many hugs to you.
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Post by jules1614 on May 27, 2017 7:01:41 GMT -6
So many hugs. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with those emotions alone. Hopefully you and your DH can get some alone time to talk and process.
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Rough day
May 27, 2017 7:05:32 GMT -6
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Post by meladorie on May 27, 2017 7:05:32 GMT -6
So many many hugs. What you're feeling is so normal and it's okay. ❤
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Post by buggirl on May 27, 2017 10:38:39 GMT -6
(((hugs))) addymac. It is so hard to not think about the what-ifs. I find myself sometimes thinking I should have a 4 year old and other times thinking I should have had a Jan 2017 baby. It just sucks and can sneak up on you and seams a bit harder when an event happens that you planned for while you were pg with that child (I should have had a 3 month old at my law school graduation and I thought about that as I walked across the stage). The further I have moved in this journey the more I find myself not thinking about things in the future with children. It doesn't mean I love these babies any less, only that I am trying to protect myself from being insane in the future. I had a friend start to talk to me about going trick or treating in another friend's neighborhood and I just looked at her like she was nuts. I honestly had no idea why she was talking to me about going to some busy neighborhood until it clicked that I should have two babies to take out this year.
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addymac
Emerald
Posts: 12,695 Likes: 54,090
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Rough day
May 27, 2017 15:18:27 GMT -6
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Post by addymac on May 27, 2017 15:18:27 GMT -6
Thanks, ladies, I really appreciate it 💛 I was able to talk to DH this morning and he admitted that it hit him when he walked in and sat down for the ceremony that the baby should have been there and it was a really hard moment for him. It's just reassuring to me that he thinks about it like I do, too, ya know? It just threw me for such a loop, to be so triggered when I hadn't thought about it for a few days.
Thanks again for being here 💛
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cnf
Ruby
Posts: 20,896 Likes: 100,851
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Post by cnf on May 27, 2017 17:56:41 GMT -6
I'm so sorry you had a hard time. I'm glad your DH and you are on the same page <3
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muscari
Platinum
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Posts: 2,478 Likes: 4,664
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Post by muscari on May 29, 2017 9:24:31 GMT -6
Oh hun addymac, I'm so sorry YHs graduation was so full of triggers and insensitive parents and inlaws, and on top of all you weren't able to lean on YH. **hugs** I'm glad that by now you two were able to share your thoughts and feelings and I honestly hope you're feeling a bit better by now.
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