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Post by butlerfan on May 26, 2017 9:51:36 GMT -6
We have a 4 year old FS and a 2.5 year old FD. We are working on improving both of their body images and self esteem. Any tips and tricks?
Like yesterday when a family friend of her bio parents told her....you are getting a little bit of a belly...we are going to have to put you on a diet.
Or when FS was crying for not having ice cream...bio mom says about how she doesn't talk to babies.
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Peekaru
Sapphire
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Post by Peekaru on May 26, 2017 10:00:48 GMT -6
Honestly, if they have toxic people like that in their lives, it's really hard to boost their self esteem.
If possible, don't use food as a reward, and reinforce all the good things about them.
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Post by butlerfan on May 26, 2017 10:07:08 GMT -6
Peekaru food is NEVER used as a reward (at least with us) due to other issues and we are constantly telling them how smart, kind, nice, helpful, etc they are. Yesterday FS said he was handsome-which is a first for him so maybe something is sticking with him. .
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Post by billyhorrible on May 26, 2017 10:26:03 GMT -6
I think the most important thing is how you talk around them. Making sure you're not talking about yourself/body in a negative way, or talking about others. Not suggesting you do, just in general, I think this is what kids pick up on. They're little parrots. I know a lot of my body issues come from the fact that my mom was always weighing herself/on diets, etc.
We talk a lot about how everyone is built/made differently. This works for body shapes, races, sex, etc. Some people are rounder, some people are longer, some people are darker, some people are lighter, some have penises, some don't. But that doesn't mean anything about them, it's just looks.
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Post by sheilathetank on May 26, 2017 11:52:47 GMT -6
We have a 4 year old FS and a 2.5 year old FD. We are working on improving both of their body images and self esteem. Any tips and tricks?
Like yesterday when a family friend of her bio parents told her....you are getting a little bit of a belly...we are going to have to put you on a diet.
Or when FS was crying for not having ice cream...bio mom says about how she doesn't talk to babies.
I'm just over here with my jaw on the floor that someone told a 2.5y.o. That they need to go on a diet. What the actual fuck. We have this book it read it quite often. www.amazon.com/I-Like-Myself-Karen-Beaumont/dp/0547401639I would also look into other books geared towards toddlers/preschool that work on good self esteem. |
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Post by butlerfan on May 26, 2017 11:58:32 GMT -6
sheilathetank .....welcome to my life as a foster parent....the stuff I'm learning and hearing.....
That's why in our classes it talks about an invisible suitcases that people carry around with them-we all have them. Just children in foster care usually have more negative things and beliefs in theirs than the average person. So it is our duty/job/responsibility to try to "repack" the suitcase.
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Post by sheilathetank on May 26, 2017 12:03:20 GMT -6
sheilathetank .....welcome to my life as a foster parent....the stuff I'm learning and hearing.....
That's why in our classes it talks about an invisible suitcases that people carry around with them-we all have them. Just children in foster care usually have more negative things and beliefs in theirs than the average person. So it is our duty/job/responsibility to try to "repack" the suitcase.
Ugh. You are doing such an amazing thing for those kids. It must be so difficult to watch. |
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Risscaboobs
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Fuck is by far my favorite F word.
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Post by Risscaboobs on May 26, 2017 14:56:35 GMT -6
This makes me sad, butlerfan. Just keep doing what you're doing.  |
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budders
Amethyst
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Post by budders on May 26, 2017 18:25:17 GMT -6
Peekaru food is NEVER used as a reward (at least with us) due to other issues and we are constantly telling them how smart, kind, nice, helpful, etc they are. Yesterday FS said he was handsome-which is a first for him so maybe something is sticking with him. . That situation is so heartbreaking. I think that what you're doing is great, and probably all that you can really do while they're still exposed to the negativity elsewhere. The more that you fill their minds with positivity, the more they'll internalize it and believe it (especially as your relationship and their trust for you continues to develop). You are doing such amazing work with these kids, and will have such a positive impact on their lives. They are so lucky to have you. |
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Post by ilovelamp on May 27, 2017 8:51:15 GMT -6
I think it's important not to over shower a child with compliments like smart, beautiful, etc. there are other ways to work on positive reinforcement and encouragement without them.
You can use praise in a way that makes sense to them. When a child does something for a parent they are trying to make the parent happy. You can say things like, "I really like it when you did this(insert action here) today, it made mommy happy."
If you're worried about food becoming an issue you can say "be careful not to eat too many sweets or your tummy will hurt and it might make you feel sad later." "Mommy can't let you have those chips right now because you might get a tummy ache from all the salt."
Just be honest. You can help with positive food choices by teaching them about food and what it does to your body. You can do that without hurting their feelings because it's teaching them about the food and what it does if you eat too much or too little, and that is a natural consequence(your body's reaction to food choices).
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Post by butlerfan on May 27, 2017 11:13:07 GMT -6
ilovelamp we do the bucket filler/bucket dipper idea with them as well. So when they share, pick up toys, help around we say they are being bucket fillers-their buckets and ours which they really like. Food is an issue for other reasons in their bio parents home so we work on it in our home. But I'm not ok with telling a 2.5 year old she needs to diet. There are better ways to teach about food
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Post by italianmommy on May 28, 2017 10:56:47 GMT -6
As a former Child and Family Therapist, I definitely second all the advice about setting a great example based on how you talk about yourself and your body. And politely coaching other adults/influential people in their life on how they can rephrase (or STFU) certain things you hear them say to your kid/in front of your kid.
Some other ideas...
Focus on the strengths and capabilities of your body parts, not just what they look like.
Ex: "Your feet are so strong! Look how well they kick things!"
"Your smile is so bright, it makes so many people happy!"
"Your belly is so good at keeping your food and letting you know when you're hungry."
"Your eyes help you see lots of fun things - like those cars, your toys, and your favorite shows" (you get the point).
Embracing and exploring activities that they enjoy (and excel in) is another way to booster self-esteem.
And yes to books! There are so many great self-esteem books and workbooks out there. You can find a lot on Amazon.
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you
Gold
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Post by you on May 28, 2017 17:08:56 GMT -6
journal.thriveglobal.com/an-empowering-way-to-respond-to-hurtful-people-fb83583d9d19I came across this article and thought it had a good message. The older one may benefit from the concepts. Unfortunately you can't shield away from unkind people, but you can shape how they personally respond to it and treat others. If my daughter is upset about something, I will occasionally relate to her a similar story when I felt the same way to show that it is okay to be upset, and it is not just her personally.
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