Advice/help keep me sane please **TW: lc, loss, pregnancy**

[DrHooch]

I know I haven't posted here before but I recognize a lot of your names and I am freaking out and didn't know where else to put this. I hope this is ok here.

Short backstory: I had unexplained IF before having my son almost two years ago. We started trying again in January and just as I was ready to give up and head back to RE I got a BFP. Cue extreme excitement, until two weeks later, right after first u/s, when I lost the baby. The next month, I had what I guess was a false positive hpt because we saw a second line but the HCG came back at like 2. It's been a rough summer.

And then this morning, 2nd cycle after the m/c, I got another positive hpt. It made me cry. The main reason I tested today is because I was going in for blood work this morning anyway, so I figured they could run that too. So, I'm just waiting for that now. But I'm thinking I should have done another hpt. Also, the hpt I used was from the same box that had the test that gave me what appears to have been a false positive last cycle, so maybe I should have opened a new box? Or a different brand?

Anyway, I have been crying/close to tears all morning. I don't think this is particularly abnormal given my situation, but I am so scared that I am going to get a call telling me I'm not pregnant again. It makes me sad that I should be over the moon and instead I am crying. 

I guess I'm not sure what I'm looking for, but I just needed to tell someone who would understand. Thanks for reading.

[DrHooch]

well, HCG is 47.6. So pregnant, I guess.

[mattsgirl2004]

First, I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how hard and emotional this can all be. Being pregnant after a loss is a MF all in its own. Take things one day at a time.

You have a great first beta! Congrats on your new pregnancy. Will you be getting another one?

I hope things keep going well for you!

[DrHooch]

Thanks, mattsgirl2004. I am sorry for your losses as well. Loss sucks.

I have another one scheduled on Wednesday. I'm probably going to go through the early part of pregnancy with the RE so there will be a third on Friday and then an u/s at 6.5 weeks. I just don't know if I can handle going the normal person pregnancy route. I'm AMA, but that would still make me wait till 8 weeks for an u/s, and I think I need to know before then.

[snowyowl]

I'm sorry for the stress and losses you've been through. I had a chemical pregnancy after my loss and it was not easy to deal with the disappointment after a m/c.
Congrats on your pregnancy, I hope the next nine months are smooth sailing for you and your betas continue to look good!

[muscari]

**hugs** what a rollercoaster you've been on those past months. Falling pg again after loss(es) is just such a MF. Your first beta looks good, I hope tomorrow's will show awesome doubling times. It sounds like a plan to stick with your RE for now, and get some extra monitoring and support to help you through those first really rough weeks. After all we'd been through, going the 'normal' pregnancy route wasn't gonne work for us either, and luckily we were able to get some extra scans those early weeks for reassurance. Though it was still really hard, and we went into each scan with dread, it made all the difference. Hang in there! ♥

[mattsgirl2004]

DrHooch
I hope your betas this week bring you some reassurance and peace of mind. I'm glad that you're sticking with your RE through these early stages and can get some extra monitoring. Keep us updated on everything and lots of hugs!

[ldubhawksfan]

What a rollercoaster. That is a great first beta and I'm glad your RE will work with you for early monitoring. Fx for strong doubling betas tomorrow. And remember to take it one day at a time. Unfortunately PGAL often takes away the simple joy of being pregnant because we are just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Good luck and congrats!!

[addymac]

DrHooch - just read both your posts. First off, CONGRATS!! I have all my fingers and sausage toes crossed for a sticky healthy baby and easy pregnancy.

I'm so sorry you were crying all day. I completely understand. The very first cycle after my MMC / D&C I also got a positive hpt and was so excited until I started bleeding that night and the next day my hcg levels were drawn and were at 6. So my Dr concluded it was just falling beta levels from my loss. I was devastated and it really fucked with my head.

BUT your levels today were wonderful! I hope they double appropriately, I'm so happy for you 💛

Please stick around- this community is what saved me after my loss and I'll never be able to repay all these women for their support. 💛

[elliecat17]

DrHooch welcome. I'm so so sorry for your loss. Pregnancy after loss messes with every aspect of pregnancy. This place is awesome, and full of amazing people.
Your first draw looks great! Keep us update! I have everything crossed for a sticky baby for you! Work with the RE if it makes you feel better, because peace of mind is the best thing you can have!

[mattsgirl2004]

Any updates from your beta yesterday?

[enchanted]

DrHooch Thinking of you. I hope Wednesday brought good news.

[DrHooch]

Ugh, sorry guys, there was a hold up at the hospital and didn't get my results from Wednesday until yesterday afternoon. I was anxious so I poas just to make sure. HCG is doubling - up to 112 on Wednesday. Got the third one drawn today. I don't really have any symptoms - I was super tired last week but less so lately. I know it's really early but with my m/c I had symptoms that went away and then I lost the pregnancy so it's messing with my head.

And update: HCG is 330 today! Yay! Scheduling 6.5 week u/s!

Thank you ladies for your support.

[enchanted]

Those numbers are great!

Being PgAL is so damn hard. I hope the time between now and your appointment passes quickly.

[addymac]

So glad to see this update!!! Yay! Xo

[mattsgirl2004]

Yay for great betas! So happy to read a good update.

[cnf]

I'm sorry for your losses. So happy to see positive hcg updates!

[rm2013]

So glad you got good news!!!

[Risscaboobs]

Fantastic news!

[officedronette]

Glad the betas have been good so far! I hope the ultrasound comes quickly and goes smoothly.