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Post by nellieoleson on Aug 24, 2017 7:44:22 GMT -6
The preschool that S went to has a crappy website. I'm trying to figure out when I need to register M, this coming January or the next. I can't remember when she needs to be 3 by. If it's March like the public schools, I'll need to go for the registration day in January of 2018. If it's 3 by the first day of school, it will be 2019, and she'll be almost 4 when she starts in the 3 year old class. I'll have to email them to figure it out. When does the preschool year start there? I'm confused about the March thing.
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Post by nellieoleson on Aug 24, 2017 7:48:35 GMT -6
crimsonandclover - I think you should wait. Maybe see how she is handling her finances in a year or two, and then if you still want to help her out at that point, go for it? And if you do decide to give her the money only do it if you can detach from the outcome. You don't want a lifelong friendship ruined over something like this. That is so thoughtful of you and your H!
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Post by nellieoleson on Aug 24, 2017 7:51:07 GMT -6
You guys. I didn't win Powerball. Guess I'm going to have to cancel all the plans I had made for the day. My caviar facialist and dude who was going to gold plate my front door are going to be so disappointed
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Post by crimsonandclover on Aug 24, 2017 8:09:32 GMT -6
@crimsonand clover I wouldn't touch that for so many reasons. Honestly I think the satisfaction and accomplishment she feels for paying off her own debt would be very beneficial for her long term. Perhaps there's another way you can help so she can work on paying down her debt? Take her kids back to school shopping? Buy her a supply of groceries for back to school (granola bars, applesauces, easy snacks, etc) so she can focus on other things? She and her XH have a very amicable relationship, and he pays for pretty much everything for their son, so she doesn't need help with that. She has cut out basically all non-essentials (cancelled all Netflix and cable subscriptions, etc.), so it really is a matter of her working a FT job but still being just above the poverty line and not knowing how to save. When she sees money in her account, she spends it. So what she needs help with is figuring out how to not "see" the money she's saving. She knows that, and that's what we're doing with the financial advisor. It's not really something I can help with, though. But I think as you and nellieoleson have suggested, I'm going to just leave things for a while and see how she does. Moral support might be better than financial support in this case. And I helped her figure out how to apply for the advanced tax credits for health insurance on the market the other day, so research is another kind of help I can give.
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Aug 21-27
Aug 24, 2017 11:03:49 GMT -6
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Post by lollipop on Aug 24, 2017 11:03:49 GMT -6
The preschool that S went to has a crappy website. I'm trying to figure out when I need to register M, this coming January or the next. I can't remember when she needs to be 3 by. If it's March like the public schools, I'll need to go for the registration day in January of 2018. If it's 3 by the first day of school, it will be 2019, and she'll be almost 4 when she starts in the 3 year old class. I'll have to email them to figure it out. When does the preschool year start there? I'm confused about the March thing. Preschool starts in September. The cut off date for age for when they can be registered is March 1. So because M was born in January, she can start kindergarten at 4, because she'll be 5 before March 1. I'm just not sure if she has to be 3 by the first day of school for preschool or if the follow the public school cut off and she can start at 2 because she'll be 3 before March.
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Aug 21-27
Aug 24, 2017 11:12:26 GMT -6
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Post by lollipop on Aug 24, 2017 11:12:26 GMT -6
crimsonandclover I read a study once that said a lot of people who grew up without a lot of money struggle to save as adults, because as children they developed a "use it or lose it" mentality. Basically they think that if they don't spend the money that they have it will disappear. Or if they don't spend it, it doesn't really count as being their money. Whereas people who grew up financially stable tend to be better at saving because they're used to the money being there, but not being spent. I remember reading that and going "oh!" It explains a lot about my parents and I.
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Post by nellieoleson on Aug 24, 2017 11:36:34 GMT -6
When does the preschool year start there? I'm confused about the March thing. Preschool starts in September. The cut off date for age for when they can be registered is March 1. So because M was born in January, she can start kindergarten at 4, because she'll be 5 before March 1. I'm just not sure if she has to be 3 by the first day of school for preschool or if the follow the public school cut off and she can start at 2 because she'll be 3 before March. Interesting. I think it's pretty standard for the cut off here to be before school starts - it is definitely not typical for 4 year olds to start kindergarten. I think I was confused when you said she would be almost 4 since it would really be almost 4 months before her birthday that school would start. That is the timeline we will be on with dd2.
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Post by dizzycooks on Aug 24, 2017 11:38:12 GMT -6
lollipop I've read the same thing. It's a hard cycle to break, but it does explain the cycle of poverty. I met with a furnace and ac salesman today. He tried to convince me that I could afford a 10k unit. We could just finance it for 12 years at 7% interest. Uh no. When I say I can't afford it it's more of I won't pay that much tyvm and I sure as hell am not paying for it until my kids are in hs. Talk about getting in over your head. I walked away. I'm hoping the next guy has a better number. I'm exhausted and bloated and have a neck ache. Done with today and tomorrow too bc tomorrow it's going to rain again all day.
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Aug 21-27
Aug 24, 2017 12:18:19 GMT -6
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Post by lollipop on Aug 24, 2017 12:18:19 GMT -6
Preschool starts in September. The cut off date for age for when they can be registered is March 1. So because M was born in January, she can start kindergarten at 4, because she'll be 5 before March 1. I'm just not sure if she has to be 3 by the first day of school for preschool or if the follow the public school cut off and she can start at 2 because she'll be 3 before March. Interesting. I think it's pretty standard for the cut off here to be before school starts - it is definitely not typical for 4 year olds to start kindergarten. I think I was confused when you said she would be almost 4 since it would really be almost 4 months before her birthday that school would start. That is the timeline we will be on with dd2. The cut off dates are all over the place for public school in Canada. It all depends on your school board. It's mostly the same through the province, but every province is different. It's weird and kind of annoying.
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Aug 21-27
Aug 24, 2017 14:28:21 GMT -6
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Post by Deleted on Aug 24, 2017 14:28:21 GMT -6
Dd is becoming very independent.... she likes to show this by not wanting to get dressed or throwing herself down when something doesn't go her way. I think we are entering the terrible two thing luckily, my job is very flexible so I don't get stressed when it's taking forever to get out the door due to her antics. Anyone else's LO hitting this stage yet?
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Post by nellieoleson on Aug 24, 2017 16:45:42 GMT -6
Dd is becoming very independent.... she likes to show this by not wanting to get dressed or throwing herself down when something doesn't go her way. I think we are entering the terrible two thing luckily, my job is very flexible so I don't get stressed when it's taking forever to get out the door due to her antics. Anyone else's LO hitting this stage yet? Yes, for a while now. I usually ask her a couple times, then give her a warning that she can either do it by herself like a big girl or I will come and get her. Then if she still isn't listening I go and get her and get her dressed (or whatever she's mad about) whether she likes it or not. I don't have the patience to let her think she's the boss.
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Aug 21-27
Aug 24, 2017 19:29:45 GMT -6
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Post by Deleted on Aug 24, 2017 19:29:45 GMT -6
So far, giving her options is kind of helping. She didn't want to put on Jammies so I asked if she would rather have a shirt and pants and she said yes. I'm wondering if the Jammies are getting too tight or if she's not liking the footie Jammies now. For some reason i want to keep her in those because the two piece Jammie's seem too grown up. Makes no sense, I know! My baby is growing up!
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Aug 21-27
Aug 24, 2017 19:55:35 GMT -6
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Post by lollipop on Aug 24, 2017 19:55:35 GMT -6
So far, giving her options is kind of helping. She didn't want to put on Jammies so I asked if she would rather have a shirt and pants and she said yes. I'm wondering if the Jammies are getting too tight or if she's not liking the footie Jammies now. For some reason i want to keep her in those because the two piece Jammie's seem too grown up. Makes no sense, I know! My baby is growing up! I feel you on the footie pj's. I was so sad when S outgrew them. And M is getting close.
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Post by scorpioscuba on Aug 24, 2017 21:16:34 GMT -6
OMG SOOO much independence! And testing! Today I told DD not to throw her stroller down on the ground. So she stood it up, only to knock it over again over and over again all while staring me down to see what I'd do. And I agree on the footie pj's. I can't wait until it's cold here again. I was forced to give them up once it got hotbecause I can't get DD's room cool enough to make footie pj's work. I was SO sad about it.
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Post by nellieoleson on Aug 24, 2017 22:33:58 GMT -6
I'm surprised anyone uses footie jammies in the summer. Seems so hot -and we even have air conditioning! Plus the two piece ones are so much easier to put on and change diapers in. scorpioscuba - Our dds are life twins, I think. Mine did almost the exact same thing with her doll stroller yesterday. Literally picked it up and threw it while staring me straight in the face. And then cried when I got up and took it away from her. It's like DUDE! What did you think was going to happen??
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Post by nellieoleson on Aug 24, 2017 22:37:23 GMT -6
I love my kids and wouldn't change much about them, but it would be soooooooooooooo awesome if they were more chill about sleep! I took them to the zoo this afternoon, and they both fell asleep on the way home. We were stuck in a bit of traffic, so they were out for about 30 minutes. Now, because of that, dd1 is still awake. And it's 9:35. Just flopping around her bed and getting super frustrated because she can't sleep. How the F can a half hour snooze at 3:30 keep her awake for over and hour past her usual bedtime???
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Post by dizzycooks on Aug 25, 2017 6:24:22 GMT -6
. Footie jams for the win. We didn't use them when the ac was on, but it's under 70 overnight here now and she seems to like them. She has a few blankets, but doesn't stay under them so I think they keep her cozy. And the independence. Yes. It's amazing how fast it happens.
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Post by dizzycooks on Aug 25, 2017 7:47:47 GMT -6
Do you guys ever feel like a total fraud? I am struggling with this at the moment and I think it's part of why I've been in such a funk. Dh has been pretty clear that he expects I'll go back to work next fall, which is fine, as overwhelming as the thought is to me I've known it's a real possibility, even with 4 kids. However, I'm a part of several moms groups and most women are long term sahm and I'm having a hard time wanting to connect with them lately bc I know I won't get to keep those connections when I go back to work. I know this is temporary for me. I'm already mentally preparing myself for the challenges next year will bring and how I'll handle them.
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kcrkcs
Silver
Posts: 347 Likes: 784
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Post by kcrkcs on Aug 25, 2017 10:10:07 GMT -6
It was 40 here last night we are all over the footies! Also all the independence and testing of my will here. When she doesn't get her way she has taken to banging her head on the floor or door or wall or anything hardish it is mildly upsetting. In other news I had to put our kitty down this week. He was a great cat. I miss him.
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Aug 21-27
Aug 25, 2017 12:06:10 GMT -6
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Post by lollipop on Aug 25, 2017 12:06:10 GMT -6
School shopping can suck the big one. We had a very specific (down to brand names) list of things we needed to get for S. They didn't even have some of the stuff at walmart. And what they did have was almost impossible to find. So now we have to go to another store to get the rest of the list. Next year I'm going to remember to take advantage of the offer they have to pre-order everything and just have it waiting there for him nicely labeled. I didn't find out it was possible until too late this year.
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Post by crimsonandclover on Aug 25, 2017 12:46:29 GMT -6
kcrkcs, I'm sorry about your kitty. dizzycooks, I feel like a total fraud most of the time. At work and as a mother. The imposter syndrome is real. I get the impression that you never say *you* want/need to go back to work - you always say how your DH expects you to / wants you to / etc. Do you see the necessity? If not, is that a conversation you can have with him? I don't want you to be miserable and working just because your DH wants a bit more fun money for the family.
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Post by dizzycooks on Aug 25, 2017 12:52:38 GMT -6
kcrkcs, I'm sorry about your kitty. dizzycooks, I feel like a total fraud most of the time. At work and as a mother. The imposter syndrome is real. I get the impression that you never say *you* want/need to go back to work - you always say how your DH expects you to / wants you to / etc. Do you see the necessity? If not, is that a conversation you can have with him? I don't want you to be miserable and working just because your DH wants a bit more fun money for the family. Honestly at this point I do not see the necessity. The vast majority of my check goes to daycare. Like upwards of 90%. I enjoy being home. I am not bored or unfulfilled. Work occupies my time. It does not fulfill me in any particular way. He thinks it's a good log term plan bc gradually my check will come back to us and we can move and do more "fun" stuff. It is not a conversations he's willing to have again. We've gone over it many times. If he wins the lottery (that we don't play) or gets a promotion that requires us to move out of state (unlikely that we'd take it) then I'd sah bc my license would be invalid and I've told him I won't bother updating it in that scenario bc I assume it'd be one heck of a bump in his salary to make us even consider it.
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Post by dizzycooks on Aug 25, 2017 12:53:51 GMT -6
Good to hear you feel that way too though crimsonandclover I really feel like I barely sah and do it well. I know I won't work and parent well. I also know he won't be any more useful or available than he is now which is effing ridiculous, but it's the truth.
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Post by scorpioscuba on Aug 25, 2017 13:14:38 GMT -6
I'm so sorry about your kitty, kcrkcs. It's so hard to lose our 4 legged family members. dizzycooks I too feel like a fraud most days. I struggle between knowing I have to work and how badly I'd like to be a SAHM or at least work only part time? I hate my job and that doesn't make it any easier. I'm sorry YH is not on board with what you want. That's so hard.
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Post by scorpioscuba on Aug 25, 2017 13:16:53 GMT -6
I'm so annoyed and pissed and frustrated!! I put vacation on the calendar (boss approved) for a week in mid October for fall break when DS and H are out of school. We didn't have definitive plans yet but we were definitely planning something. Today I received notice that they are trying to schedule a management integration meeting for our new organization that week in Chicago. And I really probably need to be there. I asked if the date is firm and it's looking like it is.
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Post by dizzycooks on Aug 25, 2017 14:01:37 GMT -6
scorpioscuba that really sucks. Compounded with not loving your job that's even worse. I do not relate with people loving their jobs. I've never felt any job I have had is amazing and so great for me. It's always been a means to an end. I guess that means I'll need to find the "end" that motivates me in the future huh?? Lol. The possibility of my house staying cleaner and having fewer toys is very motivating actually. 😂 kcrkcs I'm sorry about your kitty. Pets are so special.
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Aug 21-27
Aug 25, 2017 14:15:42 GMT -6
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Post by lollipop on Aug 25, 2017 14:15:42 GMT -6
dizzycooks I get exactly how you feel about working. My entire paycheck would go to daycare if I worked FT. If I work part time, around H's schedule, we'll hardly be able to do anything as a family. And ive never had a job that I loved. Except that week or so that I worked at jiffy lube. Unfortunately, we do need the money. So my plan for now is to find something I can tolerate, pay off my debts (about $3000, not including my car loan), and try to get some savings built up. And then hopefully in a year or 2, or maybe after M starts school, I can go back to school and have an actual career. This is all assuming I have the self discipline to pull it off, which I haven't before...
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Post by crimsonandclover on Aug 25, 2017 15:53:39 GMT -6
dizzycooks, I do love my job, but I still feel like a fraud at it. Like I'm just waiting for someone to discover that I'm actually really awful at it and no one has noticed up to now. It's like that for all 3 jobs I hold. And for the teaching ones, if I get 20 great evaluations and 1 awful one, I am convinced that the 1 person saw through me and I just managed to fool the other 20 somehow. But here childcare is highly subsidized, so only about 20% of my paycheck goes to pay for it.
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Aug 21-27
Aug 25, 2017 18:44:27 GMT -6
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Post by lollipop on Aug 25, 2017 18:44:27 GMT -6
I may be slightly obsessed with planning. Currently I'm planning a planner. I'm very excited about it. It's going to be part day planner, part household management binder, and part bullet journal. And since I'm cheap, not sure I'll stick with it, and want it exactly how I want it, I'm making it myself.
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Post by dizzycooks on Aug 26, 2017 6:42:44 GMT -6
lollipop I've promised myself a beautiful "happy planner" next fall. I'm already excited about it.
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