Radley
Sapphire
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Post by Radley on Aug 17, 2017 11:52:36 GMT -6
I've talked to DS1 a bit about how to be careful with his body and not to go to strangers but do you have a special method or favorite book for teaching about stranger danger and body safety? I want him to be clear without being overly scared as he tends to be on the anxious side anyway.
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Post by sheilathetank on Aug 17, 2017 11:57:54 GMT -6
I've talked to DS1 a bit about how to be careful with his body and not to go to strangers but do you have a special method or favorite book for teaching about stranger danger and body safety? I want him to be clear without being overly scared as he tends to be on the anxious side anyway. Following because I have no idea how to approach this. I recently had to have the talk with mh about not leaving K alone with "friends" he doesn't know 110%. Thank god my mom was there to back me up because he didn't get why it was a big deal. |
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Post by billyhorrible on Aug 17, 2017 12:01:59 GMT -6
There was an attempted abduction on our little league field earlier this year. Some guy tried to get a 9 year old boy in his car with the promise of cake. This was with hundreds of people around, so it was pretty jarring to most of us. The boy wouldn't get in the truck and said he needed to ask his parents, and ran off.
We used that idea as a teaching tool in terms of "stranger danger." We told my 5 year old that most people are good people, but there are a handful of bad people out there. And a good way to find out, is to tell them you need to check with your parents. If a good person wants to give you candy, cake or a puppy, they'll let you go ask your parents. If they tell you not to, then you should not go with them. This branched into the fact that mommy and daddy would never ask a stranger to take him anywhere. It would always be an adult he knows.
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Post by sheilathetank on Aug 17, 2017 12:11:46 GMT -6
There was an attempted abduction on our little league field earlier this year. Some guy tried to get a 9 year old boy in his car with the promise of cake. This was with hundreds of people around, so it was pretty jarring to most of us. The boy wouldn't get in the truck and said he needed to ask his parents, and ran off. We used that idea as a teaching tool in terms of "stranger danger." We told my 5 year old that most people are good people, but there are a handful of bad people out there. And a good way to find out, is to tell them you need to check with your parents. If a good person wants to give you candy, cake or a puppy, they'll let you go ask your parents. If they tell you not to, then you should not go with them. This branched into the fact that mommy and daddy would never ask a stranger to take him anywhere. It would always be an adult he knows. How do you touch on the fact that most sexual assault comes from someone close to the family? I'm probably hypersensitive since K is a girl, but it's in the back of my mind. You just never know. |
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Post by billyhorrible on Aug 17, 2017 15:43:39 GMT -6
There was an attempted abduction on our little league field earlier this year. Some guy tried to get a 9 year old boy in his car with the promise of cake. This was with hundreds of people around, so it was pretty jarring to most of us. The boy wouldn't get in the truck and said he needed to ask his parents, and ran off. We used that idea as a teaching tool in terms of "stranger danger." We told my 5 year old that most people are good people, but there are a handful of bad people out there. And a good way to find out, is to tell them you need to check with your parents. If a good person wants to give you candy, cake or a puppy, they'll let you go ask your parents. If they tell you not to, then you should not go with them. This branched into the fact that mommy and daddy would never ask a stranger to take him anywhere. It would always be an adult he knows. How do you touch on the fact that most sexual assault comes from someone close to the family? I'm probably hypersensitive since K is a girl, but it's in the back of my mind. You just never know. This is just dealing with stranger danger. Not the body autonomy part. |
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budders
Amethyst
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Post by budders on Aug 17, 2017 19:07:57 GMT -6
There was an attempted abduction on our little league field earlier this year. Some guy tried to get a 9 year old boy in his car with the promise of cake. This was with hundreds of people around, so it was pretty jarring to most of us. The boy wouldn't get in the truck and said he needed to ask his parents, and ran off. We used that idea as a teaching tool in terms of "stranger danger." We told my 5 year old that most people are good people, but there are a handful of bad people out there. And a good way to find out, is to tell them you need to check with your parents. If a good person wants to give you candy, cake or a puppy, they'll let you go ask your parents. If they tell you not to, then you should not go with them. This branched into the fact that mommy and daddy would never ask a stranger to take him anywhere. It would always be an adult he knows. How do you touch on the fact that most sexual assault comes from someone close to the family? I'm probably hypersensitive since K is a girl, but it's in the back of my mind. You just never know. We haven't done this fully yet, but we spend time talking about body parts and family. V can label most of his parts, and all of the people close to us (relevant to the next paragraph). I also narrate when I wash him or touch him ("mommy is wiping your butt, I'm washing your leg, etc). To me, those are building blocks for discussing what's happening to his body, and establishing typical touches that are "okay". Once he can understand more, I would imagine we'll branch out to the people who are allowed to touch his body parts, and to let us know if someone else tries, or if one of his "safe" people makes him uncomfortable. |
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budders
Amethyst
Posts: 6,303 Likes: 32,276
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Post by budders on Aug 17, 2017 19:10:38 GMT -6
H and I also make sure that we respect when he says no, within reason. If he doesn't want to hug, he doesn't have to. If he's resisting with family, I suggest a wave or a high five (which he thinks is fun and is almost always comfortable with).
When he protests being bathed or changed, I can't let those go completely for his hygiene, but I try to let him help, give him a first/then, or let him tell me when he's ready, and it usually works.
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Taitai
Opal
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Post by Taitai on Aug 18, 2017 3:51:52 GMT -6
In terms of the body autonomy stuff - DH and I have also been trying to make sure we respect when DS doesn't want to give a hug. We don't force him, because we want him to understand that he should not have to give someone a hug if he doesn't want to...likewise, if his friends or others don't want a hug or physical contact, DS needs to respect that. We encourage fist bumps, high-fives, or blowing kisses if he's not in a hugging mood. We are also making sure he knows all the proper names for his body parts.
For stranger danger - there is a page in one of his Richard Scarry books that talks about "never evers." One of them is "never ever go anywhere with someone you don't know - never ever." And it has a picture of a stranger wolf trying to lure a little girl bunny into a car. Whenever we read that one, we explain what a stranger is and that DS should only go somewhere with someone if mommy or daddy (or his nanny) say it's okay. We add that if a stranger ever tries to take DS somewhere, DS should yell and say help help help, stranger!
We want to make him understand this from an early age, because the culture where we live is very different from the west. People don't really respect little kid's personal space and are always trying to pick DS up or take pictures of him, because he has blonde hair and blue eyes (something very uncommon out here). It just makes me nervous that DS will grow up thinking it is normal to receive so much attention from total, complete strangers - which would result in him having zero stranger danger. Hence, our efforts to start teaching him about that now. I am not sure how much he understands yet, but if we are consistent, hopefully it will really sink in.
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Radley
Sapphire
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Post by Radley on Aug 18, 2017 6:15:46 GMT -6
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Radley
Sapphire
Posts: 3,273 Likes: 13,750
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Post by Radley on Aug 18, 2017 6:19:51 GMT -6
billyhorrible oh my gosh. That's so frightening. I'm so glad he knew to run away. Thank you for your suggestions. We are pretty careful about making sure the kid's wishes about their bodies are respected. Even if they don't want us to give them kisses, we listen. I just want to be proactive about all of it. budders and Taitai thank you so much for your input. I really appreciate it.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2017 21:52:10 GMT -6
I've been trying to emphasize private areas and for now it seems to be working. But my DD is a young 3. So she'll try to grab my chest or whatever - "please don't touch me there. That is a private area. No one should touch you there either, unless mom/dad/Yia Yia are giving you a bath."
The stranger danger scares me a lot. My kid is super social and will talk to anyone. I don't know how to approach it.
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Post by courtniko on Aug 19, 2017 13:47:07 GMT -6
One thing we try to emphasize is no secrets. Our kids can tell us anything at all, and they will not get in trouble. They are only 3 And 1 right now, but we want to instill that in them. And if someone asks you to keep a secret from us then that is not ok.
A big grooming behaviour is asking kids to keep secrets from parents.
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budders
Amethyst
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Post by budders on Aug 19, 2017 19:03:52 GMT -6
One thing we try to emphasize is no secrets. Our kids can tell us anything at all, and they will not get in trouble. They are only 3 And 1 right now, but we want to instill that in them. And if someone asks you to keep a secret from us then that is not ok. A big grooming behaviour is asking kids to keep secrets from parents. Yes, we haven't started much because V doesn't get the idea yet, but we'll teach secrets vs. surprises. It's okay to temporarily keep something quiet for a surprise, but mom and dad always find out in the end. |
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Post by harrisonbergeron on Aug 20, 2017 2:20:25 GMT -6
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