Word vomit - venting

[lfig]

I don't know what I'm looking for here, maybe hair pats and someone to tell me I'm not going to screw up my kid by the decisions we make. I don't know.

So I mentioned the other day that the school won't provide an aide for S as long as she's at private day care. Today the director of the day care met me at pick up for a discussion and things to think about. I 100% love the day care and staff. I feel like they truly want to do what's best and right for S.

So she wants to put S back in the baby room. The baby room is 6 weeks to 2 years. Her reasoning is because her IEP goals are mostly all for working on things for 18-24 months. Plus the ratio is much better at 1/4 as opposed to the toddler room of 1/8. So S would get more individual attention and they would be able to work on these goals a lot better. There are several kids right at 2 years old in there and a few little babies too. They feel she wouldn't be "left in the dust" so much with the smaller ratio. They put her in there today at lunch and they were able to get her to eat her entire lunch with a fork. The toddler room can't do that because there are 8 kids to 1 teacher.

She told me to talk it over with MH and give it some thought. But ultimately it was up to us. I think we've decided to do it. I just came to terms with her staying behind in the 2 year old room, and now this. It almost feels like we are moving backwards, but ultimately it may be the best thing for her to help her reach her goals.

I cried while talking to the director, which I hate to do. I just never wanted this for my child. I don't want her to live a life where she's held back, by me, school, her limitations. It fucking sucks. But it is what it is. I've embraced it the best I can and want to fight for her to get everything she's deserves. I guess I just want someone to tell me that this isn't a horrible decision we are making, putting our almost 4 year old back in the "baby" room.

[wedding]

Oh lfig you are NOT making a horrible decision! You are trying to get her the attention/assistance she needs. I think it's great they offered that to you. Did they have a timeline or say that you could switch back if it wasn't helping as much? I imagine there could be a couple downsides too since kids often mimic other kids so I think just being cognizant of that and having a plan would be good.

You are such a wonderful advocate for S but it's ok to be sad and mourn that this isn't the traditional path. You don't have to be a solid rock all the time. We are here for you.

[klong11]

As far as schooling goes a parent should always look at the child's abilities and goals as opposed to age. I think you are making a wonderful decision for her. She will have more one on one attention, which is great. Perhaps it will even be a short-lived change as she meets the goals you set forth.

[lfig]

Thanks loves! We didn't talk about a timeline but I think they will work with us and whatever will be best for S.

[trtlcrzy]

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I hope this is a great change for S, and that she excels in the new/old room. She is doing so great to overcome all of her challenges. You're doing a great job as her mama.

[vino]

Sweet S has so many advocates in her corner! I know it must be hard to look at it that she is in the 'baby' room but it sounds like they really see the value in the ratios for her to excel.

Although she'll be in that room maybe they can have her visit the older room when the ratios allow, or go on fieldtrips with them if they do that, or make sure they play together at outside time.

I'm sorry you're feeling defeated; you and YH are amazing parents to sweet S and with every decision you have made in the past and will continue to do in the future, you always, always have her best interest at heart.

We love you and S so much, we're here for you ❤️

[Sunny41]

It sounds like they are really thinking about what is best for her. How does she seem in the current class? Is she progressing at her pace? Do you know what the transition plan is? It sounds like the lunch session worked great!
Remember that at this stage you are looking for a daycare that will aid in her development. It isn't moving her back a grade. Pending enrollment she could move when the time is right. it's figuring out what she needs.
It's ok to cry and feel frustrated

[wineallthetime]

Aug 16, 2017 21:36:26 GMT -6 vino said:

Sweet S has so many advocates in her corner! I know it must be hard to look at it that she is in the 'baby' room but it sounds like they really see the value in the ratios for her to excel.

Although she'll be in that room maybe they can have her visit the older room when the ratios allow, or go on fieldtrips with them if they do that, or make sure they play together at outside time.

I'm sorry you're feeling defeated; you and YH are amazing parents to sweet S and with every decision you have made in the past and will continue to do in the future, you always, always have her best interest at heart.

We love you and S so much, we're here for you ❤️

All of this! You're doing an amazing job, lfig. Try to remember that just because you try something different doesn't mean you can't try something different again. I didn't word that right, but moving her into the 0-2 room doesn't mean she'll always be in that room or that you can't move her again if it's not working. Seriously, I admire you daily. The time, patience and determination to help S succeed and get the best care possible really is amazing. Like Vino said, I'm so happy she has so many other advocates in her corner as well!

[lfig]

Thanks ladies! You all are too sweet. I was feeling really down yesterday about it. But today I feel a bit better after talking at length about it with MH and the director. I spoke more this morning with the director and feel better about it. She will still spend time with the 2's group in the morning for a bit and then will go over to the other room for more instructional activities and individualized care. She will also end her day on the playground with the whole group, including the kids who just moved up to the 3's room without her. I also just found out the she will be getting the same Physical Therapist as we had last year which is amazing. We weren't sure she was going to be doing it this year but are thrilled that she is coming back. We are currently working on getting her annual IEP meeting scheduled for September. Once that's done I will feel better and less anxious over all this I think. Things will feel more settled.

Thanks for listening to me whine. I haven't even told my mom and sister about all this yet. We are super close and I know they will be supportive. But sometimes I worry about their opinions clouding my decisions and making it harder to decide what is going to be best. So when it comes to these things I like to think them through before sharing with them.

[vino]

Great update! I'm glad you are feeling better about it today. Honestly the daycare sounds amazing, they really love and care for S; and want her to continue to kick ass.

I totally get it about thinking and talking things through, we're always here for you.

[peachsmama]

Aug 17, 2017 7:06:32 GMT -6 vino said:

Great update! I'm glad you are feeling better about it today. Honestly the daycare sounds amazing, they really love and care for S; and want her to continue to kick ass.

I totally get it about thinking and talking things through, we're always here for you.

I was thinking the same thing. It seems like they are always in your corner, ready to fight for S. Tell them all her internet Aunts are very impressed. ( :

I agree with the others, I think the one-on-one attention will help her reach those goals and them including her in the big kid activities will be a good balance for her.

And if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. No harm done. 

[yummeecookee]

I am sorry you were feeling frustrated yesterday. It sounds like talking it through and mulling it over has really helped. It's great that your DC is so invested in her success and willing to offer her the specific attention she needs.
Lots of hugs to both you and S!

[kamakaziartist]

lfig, i am sorry that you are having this stress, but I really think that it is a good idea with the lower ratio for S. That is great about the lunch! She probably wouldn't get that in the other room. This must be super difficult, so I am sending hugs. You are the perfect mom for S and we all know that you have her best interests at heart.

[xolastunicornxo]

lfig let me start be saying you are doing absolutely amazing! S is so incredibly lucky to have parents who really take the time to weigh every decision and make sure they are making the best choice. You guys do that daily.

I think, for now at least, it sounds like a good desicion. She'll get a lot of one on one attention and she'll get to focus on the skills you guys are working on without the worry of feeling "left behind". And like @wine said, this doesn't have to be a forever decision. You will always be able to re-evaluate if you feel like it's no longer working.

[guster]

I'm sorry I'm late to this. You are amazing and S is super lucky to have you.
The update this morning sounded very positive. I think it sounds like a well thought out plan with s's best interest in mind. M

[nam2013]

lfig late to the game, and the other have said everything so well. I just wanted to show support and repeat what a great mom and advocate you are for your little girl!

[tgrimes]

lfig Everyone has already said what I was going to say. I'm so happy her school is looking out for her and wanting to give her more attention. You're definitely doing the right thing momma.

[lahdeedah]

I read your post at 5am in the morning while pumping, but I wanted to wait until I was more awake to reply. I'm glad you feel better about it today. S is so fortunate to have not only her parents, but her caregivers that want to help her reach her full potential. She is a very capable, smart girl. I hope it goes well and she makes strides towards her goals!

[kim22]

I love your daycare. They seem to really care about S. It sounds like she will have a great balance throughout the day. Glad you are feeling good about it today.

[cagoldi]

Agree with PPs that your D.C. really sounds like they want to do what's best for her. I think it's normal to question your course of action, but there is no right answer and I think the fact that she showed improvement in one of her goals on the first day seems to show they might be onto something.

Glad you're feeling better now.

[jewels]

Aug 17, 2017 10:20:53 GMT -6 tgrimes said:

lfig Everyone has already said what I was going to say. I'm so happy her school is looking out for her and wanting to give her more attention. You're definitely doing the right thing momma.

I was just coming here to post exactly this. 

[SweetPotato]

Big hugs to you and S. I agree with everyone that you are a badass mom. You are killing it, and I love that S is in an environment where she's so obviously cared for. None of these decisions are permanent, so I think you're right to try this out for a while. I know it feels like taking a step backwards, but if she's already improving then it's forward progress! ❤️

[lfig]

I just wanted to give another big thanks to all of you. You helped calm my fears of making the decision we did. You all are truly amazing and supportive and I love you all!

I was reassured again today that this was a good decision. She once again ate her whole lunch with a fork. She stacked blocks (she usually only knocks them down),she strung beads, she FOCUSED on the tasks they were working on with her like she's never focused before. She was so much more alert and focused in the afternoon than usual. Our thoughts are that there is less chaos with less kids, thus allowing her to focus better and feel more at ease. I'm finally fully at peace with this and hopeful for great progress.

[ladystrat]

I've been MIA, so I'm just reading this, but hugs for you, mama. You're killing it as S's mom. Serially, you're knocking this out of the park.

It IS hard to feel like they're not agree they should be, but I don't think you'll regret this at all. You're actually giving her a better opportunity to grow.

Hang tough. You. Rock.

[flamingo]

Great updates lfig. I'm so glad she had another good day and you're feeling comfortable and confident in your decision.

[Cher]

This is a great update. Her school sounds wonderful and you made the right choice. Good work!