Potty training problems

[lucylou]

I'm sorry for another potty training thread but I'm feeling like I'm at my breaking point. My DS is turning 3 this month and when he moves classes at school next month he's not allowed to wear diapers/pull-ups so I feel like the pressure is on.

We did something similar to the 3 day method this weekend and overall he's doing well. But here are my issues:
1) he won't poop on the potty. Right now we are getting by because we decided not to night/nap train him yet so he's been going in his pull-up during those times. But I feel like there are times throughout the day he wants to go and he's uncomfortable. Also, I feel like I have to follow him around the house to make sure he doesn't shit on the floor somewhere.
When he goes in his pull up, I've been taking him to the bathroom, putting the poop in the toilet, having him flush it, etc. I've tried bribing him with suckers or a surprise if he poops on the toilet. I've tried the big potty (with a seat insert) and little floor potty. When I can tell he had to go, I've given him a tablet and let him sit for a long time. Still, nothing.

2) he won't pee like "on command" and idk how to leave the house. So like I'll sit him on the potty and nothing but 5 minutes later he'll run there on his own and pee. That's all fine and dandy except what happens if we're in the car? Everything I read and advice I've gotten is just have them go before you leave the house then take them as soon as you get where you're going.
Well for instance yesterday we went to my neighbors for a play date. I put him on right before we left-nothing. Put him on as soon as we got next door and he went. Today we screwed around for 2 hours because I kept saying as soon as he peed we could go outside to play. Sat him on there every 20 minutes or so and nothing until about 2 hours later. It's so frustrating. He had drank milk. I feel like maybe he doesn't have to go a lot but empty what you can so we can get the show on the road. How do I start getting out and about?

I'm also 34 weeks pregnant and have zero extra patience and I just feel like a huge failure. Any advice would be appreciated

[dragonflyinn]

My daughter was 2 when we started and I don't know if the age difference matters but I'll contribute what I can.

1) she didn't poop for several days while PT. It was terrible, she was so uncomfortable. She was scared of how it felt so she would just hold it forever. I'm sure your DS is going during naps bc he is actually relaxed enough to start the process, during the day it might be stressing him out. IMO it is a normal phase of PT that will pass! Once DD figured out it felt better to go, she stopped holding it so long.

2) Mine wouldn't go on command either, that took a few weeks. I made her sit on the potty every time we were about to leave and she would rarely go. We had a few accidents in the car those first few weeks bc of it but I kept a towel in the bottom of her seat so I never had to clean the car seat. Eventually she got the idea that this is just what we do and you have to pee before we go somewhere. I think that is another thing that will just come with time. Personally we just went for it as far as outings, I didn't wait very long before we started leaving the house.

That's all I've got, obviously some of that may not be helpful since it seems you're on a tight schedule with D.C. I will say that a few weeks made a huge difference for DD and your DS may be over all of these issues in a week or two.

Props to you for tackling this at 34w pregnant, I was about 8w with #2 when we started this and it was so exhausting.

[joy]

I think the no pooping on the potty thing is really common. My niece was potty trained in all other ways but would ask for a pull up for pooping. She let her because the pediatrician didn't recommended forcing the issue.

I asked what about school and my sister sent her as trained as she was. My niece finally gave in a few months later. No amount of treats or incentives worked - she had to decide in her own time.

[lucylou]

Thanks you guys. It helps to know these aren't uncommon issues. I just need to take a deep breath and get some perspective. DS just went down for a nap, I wrote this post and showered and I can feel myself relaxing a bit.
I just wanted to lose it on him all morning even though I'm trying to act #breezy about the whole thing to him.

It's everything. He had a lot of health issues/hospitalizations his first year. We're just discovering he's got some sort of speech shit going on (he talks great he just doesn't put a lot of sentences together/answer questions properly). He's honestly having more problems with pulling his pants on and off and washing his hands than he is actually potty training and it's making me so sad that he's behind on basic shit like that. Something so stupid as I discovered this weekend he can't hold safety scissors or cut. It's like WHY CAN'T ANYTHING BE EASY?!? I know in the grand scheme these are small potatoes but its just all piling up and making me feel like I've failed him somehow

[thankfulsnail]

I trained my DD a month after she turned 3.

1.) Pooping took the longest for us. What really helped was finding her "currency"- sweets weren't enough for her, but she really turned the corner when we offered her tablet time if she pooped on the potty. Maybe the suckers aren't cutting it? Also, from experience on DD's BMB, this was what took the longest for most kids- a few weeks after peeing clicked, they figured out pooping.

2.) We slowly phased into going out in undies and would let her wear a pull up to the store, a friend's house, etc. We stopped putting her in a pull up for things like that when she showed us she could hold it during that time or use the potty at the store.

I potty trained while I was about 24 weeks pregnant and it was so tough. Literally the toughest weeks of parenting so far. You're doing just fine, you haven't failed. Try to breathe and remember that this will only get easier and will pass.

[robot]

I wanted to send commiseration vibes. We started PTing the weekend before last and the first few days were my worst as a parent, second only to the first few days after I became a parent. For me it just flat out sucked.

The car thing, I tell DD to pee we go. If she doesn't, well, I put a puppy pad in her seat and cross my fingers. We haven't attempted a longer than 15 min drive though. If I had to do that I might try to time it to after a pee, or I would stop part way and make her try to use the potty I have in the car.

[bazi]

Hugs lucylou. I think the poop thing is pretty common. We got lucky with potty training but DD had a few weeks at the beginning where she would only poop in the pull-up during nap time. Then something just clicked and she used the potty no problem.

On the peeing before you leave the house thing...I always ask DD and encourage her to try, but unless it's first thing in the morning and she's been holding it all night, I don't wait for her to pee in order to leave the house. I found the more I asked, the more defiant she became and was holding it out of spite. Get some puppy pads for the car seat and a little travel potty for the car. Not ideal but better than being stuck in the house right?

[unringthebell]

Have you tried having him pee standing up? Peeing in the potty seemed to happen more on command for us when he decided to do that. Although we switched to an in home preschool at 3 that would take pull ups because I knew he wasn't ready then. I know that's not an option for most and it was honestly a PITA for me but it was worth it for him. I took away his pull ups at 3.5 and it went smoothly because I think he was ready then.

[lucylou]

I love the puppy pad idea. I won't be so terrified to put him in the car seat that way.
No, I haven't tried to have him pee standing up. He's just so all over the place all the time, I feel like that would be...messy. But I'll definitely keep it in mind if it doesn't start clicking

[lucylou]

I'm also relieved to hear other people say this is an awful time in parenthood in general. The few people I've talked to about it IRL must have unicorn kids and all of it sounded so easy. I'm like what the hell am I doing wrong??

[milano]

I'm trying to potty train my newly 3 yo and I can't get him to pull up/down his pull-ups or pants either. So don't feel bad. Potty training is The Worst.

[misskilljoy]

Resisting PT for poop is very common. There's some odd psychological things at play with it. Totally normal. I don't have any advice since my daughter is 2.5 and we're only just starting PTing, but I hope it goes well for you!

[lea]

Commiserating because I feel like I've been PT my newly 3 year old for months. He's definitely been ready the past couple months but I just had a baby in June so I haven't been able to focus as much on getting him trained aka I've been kind of lazy about it.

My oldest would only poop in his pull up for months. He got constipated holding it because he didn't want to use the potty. Eventually he just started doing it on the potty on his own, we didn't force it.

[ktg]

Aug 9, 2017 17:05:44 GMT -6 lucylou said:

I love the puppy pad idea. I won't be so terrified to put him in the car seat that way.
No, I haven't tried to have him pee standing up. He's just so all over the place all the time, I feel like that would be...messy. But I'll definitely keep it in mind if it doesn't start clicking

I have no direct experience, but in a recent conversation with moms of older boys, they had them sit backwards on the toilet for a while. If you haven't tried that, maybe it would help contain the mess?

[Sweetjane]

Accidents will happen so just let that go. It can all be cleaned up and car seat covers are generally washable just don't dry.
Take an extra pair of underwear and shorts with you and just leave them in the car with some wipes and a plastic bag.
Accidents are part of the learning process, he has to feel it ya know?

My boys learned to poop sitting backwards on the potty, they don't feel like they are falling in because the front is narrower.
Also they can hold on to the lid or tank.

Will his school help you out at all?

[lucylou]

Aug 9, 2017 19:22:12 GMT -6 Sweetjane said:

Accidents will happen so just let that go. It can all be cleaned up and car seat covers are generally washable just don't dry.
Take an extra pair of underwear and shorts with you and just leave them in the car with some wipes and a plastic bag.
Accidents are part of the learning process, he has to feel it ya know?

My boys learned to poop sitting backwards on the potty, they don't feel like they are falling in because the front is narrower.
Also they can hold on to the lid or tank.

Will his school help you out at all?

They try but he only goes 2 mornings a week so not much opportunity. That's interesting about the narrowness of the front. I never thought about it that way.

[wineandcake]

I've never thought to wait on leaving until the kids pee. We keep a little potty in the car for emergency potty stops and that works well enough. I do put my potty training kid in pull ups when we leave just in case he has an accident. He thinks they're underwear so he tries not to pee in them, but if he does it's no biggie. Some car seat companies have washable pads for over the seat, I just got a britax one today to try since I'm hoping to ditch daytime pull ups soon.

My kid still thinks he's part dog and tries to pee outside every chance he gets. He refused the potty for a couple days and kept screaming to go per outside/on a tree. Potty training really is the worst.

[katelou]

My kid was younger (just under 2) but it took her 2 weeks after starting the naked method to figure out how to pee on command before leaving the house. I tried lots of suggestions like running the faucet for the sound of running water, telling her to take deep breaths and relax, and squirting water on her thigh, and none helped. It was a really looong 2 weeks. One day it clicked and was easy after that.

[thatgolfb]

3 seems early to require no diapers/pull ups, but maybe that is my own potty training issues coloring my view on this...

I don't have much to add. DD peed on the potty pretty easily but it took her a while to poop. She is there now but still has occasional accidents at 3.5.

[thatgolfb]

And she very very recently became mostly trained.

[acarpediem]

I truly believe potty training is different for each child. Some methods work for some and not for others. We are in the same boat of having to be dry for school in September. I have attempted PT multiple times over the last year.(he's 3 end of aug) Nothing worked and it was just stressing me out.
Finally I just let him be naked at home and let the potty next to him on the floor. I didn't bug him every second to pee. I took the pressure off and anxiety out of the equation. He then decided to go on his own terms. There were loads of accidents for the first week but slowly it stopped and then we moved on to wearing clothes at home. We went out without diapers and just brought loads of changes. It took a solid month but now he can go out out and stay home with no accidents. I think it has to get real bad before it gets better. I did not have a unicorn child but that's ok. The biggest reassurance I have is that everyone says when at school, your kid will want to do what others are doing so they will most likely use the toilet. Even his new teacher reassured me.

Also my kid has problems with pulling his pants up and down, and hell no to scissors this early.

[misskilljoy]

Aug 9, 2017 21:43:32 GMT -6 thatgolfb said:

3 seems early to require no diapers/pull ups, but maybe that is my own potty training issues coloring my view on this...

I was thinking the same. It's common for some kids (boys especially) to not be fully, perfectly PT until after 3, isn't it? I can get behind no diapers, but no pull-ups?

The child care centre I worked for allowed pull-ups in the preschool (3 year old) room but they had to be fully trained to move to the junior kinder (4 year old) room.

[lucylou]

I completely agree it's too early to require no diapers. It was my only concern when choosing this place. But it is a really nice school (it's a chain) and they were the only ones in my area who had part-time half days available.
When I expressed concerns (before we started) they basically just said to bring a bunch of changes of clothes

[lupineaura]

You got some great advice, and I agree these problems are common.

I'm here for commiseration- I'm starting the three day method this weekend with twins. I'm terrified.

[lucylou]

Aug 10, 2017 5:50:20 GMT -6 lupineaura said:

You got some great advice, and I agree these problems are common.

I'm here for commiseration- I'm starting the three day method this weekend with twins. I'm terrified.

I cannot imagine this. Good luck!!

[imapenguin]

Aug 10, 2017 5:50:20 GMT -6 lupineaura said:

You got some great advice, and I agree these problems are common.

I'm here for commiseration- I'm starting the three day method this weekend with twins. I'm terrified.

in my experience, the first 3-4 days were awful, the next 3-4 were not much better and then I started to feel like she was actually getting it after that. It was about 2 weeks before I was comfortable keeping her in panties all the time.

All that to say, don't give up if it seems like there is no progress after 3 days because it's probably just around the corner.

[lupineaura]

Aug 10, 2017 7:43:44 GMT -6 imapenguin said:

Aug 10, 2017 5:50:20 GMT -6 lupineaura said:

You got some great advice, and I agree these problems are common.

I'm here for commiseration- I'm starting the three day method this weekend with twins. I'm terrified.

in my experience, the first 3-4 days were awful, the next 3-4 were not much better and then I started to feel like she was actually getting it after that. It was about 2 weeks before I was comfortable keeping her in panties all the time.

All that to say, don't give up if it seems like there is no progress after 3 days because it's probably just around the corner.

Thank you! I am cautiously optimistic because they already pee in the potty an average of once/day, but I am a bit skeptical that we will be done after three days. My husband read that "oh crap" book and is driving this bus.

[Sunny41]

Have you talked to the teacher or school about the potty training requirement? It sounds like he is mostly trained except poop. I know in my kids 3.5-4 class there were still kids that were in diapers. I think schools liek to push it but I don't know if they enforce it if you know what I mean. Hopefully they will let him start and work with his issues. Once they are trained they still need help getting the pants up and down for a while. They still need help wiping even if it is in the toilet.

[cyprissa]

Aug 9, 2017 11:59:11 GMT -6 lucylou said:

Thanks you guys. It helps to know these aren't uncommon issues. I just need to take a deep breath and get some perspective. DS just went down for a nap, I wrote this post and showered and I can feel myself relaxing a bit.
I just wanted to lose it on him all morning even though I'm trying to act #breezy about the whole thing to him.

It's everything. He had a lot of health issues/hospitalizations his first year. We're just discovering he's got some sort of speech shit going on (he talks great he just doesn't put a lot of sentences together/answer questions properly). He's honestly having more problems with pulling his pants on and off and washing his hands than he is actually potty training and it's making me so sad that he's behind on basic shit like that. Something so stupid as I discovered this weekend he can't hold safety scissors or cut. It's like WHY CAN'T ANYTHING BE EASY?!? I know in the grand scheme these are small potatoes but its just all piling up and making me feel like I've failed him somehow

That stuff seems pretty normal for a 3 year old. Lots of them end up having to wear sweatpants in order to pull their pants up. Also, I wouldn't expect all 3 year olds to be able to cut. I personally think potty training has windows where kids are more cooperative and easier to train but those don't always match up with school, home life etc. so it can take a bit longer for everything to click. I would try not to stress because he is still in the early stages. The one word of caution is to absolutely not let him get constipated because that can make pooping on the potty a huge, huge issue. 

[saltypearl]

My DS is just past 3 and he can almost dependably pee each time. We have yet to poop on the potty. Commiseration yo!