This is weird, right?

[sudsy]

Oct 15, 2024 12:24:04 GMT -6 Sweetjane said:

Oct 15, 2024 10:36:06 GMT -6 icedcoffee said:

It's also kind of weird the friend has been asking them to come also right? Like is he using her to recruit girls? I feel like someone should be alerted/look into all of it 😔

See I hadn't even thought about this. I asked the other girl's mom what she heard about it from her daughter. Come to find out the parents don't even go to the church! They just dropped the girls off and picked them up. What's that about?

Oh hellllll no

[trueblue]

None of that surprises me tbh - from the dropping kids off to texting to youth group being held in someone’s home. It’s a full stop NO from me but it happens within my boy’s friend groups all the time.

[sweptaway]

Oh wow I hate everything about this

[babybean]

100% wrong. The pastor did this after meeting them one time too? I’m glad you were able to intervene.

[snowyowl]

That's incredibly creepy. I'm so glad your DD told you right away, because that situation is going nowhere good.

[Sweetjane]

Oct 15, 2024 14:28:11 GMT -6 tinyjoys said:

Oct 15, 2024 12:24:04 GMT -6 Sweetjane said:

See I hadn't even thought about this. I asked the other girl's mom what she heard about it from her daughter. Come to find out the parents don't even go to the church! They just dropped the girls off and picked them up. What's that about?

Wait, do they not go EVER or did they just not go/stay at youth group, because I'm less scandalized by the later and VERY scandalized by the former. When I was similarly aged and still active in church, youth group meetings/outings were like the pastor and 1 other parent, or just 1 or 2 parents leading them, so being dropped off doesn't send off my weird flares, but if the parents just NEVER go and are good dropping off, that would be weird AF.

The mom dropped them off Sunday morning for church, at the church. Youth group is next week and I told her she can't go.
Fortunately she's not interested in ever going back.

[Pumpkinwest]

Haven’t read any responses yet but

As someone who grew up going to church and who now has a career which involves dealing with unscrupulous people (being vague on purpose…)
Girl, no. This is a fucking PROBLEM and you are definitely not overreacting/overthinking. Absolutely keep her away from that shit.

[tinyjoys]

Oct 15, 2024 19:20:33 GMT -6 Sweetjane said:

Oct 15, 2024 14:28:11 GMT -6 tinyjoys said:

Wait, do they not go EVER or did they just not go/stay at youth group, because I'm less scandalized by the later and VERY scandalized by the former. When I was similarly aged and still active in church, youth group meetings/outings were like the pastor and 1 other parent, or just 1 or 2 parents leading them, so being dropped off doesn't send off my weird flares, but if the parents just NEVER go and are good dropping off, that would be weird AF.

The mom dropped them off Sunday morning for church, at the church. Youth group is next week and I told her she can't go.
Fortunately she's not interested in ever going back.

I misread. I thought she went to youth group first, not a regular service.

[jaygee]

Just here to agree that this is suspicious. I would be having words with the pastor, the parents of the girl who gave out other kids numbers and my next moves would depend on those interactions.

Don’t forget to block the pastors number in your daughters phone.

[STP]

Absolutely fucking not, I’d be at that church threatening things. Major, organization ruining things.


No.

[Wtfshouldmynamebe]

This is not right. I would be there going insane on everyone.

I hope the parents of the other girls are checking things out.

[Pizzaslut]

The more I think about this, the more unsettled I am. I would be contacting the church and I would also let the other girl's parents know my concerns. Whether they care or not, do they realize the pastor is texting these girls?

[rachers]

Oh yikes, this is very unsettling to me. And gives me flash backs to the mega church in my rural town during HS. I went once (at the urgent invitation from a “friend”) and it was so unsettling I never went back. And that was just from the pressure, nothing like someone texting me after the fact.

Definitely block those numbers and reiterate that nobody should be giving out your child’s cell number. That’s beyond inappropriate.

[Sweetjane]

So I looked through the texts, church friend did tell my kid she was sharing her number with pastor John. She didn't ask first, she just said she was going to. DD just replied "okie".
We've reiterated that you don't have to be polite in these situations and just go along with things. I know she "felt bad and didn't want to be rude", her words. She is very outgoing and usually stands up for herself so I was surprised she didn't put her foot down. They are all new to HS and just establishing their friend group so I think that's at play here too.

She deleted the text from the pastor so I don't have that. But I do know which of the three reached out to her.
Should I email the church website or group text all 3?

[microworm]

Oct 17, 2024 9:46:14 GMT -6 Sweetjane said:

So I looked through the texts, church friend did tell my kid she was sharing her number with pastor John. She didn't ask first, she just said she was going to. DD just replied "okie".
We've reiterated that you don't have to be polite in these situations and just go along with things. I know she "felt bad and didn't want to be rude", her words. She is very outgoing and usually stands up for herself so I was surprised she didn't put her foot down. They are all new to HS and just establishing their friend group so I think that's at play here too.

She deleted the text from the pastor so I don't have that. But I do know which of the three reached out to her.
Should I email the church website or group text all 3?

I would not engage in a text conversation with them. I'd directly reach out to the church and like jaygee said, my next moves would depend on their response. 

[fb]

I’m not sure I would reach out to the church at all. They (churches, historically) protect their own. This grown man knows texting teens is inappropriate yet he does it anyway.

I would take the info to your local PD and let them investigate. If it’s innocent and there’s nothing to find, fine. But I highly doubt that’s the case.

[miawallace]

this irks me so much bc I grew up watching youth Pastors being weirdos like this. Zero boundaries or insight on what is appropriate or not.
I have stories for days of things I didn’t catch bc I was a kid but now blow my mind at how predatory it was.

I’m not saying all youth pastors. But yeah, this is called “outreach” but it can easily get into grooming and/or inappropriate behavior between an adult and children. Again, not saying all churches. But I’ve seen enough growing up that I’d be starting shit with the people there now.

When I was a youth pastor back in the day, I had a text group chat that I added new people into. I’d send reminders of youth services or whatever. We later migrated to a private Facebook group that had parents in it even if they didn’t go to church. If I needed to say something to the kid via text, I’d always include the parent or the youth group parent sponsor person if I didn’t have the parents info. But I’m a woman. I didn’t want to leave room for any weird shit. I was in my late 20’s too. I’ve seen weird shit all my life I wanted to be different.

It’s meant to grow the church but how it gets done squeaks me out now. I’d be calling everyone and their momma to be honest.

[GhoatMonket]

Oct 17, 2024 10:27:22 GMT -6 fb said:

I’m not sure I would reach out to the church at all. They (churches, historically) protect their own. This grown man knows texting teens is inappropriate yet he does it anyway.

I would take the info to your local PD and let them investigate. If it’s innocent and there’s nothing to find, fine. But I highly doubt that’s the case.

This isn't a bad way to go. Also even if they find nothing, they can let them know there is a complaint on file and that this behavior is inappropriate, even if it isn't malicious. 

We had a 60+ year old guy that was texting teen girls about lifting stuff. It took police talking to him to get it through his head that it wasn't ok for him to do that. 

[AmyG]

I wouldn't call the police cause if she deleted the text what do you have to show them?
I'd see if there's a way to get into her account maybe online thru your phone provider and try to recover the text first. I would complain directly to the person texting young girls about how this looks I'd call the church and let them know how this looks and how skeevy it is. That minors should be contacted only in a group text preferably with parents involved. But I wouldn't expect them to do much. Id consider warning the parents of everyone in her friend group that might get this kind of text to also complain

[treeofheaven]

Does your police department has a unit dedicated to human trafficking/child grooming? If nothing else, maybe give them a call to see what they would advise?

[STP]

Deleted texts are easily found in the trash or in the cloud. And if she went so far as to delete those, then my red flags would be flapping all the more.

I'd absolutely file a police report. If all it does is make that person nervous enough not to do it again, great.

This would be all stations manned situation for me, personally. We know too much now about how religious groups groom kids and there is zero innocent explanation here. At the very least, giving every shred of benefit of the doubt, this pastor needs to learn a real life lesson right now about what is and is not appropriate when it come to children.

[Sweetjane]

She brought home a pamphlet on it that had each pastor's phone number, and an email for the church. I was hesitant to use the email because if the text sender is the one that reads the emails then he could keep the other two from reading it. I want them all on blast.

[angelashly]

What did the text say? Did she tell you?

I think it’s weird and I have no problem going to put in a report or at least talking to the police to ask them what they think.

Sending an email to the church is ok but I am with the rest they probably won’t do anything about it

[GhoatMonket]

Oct 17, 2024 15:30:19 GMT -6 angelashly said:

What did the text say? Did she tell you?

I think it’s weird and I have no problem going to put in a report or at least talking to the police to ask them what they think.

Sending an email to the church is ok but I am with the rest they probably won’t do anything about it

It doesn't really matter what it says, and often with grooming they will start with seemingly innane conversations. They want to establish being a friend, being someone they are used to talking to on a regular basis so they can start direction conversations down other roads over time.

[angelashly]

Oct 17, 2024 16:16:52 GMT -6 GhoatMonket said:

Oct 17, 2024 15:30:19 GMT -6 angelashly said:

What did the text say? Did she tell you?

I think it’s weird and I have no problem going to put in a report or at least talking to the police to ask them what they think.

Sending an email to the church is ok but I am with the rest they probably won’t do anything about it

It doesn't really matter what it says, and often with grooming they will start with seemingly innane conversations. They want to establish being a friend, being someone they are used to talking to on a regular basis so they can start direction conversations down other roads over time.

It does matter sadly to police and the fact that she deleted it makes me think it’s not great which is why I asked.

I said I would still turn everything over to police

[sudsy]

Guarantee this guy is texting other teenagers. I’d report it. You may end up helping a lot of other kids before they get wrapped up into something.

[icedcoffee]

At the very least it's a paper trail or the start of one

[Rusty Red]

This always rings wrong with me because I went to high school with someone who was my friend at the time and a youth pastor, and ended up going to prison for criminal action with one of the youth at his church. Definitely on the give it to the police train after that situation.

[toebeans]

Did OP GET resolution to this? I am interested because I found the whole situation so alarming.