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Post by Sweetjane on Oct 14, 2024 19:45:56 GMT -6
My DD's friend has been asking her and another friend to join her at church. They are all in HS, so 14&15 yo. They went and later in the afternoon the pastor was texting the girls and saying he wanted to come watch their sports games and invite them back to church.
I am very WTF at a grown ass man texting high school girls. The friend they went with gave the pastor their numbers, I also explained why that's a problem.
You don't ever give out someone's number without asking first.
Am I projecting? WTF?
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AmyG
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Post by AmyG on Oct 14, 2024 20:09:37 GMT -6
Id call the church and tell the guy to get lost
And depending on reaction to that id at least consider reaching out to higher church and or police.
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Post by hugsfordrugs on Oct 14, 2024 20:17:45 GMT -6
No grown ass man should ever be texting a teenage girl
(Obviously not talking about family)
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gingy
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Post by gingy on Oct 14, 2024 20:21:57 GMT -6
Nope. Every pastor I know (my boss is a former pastor) is overly cautious about texting relationships. They would never text a teen girl 1:1, or maybe ever. They’re often the ones who do the thing we debated a while back, where they group text with the spouse when they just need to talk to the wife. Just for “transparency.”
When SD experimented with youth group, the youth pastor texted me and DH once or twice, but never her.
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Post by Sweetjane on Oct 14, 2024 20:59:03 GMT -6
Thank goodness! Y'all made me feel so much better.
Thank you for your input. I grew up gong to church and never went by choice. We do not go now either, I was just like sure if you're curious go with your friends.
I checked out the website before they went and of course the leaders are all middle aged white men so I immediately had the ick. Now it's confirmed, she won't be going back.
Oh, and youth group is held at one of the pastor's house. They invited her and I immediately said no chance.
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Post by toebeans on Oct 15, 2024 4:26:53 GMT -6
100% weird. I have no trust in organized religion and no adult should be texting kids to come and watch their sports games.
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roselab
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Post by roselab on Oct 15, 2024 5:41:06 GMT -6
Agree that it is inappropriate and you should step in and shut it down (and express your concerns to the church officials if you are able/feel comfortable).
I could see a youth leader sending out mass texts to the youth group about activities/schedule stuff, but anything just to an individual should not be happening.
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gimmeaQ
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Post by gimmeaQ on Oct 15, 2024 6:02:54 GMT -6
i am a church person and a grown adult texting teenagers without CCing parents would be fully investigated.
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lucylou
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Post by lucylou on Oct 15, 2024 6:22:30 GMT -6
Absolutely not. I’m creeped out just reading this.
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sudsy
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Post by sudsy on Oct 15, 2024 6:38:10 GMT -6
I felt really icky reading that. Trust your instincts. I may be projecting my own Catholic background and distrust of clergymen.
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Post by GhoatMonket on Oct 15, 2024 7:12:33 GMT -6
Absolutely not overreacting. Parents should always be copied on this type of communication. It isn't acceptable for coaches either.
And yeah, the friend absolutely needs to be told what they did wrong. Never, ever give someone else's number out without their permission. When people ask me for someone's info, I tell them that I will be happy to pass on their information to the person they want to reach.
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angelashly
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Post by angelashly on Oct 15, 2024 7:26:10 GMT -6
Nope! I would be thinking the same thing and would be shutting it down
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Post by donnamartingraduates on Oct 15, 2024 7:43:08 GMT -6
Your gut should be trusted. Block his number, no more church, and honestly I'd be encouraging my child not hang out with this friend anymore outside of school. Organized religion is so flawed.
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Post by newspapers on Oct 15, 2024 7:46:52 GMT -6
Ew, no. You are correct.
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Post by 4PrivetDrive on Oct 15, 2024 8:07:18 GMT -6
Yeah that gives me a huge ick. I would also be contacting the church to report his behavior. That crosses so many boundaries.
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Post by bearfootzcontinued on Oct 15, 2024 8:47:44 GMT -6
That is weird. I wouldn't hesitate to ask the local authorities what they think about it, just in case or to keep the guy on their radar.
If they really want to share information with youth they can invite them to follow their FB page, website, or other public forum. Getting a child's contact info from other children is so yucky to me.
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Post by icedcoffee on Oct 15, 2024 10:36:06 GMT -6
It's also kind of weird the friend has been asking them to come also right? Like is he using her to recruit girls? I feel like someone should be alerted/look into all of it 😔
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Post by spicysalmonroll on Oct 15, 2024 10:51:45 GMT -6
It's also kind of weird the friend has been asking them to come also right? Like is he using her to recruit girls? I feel like someone should be alerted/look into all of it 😔 I had the same thought- very Boy Meets World come to my cult. |
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Post by unheardof on Oct 15, 2024 10:58:12 GMT -6
We had a local 'church' that did this shit. It was run by 2 brothers who owned a paving company. Super weird - but yes it was in fact a cult. One of them was married and he was forcing his wife to sleep on the couch while he and a group of (legal) teenage girls all slept together in their bedroom. It was beyond crazy.
They have a sign still up around town but they have since been run out. Some of those girls still followed them to the next town though.
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loony
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Post by loony on Oct 15, 2024 11:06:46 GMT -6
I really wish I could share Kevin James Thorton tiktoks about youth groups in the 90s. He captures all my religious trauma with humor.
I was lucky to have non-creepy youth pastors, but reading this gave me an immediate ick.
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Post by ♪♫choppinbroccoli♫♪ on Oct 15, 2024 11:39:49 GMT -6
I really wish I could share Kevin James Thorton tiktoks about youth groups in the 90s. He captures all my religious trauma with humor. I was lucky to have non-creepy youth pastors, but reading this gave me an immediate ick. I LOVE him!! |
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Post by ♪♫choppinbroccoli♫♪ on Oct 15, 2024 11:40:37 GMT -6
Sweetjane, I agree with everyone else. If you think to, please let us know how next steps go.
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Post by Sweetjane on Oct 15, 2024 12:24:04 GMT -6
It's also kind of weird the friend has been asking them to come also right? Like is he using her to recruit girls? I feel like someone should be alerted/look into all of it 😔 See I hadn't even thought about this. I asked the other girl's mom what she heard about it from her daughter. Come to find out the parents don't even go to the church! They just dropped the girls off and picked them up. What's that about? |
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Post by geekygirly on Oct 15, 2024 12:52:19 GMT -6
Ironically I just did a Girl Scout training module (new troop leader) that covered this type of thing - a troop leader should never text a girl without CC'ing the parents/caregivers. All this to say, yes weird and not ok.
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Post by icedcoffee on Oct 15, 2024 12:56:56 GMT -6
It's also kind of weird the friend has been asking them to come also right? Like is he using her to recruit girls? I feel like someone should be alerted/look into all of it 😔 See I hadn't even thought about this. I asked the other girl's mom what she heard about it from her daughter. Come to find out the parents don't even go to the church! They just dropped the girls off and picked them up. What's that about? Oh yikes 😬 |
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loony
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Post by loony on Oct 15, 2024 13:17:47 GMT -6
It's also kind of weird the friend has been asking them to come also right? Like is he using her to recruit girls? I feel like someone should be alerted/look into all of it 😔 See I hadn't even thought about this. I asked the other girl's mom what she heard about it from her daughter. Come to find out the parents don't even go to the church! They just dropped the girls off and picked them up. What's that about?  |
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gingy
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Post by gingy on Oct 15, 2024 13:22:55 GMT -6
It's also kind of weird the friend has been asking them to come also right? Like is he using her to recruit girls? I feel like someone should be alerted/look into all of it 😔 See I hadn't even thought about this. I asked the other girl's mom what she heard about it from her daughter. Come to find out the parents don't even go to the church! They just dropped the girls off and picked them up. What's that about? This is pretty common here with the larger churches where they’ve got these kids/teens guilted into “saving” all their friends. One kid in the friend group might actually attend that church with their family, and then they bring the rest of the kids along for the ride. I attended one of those churches back in the day. Like loony—and I’m sure many others—I could talk religious trauma all day. Shit’s messed up. |
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gimmeaQ
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Post by gimmeaQ on Oct 15, 2024 13:38:15 GMT -6
It's also kind of weird the friend has been asking them to come also right? Like is he using her to recruit girls? I feel like someone should be alerted/look into all of it 😔 See I hadn't even thought about this. I asked the other girl's mom what she heard about it from her daughter. Come to find out the parents don't even go to the church! They just dropped the girls off and picked them up. What's that about? nahhhhh i hope they won't be doing that again either. |
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Post by GhoatMonket on Oct 15, 2024 13:38:59 GMT -6
It's also kind of weird the friend has been asking them to come also right? Like is he using her to recruit girls? I feel like someone should be alerted/look into all of it 😔 See I hadn't even thought about this. I asked the other girl's mom what she heard about it from her daughter. Come to find out the parents don't even go to the church! They just dropped the girls off and picked them up. What's that about?  |
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tinyjoys
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Post by tinyjoys on Oct 15, 2024 14:28:11 GMT -6
It's also kind of weird the friend has been asking them to come also right? Like is he using her to recruit girls? I feel like someone should be alerted/look into all of it 😔 See I hadn't even thought about this. I asked the other girl's mom what she heard about it from her daughter. Come to find out the parents don't even go to the church! They just dropped the girls off and picked them up. What's that about? Wait, do they not go EVER or did they just not go/stay at youth group, because I'm less scandalized by the later and VERY scandalized by the former. When I was similarly aged and still active in church, youth group meetings/outings were like the pastor and 1 other parent, or just 1 or 2 parents leading them, so being dropped off doesn't send off my weird flares, but if the parents just NEVER go and are good dropping off, that would be weird AF. |
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