How to politely say....

[thechickencoop]

To my neighbors - you're fucking disgusting stop smoking in your fucking house.....?

I'm in a townhouse. My neighbors smoke cigarettes in their house and over the last year or so it's been seriously infiltrating the walls between.

The worst is in the basement, mine is mostly finished, the part that's not on their side is inside a closet and I've already coated the whole thing with oil based primer to try to mitigate a bit of it filtering through, but it hasn't helped.

Houses were built in late 80s so we have like the cinder block In between, then I have studs I think? and paneling in the basement where it's the worst. Not sure on insulation under the paneling.

Our dryer vents are also to the sides of our front doors and when my windows are open and their dryer is running, it blows smoke smell directly into my front windows.

I'm so done with it. We're both owners, they're younger ish, maybe early 30s, no kids. Never leave the house except when the husband goes to work. But i need to bring it up in a semi judicious way since we share a wall and all. Help??

[McBenny]

I think you need to see what you can do on your side to cut off this flow or attachment. I would not be comfortable with someone telling me what I can do in my home at all, and I don't presume that anyone else would either.

[thechickencoop]

I mean, obviously I can't tell anyone what to do in their home but they're in the middle so it's gotta be affecting the other side too. They're renters though and just moved in so I haven't met them or anything to ask.

It's gotta bad and I am just really annoyed.

[spicysalmonroll]

Do you know the owners? Can you ask the owners to put it in the lease?

ETA nevermind maybe you meant the neighbors on the other side are renters, I thought you meant the smokers were renters. 

[spicysalmonroll]

Could it potentially be brought up in like an HOA vote or something like that?

[icedcoffee]

You could try to just talk to them first if you haven't yet. Maybe they don't know it's so bad on your side and would be willing to try something else. I think it's worth a try, if they say fuck off then you're just back here anyways.

But yeah, if they are unwilling to change I'm not sure what you can do on your side. That really sucks 😫

[icedcoffee]

And to answer the question I don't think there's really a polite way to say it. Maybe leave a note? That way it's in writing? I'd just be straight forward and to the point and go from there

[wasabi]

Sept 17, 2024 16:04:30 GMT -6 McBenny said:

I think you need to see what you can do on your side to cut off this flow or attachment. I would not be comfortable with someone telling me what I can do in my home at all, and I don't presume that anyone else would either.

It sucks but I think this is it at the end of the day. You can ask, but they can do what they want. This is a part of attached living. Just like apartment living has its limitations, and why I can’t have a rooster in my backyard being too close to other neighbors.

I will add though that they might be responsive to it if you ask them. I think if my neighbor brought something like that up to me I would feel badly enough to stop.

Maybe. Nicotine addiction is a helluva thing.

[thechickencoop]

Sept 17, 2024 16:58:02 GMT -6 spicysalmonroll said:

Could it potentially be brought up in like an HOA vote or something like that?

I AM on the hoa 🤔🤔🤔

But I don't know what we would vote on. They own their home and there's nothing illegal about smoking it. Just annoying.

I was sitting on the porch earlier today too while the boys were riding bikes with a bunch of kids and the woman next door opened their front door to grab their door dash and just her opening the door wafted this huge like, plume of smoke smell out. Like what the hell!!

[thechickencoop]

Sept 17, 2024 17:05:34 GMT -6 wasabi said:

Sept 17, 2024 16:04:30 GMT -6 McBenny said:

I think you need to see what you can do on your side to cut off this flow or attachment. I would not be comfortable with someone telling me what I can do in my home at all, and I don't presume that anyone else would either.

It sucks but I think this is it at the end of the day. You can ask, but they can do what they want. This is a part of attached living. Just like apartment living has its limitations, and why I can’t have a rooster in my backyard being too close to other neighbors.

I will add though that they might be responsive to it if you ask them. I think if my neighbor brought something like that up to me I would feel badly enough to stop.

Maybe. Nicotine addiction is a helluva thing.

And like, whatever, if they stop, but maybe dont smoke in the house so it continues to infiltrate all of our shared walls?? But then like the alternative, smoking outside so it just wafts in the windows then too?! Lol I guess lose lose.

[wasabi]

Sometimes people just don’t realize how much that shit permeates. I remember when we lived with my MIL, she would smoke in her room thinking having her window open was enough. I mentioned to SO that I could smell the smoke in the room my daughter stayed in, which made me mad, and then he told her and she felt terrible. And she actually did stop (obviously this is different, but yeah, sometimes people just don’t realize shit like that).

[thechickencoop]

Sept 17, 2024 17:08:53 GMT -6 wasabi said:

Sometimes people just don’t realize how much that shit permeates. I remember when we lived with my MIL, she would smoke in her room thinking having her window open was enough. I mentioned to SO that I could smell the smoke in the room my daughter stayed in, which made me mad, and then he told her and she felt terrible. And she actually did stop (obviously this is different, but yeah, sometimes people just don’t realize shit like that).

I Think maybe that's what I'm hoping? Like maybe if I phrase it not super rudely they'll be like, oh shit! We didn't know! Or something.

[wasabi]

Sept 17, 2024 17:08:39 GMT -6 thechickencoop said:

Sept 17, 2024 17:05:34 GMT -6 wasabi said:

It sucks but I think this is it at the end of the day. You can ask, but they can do what they want. This is a part of attached living. Just like apartment living has its limitations, and why I can’t have a rooster in my backyard being too close to other neighbors.

I will add though that they might be responsive to it if you ask them. I think if my neighbor brought something like that up to me I would feel badly enough to stop.

Maybe. Nicotine addiction is a helluva thing.

And like, whatever, if they stop, but maybe dont smoke in the house so it continues to infiltrate all of our shared walls?? But then like the alternative, smoking outside so it just wafts in the windows then too?! Lol I guess lose lose.

It is so gross. I used to smoke, and it still grosses me out so much today being around smokers.

Maybe they need a sign to stop smoking, and you’re it, lol.

I kid. I am sorry you’re dealing with that. But like, yeah, they can smoke if they want on their property. I certainly would be just as annoyed as you though.

[wasabi]

Sept 17, 2024 17:09:43 GMT -6 thechickencoop said:

Sept 17, 2024 17:08:53 GMT -6 wasabi said:

Sometimes people just don’t realize how much that shit permeates. I remember when we lived with my MIL, she would smoke in her room thinking having her window open was enough. I mentioned to SO that I could smell the smoke in the room my daughter stayed in, which made me mad, and then he told her and she felt terrible. And she actually did stop (obviously this is different, but yeah, sometimes people just don’t realize shit like that).

I Think maybe that's what I'm hoping? Like maybe if I phrase it not super rudely they'll be like, oh shit! We didn't know! Or something.

Worth a shot honestly, if you do it in a kind way that doesn’t make them angry. Don’t ask me for tips on that part.

[thechickencoop]

Sept 17, 2024 17:13:53 GMT -6 wasabi said:

Sept 17, 2024 17:09:43 GMT -6 thechickencoop said:

I Think maybe that's what I'm hoping? Like maybe if I phrase it not super rudely they'll be like, oh shit! We didn't know! Or something.

Worth a shot honestly, if you do it in a kind way that doesn’t make them angry. Don’t ask me for tips on that part.

Dammit!!! Haha

I'm really trying to find a way to be like...hey by the waaayyy....about it!! But I'm terrible that. And we're not close neighbors or anything at all. I have her phone number because the H is an electrician and he helped me with an electrical thing one time.

[wasabi]

Sept 17, 2024 17:17:49 GMT -6 thechickencoop said:

Sept 17, 2024 17:13:53 GMT -6 wasabi said:

Worth a shot honestly, if you do it in a kind way that doesn’t make them angry. Don’t ask me for tips on that part.

Dammit!!! Haha

I'm really trying to find a way to be like...hey by the waaayyy....about it!! But I'm terrible that. And we're not close neighbors or anything at all. I have her phone number because the H is an electrician and he helped me with an electrical thing one time.

I’m sorry, this is literally what you’re asking in this thread 😂 and I decided to respond despite my unhelpfulness

Can ChatGPT help? They do some weird shit.

[Cher]

Not legal advice.

But I used to deal with this stuff a lot and there is precedent about it. Not saying sue. Just saying there have been cases where courts have found that one does not have the right to do whatever they want in their home if that infringes on the health and enjoyment of others.

Now, what I would do. Approach the neighbors casually and let them know kindly. Regardless of the outcome, I would follow up in text or email thanking them for being so understanding bc the smoke was a problem or ask them to reconsider bc the smoke is a problem.

Invest in air filters. There’s some heavy duty stuff that’s made to combat that. I remember people loved the Austin Air+ one when I dealt with this stuff.

See if there’s anything in your HOA bylaws about nuisances, quiet enjoyment, smoking, etc.

I would keep a record of when you contacted your neighbor(s) and remedies you attempted to take.

Hopefully they’re great, didn’t realize how much it’s getting in your home and this problem is short-lived.

[McBenny]

Sept 17, 2024 17:09:43 GMT -6 thechickencoop said:

Sept 17, 2024 17:08:53 GMT -6 wasabi said:

Sometimes people just don’t realize how much that shit permeates. I remember when we lived with my MIL, she would smoke in her room thinking having her window open was enough. I mentioned to SO that I could smell the smoke in the room my daughter stayed in, which made me mad, and then he told her and she felt terrible. And she actually did stop (obviously this is different, but yeah, sometimes people just don’t realize shit like that).

I Think maybe that's what I'm hoping? Like maybe if I phrase it not super rudely they'll be like, oh shit! We didn't know! Or something.

but what is the alternative? They can't smoke outside cause you said you still smell it.

I think you need to seal your windows with the clear shit. Seal a vent and get some air purifiers.

[McBenny]

Sept 17, 2024 17:44:08 GMT -6 Cher said:

Not legal advice.

But I used to deal with this stuff a lot and there is precedent about it. Not saying sue. Just saying there have been cases where courts have found that one does not have the right to do whatever they want in their home if that infringes on the health and enjoyment of others.

Now, what I would do. Approach the neighbors casually and let them know kindly. Regardless of the outcome, I would follow up in text or email thanking them for being so understanding bc the smoke was a problem or ask them to reconsider bc the smoke is a problem.

Invest in air filters. There’s some heavy duty stuff that’s made to combat that. I remember people loved the Austin Air+ one when I dealt with this stuff.

See if there’s anything in your HOA bylaws about nuisances, quiet enjoyment, smoking, etc.

I would keep a record of when you contacted your neighbor(s) and remedies you attempted to take.

Hopefully they’re great, didn’t realize how much it’s getting in your home and this problem is short-lived.

I would presume this to be very regional. The NE likes to tell people what kind of bags they can use and lock up formula bottles.

This shit ain't rocking like that in my area. 🤣🤣

[spicysalmonroll]

Sept 17, 2024 17:07:21 GMT -6 thechickencoop said:

Sept 17, 2024 16:58:02 GMT -6 spicysalmonroll said:

Could it potentially be brought up in like an HOA vote or something like that?

I AM on the hoa 🤔🤔🤔

But I don't know what we would vote on. They own their home and there's nothing illegal about smoking it. Just annoying.

I was sitting on the porch earlier today too while the boys were riding bikes with a bunch of kids and the woman next door opened their front door to grab their door dash and just her opening the door wafted this huge like, plume of smoke smell out. Like what the hell!!

True. I was thinking like Cher mentioned maybe some bylaws about bothering others like even in your own space you can't break noise ordinance all night long. Maybe if it had something to do with health & safety, like it's also a fire hazard which is a much bigger deal when sharing walls and roofs. 
Fingers crossed they will respond kindly and just "didn't realize" and I'd def use the kids as a bargaining chip to make them feel bad. I'd be more willing to comply if it was affecting kids. 

[thechickencoop]

Ok so, how does something like this sound....

**
Hey there! Quick question, there's been increasingly heavy cigarette smoke odors in my house and I'm wondering if you guys smoke in the house/basement? I'm trying to find ways to best go about mitigating the smells and I'm just trying to figure out where it may be coming from? Thanks so much, sorry to bother you!
**


Or is that too passive/passive-agressive????!!!

[rvasc]

Sept 18, 2024 6:51:43 GMT -6 thechickencoop said:

Ok so, how does something like this sound....

**
Hey there! Quick question, there's been increasingly heavy cigarette smoke odors in my house and I'm wondering if you guys smoke in the house/basement? I'm trying to find ways to best go about mitigating the smells and I'm just trying to figure out where it may be coming from? Thanks so much, sorry to bother you!
**


Or is that too passive/passive-agressive????!!!

I’d be more direct.

Hey there! Quick question, there's been increasingly heavy cigarette smoke odors in my house and I'm wondering if you would be willing to avoid smoking in the basement? I'm trying to find ways to best go about mitigating the smells and I'm just trying to figure out where it may be coming from. I totally understand if this is too much to ask. I’m also looking into air purifiers and other things I might be able to do on my end. Thanks so much, sorry to bother you!

[rvasc]

I think you also want to show you are doing what you can before asking them. Also if they smoke outside, the smell will come in but not nearly as strongly as when it’s inside. In my experience.

[rvasc]

Also if their dryer vent is blowing smoke smell into your windows, just close them? Like… that’s not anything anyone can do anything about.

[sweptaway]

Sept 18, 2024 8:44:20 GMT -6 rvasc said:

Sept 18, 2024 6:51:43 GMT -6 thechickencoop said:

Ok so, how does something like this sound....

**
Hey there! Quick question, there's been increasingly heavy cigarette smoke odors in my house and I'm wondering if you guys smoke in the house/basement? I'm trying to find ways to best go about mitigating the smells and I'm just trying to figure out where it may be coming from? Thanks so much, sorry to bother you!
**


Or is that too passive/passive-agressive????!!!

I’d be more direct.

Hey there! Quick question, there's been increasingly heavy cigarette smoke odors in my house and I'm wondering if you would be willing to avoid smoking in the basement? I'm trying to find ways to best go about mitigating the smells and I'm just trying to figure out where it may be coming from. I totally understand if this is too much to ask. I’m also looking into air purifiers and other things I might be able to do on my end. Thanks so much, sorry to bother you!

ILY but this is not more direct 🤣

[rvasc]

Sept 18, 2024 9:05:47 GMT -6 sweptaway said:

Sept 18, 2024 8:44:20 GMT -6 rvasc said:

I’d be more direct.

Hey there! Quick question, there's been increasingly heavy cigarette smoke odors in my house and I'm wondering if you would be willing to avoid smoking in the basement? I'm trying to find ways to best go about mitigating the smells and I'm just trying to figure out where it may be coming from. I totally understand if this is too much to ask. I’m also looking into air purifiers and other things I might be able to do on my end. Thanks so much, sorry to bother you!

ILY but this is not more direct 🤣

It’s not my skill set. lol. But don’t make it like you don’t know where it’s coming from. You do, and it’s them.

Hey there! There’s been increasingly heavy cigarette smoke odors in my house, and I'm wondering if you guys would be willing to avoid smoking in the house, especially the basement. I'm also trying to find ways to best go about mitigating the smells on my end, like air purifiers, etc. I certainly don’t expect you to say yes, but I thought it would be worth asking. Thanks so much, sorry to bother you!

Is that better?

[goldenbird]

I don't have any advice but I hope you find a solution. I loathe cigarette smoke as well as weed smoke so this would be a nightmare for me. I'm sorry.

[icedcoffee]

Not the point but I'm shocked there are young people smoking cigs in their house in 2024. Like even the hard core smokers I know haven't smoked in their house in years

[McBenny]

I would just come out and say:

I would greatly appreciate if you could avoid smoking in the basement as it blows into my home. Anywhere else doesn't seem to be an issue.

I agree with rvasc that if they smoke outside you need to close your windows.

[McBenny]

Sept 18, 2024 10:13:07 GMT -6 icedcoffee said:

Not the point but I'm shocked there are young people smoking cigs in their house in 2024. Like even the hard core smokers I know haven't smoked in their house in years

Again this must be regional. I know many smokers who smoke different things and none of them exclusively smoke where? Outside.

No.