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Post by Wtfshouldmynamebe on Dec 28, 2023 21:59:21 GMT -6
AmyG I know it was said earlier, but you are not responsible for their decision to have another child and are no responsible for caring for it. They need to find a way to pay for that on their own. Especially since they didn’t consult you about watching another child. That is not fair to you
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AmyG
Ruby
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Post by AmyG on Dec 28, 2023 22:49:25 GMT -6
AmyG I know it was said earlier, but you are not responsible for their decision to have another child and are no responsible for caring for it. They need to find a way to pay for that on their own. Especially since they didn’t consult you about watching another child. That is not fair to you No duh. But I'll advise all of you When you are told of a barely there unexpected grandchild on the way do not say Congratulations but there's no way I'm watching that rugrat. God damned it to hell and back You guys know exactly how it would NOT go over well if your mil told you something like that when you are barely pregnant and still in the is this gonna stick? Is this really happening? and will this all be ok? stage. And your mil turns the whole conversation immediately into how hard it will be on her.
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Post by Wtfshouldmynamebe on Dec 28, 2023 22:59:50 GMT -6
AmyG I know it was said earlier, but you are not responsible for their decision to have another child and are no responsible for caring for it. They need to find a way to pay for that on their own. Especially since they didn’t consult you about watching another child. That is not fair to you No duh. But I'll advise all of you When you are told of a barely there unexpected grandchild on the way do not say Congratulations but there's no way I'm watching that rugrat. God damned it to hell and back You guys know exactly how it would NOT go over well if your mil told you something like that when you are barely pregnant and still in the is this gonna stick? Is this really happening? and will this all be ok? stage. And your mil turns the whole conversation immediately into how hard it will be on her. I wouldn’t get that response because I would NEVER ask my mother or MIL to do that. Because I made my children and did it in a way as to such I wasn’t asking for free childcare.
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Post by Wtfshouldmynamebe on Dec 28, 2023 23:01:13 GMT -6
And don’t give us the “they are young and don’t have good jobs and it was an accident”. They know how babies are made.
I should mention that grandparents being forced to watch their grandkids is my hill.
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AmyG
Ruby
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Post by AmyG on Dec 28, 2023 23:54:36 GMT -6
There's no forced labor here. Gosh
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Post by Wtfshouldmynamebe on Dec 29, 2023 0:21:01 GMT -6
There's no forced labor here. Gosh I’m not going to argue with you. I had a whole additional thing after this, but I’m not gonna bother.
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Post by angelashly on Dec 29, 2023 5:53:53 GMT -6
AmyG I know it was said earlier, but you are not responsible for their decision to have another child and are no responsible for caring for it. They need to find a way to pay for that on their own. Especially since they didn’t consult you about watching another child. That is not fair to you No duh. But I'll advise all of you When you are told of a barely there unexpected grandchild on the way do not say Congratulations but there's no way I'm watching that rugrat. God damned it to hell and back You guys know exactly how it would NOT go over well if your mil told you something like that when you are barely pregnant and still in the is this gonna stick? Is this really happening? and will this all be ok? stage. And your mil turns the whole conversation immediately into how hard it will be on her. You’re being obtuse about this as you always are. Of course no one is saying in that moment you would say something like that but yes it needs to be said. It won’t because either you don’t actually care about watching another child or you won’t ever say anything about it. Also if I am entitled enough to just assume my mil or mom was going to continue to watch my kids I decide to have I would be fine with them saying no. My mil watched dd for the first 3 months of her life after my maternity leave. We paid her weekly for it but it was too much on all of us and the grandma lines got blurred so we put her in daycare and struggled for a long time. I promise it can be done Again all of us saying something means nothing though because you won’t actually tell your kids no and it will turn on us being mean girls
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Post by angelashly on Dec 29, 2023 5:55:58 GMT -6
There's no forced labor here. Gosh I’m not going to argue with you. I had a whole additional thing after this, but I’m not gonna bother. Don’t because she likes to play the martyr when it comes to things with her kids. She leads us to believe it’s forced but then when we tell her she doesn’t have to do that she says she knows but they are young can’t afford things so she isn’t going to let her kid struggle
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piratecat
Diamond
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Post by piratecat on Dec 29, 2023 7:19:08 GMT -6
We’re packing up to head home today after a week here. I love seeing the kids have so much fun with their cousins when they get together even though we live far and don’t get to see them often. It’ll be a long drive back but we turned the little guy’s car seat forward so I think it’ll be a little easier. I can’t believe we still have 3 more days home and kinda wish we were staying here another day or two. The ILs do spoil us and make it too easy but it’s probably time to get out of their hair and take the chaos with us. 😅
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trueblue
Sapphire
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Post by trueblue on Dec 29, 2023 7:19:20 GMT -6
Our drive home yesterday turned into a 15 hour tour of the eastern seaboard. But we made it safely and it was so nice to sleep in our own beds. Today is all about unpacking, organizing, restocking the house with healthy food, and picking up the puppy from the kennel.
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piratecat
Diamond
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Post by piratecat on Dec 29, 2023 8:09:18 GMT -6
AmyG congratulations on the grand baby news. I understand having mixed feelings when so much of the childcare responsibility falls on you and your H already. I hope they’ve thought about alternate plans for two kids and that you’re able to better enjoy the joyful parts of being grandparents. I know that every family is different and has to do what works for them but don’t forget that you’re part of that equation too.
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Eagles
Opal
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Post by Eagles on Dec 29, 2023 8:40:52 GMT -6
Amy, I think people are trying to tell you a couple of things here.
One, you don't have to wreck Christmas by announcing loudly that grandma daycare is closed. However, you do need to sit down and think through how to address with your son and DIL that while you love having time with the grandkids, this child care situation is not going to work with 2.
Two, you sustained some ugly injuries and you are constantly in pain. The number of doctors and therapists and treatment modalities involved in your situation is not small. Your body cannot handle upwards of 20 hours per week caring for little ones. Hell Amy, my body can't handle it. I've got a herniated disc compressing a nerve root and my H has to help dress me. And the thing is, no one would ask me. My family wouldn't let me do a thing on Christmas. I tried to pick up scattered wrapping paper and I thought my mom was gonna beat the brakes off me.
People will take advantage of you (general you) as long as you let them. They've been lucky to have years with you as a free DCP. It's time for them to be grown and find an alternative.
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klw
Opal
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Post by klw on Dec 29, 2023 10:51:40 GMT -6
H has lost over 100 lbs going from a 3XLT to a L or XL. He decided today is the day to clean out his closet. Going to box it all up and take it to a local clothes closet.
I
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Post by beersandweirs on Dec 29, 2023 10:59:23 GMT -6
We had some electrical work done before Christmas, and now it's time to patch up the drywall. The drywall folks are coming today which was a great excuse to get Christmas down!
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AmyG
Ruby
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Post by AmyG on Dec 29, 2023 12:16:12 GMT -6
AmyG congratulations on the grand baby news. I understand having mixed feelings when so much of the childcare responsibility falls on you and your H already. I hope they’ve thought about alternate plans for two kids and that you’re able to better enjoy the joyful parts of being grandparents. I know that every family is different and has to do what works for them but don’t forget that you’re part of that equation too. I told them I was sad with 1st kid announcement because babies are hard and might mess up things like sons school. he did end up repeating block 4 of nursing school because he couldn't do his online school work and care for baby. That's when dh and I started watching the little one 4 days a week for 4-5 hours. So I told them again I was a bit sad with 2nd kid announcement. he's taking back to back classes for next couple years for his np. But more importantly she had an iud while working with docs to figure out why her blood sugar drops super low for unknown reason. And now this unexpected super surprise. There is almost a year to work thru the logistics so ive not said hell no to anything yet. Likely grandson will start preschool at the school closest to us which would mean we'd care for him for an hour or so. Babies are different. Child care for them is expensive as you all know. But Dh is looking forward to taking care of a baby again although he doesn't like doing diapers but nobody does. He's trying to figure out best layout for 2 carseats already. She's got a job with good benefits incliding paying for her to work toward a degree so she wants to continue to work but very many women stop working due to costs of daycare for 2 kids. I'm in pain yup all the time. I can physically do everything I want to do. I have no restrictions on activities. The pain increases thru the day even if I'm sitting so I might as well move around and do what I want within reason. caring for grandson doesn't make pain or my condition better or worse. Doing too much usually means the movements of cooking. Son does some cooking and buys groceries to pay us that way. Let's have this discussion again when there's an actual baby.
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Post by YakkityYak on Dec 29, 2023 12:44:12 GMT -6
AmyG congratulations on the grand baby news. I understand having mixed feelings when so much of the childcare responsibility falls on you and your H already. I hope they’ve thought about alternate plans for two kids and that you’re able to better enjoy the joyful parts of being grandparents. I know that every family is different and has to do what works for them but don’t forget that you’re part of that equation too. I told them I was sad with 1st kid announcement because babies are hard and might mess up things like sons school. he did end up repeating block 4 of nursing school because he couldn't do his online school work and care for baby. That's when dh and I started watching the little one 4 days a week for 4-5 hours. So I told them again I was a bit sad with 2nd kid announcement. he's taking back to back classes for next couple years for his np. But more importantly she had an iud while working with docs to figure out why her blood sugar drops super low for unknown reason. And now this unexpected super surprise. There is almost a year to work thru the logistics so ive not said hell no to anything yet. Likely grandson will start preschool at the school closest to us which would mean we'd care for him for an hour or so. Babies are different. Child care for them is expensive as you all know. But Dh is looking forward to taking care of a baby again although he doesn't like doing diapers but nobody does. He's trying to figure out best layout for 2 carseats already. She's got a job with good benefits incliding paying for her to work toward a degree so she wants to continue to work but very many women stop working due to costs of daycare for 2 kids. I'm in pain yup all the time. I can physically do everything I want to do. I have no restrictions on activities. The pain increases thru the day even if I'm sitting so I might as well move around and do what I want within reason. caring for grandson doesn't make pain or my condition better or worse. Doing too much usually means the movements of cooking. Son does some cooking and buys groceries to pay us that way. Let's have this discussion again when there's an actual baby. It sounds like it was unexpected and a little nerve wracking but that for your family a new baby is still a blessing. I think it's wonderful how much you enjoy watching and spending time with your grandchildren. Good grandparents are hard to come by and you sound awesome. Good luck to you and the fam.
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Post by angelashly on Dec 29, 2023 13:31:39 GMT -6
AmyG congratulations on the grand baby news. I understand having mixed feelings when so much of the childcare responsibility falls on you and your H already. I hope they’ve thought about alternate plans for two kids and that you’re able to better enjoy the joyful parts of being grandparents. I know that every family is different and has to do what works for them but don’t forget that you’re part of that equation too. I told them I was sad with 1st kid announcement because babies are hard and might mess up things like sons school. he did end up repeating block 4 of nursing school because he couldn't do his online school work and care for baby. That's when dh and I started watching the little one 4 days a week for 4-5 hours. So I told them again I was a bit sad with 2nd kid announcement. he's taking back to back classes for next couple years for his np. But more importantly she had an iud while working with docs to figure out why her blood sugar drops super low for unknown reason. And now this unexpected super surprise. There is almost a year to work thru the logistics so ive not said hell no to anything yet. Likely grandson will start preschool at the school closest to us which would mean we'd care for him for an hour or so. Babies are different. Child care for them is expensive as you all know. But Dh is looking forward to taking care of a baby again although he doesn't like doing diapers but nobody does. He's trying to figure out best layout for 2 carseats already. She's got a job with good benefits incliding paying for her to work toward a degree so she wants to continue to work but very many women stop working due to costs of daycare for 2 kids. I'm in pain yup all the time. I can physically do everything I want to do. I have no restrictions on activities. The pain increases thru the day even if I'm sitting so I might as well move around and do what I want within reason. caring for grandson doesn't make pain or my condition better or worse. Doing too much usually means the movements of cooking. Son does some cooking and buys groceries to pay us that way. Let's have this discussion again when there's an actual baby. Trust I know it’s expensive. To have 2 I would have had to stop working because we paid over 200 a week in care. It was even a struggle when we paid my mil. But if I stopped working it would have been a struggle too as we need two incomes. Clearly you don’t mind watching them so I’m glad. I do think that since they get free care for a newborn and a toddler now they can help you in other ways such as maybe Christmas time they could handle things 🤷♀️
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Post by angelashly on Dec 29, 2023 13:34:10 GMT -6
And people were amazed we paid MIL (including FIL who didn’t want her to take it) who was instant that dd not be in daycare because grandparent but she wasn’t working and they could use the help. We also provided food, toys etc and cooked dinner or brought pizza to them once a week.
I just think that if she has a good job and such they can help out knowing neither you nor your husband can work
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Post by angelashly on Dec 29, 2023 13:46:25 GMT -6
And AmyG I’m not trying to pile on or flame or anything I think it’s amazing you want to help. I hope when dd has kids I can help anyway I can. I love that you are so proud and want your son to finish school and you love being with your grandkid. My grandparents were the best and I know had my dad been here he would have been too. My mom and mil meh they are what they are. I just want you to also see that sometimes helping them means making them make tough decisions and you have to look out for yourself too
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Post by sweptaway on Dec 29, 2023 14:04:46 GMT -6
DS and I took a nice hike with a friend and had lunch out. Now we're showered and being couch potatoes. The best kind of day!
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Post by goldenbird on Dec 29, 2023 14:07:27 GMT -6
I'm drinking prosecco and about to order CFA. Nice day.
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Post by goldenbird on Dec 29, 2023 14:09:40 GMT -6
I started watching Barry on Max and it's so good. Why haven't I watched this before?
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Post by YakkityYak on Dec 29, 2023 14:20:12 GMT -6
And AmyG I’m not trying to pile on or flame or anything I think it’s amazing you want to help. I hope when dd has kids I can help anyway I can. I love that you are so proud and want your son to finish school and you love being with your grandkid. My grandparents were the best and I know had my dad been here he would have been too. My mom and mil meh they are what they are. I just want you to also see that sometimes helping them means making them make tough decisions and you have to look out for yourself too That's a huge gesture to pay! I say that in a good way. I agree the parents offering to help in one way or another is a good mutual exchange. My parents have been phenomenally helpful and I can't afford to pay the rate of a caregiver but any non monetary assistance we can do we give to show our gratitude. Gratitude can go a long way. A lot of people still like to live by it takes a village and I respect that; especially since not a lot of people have villages anymore. /just talking
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Post by angelashly on Dec 29, 2023 14:30:18 GMT -6
And AmyG I’m not trying to pile on or flame or anything I think it’s amazing you want to help. I hope when dd has kids I can help anyway I can. I love that you are so proud and want your son to finish school and you love being with your grandkid. My grandparents were the best and I know had my dad been here he would have been too. My mom and mil meh they are what they are. I just want you to also see that sometimes helping them means making them make tough decisions and you have to look out for yourself too That's a huge gesture to pay! I say that in a good way. I agree the parents offering to help in one way or another is a good mutual exchange. My parents have been phenomenally helpful and I can't afford to pay the rate of a caregiver but any non monetary assistance we can do we give to show our gratitude. Gratitude can go a long way. A lot of people still like to live by it takes a village and I respect that; especially since not a lot of people have villages anymore. /just talking Yes we don’t have a village and yet my sister does so even in the same family it can differ My sister’s first kid I watched almost every weekend because her husband worked nights on Friday and she worked Saturday early. Once she had a second I think she thought it would continue because everyone else (she didn’t use daycare) just rolled with it. I did not. I have 2 days off a week and Saturday is usually my errand day and I wasn’t doing it with 2 extra kids plus mine 🤷♀️ she is now pregnant with #4 and my aunt still watches them all every Saturday even with my BIL on days now and off Saturday
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Post by YakkityYak on Dec 29, 2023 15:07:47 GMT -6
That's a huge gesture to pay! I say that in a good way. I agree the parents offering to help in one way or another is a good mutual exchange. My parents have been phenomenally helpful and I can't afford to pay the rate of a caregiver but any non monetary assistance we can do we give to show our gratitude. Gratitude can go a long way. A lot of people still like to live by it takes a village and I respect that; especially since not a lot of people have villages anymore. /just talking Yes we don’t have a village and yet my sister does so even in the same family it can differ My sister’s first kid I watched almost every weekend because her husband worked nights on Friday and she worked Saturday early. Once she had a second I think she thought it would continue because everyone else (she didn’t use daycare) just rolled with it. I did not. I have 2 days off a week and Saturday is usually my errand day and I wasn’t doing it with 2 extra kids plus mine 🤷♀️ she is now pregnant with #4 and my aunt still watches them all every Saturday even with my BIL on days now and off Saturday Wow that's a big expectation. My parents have said they don't want to watch another and would like to enjoy retirement once my only grows older so that has been a factor into how many children we have. Because I respect wanting to not be childcare in retirement and I can't afford daycare. But they've also said they've treasured the time with my kiddo and wouldn't change it. It's a balancing act. It's hard. Relationship dynamics change too when someone is watching your kid. (In Amy's case it sounds like it was an IUD baby so they gotta roll with it)
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AmyG
Ruby
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Post by AmyG on Dec 29, 2023 15:12:13 GMT -6
angelashly, THANKS We are doing our best and like I said we have a year to figure out what we are able to do and what we can't do. Her job has good benefits-health insurance is better/cheaper than son's health insurance even though he works for a hospital. But the pay is very eh, and she has to commute quite a ways and it's wearing out her old car. So that's also something they have to figure out very soon. I do not remember my grandparents doing things for me or my siblings, even when we lived really close. I remember staying with my mom's mom for a few weeks in high school, so I have the fondest memories of her. My kids never had a grandparent or aunt or uncle that really did anything for them rarely sending a gift for xmas or birthdays. So I kinda wanna be more involved that that. I also have several procedures on deck for next year that hopefully will take away my pain but I'm afraid to really think about it cause it will hinge on cost and such sucky things.
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Post by angelashly on Dec 29, 2023 15:34:17 GMT -6
angelashly, THANKS We are doing our best and like I said we have a year to figure out what we are able to do and what we can't do. Her job has good benefits-health insurance is better/cheaper than son's health insurance even though he works for a hospital. But the pay is very eh, and she has to commute quite a ways and it's wearing out her old car. So that's also something they have to figure out very soon. I do not remember my grandparents doing things for me or my siblings, even when we lived really close. I remember staying with my mom's mom for a few weeks in high school, so I have the fondest memories of her. My kids never had a grandparent or aunt or uncle that really did anything for them rarely sending a gift for xmas or birthdays. So I kinda wanna be more involved that that. I also have several procedures on deck for next year that hopefully will take away my pain but I'm afraid to really think about it cause it will hinge on cost and such sucky things. But this is why they shouldn’t rely on you to be childcare you know unless they are paying you so you wouldn’t have to think about cost. I know that if you have those procedures and are out of commission your h will still be around but it will end up falling on you too and you have to fully recover. She should be looking at places closer that have benefits too. Not sure what she does and clearly I know the job market is hard right now despite what people like to say to me so it may not be easy but I’ve always found it’s easier to get a job when you have one. Anyway like you said you have time I just hope that you really think and put your foot down. You can have a better relationship with your grandkids without being childcare. In fact it was better for us when we switched out of mil watching her because we could do the weekend visits and Sunday dinners and such and they got to be grandparents
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thatgolfb
Unicorn
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Post by thatgolfb on Dec 29, 2023 16:03:28 GMT -6
And don’t give us the “they are young and don’t have good jobs and it was an accident”. They know how babies are made. I should mention that grandparents being forced to watch their grandkids is my hill. Same. (Also older siblings being forced to watch their younger siblings.)
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klw
Opal
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Post by klw on Dec 29, 2023 16:12:58 GMT -6
We ended the day with 14 kitchen trash bags and 3 boxes ready to donate. I’m grabbing a shower and then a glass of wine. H is offering takeout for dinner so now I need to figure out what I want.
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Post by sweptaway on Dec 29, 2023 16:13:50 GMT -6
I misplaced something of my H's and it's driving me (and him) crazy. I've looked everywhere I can think of. I hate misplacing things and I just know it's going to turn up in a dumb place months from now.
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