piratecat
Diamond
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Post by piratecat on Jun 2, 2023 8:51:09 GMT -6
Hell, I wish someone had told me about boundaries and encouraged them when I was a young adult. Would have saved me a lot of money in therapy. My husband tried and I didn’t listen for a long time. Maybe it would have meant more coming from an “adult” that showed me what a normal parent-child relationship looked like. |
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piratecat
Diamond
Posts: 36,260 Likes: 144,701
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Post by piratecat on Jun 2, 2023 8:51:20 GMT -6
I’ve dealt with more than my fair share of toxic family issues in my day and I would have loved to have another parental figure to support me through it. I’ve certainly not had the courage to make the best choices for years and dragged other people down with me (namely my husband) — it’s fucking hard as a young adult and even now when you grew up not knowing what healthy relationships and boundaries are and knowing all too well the repercussions of standing up for yourself. Anyway, I sympathize with the young couple and the difficult position AmyG is in. I know it doesn’t seem like it but I do sympathize with Amy. She also can support and set a boundary up. Her son and his future wife can come to her for help but have to understand that they are bringing this on themselves and so she can only help so much. The kids are yes kids but old enough to take some responsibility for their own actions. And so I’m not accused of talking about her I’ll tag her AmyG has always posted about her kids and husband and how well she treats them and how she is an afterthought and it hits hard and I want her to stand up and say no more because she should be able to do that I know you do and I know you've had your own experiences. |
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Post by angelashly on Jun 2, 2023 9:00:20 GMT -6
Hell, I wish someone had told me about boundaries and encouraged them when I was a young adult. Would have saved me a lot of money in therapy. Same my friend same |
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Post by angelashly on Jun 2, 2023 9:02:57 GMT -6
I’ve dealt with more than my fair share of toxic family issues in my day and I would have loved to have another parental figure to support me through it. I’ve certainly not had the courage to make the best choices for years and dragged other people down with me (namely my husband) — it’s fucking hard as a young adult and even now when you grew up not knowing what healthy relationships and boundaries are and knowing all too well the repercussions of standing up for yourself. Anyway, I sympathize with the young couple and the difficult position AmyG is in. I also sympathize with them, as someone who has spent a long time unlearning fuckery. We can sympathize and encourage changes when we're being told how painful and stressful it's becoming. No one is saying fuck the kids. having to get on medication because of the stress is to much and triggering me more than it should so I’ll bow out |
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Post by Sweetjane on Jun 2, 2023 9:06:54 GMT -6
People come here to vent about stuff all the time. You know how it works, if you're tired of it scroll on by. I don't necessarily disagree but you could also just scroll by the replies so 🤷 Well honestly, the rudeness towards Amy pissed me off so I chose to say something! |
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🍍 🍊 Fineapple 🍍 🍊
Emerald
I never gossip, I observe...And then relay my observations to practically everyone.
Posts: 13,975 Likes: 125,967
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Post by 🍍 🍊 Fineapple 🍍 🍊 on Jun 2, 2023 9:08:15 GMT -6
I know who the new bossbabe is 😂 👿 👿
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Post by angelashly on Jun 2, 2023 9:34:59 GMT -6
I don't necessarily disagree but you could also just scroll by the replies so 🤷 Well honestly, the rudeness towards Amy pissed me off so I chose to say something! This has been a year of posting the same thing. No one is being rude to her |
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Post by angelashly on Jun 2, 2023 10:29:23 GMT -6
AmyG having to get on medication because of the stress is to much and triggering me more than it should so I’ll bow out I'm on medication a lot of medicstions due to chronic pain which causes no sleep which causes a lot of anxiety. Wedding anxiety is add on but not actually bothering me that much. Even though it might look like it. You said it was due to wedding stuff but ok It’s still a lot of pressure your family puts on you knowing what you personally going on with you You don’t care so I’m going to stop caring |
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Post by angelashly on Jun 2, 2023 10:29:59 GMT -6
This has been a year of posting the same thing. No one is being rude to her Feels pretty rude to me. Well you think anytime someone opposes you and says it is rude and it’s not |
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Post by miawallace on Jun 2, 2023 10:56:42 GMT -6
You’re in an impossible situation amy. The adults and kids (yes kids) are all tangled up in this mess with no give in sight. It is what it is at this point.
If you continue to give this more oxygen than it needs it will hurt you in the end.
I hope you do enjoy yourself on that day. The stuff you picked out will look lovely on you.
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Post by kittyriot on Jun 2, 2023 10:58:06 GMT -6
Hell, I wish someone had told me about boundaries and encouraged them when I was a young adult. Would have saved me a lot of money in therapy. I tell them, especially her you need to stop telling me and her mom things. You do not have to tell anyone how much money you make, what your hours or why you decided to do something. or that you have new clothes because it was half price at goodwill. You don't have to say it's on sale with a coupon. It's all your family business. some things stay just between the 2 of you. You don't need my permission or your mom's permission to live your life. She was homeschooling by her mom. Except that meant she was stuck in college classes only but not good things like math and science and English. Only minimal of those mostly welding and jewelry making and pottery. She got phlebotomy trained because her mom wanted her to be a nurse and she had fear of blood. That has gotten her a good job, one good thing. She was never allowed to go anywhere without mom. Never got to make any decisions. So I'm watching and giving small amounts of guidance as shes trying to become an adult with no prior practice. She had to jump in the deep in with a baby. I see her every day. She has few friends her age here, apartment neighbor and some of her coworkers. So she talks to me every day when i get grandson. I tell her boundaries but that's a work in progress. She has no self esteem. Her mom tells her she's ugly and fat and nobody loves her. So I'm trying to treat her like an adult but being a little extra kind and understanding. She needs therapy but that's a whole other ball of wax. You are a good Mom Amy, you are being a kind and gracious, soon to be MIL. Boundaries matter, but I get the impression that you are actually boundaried with them. You're just trying to offer soon to be DIL some generosity and kindness as she navigates a shitty relationship. You can vent. |
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Post by angelashly on Jun 2, 2023 11:01:21 GMT -6
They are adults they are trying to disentangle themselves from her moms manipulation of I'm the best mom so I'm paying for the wedding of your dreams. I've offered to pay on the 0% card but they are trying to figure out with the venue how to take out all of her moms add ons so they owe next to nothing. Venue is balking a bit cause it's 20 days til wedding and some stuff is already ordered or whatever.Nixing the open bar, extra entree, fancier chairs, chair sashes, table runners, charging plates blah blah. They really want to uninvited some of her moms invites like the random lady who runs the pawn shop but how do you really do that. You can’t take things out 20 days ahead it’s in the contract |
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gimmeaQ
Opal
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Post by gimmeaQ on Jun 2, 2023 11:17:30 GMT -6
The flowers are gorgeous!! Also I would totally be involved in the drama if I was in your situation Amy. I get it. I just shake my head. Try not to say I told you so. Same bouquet on etsy is between $200 and $400 each x 4 plus toss bouquet. Still have to make brides bouquet Didn't know I had to learn how to be a fake flower florists. She broke her wrist so she's not a lot of help the bride broke her wrist?! ugh, that super sucks. |
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pobre
Ruby
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Post by pobre on Jun 2, 2023 11:44:14 GMT -6
It hasn’t been a year?!!!  |
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Post by angelashly on Jun 2, 2023 11:47:07 GMT -6
It hasn’t been a year?!!! I stand corrected |
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Post by YakkityYak on Jun 2, 2023 11:47:47 GMT -6
Some people just want to complain without fixing the problem. Some people are okay with engaging in that and some people it enrages. Amy seems like a vent but no fix so if that enrages some of you, ignore her posts.
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Post by angelashly on Jun 2, 2023 12:59:12 GMT -6
You said it was due to wedding stuff but ok It’s still a lot of pressure your family puts on you knowing what you personally going on with you You don’t care so I’m going to stop caring Elsewhere I've mentioned it's for sleep. Middle of the night wake uos over pain and anxiety over pain wakes me up so I need fast acting anxiety med to get back to sleep and it's one that helps with pain too. It was joke with doc about meds cause he knows there is a wedding with a mob zilla out there. I say this with love and no rudeness meant it’s all related and comes back up the kids too. I really really hope you get some real relief and rest for your pain because you deserve that |
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McBenny
Unicorn
#sickomode
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Post by McBenny on Jun 2, 2023 13:32:27 GMT -6
AmyG at this point I would stand behind a GFM to cover what she was going to cover so they can tell her to fuck off. If it comes to it I will put it on my credit card with 0% interest and they can make the payments over time. I just need it on record that I have advised - absolutely NOT. I know you are going to do what you want. Just so this doesn't live in my mind, I have to get it out. |
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McBenny
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Post by McBenny on Jun 2, 2023 13:33:15 GMT -6
I would let the grandma keep the little boy so don't go by me.
I feel she would not last that long.
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McBenny
Unicorn
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Post by McBenny on Jun 2, 2023 13:34:38 GMT -6
If it comes to it I will put it on my credit card with 0% interest and they can make the payments over time. I would be canceling and doing a JOP at home before I did this. Let her mom lose all her deposits. Exactly. I am shooketh that let them know this is an option was seen as a reasonable response? LIKE WTF PEOPLE? !!!!!!!!!!! |
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McBenny
Unicorn
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Post by McBenny on Jun 2, 2023 13:37:07 GMT -6
Again - I am saying this one and then releasing it AmyG and her H from what I gathered over the years of posting together are retired and on a fixed income. Do you know what that means? FUCK NO WE DO NOT TAKE ON OTHER PEOPLE'S DEBT. Like that's not even a finance thing. That's common sense 101 and me, myself as a child, I would NEVER ask my parents to put themselves in that position. * * is for super special limited circumstances |
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Post by angelashly on Jun 2, 2023 13:38:47 GMT -6
Again - I am saying this one and then releasing it AmyG and her H from what I gathered over the years of posting together are retired and on a fixed income. Do you know what that means? FUCK NO WE DO NOT TAKE ON OTHER PEOPLE'S DEBT. Like that's not even a finance thing. That's common sense 101 and me, myself as a child, I would NEVER ask my parents to put themselves in that position. * * is for super special limited circumstances No I’m with you |
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Eagles
Opal
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Post by Eagles on Jun 2, 2023 13:47:46 GMT -6
I would be canceling and doing a JOP at home before I did this. Let her mom lose all her deposits. Exactly. I am shooketh that let them know this is an option was seen as a reasonable response? LIKE WTF PEOPLE? !!!!!!!!!!! I will not take on that kind of unnecessary debt with my name attached to it. I've been poor with bad credit, the kind where you're eating wish sandwiches and hiding your car so they can't repossess it. I won't go back there if I can ever help it. |
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McBenny
Unicorn
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Post by McBenny on Jun 2, 2023 13:47:56 GMT -6
It is frustrating that no one in this scenario has changed their behavior. Honestly, you are truly a much more patient person than I am because I am outwardly annoyed by all of this and I am literally thousands of miles away. In real life, I would have fully removed myself from this situation and unwound myself from their lives a long time ago. I do not believe you would have fully removed yourself and unwound yourself completely from your child and grandchilds life. I really doubt it. You would set different rules or handled things differently than I would because we are different people who parent differently. But few of the people I know here would turn their back on their child when they are struggling in becoming an unexpected parent, struggling in finishing their college education or finding their way in life in the last few years pandemic shit. I want to see your side but I do not think this wedding and all the bullshit has to do with parenting styles. I do not. One minute you are saying they are adults and now it's parenting styles. Sure, you cannot control what othe people do. That part is true. However, you have allowed yourself to be sucked into all this bullshit on more levels than emotionally and mentally (I fear). No one is saying turned their back on their child, but you. You don't even see how you have allowed this woman to control the outcome and affect things in your own life. They would not be struggling if they had the wedding they could afford and that's just the plain bare bones of it all. Truth be told and let's cut the bullshit out, we are talking about a wedding. Something that is not needed to have a long and successful marriage. Something that is not needed to get married. These are not the first young adults to struggle to finish college and they won't be the last. I hope they have looked at the long game. Plan your marriage, not the wedding. Plan your future, not just graduation. |
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Post by donnamartingraduates on Jun 2, 2023 13:48:31 GMT -6
Again - I am saying this one and then releasing it AmyG and her H from what I gathered over the years of posting together are retired and on a fixed income. Do you know what that means? FUCK NO WE DO NOT TAKE ON OTHER PEOPLE'S DEBT. Like that's not even a finance thing. That's common sense 101 and me, myself as a child, I would NEVER ask my parents to put themselves in that position. * * is for super special limited circumstances This isn't rude, it's good, common sense advice. All the hubbub over a wedding that nobody but the couple (and maybe their very immediate families) ever really care about. |
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McBenny
Unicorn
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Post by McBenny on Jun 2, 2023 13:52:49 GMT -6
I don't think anyone feels you should have let them become homeless or anything. But you can tell them to stop giving you updates about this stuff, or sharing the latest fuckery from her. If someone you love is at your house working on flowers for their wedding, gets a phone call and starts crying well I guess you just walk them to the door and tell then I don't want to hear about it eh? Yeah I get it, you'd tell them to keep it to themselves. You made a deal with the devil so that's it no help or understanding from me. You don't have to say I told you so. You don't have to put anyone out. You don't have to stand beside them and get shit thrown on you too. If I see you going through bullshit dealing with a bitch does it make me wise to jump into that bullshit with you? Maybe to you it does. I am in the chapter of life where I protect my peace at all costs. I am very particular of who and or what gets my time. I am even more so particular over who or what gets my emotions. I am not giving some woman the power over setting my house in turmoil. I am going to do exactly what PP said, I will leave you to deal with that hoe cause I am not the one or the two. I can't do it. I will go to jail. So yeah, don't go full melodramatic omg I should have abandoned them cause no one said that OR I haven't read that post yet. |
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McBenny
Unicorn
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Post by McBenny on Jun 2, 2023 13:56:01 GMT -6
We’ve attempted this conversation for more than a year. Not sure who we are in the we've up there. I don't disagree with you. I've had this conversation myself with the couple but I can't cut the strings for them. It's not my wedding to move to the backyard. I just come here to complain and try not to repeat I told you so. I really feel sorry for her. She doesn't want to believe her family is lying trash. She's gotta learn that the hard way for herself. I mean it's smacking her in the face now so how many times does she need to see it? |
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McBenny
Unicorn
#sickomode
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Post by McBenny on Jun 2, 2023 13:58:45 GMT -6
Also I need to point out whenever anyone says something about the wedding that the kids should unplug or step away from the mom, it is met with the same response. It doesn't matter if it was said rude or not. It's a hot button topic tied up in emotions. Sorry angelashly I just got to your post saying the same thing, LOL. |
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Post by angelashly on Jun 2, 2023 14:00:56 GMT -6
I do not believe you would have fully removed yourself and unwound yourself completely from your child and grandchilds life. I really doubt it. You would set different rules or handled things differently than I would because we are different people who parent differently. But few of the people I know here would turn their back on their child when they are struggling in becoming an unexpected parent, struggling in finishing their college education or finding their way in life in the last few years pandemic shit. I want to see your side but I do not think this wedding and all the bullshit has to do with parenting styles. I do not. One minute you are saying they are adults and now it's parenting styles. Sure, you cannot control what othe people do. That part is true. However, you have allowed yourself to be sucked into all this bullshit on more levels than emotionally and mentally (I fear). No one is saying turned their back on their child, but you. You don't even see how you have allowed this woman to control the outcome and affect things in your own life. They would not be struggling if they had the wedding they could afford and that's just the plain bare bones of it all. Truth be told and let's cut the bullshit out, we are talking about a wedding. Something that is not needed to have a long and successful marriage. Something that is not needed to get married. These are not the first young adults to struggle to finish college and they won't be the last. I hope they have looked at the long game. Plan your marriage, not the wedding. Plan your future, not just graduation. They already get daycare out of Amy despite her knee issues and I’ve never forgotten that. I would have done anything to save the child care bill. We actually had to stop using MIL because she refused to follow the boundaries we set up and wanted more money than we were already paying her on top of other help we gave her despite my h just getting back to work, me having an unpaid maternity leave plus not making a lot of money, and having an infant Boundaries are not bad. Boundaries don’t mean no help or live ever it means just that a boundary |
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McBenny
Unicorn
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Post by McBenny on Jun 2, 2023 14:03:37 GMT -6
Hell, I wish someone had told me about boundaries and encouraged them when I was a young adult. Would have saved me a lot of money in therapy. I tell them, especially her you need to stop telling me and her mom things. You do not have to tell anyone how much money you make, what your hours or why you decided to do something. or that you have new clothes because it was half price at goodwill. You don't have to say it's on sale with a coupon. It's all your family business. some things stay just between the 2 of you. You don't need my permission or your mom's permission to live your life. She was homeschooling by her mom. Except that meant she was stuck in college classes only but not good things like math and science and English. Only minimal of those mostly welding and jewelry making and pottery. She got phlebotomy trained because her mom wanted her to be a nurse and she had fear of blood. That has gotten her a good job, one good thing. She was never allowed to go anywhere without mom. Never got to make any decisions. So I'm watching and giving small amounts of guidance as shes trying to become an adult with no prior practice. She had to jump in the deep in with a baby. I see her every day. She has few friends her age here, apartment neighbor and some of her coworkers. So she talks to me every day when i get grandson. I tell her boundaries but that's a work in progress. She has no self esteem. Her mom tells her she's ugly and fat and nobody loves her. So I'm trying to treat her like an adult but being a little extra kind and understanding. She needs therapy but that's a whole other ball of wax. It is not on you to raise her to adulthood. It's on her. She has to do the work. She didn't have to jump deep with a baby - that was a choice she chose to do. She has to work on her own self. Nothing you do and nothing you say will change anything. She has to do it herself. Otherwise, she is going from one mother to another mother and learns nothing. None of this is in your circle of influence or control. |
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