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Post by angelashly on Jun 1, 2023 14:46:31 GMT -6
Like babysit if he stay with her for a while week? no like stay with her 24/7 for the 3 weeks around the wedding and 24/7 at that grandmas house for 2 weeks every month. Grandma lives 2.5 hours away in the forest. and this is the person who did not evacuate with the forest fire last summer and their house burned down and they had to be rescued by the hot shots Oh yeah that’s a no
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Post by angelashly on Jun 1, 2023 14:47:04 GMT -6
AmyG at this point I would stand behind a GFM to cover what she was going to cover so they can tell her to fuck off. If it comes to it I will put it on my credit card with 0% interest and they can make the payments over time. Why don’t you offer that so they know it’s an option
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Eagles
Opal
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Post by Eagles on Jun 1, 2023 16:20:13 GMT -6
AmyG at this point I would stand behind a GFM to cover what she was going to cover so they can tell her to fuck off. If it comes to it I will put it on my credit card with 0% interest and they can make the payments over time. I would be canceling and doing a JOP at home before I did this. Let her mom lose all her deposits.
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Eagles
Opal
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Post by Eagles on Jun 1, 2023 16:21:44 GMT -6
The money comes with strings. Cut the strings and have a backyard BBQ with 20 people.
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Post by icedcoffee on Jun 1, 2023 16:46:00 GMT -6
I dont think the mother will do anything besides threaten before the wedding. She seems the type that is about appearances so a last minute cancelation wouldn't look good.
But I worry for them after the wedding. I feel like she's going to hold "I paid for your wedding" over their heads for a long time. Like they may not even be able to cut ties easily. I know it's too late now but I wish they never would have agreed to it
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Post by Sweetjane on Jun 1, 2023 17:22:54 GMT -6
Amy those look really nice, you did a great job!
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Post by cabbagecabbage on Jun 1, 2023 17:32:28 GMT -6
I heard new ex-coworker gossip. A few years back, Jamie was a really nice kindergarten teacher married to a jerk. They were a miserable couple and she wanted kids and he didn’t. Nobody liked him. They divorced after a couple years. Then she met a nice guy and everyone loved him. They wanted the same things and he adored her. They got married and they seemed like the perfect couple. After a couple years, Jamie goes silent and withdrawn and nobody hears from her. She’s moved jobs and their couple friends aren’t socializing with them.
Recently my coworker and one of Jamie’s OG friends gets a call from another state asking for a job reference for Jamie. She gives a great reference and then contacts her. Why is she getting a job hundreds of miles away? How’s life? Etc.
Turns out Jamie’s perfect marriage wasn’t so perfect either because she is pregnant by a groomsman from her original wedding to the jerk guy. Husband #2 wasn’t too thrilled and left her. She’s now twice divorced and moving states to live with the groomsman guy/baby daddy and have this child.
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gimmeaQ
Opal
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Post by gimmeaQ on Jun 1, 2023 17:52:34 GMT -6
The money comes with strings. Cut the strings and have a backyard BBQ with 20 people. We’ve attempted this conversation for more than a year.
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Post by goldenbird on Jun 1, 2023 17:57:08 GMT -6
I'm long wow at a grandma demanding her grandchild stay with her. What in the world. It's not her child.
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sterling
Global Moderator
GD
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Post by sterling on Jun 1, 2023 18:00:19 GMT -6
No wedding is worth this much drama. I’d cancel all that shit too. Flowers look great though, Amy.
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Eagles
Opal
Posts: 8,871 Likes: 46,305
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Post by Eagles on Jun 1, 2023 18:34:47 GMT -6
The money comes with strings. Cut the strings and have a backyard BBQ with 20 people. We’ve attempted this conversation for more than a year. I know. I can't help myself.
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sterling
Global Moderator
GD
Posts: 15,068 Likes: 130,504
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Post by sterling on Jun 1, 2023 18:41:19 GMT -6
We’ve attempted this conversation for more than a year. I know. I can't help myself. Bless your heart.
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Eagles
Opal
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Post by Eagles on Jun 1, 2023 19:44:55 GMT -6
I know. I can't help myself. This is very condescending and passes me right the fuck off and makes me feel unwelcome here. They are adults They made a poor decision to trust her parents esp her butthead mom. It's not me but you treat me like your words were supposed to change their minds As to the more than a year this wedding was not in the planning for a year so... what are you complaining about exactly? Never mind All of your posts about this wedding have been along these lines. They are adults. They knew what her mom is like. They bought into the magical wedding day she dangled in front of them and this is the result.
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gimmeaQ
Opal
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Post by gimmeaQ on Jun 1, 2023 20:10:41 GMT -6
We’ve attempted this conversation for more than a year. Not sure who we are in the we've up there. I don't disagree with you. I've had this conversation myself with the couple but I can't cut the strings for them. It's not my wedding to move to the backyard. I just come here to complain and try not to repeat I told you so. I really feel sorry for her. She doesn't want to believe her family is lying trash. She's gotta learn that the hard way for herself. It is frustrating that no one in this scenario has changed their behavior. Honestly, you are truly a much more patient person than I am because I am outwardly annoyed by all of this and I am literally thousands of miles away. In real life, I would have fully removed myself from this situation and unwound myself from their lives a long time ago.
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Post by GhoatMonket on Jun 1, 2023 20:35:46 GMT -6
It is frustrating that no one in this scenario has changed their behavior. Honestly, you are truly a much more patient person than I am because I am outwardly annoyed by all of this and I am literally thousands of miles away. In real life, I would have fully removed myself from this situation and unwound myself from their lives a long time ago. I do not believe you would have fully removed yourself and unwound yourself completely from your child and grandchilds life. I really doubt it. You would set different rules or handled things differently than I would because we are different people who parent differently. But few of the people I know here would turn their back on their child when they are struggling in becoming an unexpected parent, struggling in finishing their college education or finding their way in life in the last few years pandemic shit. At some point, yea, you do have to step back and let them fall on their face and figure out how to clean it up. You keep throwing down crash pads so they never have to learn to watch for signs or suffer consequences. You have to let them fall.
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gimmeaQ
Opal
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Post by gimmeaQ on Jun 1, 2023 21:00:22 GMT -6
It is frustrating that no one in this scenario has changed their behavior. Honestly, you are truly a much more patient person than I am because I am outwardly annoyed by all of this and I am literally thousands of miles away. In real life, I would have fully removed myself from this situation and unwound myself from their lives a long time ago. I do not believe you would have fully removed yourself and unwound yourself completely from your child and grandchilds life. I really doubt it. You would set different rules or handled things differently than I would because we are different people who parent differently. But few of the people I know here would turn their back on their child when they are struggling in becoming an unexpected parent, struggling in finishing their college education or finding their way in life in the last few years pandemic shit. Completely cut off? Probably not. But removed myself from these situations and pulled way back? Yes. It is not my place to remove consequences from adults
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Pistol
Diamond
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Post by Pistol on Jun 1, 2023 21:08:44 GMT -6
I heard new ex-coworker gossip. A few years back, Jamie was a really nice kindergarten teacher married to a jerk. They were a miserable couple and she wanted kids and he didn’t. Nobody liked him. They divorced after a couple years. Then she met a nice guy and everyone loved him. They wanted the same things and he adored her. They got married and they seemed like the perfect couple. After a couple years, Jamie goes silent and withdrawn and nobody hears from her. She’s moved jobs and their couple friends aren’t socializing with them. Recently my coworker and one of Jamie’s OG friends gets a call from another state asking for a job reference for Jamie. She gives a great reference and then contacts her. Why is she getting a job hundreds of miles away? How’s life? Etc. Turns out Jamie’s perfect marriage wasn’t so perfect either because she is pregnant by a groomsman from her original wedding to the jerk guy. Husband #2 wasn’t too thrilled and left her. She’s now twice divorced and moving states to live with the groomsman guy/baby daddy and have this child. How long has she been knocking boots with the groomsman?? Is he a jerk like his friend/husband #1? I need all the infoq
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Post by cabbagecabbage on Jun 2, 2023 5:23:02 GMT -6
I heard new ex-coworker gossip. A few years back, Jamie was a really nice kindergarten teacher married to a jerk. They were a miserable couple and she wanted kids and he didn’t. Nobody liked him. They divorced after a couple years. Then she met a nice guy and everyone loved him. They wanted the same things and he adored her. They got married and they seemed like the perfect couple. After a couple years, Jamie goes silent and withdrawn and nobody hears from her. She’s moved jobs and their couple friends aren’t socializing with them. Recently my coworker and one of Jamie’s OG friends gets a call from another state asking for a job reference for Jamie. She gives a great reference and then contacts her. Why is she getting a job hundreds of miles away? How’s life? Etc. Turns out Jamie’s perfect marriage wasn’t so perfect either because she is pregnant by a groomsman from her original wedding to the jerk guy. Husband #2 wasn’t too thrilled and left her. She’s now twice divorced and moving states to live with the groomsman guy/baby daddy and have this child. How long has she been knocking boots with the groomsman?? Is he a jerk like his friend/husband #1? I need all the infoq We don’t know!?! I heard everything secondhand but I’m close with the job reference coworker and she and her own husband was were close to her the nice husband as well and did couple stuff. She poked around and Jamie is telling everybody that her husband ditched her and “lost interest” and being vague but all the evidence suggests she was cheating with the groomsman for at least some of their marriage. Nice husband has fallen off the face of the earth and like deleted instagram and lost touch with everyone.
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Eagles
Opal
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Post by Eagles on Jun 2, 2023 5:50:05 GMT -6
If I'm one of the loud voices, idk what to tell you. I work in weddings. I have dealt with MOBs of all types. I show up on the wedding day, execute the plan, put out the fires, and send everyone home happy.
My priority is the couple. I don't really care about the parents or the wedding party, their feelings aren't my concern. But when you let someone else pay for your big wedding, you are handing over the reins. It's why my boss only deals with the couple. If they've put themselves in a position for someone else to dictate, all we can do is mitigate.
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Post by Sweetjane on Jun 2, 2023 6:09:18 GMT -6
People come here to vent about stuff all the time. You know how it works, if you're tired of it scroll on by.
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Post by angelashly on Jun 2, 2023 6:15:08 GMT -6
AmyG, are your son and his fiance as stressed about this stuff as you are? They say yes but they can’t be if they know they have an option to pay it for themselves over time and they choose not to
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Post by Sweetjane on Jun 2, 2023 6:18:16 GMT -6
We’ve attempted this conversation for more than a year. Not sure who we are in the we've up there. I don't disagree with you. I've had this conversation myself with the couple but I can't cut the strings for them. It's not my wedding to move to the backyard. I just come here to complain and try not to repeat I told you so. I really feel sorry for her. She doesn't want to believe her family is lying trash. She's gotta learn that the hard way for herself. I have a family member (by marriage so we didn't grow up together) who had a difficult childhood. Her wedding had some similarities, she just kept trying to make it a fairytale. She so desperately wanted a Disney Princess life ti make up for what she didn't have. It's taken years of therapy to undo the manipulation and learn to set boundaries. This is not a simple process, it's very complex. All you can do is let them fall and support them when they need it. Hopefully MIL goes back to her cabin in the woods soon.
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Post by angelashly on Jun 2, 2023 6:18:59 GMT -6
It is frustrating that no one in this scenario has changed their behavior. Honestly, you are truly a much more patient person than I am because I am outwardly annoyed by all of this and I am literally thousands of miles away. In real life, I would have fully removed myself from this situation and unwound myself from their lives a long time ago. I do not believe you would have fully removed yourself and unwound yourself completely from your child and grandchilds life. I really doubt it. You would set different rules or handled things differently than I would because we are different people who parent differently. But few of the people I know here would turn their back on their child when they are struggling in becoming an unexpected parent, struggling in finishing their college education or finding their way in life in the last few years pandemic shit. You can remove yourself from the wedding stuff and tell them they agreed to all of this by agreeing to the money while also helping them in other areas. No one is saying cut your kid off
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pobre
Ruby
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Post by pobre on Jun 2, 2023 6:20:13 GMT -6
Wasn’t there a whole thread for this wedding? Why you gotta take over this one 😒
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Pizzaslut
Ruby
*it’s a joke. get some hobbies.
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Post by Pizzaslut on Jun 2, 2023 6:28:31 GMT -6
I have a family member (by marriage so we didn't grow up together) who had a difficult childhood. Her wedding had some similarities, she just kept trying to make it a fairytale. She so desperately wanted a Disney Princess life ti make up for what she didn't have. It's taken years of therapy to undo the manipulation and learn to set boundaries. This is not a simple process, it's very complex. This is so true. I'm 40 and still trying to "unlearn" thoughts and behaviors I thought were healthy growing up. Mother-daughter relationships can be so hard to navigate and setting healthy boundaries can take a really long time.
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Post by angelashly on Jun 2, 2023 7:06:59 GMT -6
I have a family member (by marriage so we didn't grow up together) who had a difficult childhood. Her wedding had some similarities, she just kept trying to make it a fairytale. She so desperately wanted a Disney Princess life ti make up for what she didn't have. It's taken years of therapy to undo the manipulation and learn to set boundaries. This is not a simple process, it's very complex. This is so true. I'm 40 and still trying to "unlearn" thoughts and behaviors I thought were healthy growing up. Mother-daughter relationships can be so hard to navigate and setting healthy boundaries can take a really long time. So true. I think my issue comes with the as soon as she is done paying she is out of our lives. But I also get it
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adelbert
Amethyst
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Post by adelbert on Jun 2, 2023 7:07:40 GMT -6
meanwhile I'm keeping my head down Trying to figure out how to deal with Sola Wood Flowers that are fake flowers her mom bought We had to dye them and put them on stems. bouquet corsages were a bitch to make The flowers are gorgeous!! Also I would totally be involved in the drama if I was in your situation Amy. I get it.
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piratecat
Diamond
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Post by piratecat on Jun 2, 2023 8:20:27 GMT -6
I’ve dealt with more than my fair share of toxic family issues in my day and I would have loved to have another parental figure to support me through it. I’ve certainly not had the courage to make the best choices for years and dragged other people down with me (namely my husband) — it’s fucking hard as a young adult and even now when you grew up not knowing what healthy relationships and boundaries are and knowing all too well the repercussions of standing up for yourself. Anyway, I sympathize with the young couple and the difficult position AmyG is in.
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Post by angelashly on Jun 2, 2023 8:22:23 GMT -6
:::sitting on hands::::
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Post by angelashly on Jun 2, 2023 8:28:41 GMT -6
I’ve dealt with more than my fair share of toxic family issues in my day and I would have loved to have another parental figure to support me through it. I’ve certainly not had the courage to make the best choices for years and dragged other people down with me (namely my husband) — it’s fucking hard as a young adult and even now when you grew up not knowing what healthy relationships and boundaries are and knowing all too well the repercussions of standing up for yourself. Anyway, I sympathize with the young couple and the difficult position AmyG is in. I know it doesn’t seem like it but I do sympathize with Amy. She also can support and set a boundary up. Her son and his future wife can come to her for help but have to understand that they are bringing this on themselves and so she can only help so much. The kids are yes kids but old enough to take some responsibility for their own actions. And so I’m not accused of talking about her I’ll tag her AmyG has always posted about her kids and husband and how well she treats them and how she is an afterthought and it hits hard and I want her to stand up and say no more because she should be able to do that
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