Relationship Check-In

[critter015]

How is everyone doing with their relationship with their SO? Is there anything specific that you are working on? Any big triumphs or failures you'd like to share?

GTKY: How do you spend quality time with your SO? Are there any activites that you do together regularly? Things you'd like to try doing? How do you juggle spending time with your SO and child care, do you get a sitter and go on date nights, or are your kids always with you too?

[Dramaphile]

We're mostly doing well. We have our moments, housekeeping is the biggest stress point, and finances. We try to make an effort to let things go and not hold grudges, and to give each other the benefit of the doubt. That works some of the time, but we do still sometimes argue about things. Parenting an increasingly more independent toddler can be a stressor, but also something to bond over.

We do a mix of the two. We take Nugget places with us frequently, whether it's to a game, or the zoo, or out to eat. In part because we want to expose her to things, and also because babysitters are expensive and we don't have family close by to drop her off with. We also try to go on a date night at least once or twice a month. The high school girl next door comes over and watches Nugget for the evening. It can get a little expensive, but it's worth it to have quality kid-free time. Our last date night was a concert, although my parents ended up coming with us, and before that we went to a show at an outdoor theater. As far as activities we do together, usually our relaxation time at home is watching tv after Nugget goes to bed. Occasionally when it's hot out, we go on a night swim in the pool, or an afternoon one when she is napping.

[charlotte]

We are doing well, I think. A lot better than last year.

We don't have a sitter or anything. But DS goes to bed pretty early so we just do our "dates" on the couch with a movie, playing cards, and a snack after we put him to bed.

[critter015]

Things are going pretty well. Together we've been making an effort to make quality time with just the two of us happen. Personally I've been trying to not set up unrealistic expectations of him that lead me to feel unnecessary disappointment. A recent failure of that specifically is that I have been charting with FAM for several months and asked DH if he was ready start using the rules of the method to avoid pregnancy rather than w/d every time. He basically said F no. I hate w/d and am trying to decide if I can continue with it or if I should try bcp again.

Lately we mostly spend quality time playing disc golf. (This is also how we spend family time.) We also go on date nights to dinner and a movie occasionally. I need to come up with more activities that are things I enjoy. Thankfully MIL loves to keep the kids and they really have a lot of fun with her, so we are able to send them to her house for the weekend pretty frequently. I struggle with leaving them with her and not getting as much family time as I'd like, but right now DH and I really need that time together without them.

[tj]

I think we're doing well. I just got over the hump of a bad depression swing. And he really manned up. He helped more around the house, he helped more with the girls, and he made a couple of weekend plans for me to get some much-needed alone/grown up time.

In return, when he got really sick last week, I picked back up my slack and his, and didn't complain once.

For family time, we like to go camping and hiking. For couple time, we prefer to get a sitter and go out. It just ends up being sooooo expensive... paying for dinner, paying for drinks, paying for whatever we do for fun, golf, concerts, etc. We do have more parent friends though, and do a lot of hanging at other people's houses, and the kids all go play in the playroom and the adults chill outside. So that works too.

[mc13]

There seems to be something magical that happens around 9-10 months postpartum that makes everything better and back to "normal". Having a new baby, let alone two, really stresses our marriage. The whole no sleep+high maintenance babies is rough and we didn't handle it well either time. But the same thing happened with R that about around 9 months (more sleep? Sex Drive returns? Find our groove? Idk but it works), we hit our stride and everything comes together. So, we're in a really good place right now. We're so happy with each other and the girls. We're pretty sure we're done having kids, so we're excited to move on to bigger and better trips and just enjoying our family of 5.

Our kids go to bed no later than 630pm so we usually drink wine, hangout on the couch and watch tv/movies. We'd love to start going out again once I can trust the girls to sleep through the night. We're so close to the city that we're dreaming of going out to dinner and Broadway shows. Hopefully in the next year or so, we'll be able to start doing that.

[brandiewine11]

We are ok. But definitely in the hardest part of the pregnancy/postpartum/new baby phase that is stressful. I'm feeling rather disconnected from him because we are sleeping apart during the work week. T is keeping him up so it's better for him not to be in the room with us. I'm
Also going to bed early so we don't get much evening time. Once T sleeps better that will all improve.

We usually spend at least a couple nights each week watching a movie or something and having a drink after kid bedtime. We make a point to go out as much as possible without kids when MIL visits (every other month). But we don't have a regular babysitter.

[mimsy]

Honestly, our relationship is extremely sex oriented right now.
He set up a daily sex act challenge (mostly because I had been uninterested- I blame hormones being erratic). It's been two weeks and we are starting to get in a groove. It started out as just getting me to appreciate him and now we are both more relaxed and less likely to bicker.

Most nights I sit on my laptop while watching him play video games. Lately, we are all in the kitchen together while he makes dinner. S sits on a stool at our island and gets "snacks" or stacks containers. It's full family time together.