flojo
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Post by flojo on Jan 27, 2023 13:09:26 GMT -6
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Post by icedcoffee on Jan 27, 2023 13:09:31 GMT -6
Well my birthday is midweek next week so let's see what I get since I've added to this conversation 🤣
Usually I plan and schedule babysitter if we go out so I told H that's all I really wanted this year instead of a gift or any big thing, it doesn't even have to be on my actual bday but I'd like for him to plan a night out for me and him with no effort on my part. If she's not available then that's obvi not his fault, but I admit I will be annoyed if he didn't ask her in advance like I told him to and waited til last minute
The kids are old enough they will probably make cards for me on their own and badger H about what my dinner will be. Coincidentally I love sushi and now they have recently realized they do too so I can see them pushing for that
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Post by sweptaway on Jan 27, 2023 13:09:32 GMT -6
So help me God if you get me something for my birthday and it includes frosting. This is a definite know your recipient kind of thing. And also if you like cake but I got you sushi which you also like- like, I'm sorry I spent $50 on you as opposed to running to the grocery store for 5 minutes and getting a $5 cake? You haven't bought a cake lately huh?
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Post by lifesaverz on Jan 27, 2023 13:09:54 GMT -6
maybe because i didn't meet or marry H until mid30's, or maybe it's just his personality, but i don't relate to a lot of the "mental load' stuff. I divorced that guy because it was fucking annoying (amongst other stuff). H does more than his share when it comes to house things, and he goes above for me and DD too. But one partner can be extremely helpful & go above & beyond, & the other partner may still carry more of the mental load. It's not an either or situation. For example my H is extremely helpful, he cooks almost all our meals, does dishes, meal plans, takes care of a lot of house projects, etc. And he will also do literally anything I ask him to. I still carry the majority of the mental load in regards to our kids, when it comes to their health, appointments, school, IEP meetings, what homework needs to be done, what clothes need to be bought, planning activities, play dates, all of that. It's somewhat my personality though, that I can't not be in charge of that. But again, my H will do anything I ask, & so if ever I let him know I need his help with these things, he is on it. It doesn't feel unfair to me in regards to division of tasks, but I get it that completion of physical tasks does not equal mental load.
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Post by icedcoffee on Jan 27, 2023 13:11:30 GMT -6
But why is it called a cookie puss? I'm so lost on that lol
I thought it was code for something else tbh 🤣
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byjove
Ruby
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Post by byjove on Jan 27, 2023 13:11:39 GMT -6
I have a friend by the same first name who has the same birthday as my DD2, near Christmas. She loves her H dearly (he's an overall great guy), but his birthday is 5 days prior and he just cannot get his act together when it comes to hers. My friend grew up absolutely hating her birthday being near Christmas and now her H sucks at it, so I've been determined to help turn her birthday around to help her see on fabulous December birthdays are! This year, she and her H had covid over their birthdays so it was extra sucky so I made her a duplicate of DD2's birthday cake and gave her some candles and paper plates and she absolutely burst into turns when I showed up. So I guess I'm making two birthday cakes from now on.
ETA maybe I will get my H to help coach her H through the process this year since they are also friends
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flojo
Sapphire
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Post by flojo on Jan 27, 2023 13:12:51 GMT -6
But why is it called a cookie puss? I'm so lost on that lol I thought it was code for something else tbh 🤣 Lol, I have no idea why it’s called that. But it’s part of the charm!
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Post by YakkityYak on Jan 27, 2023 13:16:43 GMT -6
maybe because i didn't meet or marry H until mid30's, or maybe it's just his personality, but i don't relate to a lot of the "mental load' stuff. I divorced that guy because it was fucking annoying (amongst other stuff). H does more than his share when it comes to house things, and he goes above for me and DD too. But mental load is different than physical load. I'm sure lots of peoples husbands here help out but there's something so fucking exhausting about being the delegator
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Post by GhoatMonket on Jan 27, 2023 13:17:21 GMT -6
So help me God if you get me something for my birthday and it includes frosting. This is a definite know your recipient kind of thing. And also if you like cake but I got you sushi which you also like- like, I'm sorry I spent $50 on you as opposed to running to the grocery store for 5 minutes and getting a $5 cake? You haven't bought a cake lately huh? The special order ones are like $10, usually the generic ones are less than that.
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Post by icedcoffee on Jan 27, 2023 13:18:02 GMT -6
I have an unrelated confession.
My middle kid had a dentist appt this morning so she was late for school. When I took her in with her excuse there was another parent in the office. I have seen him a few times but never talked to him/ don't know his name or his kid's name.
Well I left the building and was getting ready to pull out when he knocked on my window and motioned for me to roll it down. I did and he asked me if he could have a ride to somewhere relatively nearby. I lied and said I was late to an appointment and apologized and he was nice about it and just walked off. But I also feel a little guilty because it is cold. But I also didn't feel comfortable letting a man I don't know into my car when I'm alone? Maybe I'm too paranoid idk
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Post by shamycooler on Jan 27, 2023 13:20:27 GMT -6
maybe because i didn't meet or marry H until mid30's, or maybe it's just his personality, but i don't relate to a lot of the "mental load' stuff. I divorced that guy because it was fucking annoying (amongst other stuff). H does more than his share when it comes to house things, and he goes above for me and DD too. But one partner can be extremely helpful & go above & beyond, & the other partner may still carry more of the mental load. It's not an either or situation. For example my H is extremely helpful, he cooks almost all our meals, does dishes, meal plans, takes care of a lot of house projects, etc. And he will also do literally anything I ask him to. I still carry the majority of the mental load in regards to our kids, when it comes to their health, appointments, school, IEP meetings, what homework needs to be done, what clothes need to be bought, planning activities, play dates, all of that. It's somewhat my personality though, that I can't not be in charge of that. But again, my H will do anything I ask, & so if ever I let him know I need his help with these things, he is on it. It doesn't feel unfair to me in regards to division of tasks, but I get it that completion of physical tasks does not equal mental load. right. and i'm saying in my marriage neither of us carry the burden of a heavy mental load because we share and split most tasks in the house in a way that works for us.
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flojo
Sapphire
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Post by flojo on Jan 27, 2023 13:21:22 GMT -6
I have an unrelated confession. My middle kid had a dentist appt this morning so she was late for school. When I took her in with her excuse there was another parent in the office. I have seen him a few times but never talked to him/ don't know his name or his kid's name. Well I left the building and was getting ready to pull out when he knocked on my window and motioned for me to roll it down. I did and he asked me if he could have a ride to somewhere relatively nearby. I lied and said I was late to an appointment and apologized and he was nice about it and just walked off. But I also feel a little guilty because it is cold. But I also didn't feel comfortable letting a man I don't know into my car when I'm alone? Maybe I'm too paranoid idk I think you made the right decision. I wouldn’t have been comfortable either with a person that I don’t know, especially a man, in my car.
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Post by GhoatMonket on Jan 27, 2023 13:21:39 GMT -6
But one partner can be extremely helpful & go above & beyond, & the other partner may still carry more of the mental load. It's not an either or situation. For example my H is extremely helpful, he cooks almost all our meals, does dishes, meal plans, takes care of a lot of house projects, etc. And he will also do literally anything I ask him to. I still carry the majority of the mental load in regards to our kids, when it comes to their health, appointments, school, IEP meetings, what homework needs to be done, what clothes need to be bought, planning activities, play dates, all of that. It's somewhat my personality though, that I can't not be in charge of that. But again, my H will do anything I ask, & so if ever I let him know I need his help with these things, he is on it. It doesn't feel unfair to me in regards to division of tasks, but I get it that completion of physical tasks does not equal mental load. right. and i'm saying in my marriage neither of us carry the burden of a heavy mental load because we share and split most tasks in the house in a way that works for us. Tasks isn't mental load though? I will take a stab that you are not the mental load carrier in your relationship.
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piratecat
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Post by piratecat on Jan 27, 2023 13:22:57 GMT -6
Why are there mittens on its face? Or are those hands and arms? flojo?
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Post by sweptaway on Jan 27, 2023 13:23:59 GMT -6
You haven't bought a cake lately huh? The special order ones are like $10, usually the generic ones are less than that. You can get a single slice for that price here even in the grocery store.
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STP
Diamond
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Post by STP on Jan 27, 2023 13:24:38 GMT -6
I would find it a serious mental load to keep changing my SN name instead of just accepting that people think I suck and finding something else to do with my time.
But hey.
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Post by GhoatMonket on Jan 27, 2023 13:25:21 GMT -6
The special order ones are like $10, usually the generic ones are less than that. You can get a single slice for that price here even in the grocery store. Cool. #regional
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Post by sweptaway on Jan 27, 2023 13:25:39 GMT -6
My H and I talk about mental load and physical load a lot. Because I do the mental load and he is for sure the physical load person. He jokingly says "physical load, swept" any time I ask him to do something.
So I decided that I'll make the vet appointment for a time he can wrestle the dogs there. I think that's fair.
*** TIC and only one example, because THIS PLACE
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Post by Wtfshouldmynamebe on Jan 27, 2023 13:25:52 GMT -6
But why is it called a cookie puss? I'm so lost on that lol I thought it was code for something else tbh 🤣 This is the part you are stuck on?
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piratecat
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Post by piratecat on Jan 27, 2023 13:25:54 GMT -6
I would find it a serious mental load to keep changing my SN name instead of just accepting that people think I suck and finding something else to do with my time. But hey. I just don't even get the point of it. Like why?
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Post by lifesaverz on Jan 27, 2023 13:26:12 GMT -6
But one partner can be extremely helpful & go above & beyond, & the other partner may still carry more of the mental load. It's not an either or situation. For example my H is extremely helpful, he cooks almost all our meals, does dishes, meal plans, takes care of a lot of house projects, etc. And he will also do literally anything I ask him to. I still carry the majority of the mental load in regards to our kids, when it comes to their health, appointments, school, IEP meetings, what homework needs to be done, what clothes need to be bought, planning activities, play dates, all of that. It's somewhat my personality though, that I can't not be in charge of that. But again, my H will do anything I ask, & so if ever I let him know I need his help with these things, he is on it. It doesn't feel unfair to me in regards to division of tasks, but I get it that completion of physical tasks does not equal mental load. right. and i'm saying in my marriage neither of us carry the burden of a heavy mental load because we share and split most tasks in the house in a way that works for us. And that's great! I'm not talking about tasks though. We have a great division of tasks as well. If anything I probably do a little less, task-wise. I'm saying tasks & mental load aren't the same thing.
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flojo
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Post by flojo on Jan 27, 2023 13:26:15 GMT -6
Why are there mittens on its face? Or are those hands and arms? flojo? I believe they’re arms and hands. And they’re delicious.
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gimmeaQ
Opal
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Post by gimmeaQ on Jan 27, 2023 13:26:26 GMT -6
icedcoffee that is weird and I wouldn’t have given a ride either. good job with your quick thinking.
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piratecat
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Post by piratecat on Jan 27, 2023 13:27:29 GMT -6
Why are there mittens on its face? Or are those hands and arms? flojo ? I believe they’re arms and hands. And they’re delicious. I truly love this hideous tradition for you.
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AmyG
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Post by AmyG on Jan 27, 2023 13:27:30 GMT -6
You haven't bought a cake lately huh? The special order ones are like $10, usually the generic ones are less than that. there are no $5 cakes around here at grocery or walmart 2 slices for $5. single layer round cake maybe $8
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piratecat
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Post by piratecat on Jan 27, 2023 13:28:17 GMT -6
I do love Carvel ice cream cake though.
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gimmeaQ
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Post by gimmeaQ on Jan 27, 2023 13:28:20 GMT -6
Why are there mittens on its face? Or are those hands and arms? flojo? I believe they’re arms and hands. And they’re delicious. Is it delicious? It doesn’t even look delicious.
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STP
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Post by STP on Jan 27, 2023 13:28:22 GMT -6
But one partner can be extremely helpful & go above & beyond, & the other partner may still carry more of the mental load. It's not an either or situation. For example my H is extremely helpful, he cooks almost all our meals, does dishes, meal plans, takes care of a lot of house projects, etc. And he will also do literally anything I ask him to. I still carry the majority of the mental load in regards to our kids, when it comes to their health, appointments, school, IEP meetings, what homework needs to be done, what clothes need to be bought, planning activities, play dates, all of that. It's somewhat my personality though, that I can't not be in charge of that. But again, my H will do anything I ask, & so if ever I let him know I need his help with these things, he is on it. It doesn't feel unfair to me in regards to division of tasks, but I get it that completion of physical tasks does not equal mental load. right. and i'm saying in my marriage neither of us carry the burden of a heavy mental load because we share and split most tasks in the house in a way that works for us. That's not what a mental load is. We're really good about sharing tasks. My H is a saint compared to a great many I've learned about on this forum over the years. But I'm the one that has the running mental list of needs, wants, upcoming events. He would be more than willing to get the kids new shoes, but he'd have to ask me their size first. He would not have noticed they were needed before I asked him to run the errand. He doesn't know instinctively which toy Bagel actually likes, that the new BFF goes by they and not she, etc. I walk around with all that on at all times.
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STP
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Post by STP on Jan 27, 2023 13:28:53 GMT -6
Guys, puss meant face many years ago.
It's a cookie face.
Relax.
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flojo
Sapphire
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Post by flojo on Jan 27, 2023 13:29:42 GMT -6
I believe they’re arms and hands. And they’re delicious. Is it delicious? It doesn’t even look delicious. Its ice cream cake with crunchies. How could it not be delicious??
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