brux
Diamond
Posts: 35,454 Likes: 283,495
|
Post by brux on Jan 27, 2023 11:04:20 GMT -6
”10 things I love about you” taped up on his door or hidden around the house? Okay, that’s pretty darn cute. Maybe I can do this. And no balloons other than the giant 1-0 I just ordered… I’ve been doing giant number balloons for many years, and I’m excited for the double digits! I leave the number balloon tied to his chair at the dining table for weeks, much to H’s annoyance at my OTT birthday love.
|
|
brux
Diamond
Posts: 35,454 Likes: 283,495
|
Post by brux on Jan 27, 2023 11:05:48 GMT -6
We all know that I love bdays, so I'm ready to riot on Flippin's H's behalf.
But first I need to know what their established birthday history and traditions have been.
|
|
trueblue
Sapphire
Posts: 4,657 Likes: 16,932
|
Post by trueblue on Jan 27, 2023 11:05:51 GMT -6
Re: lululemon my tween/teen mom friends say Plato’s closet can be a treasure trove, so if you have one nearby and are so inclined it might be worth it.
|
|
|
Post by justbecause on Jan 27, 2023 11:08:29 GMT -6
My oldest turns 10 (DOUBLE DIGITS) next week, and I feel like i haven’t done nearly enough. I need to order a cake, I only have one present, and we have a camping trip planned for friday. But I feel like it should be a bigger deal and I need to work in a few more surprises. Cinnamon rolls maybe? Balloons? More gifts? Sigh. ”10 things I love about you” taped up on his door or hidden around the house? Well I love this idea. Ds2 turns 10 in the spring.
|
|
jaygee
Diamond
Posts: 28,969 Likes: 226,560
|
Post by jaygee on Jan 27, 2023 11:10:24 GMT -6
Okay, that’s pretty darn cute. Maybe I can do this. And no balloons other than the giant 1-0 I just ordered… I’ve been doing giant number balloons for many years, and I’m excited for the double digits! I leave the number balloon tied to his chair at the dining table for weeks, much to H’s annoyance at my OTT birthday love. We’ve done the giant balloon numbers for awhile also. This year was 1-0 and I took H with me to buy them. He was appalled at the cost because he doesn’t understand balloons. I said, to be fair, this is the first year I had to do two. But, yeah…he was not impressed. Lol.
|
|
abs
Sapphire
Posts: 4,145 Likes: 21,498
|
Post by abs on Jan 27, 2023 11:12:11 GMT -6
Birthdays as an adult are hard. I have had my feelings hurt on my birthday more than once but also never really communicated what I want. DH has also had his feelings hurt because what he wants is different from what I want. He is more of an acts of service person and I am more gifts. We have landed on dinner out and an experience (usually a baseball game). It makes us all happy. Sometimes life happens and celebrations are subdued. I can't judge that but communication is important.
Milestone birthdays are different. DH will be turning 50 next year and wants a big restaurant party with friends. I will be planning a 13th birthday party and a 50th within months of each other. Lord help me.
|
|
zoeylucy
Amethyst
Posts: 7,194 Likes: 26,538
|
Post by zoeylucy on Jan 27, 2023 11:12:11 GMT -6
My oldest turns 10 (DOUBLE DIGITS) next week, and I feel like i haven’t done nearly enough. I need to order a cake, I only have one present, and we have a camping trip planned for friday. But I feel like it should be a bigger deal and I need to work in a few more surprises. Cinnamon rolls maybe? Balloons? More gifts? Sigh. Pick him up from school at lunch and do lunch 1:1. I do that once a year for DS and he loves it
|
|
|
Post by coffeandnaps on Jan 27, 2023 11:12:15 GMT -6
balloon avalanche when he opens his door in the morning? Make a “pocket” with seran wrap outside the top half of his door. Blow up balloons and fill pocket. When he opens the door the next morning he will be showered with balloons. I've always wanted to do this but get worried they are going to have to use the bathroom in the middle of the night. surprise!! Lol. I too was worried about the middle of the night bathroom trip so I did a modified version where I tied the balloons to strings to hang from their doorway like a curtain instead.
|
|
|
Post by justbecause on Jan 27, 2023 11:14:04 GMT -6
Every year. “What do you want for your birthday, H!”
“Nothing.”
Anyway, he gets a gift, an ice cream cake, and to pick dinner. Sometimes we go out if his parents are available to help.
I confess that I didn’t get his cake last year because we had so much of my oldest’s cake left (birthday three days before).
|
|
pobre
Ruby
Posts: 22,418 Likes: 203,645
|
Post by pobre on Jan 27, 2023 11:17:07 GMT -6
If cake is a code word for jewelry, then I agree with this thread.
|
|
pobre
Ruby
Posts: 22,418 Likes: 203,645
|
Post by pobre on Jan 27, 2023 11:17:25 GMT -6
My XH forgot my birthday in late May and I left in June. Coincidence?
|
|
|
Post by coffeandnaps on Jan 27, 2023 11:18:14 GMT -6
I have every Christmas card/baby announcement/etc* friends have sent me over the years filed away by family in a shoebox. I love looking at the pictures and being reminded of how they’ve grown over the years.
*this only applies to cards with pictures and only a handful or two of close friends send them.
|
|
|
Post by coolbeans on Jan 27, 2023 11:20:02 GMT -6
My 11 year old is mad that I won't buy her lululemon, since that is all the rage in 6th grade. I have never purchased myself anything from lululemon, certainly not going to spend that much on her clothing. I found myself telling her the same things my mother told me in 1988, when all the other kids wore was GAP. My transformation from "I will be nothing like my mom when I grow up" to "She was right about almost everything" is almost complete. Oh. Yes. The lululemon thing is wild. It’s all the girls wear and they carry around the bags as their lunchbox. DD has zero interest. She’s not above wanting the expensive middle school status symbols though. Please see the watch on her wrist as an example. Gah. It’s nothing new though. I remember hounding my mom for Guess jeans in 6th grade. I remember my thing was begging for a Brooks sweatsuit that all my friends had and I had to have one too. It was $40, I remember so clearly and it took many chores and promises to finally get. DD (10) has a newfound love affair with Lululemon as well, came out of nowhere. I gave her two of my belt bags that I don’t use often and she was thrilled.
|
|
|
Post by angelashly on Jan 27, 2023 11:22:13 GMT -6
Birthdays as an adult are hard. I have had my feelings hurt on my birthday more than once but also never really communicated what I want. DH has also had his feelings hurt because what he wants is different from what I want. He is more of an acts of service person and I am more gifts. We have landed on dinner out and an experience (usually a baseball game). It makes us all happy. Sometimes life happens and celebrations are subdued. I can't judge that but communication is important. Milestone birthdays are different. DH will be turning 50 next year and wants a big restaurant party with friends. I will be planning a 13th birthday party and a 50th within months of each other. Lord help me. I turn 40 next year. Luckily mine is in April so I’ll have time And yes I’ll plan most of my 40th because I’m particular. My sister will help and my h will show up 😂
|
|
jaygee
Diamond
Posts: 28,969 Likes: 226,560
|
Post by jaygee on Jan 27, 2023 11:26:30 GMT -6
My friend group mostly turned 40 the year before Covid and we did several blow out trips to celebrate. I’m so glad we did because those memories definitely sustained me when we were trapped in our houses.
So I say celebrate your big milestone birthdays. Do something special. YOLO
|
|
|
Post by flippinchica on Jan 27, 2023 11:33:01 GMT -6
Eh I think my feelings would be a little hurt if my H didn't get me something, even something small. I wouldn't be pissy about it, but I'd be a little disappointed. This is why I need context before deciding. If you never do gifts or cakes maybe it’s something else he is bothered by but this is an easy thing to dwell on. I would be bummed though if my birthday felt like an afterthought. Yes Im understanding of being busy and such but I don’t know. Part of it is that I feel I am crumbling a bit under the mental load in our house. I did everything for ds1 birthday party, (except pick up the cake I ordered and show up) and 90% of Christmas. He does usually get me a gift but usually feels like last minute to me, like a gift card or a specific thing I asked for (a power bank for my phone for Christmas)
|
|
adelbert
Amethyst
Posts: 7,064 Likes: 40,500
|
Post by adelbert on Jan 27, 2023 11:35:50 GMT -6
Don't get me wrong, I'm all for celebrating birthdays. I enjoy spending a week constantly telling H it's my birthday this week and getting him to do all manner of things that I normally would do but don't feel like doing. I also like trips, dinner, gifts, desserts,etc. I just always tell H ahead of time what I'm hoping to do on my birthday, what I expect,etc.
If he then failed that would not be great. So I could for sure understand anger/sadness in that situation.
|
|
|
Post by flippinchica on Jan 27, 2023 11:36:46 GMT -6
I hate getting cards. Unless they're Christmas cards with a picture of the family or have a special message inside I'm almost certainly immediately throwing it away. I would not want my husband to bring me home a card on my birthday. This is clearly so specific to the couple. In general I don't do sulking in adults and barely tolerate it in kids so if H had an issue I would expect that he would straight out tell me, hey I'm really bummed you didn't get me a cake because I look forward to it every year or whatever. Moping around the next day would not be happening.But again we don't have enough info for me to decide my feelings. Did he say he was sad and felt left out? Or did he spend the past days silently fuming every time he was in the same room as her? This I totally agree with. I just can't tell if that's what's happening in OP's post or not. He did seem annoyed ish and the when the kids went to bed asked if there was any reason he got the "no cake or gift" treatment. I did get what I felt was special dinner and drinks for his birthday. We typically don't make a huge deal about birthday but do something. I felt this was a bit less than the usual but not to the extent of "forgotten"
|
|
pobre
Ruby
Posts: 22,418 Likes: 203,645
|
Post by pobre on Jan 27, 2023 11:37:53 GMT -6
flippinchica I wasn't trying to compare my situation with yours at all, just so I'm clear! I was just riffing. I do not think getting dinner and celebrating is the same as forgetting, for sure.
|
|
|
Post by flippinchica on Jan 27, 2023 11:38:31 GMT -6
adelbert I don't think he mentioned his birthday once leading up to it.
|
|
adelbert
Amethyst
Posts: 7,064 Likes: 40,500
|
Post by adelbert on Jan 27, 2023 11:39:01 GMT -6
This is why I need context before deciding. If you never do gifts or cakes maybe it’s something else he is bothered by but this is an easy thing to dwell on. I would be bummed though if my birthday felt like an afterthought. Yes Im understanding of being busy and such but I don’t know. Part of it is that I feel I am crumbling a bit under the mental load in our house. I did everything for ds1 birthday party, (except pick up the cake I ordered and show up) and 90% of Christmas. He does usually get me a gift but usually feels like last minute to me, like a gift card or a specific thing I asked for (a power bank for my phone for Christmas) Did you tell him this? Because that's probably what I would have told him if he made a little comment about not getting a cake. You're exhausted and need more support.
|
|
|
Post by angelashly on Jan 27, 2023 11:39:48 GMT -6
This I totally agree with. I just can't tell if that's what's happening in OP's post or not. He did seem annoyed ish and the when the kids went to bed asked if there was any reason he got the "no cake or gift" treatment. I did get what I felt was special dinner and drinks for his birthday. We typically don't make a huge deal about birthday but do something. I felt this was a bit less than the usual but not to the extent of "forgotten" Have you had the mental load conversation? It seems he felt you slighted him for a reason so maybe he feels something is upsetting you too?
|
|
STP
Diamond
Posts: 43,617 Likes: 316,542
|
Post by STP on Jan 27, 2023 11:42:30 GMT -6
I think flippinchica 's husband is being a big bratty baby. Personally. It was a Wed. You got sushi. Shut up.
|
|
|
Post by lifesaverz on Jan 27, 2023 11:43:09 GMT -6
This is why I need context before deciding. If you never do gifts or cakes maybe it’s something else he is bothered by but this is an easy thing to dwell on. I would be bummed though if my birthday felt like an afterthought. Yes Im understanding of being busy and such but I don’t know. Part of it is that I feel I am crumbling a bit under the mental load in our house. I did everything for ds1 birthday party, (except pick up the cake I ordered and show up) and 90% of Christmas. He does usually get me a gift but usually feels like last minute to me, like a gift card or a specific thing I asked for (a power bank for my phone for Christmas) I'm sorry you're struggling. Is he responsive if you ask for help? Like hey let's sit down & pick the kids Christmas gifts together kind of thing, would he help with that if you asked him?
|
|
|
Post by goldenbird on Jan 27, 2023 11:44:13 GMT -6
MH doesn't remember shit so I remind him hey for my bday next week this is what I want for food/dessert. We don't do gifts usually. I remind him to go buy cards for birthdays/Mother's & Father's Day.
|
|
|
Post by lifesaverz on Jan 27, 2023 11:47:11 GMT -6
Part of it is that I feel I am crumbling a bit under the mental load in our house. I did everything for ds1 birthday party, (except pick up the cake I ordered and show up) and 90% of Christmas. He does usually get me a gift but usually feels like last minute to me, like a gift card or a specific thing I asked for (a power bank for my phone for Christmas) Did you tell him this? Because that's probably what I would have told him if he made a little comment about not getting a cake. You're exhausted and need more support. I agree, I think sharing that context would help, if you haven't already. It's different to know oh my partner is exhausted & burnt out vs. they just didn't think of me. May still hurt either way, but it could be an important conversation to help him see where you're at.
|
|
|
Post by flippinchica on Jan 27, 2023 11:47:32 GMT -6
He did seem annoyed ish and the when the kids went to bed asked if there was any reason he got the "no cake or gift" treatment. I did get what I felt was special dinner and drinks for his birthday. We typically don't make a huge deal about birthday but do something. I felt this was a bit less than the usual but not to the extent of "forgotten" Have you had the mental load conversation? It seems he felt you slighted him for a reason so maybe he feels something is upsetting you too? Not specifically about mental load but I had an "I'm overwhelmed" meltdown a few weeks ago. And basically he says he wants to help but and he seesms to want me to specifically tell him what to do which...doesn't really help with the mental load.
|
|
|
Post by angelashly on Jan 27, 2023 11:56:57 GMT -6
Have you had the mental load conversation? It seems he felt you slighted him for a reason so maybe he feels something is upsetting you too? Not specifically about mental load but I had an "I'm overwhelmed" meltdown a few weeks ago. And basically he says he wants to help but and he seesms to want me to specifically tell him what to do which...doesn't really help with the mental load. Trust me I get it We have had to have these conversations because my h will think I’ve got everything and I’m drowning. I did start with lists and now still sometimes I have to say hey you know we have a million things coming up can you do xyz I’m also a product of myself and I want help but also want things done certain ways and had to learn to give up control on some things. Not saying this is you at all just that it was an adjustment
|
|
|
Post by DavidRose on Jan 27, 2023 11:58:54 GMT -6
I've always wanted to do this but get worried they are going to have to use the bathroom in the middle of the night. surprise!! Lol. I too was worried about the middle of the night bathroom trip so I did a modified version where I tied the balloons to strings to hang from their doorway like a curtain instead. I am just imagining my highly dramatic children acting like they are getting attacked in the middle of the night. My 5 year old had an incident in a mirror maze a year ago and she still talks about it weekly.
|
|
|
Post by sweptaway on Jan 27, 2023 11:59:17 GMT -6
I just curbside picked up $5 worth of lard from target because ds wants to make suet for the birds and after trying three grocery stores it turned out Target was oddly the only place I could find lard.
|
|