abs
Sapphire
Posts: 4,145 Likes: 21,498
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Post by abs on Jan 27, 2023 10:33:52 GMT -6
My oldest turns 10 (DOUBLE DIGITS) next week, and I feel like i haven’t done nearly enough. I need to order a cake, I only have one present, and we have a camping trip planned for friday. But I feel like it should be a bigger deal and I need to work in a few more surprises. Cinnamon rolls maybe? Balloons? More gifts? Sigh. We usually decorate a little with a banner or whatever fun thing I find at party city. Dd loves it still at 12. She turned 10 during Covid so it wasn’t a big thing like I wanted but I’m already planning 13 because like you I find those to be big We haven’t done a party in years but DD is already planning her 13th birthday party. You know. For the one still 10 months away. She has a guest list and all the food she wants served so far. Priorities, lol.
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Post by angelashly on Jan 27, 2023 10:34:29 GMT -6
We usually decorate a little with a banner or whatever fun thing I find at party city. Dd loves it still at 12. She turned 10 during Covid so it wasn’t a big thing like I wanted but I’m already planning 13 because like you I find those to be big We haven’t done a party in years but DD is already planning her 13th birthday party. You know. For the one still 10 months away. She has a guest list and all the food she wants served so far. Priorities, lol. Dd wants a 90s party I’m all in
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piratecat
Diamond
Posts: 36,266 Likes: 144,721
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Post by piratecat on Jan 27, 2023 10:34:47 GMT -6
My kid would be the one getting mad if I didn't get cake for my husband's birthday because how dare I. This is dd too. She is big on everyone getting a cake. She is the next brux My kid is big on him eating cake.
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AmyG
Ruby
Posts: 15,740 Likes: 34,653
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Post by AmyG on Jan 27, 2023 10:37:33 GMT -6
flippinchica , I am assuming you wished him a happy birthday. You got him a favorite dinner. I can't with adults who get pissy about bdays. I just can't. Esp on a Wednesday. Eh I think my feelings would be a little hurt if my H didn't get me something, even something small. I wouldn't be pissy about it, but I'd be a little disappointed. And I don't feel you should have to tell someone that you expect a gift and cake for yout birthday. If I have to tell you I expect a gift or cake for my birthday after years together you've not been paying attention.
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abs
Sapphire
Posts: 4,145 Likes: 21,498
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Post by abs on Jan 27, 2023 10:38:44 GMT -6
My 11 year old is mad that I won't buy her lululemon, since that is all the rage in 6th grade. I have never purchased myself anything from lululemon, certainly not going to spend that much on her clothing. I found myself telling her the same things my mother told me in 1988, when all the other kids wore was GAP. My transformation from "I will be nothing like my mom when I grow up" to "She was right about almost everything" is almost complete. Oh. Yes. The lululemon thing is wild. It’s all the girls wear and they carry around the bags as their lunchbox. DD has zero interest. She’s not above wanting the expensive middle school status symbols though. Please see the watch on her wrist as an example. Gah. It’s nothing new though. I remember hounding my mom for Guess jeans in 6th grade.
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Post by icedcoffee on Jan 27, 2023 10:38:47 GMT -6
I have been the ‘forgotten’ spouse for birthdays under similar circumstances. It straight up sucks. As an adult I can understand and rationalize being overwhelmed by life and burnt out but grabbing a cake and a card from a grocery store is minimal effort so yeah it cuts when you realize that you aren’t even worth that minimal level of effort from your partner. I'm sorry you've been there, but she also said he doesn't really like cake and got dinner and drinks so I don't think there was no effort here either. She didn't forget or not do anything
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Post by sweptaway on Jan 27, 2023 10:38:48 GMT -6
DS turned 10 last year and I cannot for the life of me remember what we did for his birthday? I know we went for hibachi because that is always his choice but I don't recall the gift or party.
Oh wait we got him an xbox. That's why we didn't have a party.
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AmyG
Ruby
Posts: 15,740 Likes: 34,653
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Post by AmyG on Jan 27, 2023 10:39:54 GMT -6
I'm kind of laughing at not liking cake then being upset at not getting a cake though That’s why I’m really hoping it isn’t about the cake because yeah It may be way easier to deal with if it is just about the cake though.
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Post by lifesaverz on Jan 27, 2023 10:40:10 GMT -6
My kid would be the one getting mad if I didn't get cake for my husband's birthday because how dare I. Haha, same. I was totally thinking a big reason this wouldn't fly in our house would be the kids. They'd be where's the cake & presents?? They're all about celebrating for any reason.
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beepers
Sapphire
Posts: 4,407 Likes: 24,501
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Post by beepers on Jan 27, 2023 10:40:54 GMT -6
Gift giving is not my love language.
For me, picking up special food and drink (sushi/sake) is evidence that I care and went out of my way to get something. Effort was put in, so it isn’t about being “thoughtless”. TO ME.
I completely understand if it IS SO’s love language that not doing more would be hurtful and of course hate that anyone is ever made to feel like they weren’t worth the time/effort/mental energy. (I do feel this way about things, just not gifts).
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emma
Ruby
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Post by emma on Jan 27, 2023 10:41:04 GMT -6
I was desperate for relief for my inner thigh where I have a big shingles patch, and I bought a pack of men's boxer briefs. It was instant relief, and finally that patch can start to heal, I cannot tell you what it felt like to have that pain somewhat mitigated finally. But the confession part is I am not entirely sure I am ever going back to ladies' underwear. The patriarchy has been gatekeeping these ya'll. They're amazing. eta Also I bought pairs with donuts and godzilla on them bc there's no reason this can't be fun. last summer I grabbed a load of new undies for DS and didn’t notice that one pair were men’s small and not kids. So I use them instead, they have intergalactic pizza cats on them and are so comfy. I also exclusively wear cotton bike shorts style underwear under dresses
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Post by sweptaway on Jan 27, 2023 10:41:40 GMT -6
Ok but maybe he likes ice cream? Pie? A cannoli (my H's choice)? To go out? I understand it's mid week but there was no conversation of "hey let's celebrate on the weekend or..."
We are not high maintenance birthday people in my house but dinner is not a gift or something especially thoughtful.
It's definitely not about the cake.
ETA This is for me and my relationship and I understand other people function differently. Obviously there was an unmet expectation in the OPs scenario
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AmyG
Ruby
Posts: 15,740 Likes: 34,653
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Post by AmyG on Jan 27, 2023 10:43:32 GMT -6
My 11 year old is mad that I won't buy her lululemon, since that is all the rage in 6th grade. I have never purchased myself anything from lululemon, certainly not going to spend that much on her clothing. I found myself telling her the same things my mother told me in 1988, when all the other kids wore was GAP. My transformation from "I will be nothing like my mom when I grow up" to "She was right about almost everything" is almost complete. It's so hard to be what feels like that 1 kid who doesn't have the clothes everyone else does. I've seen lululemon at goodwill and OFFERUP. stalk those kinds of places.
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Post by angelashly on Jan 27, 2023 10:44:29 GMT -6
My 11 year old is mad that I won't buy her lululemon, since that is all the rage in 6th grade. I have never purchased myself anything from lululemon, certainly not going to spend that much on her clothing. I found myself telling her the same things my mother told me in 1988, when all the other kids wore was GAP. My transformation from "I will be nothing like my mom when I grow up" to "She was right about almost everything" is almost complete. Oh. Yes. The lululemon thing is wild. It’s all the girls wear and they carry around the bags as their lunchbox. DD has zero interest. She’s not above wanting the expensive middle school status symbols though. Please see the watch on her wrist as an example. Gah. It’s nothing new though. I remember hounding my mom for Guess jeans in 6th grade. Omg yes with the Apple Watch. We didn’t get it for her
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Post by angelashly on Jan 27, 2023 10:45:08 GMT -6
That’s why I’m really hoping it isn’t about the cake because yeah It may be way easier to deal with if it is just about the cake though. Duh?
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Bookshelves
Emerald
Generally at a 2
Posts: 11,798 Likes: 106,201
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Post by Bookshelves on Jan 27, 2023 10:47:18 GMT -6
My oldest turns 10 (DOUBLE DIGITS) next week, and I feel like i haven’t done nearly enough. I need to order a cake, I only have one present, and we have a camping trip planned for friday. But I feel like it should be a bigger deal and I need to work in a few more surprises. Cinnamon rolls maybe? Balloons? More gifts? Sigh. ”10 things I love about you” taped up on his door or hidden around the house?
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Post by angelashly on Jan 27, 2023 10:48:34 GMT -6
Ok but maybe he likes ice cream? Pie? A cannoli (my H's choice)? To go out? I understand it's mid week but there was no conversation of "hey let's celebrate on the weekend or..." We are not high maintenance birthday people in my house but dinner is not a gift or something especially thoughtful. It's definitely not about the cake. ETA This is for me and my relationship and I understand other people function differently. Obviously there was an unmet expectation in the OPs scenario Dinner is usually our “gift” but it is a hey you get to pick where we go or honestly for h and I it’s takeout. But that is the expectation and it’s discussed so for h’a birthday a few Thursdays ago we started Monday discussing what takeout he wanted. Dd and I picked up the cake and I got him something small from dd.
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Post by angelashly on Jan 27, 2023 10:49:41 GMT -6
I really need to let it go because with no other context and not being there it’s really a moot point
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Post by lifesaverz on Jan 27, 2023 10:51:52 GMT -6
Ok but maybe he likes ice cream? Pie? A cannoli (my H's choice)? To go out? I understand it's mid week but there was no conversation of "hey let's celebrate on the weekend or..." We are not high maintenance birthday people in my house but dinner is not a gift or something especially thoughtful. It's definitely not about the cake. ETA This is for me and my relationship and I understand other people function differently. Obviously there was an unmet expectation in the OPs scenario Totally agree, there are plenty of alternatives. Years ago when we had a roommate who didn't like cake we baked her the most giant cookie I've ever seen, & cut it in slices.
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Post by sweptaway on Jan 27, 2023 10:52:27 GMT -6
I mean really what I'm saying here is I expect dessert on my birthday. Lots of it
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Post by lifesaverz on Jan 27, 2023 10:54:56 GMT -6
I mean really what I'm saying here is I expect dessert on my birthday. Lots of it Yes any & all desserts, please & thank you, lol. I think food is my love language.
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adelbert
Amethyst
Posts: 7,064 Likes: 40,500
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Post by adelbert on Jan 27, 2023 10:55:45 GMT -6
I hate getting cards. Unless they're Christmas cards with a picture of the family or have a special message inside I'm almost certainly immediately throwing it away. I would not want my husband to bring me home a card on my birthday. This is clearly so specific to the couple.
In general I don't do sulking in adults and barely tolerate it in kids so if H had an issue I would expect that he would straight out tell me, hey I'm really bummed you didn't get me a cake because I look forward to it every year or whatever. Moping around the next day would not be happening.
But again we don't have enough info for me to decide my feelings. Did he say he was sad and felt left out? Or did he spend the past days silently fuming every time he was in the same room as her?
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sterling
Global Moderator
GD
Posts: 15,070 Likes: 130,505
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Post by sterling on Jan 27, 2023 10:56:03 GMT -6
My oldest turns 10 (DOUBLE DIGITS) next week, and I feel like i haven’t done nearly enough. I need to order a cake, I only have one present, and we have a camping trip planned for friday. But I feel like it should be a bigger deal and I need to work in a few more surprises. Cinnamon rolls maybe? Balloons? More gifts? Sigh. balloon avalanche when he opens his door in the morning? Make a “pocket” with seran wrap outside the top half of his door. Blow up balloons and fill pocket. When he opens the door the next morning he will be showered with balloons. Truly appreciate the suggestion but I am not mentally or spiritually capable of pulling this off 😂
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sterling
Global Moderator
GD
Posts: 15,070 Likes: 130,505
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Post by sterling on Jan 27, 2023 10:57:02 GMT -6
My oldest turns 10 (DOUBLE DIGITS) next week, and I feel like i haven’t done nearly enough. I need to order a cake, I only have one present, and we have a camping trip planned for friday. But I feel like it should be a bigger deal and I need to work in a few more surprises. Cinnamon rolls maybe? Balloons? More gifts? Sigh. ”10 things I love about you” taped up on his door or hidden around the house? Okay, that’s pretty darn cute. Maybe I can do this. And no balloons other than the giant 1-0 I just ordered…
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Post by DavidRose on Jan 27, 2023 10:58:52 GMT -6
My oldest turns 10 (DOUBLE DIGITS) next week, and I feel like i haven’t done nearly enough. I need to order a cake, I only have one present, and we have a camping trip planned for friday. But I feel like it should be a bigger deal and I need to work in a few more surprises. Cinnamon rolls maybe? Balloons? More gifts? Sigh. balloon avalanche when he opens his door in the morning? Make a “pocket” with seran wrap outside the top half of his door. Blow up balloons and fill pocket. When he opens the door the next morning he will be showered with balloons. I've always wanted to do this but get worried they are going to have to use the bathroom in the middle of the night.
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Post by sweptaway on Jan 27, 2023 10:58:58 GMT -6
I hate getting cards. Unless they're Christmas cards with a picture of the family or have a special message inside I'm almost certainly immediately throwing it away. I would not want my husband to bring me home a card on my birthday. This is clearly so specific to the couple. In general I don't do sulking in adults and barely tolerate it in kids so if H had an issue I would expect that he would straight out tell me, hey I'm really bummed you didn't get me a cake because I look forward to it every year or whatever. Moping around the next day would not be happening.But again we don't have enough info for me to decide my feelings. Did he say he was sad and felt left out? Or did he spend the past days silently fuming every time he was in the same room as her? This I totally agree with. I just can't tell if that's what's happening in OP's post or not.
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Post by shamycooler on Jan 27, 2023 11:00:25 GMT -6
DD’s 12th birthday is also next week, but she’ll be at her dad’s. And it’s her dad’s year to throw a friend party, so I’m taking DD and her best friend to GWL for a night. I can’t wait to go all out for 13 next year!
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Post by lifesaverz on Jan 27, 2023 11:01:13 GMT -6
balloon avalanche when he opens his door in the morning? Make a “pocket” with seran wrap outside the top half of his door. Blow up balloons and fill pocket. When he opens the door the next morning he will be showered with balloons. Truly appreciate the suggestion but I am not mentally or spiritually capable of pulling this off 😂 We do a simpler version of this, we just hang streamers from their door, & then tons of balloons just outside in the hallway, that might be easier.
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Post by shamycooler on Jan 27, 2023 11:01:42 GMT -6
I hate getting cards. Unless they're Christmas cards with a picture of the family or have a special message inside I'm almost certainly immediately throwing it away. I would not want my husband to bring me home a card on my birthday. This is clearly so specific to the couple. In general I don't do sulking in adults and barely tolerate it in kids so if H had an issue I would expect that he would straight out tell me, hey I'm really bummed you didn't get me a cake because I look forward to it every year or whatever. Moping around the next day would not be happening. But again we don't have enough info for me to decide my feelings. Did he say he was sad and felt left out? Or did he spend the past days silently fuming every time he was in the same room as her? I love sending picture Christmas cards! Remind me to message you before Christmas next year so I can add you to my list!
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Post by Rusty Red on Jan 27, 2023 11:03:37 GMT -6
I'm going to be 40 this year and am ok with no acknowledgement. My mom won't allow that to happen though.
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