@@Please help with older kid and poop update in comments

[betts]

If the medical end checks out, I would definitely be looking into a mental health evaluation.

If you find out that it is caused by a medical issue, then I would certainly be sympathetic to the incontinence aspect of things, but I would have zero tolerance for my 9 year old not immediately cleaning himself up. Where he sits at school, in a vehicle, a couch is contaminated and there is no reason for it. Not to mention that if the wrong kid at school gets a whiff, it could literally haunt him until he graduates high school.

[taadaa]

Jan 26, 2023 18:06:07 GMT -6 betts said:

If the medical end checks out, I would definitely be looking into a mental health evaluation.

If you find out that it is caused by a medical issue, then I would certainly be sympathetic to the incontinence aspect of things, but I would have zero tolerance for my 9 year old not immediately cleaning himself up. Where he sits at school, in a vehicle, a couch is contaminated and there is no reason for it. Not to mention that if the wrong kid at school gets a whiff, it could literally haunt him until he graduates high school.

I did ask him last night what he thought X (sickly sweet to your face horrible mean boy behind your back at school) would do if he was near him at recess and DS smelled like poop. He immediately teared up and said that he would make fun of him and tell everyone. I didn’t feel great about doing it, but that’s a reality he does need to at least be aware of. He’s definitely old enough for kids to notice AND be jerks about it, unfortunately.

I just got off the phone after a portal scheduling catastrophe and he has an appointment for next Saturday morning.

[betts]

Jan 26, 2023 18:22:04 GMT -6 taadaa said:

Jan 26, 2023 18:06:07 GMT -6 betts said:

If the medical end checks out, I would definitely be looking into a mental health evaluation.

If you find out that it is caused by a medical issue, then I would certainly be sympathetic to the incontinence aspect of things, but I would have zero tolerance for my 9 year old not immediately cleaning himself up. Where he sits at school, in a vehicle, a couch is contaminated and there is no reason for it. Not to mention that if the wrong kid at school gets a whiff, it could literally haunt him until he graduates high school.

I did ask him last night what he thought X (sickly sweet to your face horrible mean boy behind your back at school) would do if he was near him at recess and DS smelled like poop. He immediately teared up and said that he would make fun of him and tell everyone. I didn’t feel great about doing it, but that’s a reality he does need to at least be aware of. He’s definitely old enough for kids to notice AND be jerks about it, unfortunately.

I just got off the phone after a portal scheduling catastrophe and he has an appointment for next Saturday morning.

Poor kid. I hope you find answers and solutions soon!

[4legsrbest]

My DS says he literally can’t feel it coming until it’s too late. Then he sits and tries to hold it in. And round and round it goes. He’s been on Miralax for several months and the issues are less, for sure. It was a daily issue almost when he was younger, but I do feel this is improvement.

He is required to make and drink his miralax in the morning, and clean his clothes and body. He can even start a pre-wash cycle on his shorts. Trust me - he’s as embarrassed by it as you are should friends say something, but if he’s at all dealing with what we’re going through then he thinks all of those things himself. It is truly a process but it’s possible to deal with.

Let us know what they say next week and definitely push for X-ray or ultrasound. We went to a CARE clinic in my town and they were amazing with my kid. It’s like the do it everyday- which they do. It’s also not uncommon. I hope you get some answers soon. Dealing with encopresis can be its own kind of nightmare.

[McBenny]

I am taking a total shot in the dark but I do think he might be trying to hold it. Maybe he doesn't want to go when at school. I think you should reach out to them (after you get everything checked with pedi) to see if the nurse has a bathroom that he can use. One with more privacy so to speak.

My DS hates to use the bathroom for #2 at school. He says there is the whole lack of privacy. Like one stall for that purpose, I don't know he just hates it and he's generally easy going about most things.

Talk to your DS and see if that is part of the issue.

[taadaa]

We went to the pedi this morning. Didn’t see his usual dr, but the one we saw was really fantastic; she spent an hour with us. She’s really not convinced it’s anything medical at all. Near the end she point blank asked DS what he thinks is going on, and he said he’s just rushing. She said we can schedule a follow up appointment in ~2ish months, or decide what we prefer, but she really doesn’t think a referral to GI is necessary or appropriate based on her exam, his history and our explanation of what’s going on. She did say that it’s not uncommon for kids this age to have wiping issues, and also suggested trying wet wipes.

I’m at a loss and I’m honestly more frustrated now. Part of me hoped it was something medical so that we could have a plan to fix it. But… it’s just my kid making the very active choice to not wipe well and then sit in his own disgusting filth (I would never be this harsh to him but fuck I am just so absolutely frustrated). I told him after we left that I don’t know how to proceed now - if we give him a consequence, he hides it. If we don’t give him a consequence, he’s unbothered by it and just sits in dirty underwear because he doesn’t care. WHY DOES HE NOT CARE????? To be clear, he NEVER has had a consequence in the past for the actual accident/incident, it’s ONLY for not changing when it happens.

I wanted to update for everyone who commented and shared suggestions, but I’ll probably delete soon. Thank you all again for the feedback and ideas.

[Bookshelves]

I’m not sure why you feel the need to delete? Plenty of people have kids with issues with pooping. (My kid included.) It is nothing to be ashamed about. I understand why you feel frustrated. If you can’t seem to get through to him, maybe ask the pediatrician for a referral for a mental health professional? Usually, it takes a while to get in, so you can get on a waitlist in the event that you aren’t able to eventually solve the issue without further help.

[taadaa]

Feb 4, 2023 10:35:15 GMT -6 Bookshelves said:

I’m not sure why you feel the need to delete? Plenty of people have kids with issues with pooping. (My kid included.) It is nothing to be ashamed about. I understand why you feel frustrated. If you can’t seem to get through to him, maybe ask the pediatrician for a referral for a mental health professional? Usually, it takes a while to get in, so you can get on a waitlist in the event that you aren’t able to eventually solve the issue without further help.

It just feels like he’s old enough that I’m violating his privacy? Idk honestly.

He’s been in therapy previously and while I didn’t love his therapist she did give him a lot of tools that helped, so it’s definitely worth considering again.

[lifesaverz]

taadaa, did they do an xray though? Because no offense to the doctor, but no matter how great they are, they can't see what's happening inside unless they check. I would hope they ruled that out.

I'm really sorry you're feeling discouraged. If they did rule it out & it's purely behavioral, I would schedule with a psychologist, they can work on a positive behavior plan that can help. They did this with my DD for the one aspect of her issues that was behavioral, which was the not changing out of soiled underwear as well.

[pobre]

I would have him wash his own underwear. He has to spray them with stain remover and then put them in the wash. Also a positive reinforcement plan for when he comes home clean.

Sorry, I skimmed so sorry if this was all mentioned before.

[taadaa]

Feb 4, 2023 11:37:02 GMT -6 lifesaverz said:

taadaa, did they do an xray though? Because no offense to the doctor, but no matter how great they are, they can't see what's happening inside unless they check. I would hope they ruled that out.

I'm really sorry you're feeling discouraged. If they did rule it out & it's purely behavioral, I would schedule with a psychologist, they can work on a positive behavior plan that can help. They did this with my DD for the one aspect of her issues that was behavioral, which was the not changing out of soiled underwear as well.

No X-ray. They don’t do them in office. I told her my concerns about encopresis initially, and she said early on that that was definitely high on her list of concerns based on the description. But the more they/we talked, she said it really doesn’t seem to fit. I got the impression that we’d need to be referred to gi for an actual work up for it. She said she did not want to treat him for constipation based on what we described, because she was concerned he’d then end up with diarrhea.

I think we’re again going to work on it behaviorally at home for a few weeks, and if it continues to happen then I’m just going to ask for a referral instead of a follow up with the pedi.

I really have no idea though. I’m just feeling defeated today.

[taadaa]

Feb 4, 2023 11:39:36 GMT -6 pobre said:

I would have him wash his own underwear. He has to spray them with stain remover and then put them in the wash. Also a positive reinforcement plan for when he comes home clean.

Sorry, I skimmed so sorry if this was all mentioned before.

We’ve started having him wash them in the shower and then putting them in the wash (because I was afraid of poop water everywhere). But the extra stain remover step is a good idea too.

[DavidRose]

Push for an xray.

My kids stomach issues weren't that bad but the xray showed she was like bursting with shit. Based on that I felt comfortable giving her certain meds and knowing what to look for.

[daisy]

I definitely feel like they should at least do the x-ray, at least to rule out constipation issues definitively. My son was pooping regularly around age 4 when he started vomiting at meals. He was totally “full of shit” upon x ray.

[taadaa]

Feb 4, 2023 11:48:04 GMT -6 DavidRose said:

Push for an xray.

My kids stomach issues weren't that bad but the xray showed she was like bursting with shit. Based on that I felt comfortable giving her certain meds and knowing what to look for.

She poked and prodded him a million times. He poops daily, doesn’t struggle/work to poop, never complains of stomach pain or difficulty pooping, and the consistency is “normal/ideal.” He keeps saying he’s just rushing wiping. I don’t know what to think at this point.

[AmyG]

Feb 4, 2023 11:39:36 GMT -6 pobre said:

I would have him wash his own underwear. He has to spray them with stain remover and then put them in the wash. Also a positive reinforcement plan for when he comes home clean.

Sorry, I skimmed so sorry if this was all mentioned before.

Add if they are really bad he has to handwash the worst off of them before putting in the washing machine.
Plus take time for a shower right away.
Maybe a poop wiping demo with the balloons for toddlers is in order 😱

[4legsrbest]

Encopresis is determined by clinical diagnosis made with X-ray and ultrasound. If they did not do either of these, I would not out much stock in her assessment, but that’s me and based in my DSs experience. Also, not all cases of encopresis come with constipation. As for the diarrhea I also side eye that. The one and only time we dealt with that was when we had to do a big “clean out” and use stimulant laxatives. Miralax will not give one diarrhea if taken as prescribed.

It enrages me that she said it was just that he was lazy. I’ve heard that many times over the years and it is bullshit. Not in all cases, obviously, but that’s shitty for a dr to say. I know those weren’t her exact words, but it sounds like it was insinuated.

I’d push to see a GI. I know it isn’t what you wanted to hear from the pedi, but this isn't something that will just resolve itself with taking and cleaning his underwear. Mental health services aren’t a bad idea though - it is described as a mental condition, not medical, so that could be more helpful than anything else.

I know it is frustrating as hell. I’ve been living this life since we tried to toilet train him at 3/4. It always been an issue for him, but we make small steps of progress as time goes on. I hope you find a way to address it for both you, but mostly for him. He probably hates it as much, if not more, than you do.

[Eagles]

Request a GI consult and an x ray. Keep pushing. The gastro will likely order imaging as well but honestly in our bullshit healthcare system, you have to be your own best advocate.

[klismoguy]

Ecnopresis can happen at any age,mine went from age 13 to 17,mostly from having poop in public phobia,and eating too much cheese

[mamabear82]

I know this is an older post. Just wondering if you found an answer?