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Post by ovenrack on Sept 5, 2021 19:22:25 GMT -6
Let's do it! Let's talk about our brains and how they're functioning. Let's talk about the good, the bad, and the ugly. Let's talk about what supports us (people, meds, habits, therapies) and what/who doesn't.
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DGM
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Post by DGM on Sept 5, 2021 21:15:54 GMT -6
I'll start! I'm in solo counseling with my mentor from when I was in college and also couple's counseling at a church with a different counselor. The couple's counseling is fairly new and very hard but will hopefully help both of us set some boundaries.
I start MOPS again in a week and am in a leadership role so it's nice to have something to do that's helping other moms but not directly kid-related. I don't see eye to eye with some of the other leaders re: masks and vaccines, but it is a big enough group we shouldn't have to interact constantly. I wandered Target by myself on Monday night to prep my super clingy almost 4 year old for the nights I'll be gone at MOPS. This will be good for everyone.
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Post by rhymeswithdisco on Sept 6, 2021 9:02:47 GMT -6
I’m in a really good place these days. I’m at peace with my divorce and loving my new house and community.
I’ve found a really great combo of meds finally.
My therapist and psychiatrist are the best ever.
TW…
I’m starting trauma counseling for the cptsd from my abusive marriage this fall. I have a lot of anger towards him and how he manipulated me and also a lot of guilt that I chose to have kids with him and my kids now have to endure his manipulation and emotional abuse.
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Post by MrTerrible on Sept 6, 2021 9:47:25 GMT -6
I’m in a really good place these days. I’m at peace with my divorce and loving my new house and community. I’ve found a really great combo of meds finally. My therapist and psychiatrist are the best ever. TW… I’m starting trauma counseling for the cptsd from my abusive marriage this fall. I have a lot of anger towards him and how he manipulated me and also a lot of guilt that I chose to have kids with him and my kids now have to endure his manipulation and emotional abuse. just realized who you are from your screen name. I've been dealing with this guilt a lot recently, even though if had died down for a while (almost 4 blessed years out from separation now). Sometimes I find myself feeling a certain way about my SO because his love for my children is so whole and pure. He genuinely cared about their wellbeing before he ever even met them, and I wish I could have given that to my children from the father who contributed DNA to them. The contrast makes me incredibly sad sometimes, and it's hard for me not to take ownership over the pain they already do and will continue to experience from exH's actions.
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Post by rhymeswithdisco on Sept 6, 2021 13:05:32 GMT -6
I’m in a really good place these days. I’m at peace with my divorce and loving my new house and community. I’ve found a really great combo of meds finally. My therapist and psychiatrist are the best ever. TW… I’m starting trauma counseling for the cptsd from my abusive marriage this fall. I have a lot of anger towards him and how he manipulated me and also a lot of guilt that I chose to have kids with him and my kids now have to endure his manipulation and emotional abuse. just realized who you are from your screen name. I've been dealing with this guilt a lot recently, even though if had died down for a while (almost 4 blessed years out from separation now). Sometimes I find myself feeling a certain way about my SO because his love for my children is so whole and pure. He genuinely cared about their wellbeing before he ever even met them, and I wish I could have given that to my children from the father who contributed DNA to them. The contrast makes me incredibly sad sometimes, and it's hard for me not to take ownership over the pain they already do and will continue to experience from exH's actions. Like for your new boo being so great with your kids. Not for having similar feelings about your ex.
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Post by MrTerrible on Sept 6, 2021 14:51:58 GMT -6
just realized who you are from your screen name. I've been dealing with this guilt a lot recently, even though if had died down for a while (almost 4 blessed years out from separation now). Sometimes I find myself feeling a certain way about my SO because his love for my children is so whole and pure. He genuinely cared about their wellbeing before he ever even met them, and I wish I could have given that to my children from the father who contributed DNA to them. The contrast makes me incredibly sad sometimes, and it's hard for me not to take ownership over the pain they already do and will continue to experience from exH's actions. Like for your new boo being so great with your kids. Not for having similar feelings about your ex. Well he's not so new! We're at three years now, and just got engaged! But yes, I am still happy that he and my kids are so compatible and how much he loves them.
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rugger
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Post by rugger on Sept 6, 2021 19:45:16 GMT -6
I'm doing ok now, I think. S and I had some tough moments over my work situation and him feeling unsupported. Obvs there's more to the story, but that's not important now. I'm looking for business jobs (b/c $$$ and wanting to be able to travel, etc etc) while still running my business. He's making an effort to be more outwardly appreciative of me. Sex life is much improved. Here's to hoping I find a job I don't hate 🤞
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Post by charlotte on Sept 6, 2021 21:07:28 GMT -6
I really want to start therapy! I’ve been meaning to go for like 3 years now but life gets busy. There is a place right next to the kids’ daycare that I’d like to use so that I’m able to easily fit it into my routine. Last year I checked if they were covered by my insurance and they weren’t. Going to check again this week.
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Speedy
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Post by Speedy on Sept 6, 2021 22:05:42 GMT -6
This summer has honestly not been great for my mental health. There were a lot of plans made that ended up not happening which wound up with me being somewhat depressed. And I was also stressing out over money because my mat leave was ending and I had no plans to go back to work. I feel like once I start my training for my new job I'll start to feel a little less stressed out. We're also going into fall, which is my favorite season. In the meantime it's just one foot in front of the other
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snowmoon
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Post by snowmoon on Sept 7, 2021 5:57:51 GMT -6
We’re on the verge of some big transitions that are leaving me feeling anxious. J is starting a new job and will be out of the house for the first time since last March. I’m on a leave of absence from work until December and will be home with the kids by myself. I am a ball of anxiety.
But, I’m appropriately medicated for the first time ever and I’m able to talk myself down and stop myself from lashing out at everyone around me. I feel much more present.
We had a couple sessions of family counseling over the summer because we were really struggling with being consistent with B. J and I have very different views on discipline and it’s our biggest source of contention. I think having him back to work will be a better arrangement but we’re going to continue with monthly therapy sessions so that we can try to be on the same page.
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Post by rhymeswithdisco on Sept 7, 2021 9:34:07 GMT -6
Like for your new boo being so great with your kids. Not for having similar feelings about your ex. Well he's not so new! We're at three years now, and just got engaged! But yes, I am still happy that he and my kids are so compatible and how much he loves them. well that's amazing, congratulations!! And whoa 3 years - time flies!
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DGM
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Post by DGM on Sept 7, 2021 13:53:20 GMT -6
I really want to start therapy! I’ve been meaning to go for like 3 years now but life gets busy. There is a place right next to the kids’ daycare that I’d like to use so that I’m able to easily fit it into my routine. Last year I checked if they were covered by my insurance and they weren’t. Going to check again this week. I know it's not ideal, but is tele-therapy a better option schedule wise? I started to see my solo counselor who's 500 miles away by Zoom over the summer bc I felt more comfortable since she knows my back story.
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Post by charlotte on Sept 7, 2021 14:08:01 GMT -6
I really want to start therapy! I’ve been meaning to go for like 3 years now but life gets busy. There is a place right next to the kids’ daycare that I’d like to use so that I’m able to easily fit it into my routine. Last year I checked if they were covered by my insurance and they weren’t. Going to check again this week. I know it's not ideal, but is tele-therapy a better option schedule wise? I started to see my solo counselor who's 500 miles away by Zoom over the summer bc I felt more comfortable since she knows my back story. Maybe! I am on zoom so often for work that I feel like I’d prefer in-person, but I’d definitely consider it.
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stringy
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Post by stringy on Sept 7, 2021 15:42:01 GMT -6
Congrats on your engagement and nice to see you ITK!
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stringy
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Post by stringy on Sept 7, 2021 15:47:23 GMT -6
Poof
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tj
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Post by tj on Sept 7, 2021 15:52:41 GMT -6
I’m crying in my home office at 4pm on a Tuesday. So I would say I’m fucking killing it as per. I feel like I am living life at a 9.5 on a stress scale of 1-10. And the smallest inconvenience is just too much to bear.
Everything is dirty and gross and everyone is snotty and germy there is too much to do and never enough resources. And I just don’t know how to get a break. Because even when we try to take a real, everything is still gross and dirty and everyone is still gross and germy (and also probably self-centered and rude) and when we get back there is even more to do and even less resources.
I think my bucket is completely empty and possibly has a huge hole in it.
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tj
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Post by tj on Sept 7, 2021 15:59:04 GMT -6
Oh fuck stringy. I’m so sorry. I think it is perfectly legit to mourn losing a parent however hard you need at any age. And all those reasons above show that he was no longer just a parent, he was also kind of a friend. So you are mourning a parent and a friend. But you are also mourning the awesome grandparent that your sweet girls won’t get to enjoy anymore. And that sucks. So mourn on dear. Feel your feelings. For as long as you need. And as hard as you need. I wish there was something I could say or do to make it hurt less for you. Hugs.
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mapleme
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Post by mapleme on Sept 7, 2021 16:46:13 GMT -6
Hugs stringy. tj, can you take a solo vacation? Just some simple weekend for you to be able to things at your own speed? DH and I realized the need for this last year and it was even more wonderful than I expected. I rented an AirBnB about 45 minutes away and only did what I felt like doing in that moment for a whole weekend. I was still feeling the effects of that bucket fill months later.
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Speedy
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Post by Speedy on Sept 7, 2021 17:13:54 GMT -6
Hugs stringy . tj , can you take a solo vacation? Just some simple weekend for you to be able to things at your own speed? DH and I realized the need for this last year and it was even more wonderful than I expected. I rented an AirBnB about 45 minutes away and only did what I felt like doing in that moment for a whole weekend. I was still feeling the effects of that bucket fill months later. tj ^ this I was reading an article the other day about a mom who takes a week every few months and goes to her friends cabin and disconnects. Sounds like something like that might be just what the doctor ordered
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DGM
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Post by DGM on Sept 7, 2021 17:41:11 GMT -6
Hugs stringy . tj , can you take a solo vacation? Just some simple weekend for you to be able to things at your own speed? DH and I realized the need for this last year and it was even more wonderful than I expected. I rented an AirBnB about 45 minutes away and only did what I felt like doing in that moment for a whole weekend. I was still feeling the effects of that bucket fill months later. tj ^ this I was reading an article the other day about a mom who takes a week every few months and goes to her friends cabin and disconnects. Sounds like something like that might be just what the doctor ordered I was supposed to take a solo trip to the coast last weekend, but it didn't work out. So my trip to Target by myself a week ago and only buying items for myself helped recharge too. Not being here after dinner and for bedtime was slightly stressful bc I had no idea what my messy H and kids would do to our living space. However, the time to wander at my pace looking at skincare options and to daydream for home decor helped fill my bucket. I still want a solo weekend at a hotel but just an evening away was enough. Not trying to make it about me but just a reminder it's ok to start small if needed.
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tj
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Post by tj on Sept 7, 2021 18:41:04 GMT -6
tj ^ this I was reading an article the other day about a mom who takes a week every few months and goes to her friends cabin and disconnects. Sounds like something like that might be just what the doctor ordered I was supposed to take a solo trip to the coast last weekend, but it didn't work out. So my trip to Target by myself a week ago and only buying items for myself helped recharge too. Not being here after dinner and for bedtime was slightly stressful bc I had no idea what my messy H and kids would do to our living space. However, the time to wander at my pace looking at skincare options and to daydream for home decor helped fill my bucket. I still want a solo weekend at a hotel but just an evening away was enough. Not trying to make it about me but just a reminder it's ok to start small if needed. Yeah I think I am more here. The idea of getting away for more than a few hours just gives me more anxiety. Plus I think I’m too anxious right now to even manage a hotel stay. I’d spend the whole time looking for bed bugs and wiping things down with Clorox wipes. But sometimes even just forcing myself to go to a store solo seems insurmountable. so maybe I need my meds adjusted as well.
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Post by violajack on Sept 8, 2021 6:37:09 GMT -6
tj, living at the peak of what you can handle sucks so much. Do you have room for a she-shed? A space that only you control and can go in without having to go through public spaces?
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rugger
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Post by rugger on Sept 8, 2021 10:15:04 GMT -6
tj , living at the peak of what you can handle sucks so much. Do you have room for a she-shed? A space that only you control and can go in without having to go through public spaces? I'm going to second the notion that tj gets a she-shed. Pretty, and organized, and clean.
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Speedy
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Post by Speedy on Sept 8, 2021 14:36:38 GMT -6
tj , living at the peak of what you can handle sucks so much. Do you have room for a she-shed? A space that only you control and can go in without having to go through public spaces? I'm going to second the notion that tj gets a she-shed. Pretty, and organized, and clean.
This pictures is what I aspire to but can never achieve lol
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Post by ovenrack on Sept 11, 2021 19:24:20 GMT -6
My own mental wellness aside, my aunt+uncle are visiting and he has dementia.
He has had some symptoms for years but they’ve always been pretty subtle. The difference between when they visited in June and now, almost exactly three months later, is astounding.
It’s so unfair. Both his parents had it, too, so he’s known exactly what was coming for such a long time, and he seems to be much more aware of it than many people I hear/read about. We also talk together more freely about it (just him and me), I think because my parents both died young so he knows I’m not scared to talk about hard things and death.
Complicated emotions.
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tj
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Post by tj on Sept 11, 2021 20:40:45 GMT -6
That is so hard ovenrack. Hugs my friend. Dementia is such an awful illness. For everyone.
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mc13
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Post by mc13 on Sept 12, 2021 5:21:02 GMT -6
I’m sorry ovenrack. That has to be so hard to see such a decline in just a few months. ❤️
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Post by mintyblueair on Sept 12, 2021 19:45:20 GMT -6
I've typed and deleted a few times now. I struggle with on and off health anxiety and when it's on, it's really, really bad. I can't even talk about it because I'm currently going through an episode, but I think (hope) I'm on the tail end.
I'm struggling to understand why it's so up and down for me. When I'm not in an episode I feel really good overall. I might worry here and there but I can still be rational and talk myself out of things. And then I just completely lose that ability to be rational when something triggers me. The last time I went through this was December last year so I had many months of feeling well in between.
I'm debating talking to my doctor about trying medication again but I also have anxiety about side effects and a low tolerance for many of the side effects common to antidepressants. I'm not sure what exactly to do.
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tj
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Post by tj on Sept 12, 2021 20:54:23 GMT -6
I’m really sorry mintyblueair. I don’t have real advice right now. But what I do want to tell you is that you don’t have to live this way. You deserve better. And you are worth the time and the effort to make your life better every day. If you only occasionally have anxiety, I do believe there are ways to work with that with either medicine or talk therapy or both. It is worth pursuing, and YOU are worth pursuing better days. Hugs friend. Edit to add: antidepressants aren’t the only anxiety option out there as far as anxiety meds. They are just the most common. I take buspirone which is specifically for anxiety. I also take Xanax as an abortive med when I’m already in the thick of it. I also know people who take edibles or CBD non-drug for anxiety. So there ARE options out there. If your PCP is not able or comfortable in regards to non-antidepressant anxiety meds, ask for a referral to a specialist.
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mapleme
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Post by mapleme on Sept 13, 2021 8:29:42 GMT -6
mintyblueair I want to +1 for CBD, or other edibles. My specific experience is with CBD, so I'll speak to that, but I think that the other edibles would be similar, but stronger. One of the things that really appeals to me about CBD is the lack of side effects and the very short term nature of it. I'm generally emotionally pretty rock-solid or at least self-solving. So when things get beyond my control I have a lot of difficulty asking for help and the folks around me are not good at recognizing my needs. I'm the least emotionally needy in both my childhood family and my adult family, so my emotional needs generally come last. It's fine, I prefer solving my own problems anyway. DH started trying out CBD for himself, so I decided to give it a try. If I'm feeling good and solid I literally don't notice a thing. It's just a tasty drink. But when I'm off kilter, it just smooths things out. I notice that I'm more patient with my kids. I laugh more easily. I'm not as worried about the work that I have to do. CBD likely isn't enough to pull someone out of an emotional hole, but it is a good tool to keep you from getting too far into the hole. And my favorite part is that when it's done, it's done and there are no lingering effects, except maybe just a little bit more calmness.
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