Questions about texting parents and in-laws kid updates

[mc13]

So this might get long to give the back story.

Last summer we moved closer to my in-laws - literally 5 minutes up the street from them. They regularly see our kids 3-4 times a week and could potentially see them every day if they really wanted to. We have a group text with MIL, FIL, BIL, SIL, MH and I. I was sending lots of photos of the kids until -if you remember my complaint a few months ago - anti mask/vax SIL made a snide remark about the girls wearing masks. I didn't send anything for a few weeks because eff that and then I was accused of "canceling" the family. Seriously. I recently started sending texts when big things happen - like preschool graduation, dance recital, last day of school, etc. MIL has been complaining and guilting me (2 times in the last week) about how I don't send DAILY pictures. I tried to nicely explain that we just aren't doing anything right now so I don't have pictures every day but she won't let it go. They have NEVER in their lives lived near family (they were military for 20 years then since lived 5 hours from any family). So I get that this is all new to them, but wtf. 

Soooo how often do you text kid pictures/updates to your parents and in-laws? I need to set some boundaries here, but maybe I'm not handling it properly. 

[milano]

We have good relationships with my parents and my IL's. I probably text my MIL a "picture dump" like once a month? And I text my own mom a picture here and there, maybe once a week on average. Sometimes I do a dump for her too where I just send the last few weeks' worth of photos all at once. But absolutely not to every day, omg! That's nuts.

ETA if I lived 5 minutes from either of them I would probably never send any pictures.

[mc13]

Jun 23, 2021 11:26:21 GMT -6 milano said:

We have good relationships with my parents and my IL's. I probably text my MIL a "picture dump" like once a month? And I text my own mom a picture here and there, maybe once a week on average. Sometimes I do a dump for her too where I just send the last few weeks' worth of photos all at once. But absolutely not to every day, omg! That's nuts.

ETA if I lived 5 minutes from either of them I would probably never send any pictures.

Thank you for making me feel not crazy. Luckily, T realizes his mom is being overboard for this. I think we, T and I together, need to have a talk about how she is being unreasonable because obviously she's not listening to my responses every time she brings it up. 

[tj]

Holy wow. I have possibly never ever sent a pic to my ILs. And I probably only send them to my mom when something special happens. I occasionally send pics to our family group chat when I get sick of the annoying pics my SIL sends of her children doing absolutely nothing. Like omg look my nephew can watch tv! Ugh big deal. Stop.

So yeah. This is literal insanity if you ask me.

[snowmoon]

Yeah, daily pictures would be way overboard. I send MIL pictures like, once or twice a year, maybe? We see my parents once or twice weekly and rarely send pictures.

[sheilathetank]

I don't even take pics of my kids daily. If they live that close and want to see the kids daily, tell them to drive by and you'll have the kids wave.

[milano]

mc13 maybe get her one of those wifi photo frames for Christmas? You don't have to add fresh pictures every day but maybe having a frame that scrolls through pictures of the girls all day long would help her deal with her unrealistic expectations.

[charlotte]

3-4 in-person visits per week is already a lot. I assume she takes pictures herself when she sees them for special events, etc. IMO that should be enough.

When DS1 was little I started getting requests for daily photos from the ILs and also passive aggressive comments when I failed to send them everyday. Finally when he was 5 months old I shut that down hard. We give them a photo book every year at Christmas, and MH will send photos on special occasions. I’ve released it.

I send my mom quick photos sporadically but sometimes go weeks without doing so. It just happens (or doesn’t) naturally.

[mc13]

Jun 23, 2021 12:57:00 GMT -6 milano said:

mc13 maybe get her one of those wifi photo frames for Christmas? You don't have to add fresh pictures every day but maybe having a frame that scrolls through pictures of the girls all day long would help her deal with her unrealistic expectations.

OMG! We got them one when R was a baby and I dump ALL the photos on it like once a month. 

[mintyblueair]

I send my parents a photo or two most days, but that started when we moved 12 hours away. When we lived near to them I only sent the occasional photo.

My husband handles it with his parents. About once a month he sends an email and a bunch of photos.

[sarenu]

I’m a bad daughter…

Once in awhile? Maybe. But then I am horrible at taking pictures.

[jnu76]

I scaled back on sending pictures to parents and in-laws when I found out they were forwarding them to everyone they know. They don’t understand the idea of privacy, and they think I’m unreasonable when it bothers me.
And when my oldest was a newborn my MIL used the picture I was planning to use for our Christmas card for hers and sent them out super early. I found out when I opened it.

[ovenrack]

I think I sent my FIL a pic of the kids once.

She needs to lay off.

[mc13]

Jun 23, 2021 14:49:44 GMT -6 jnu76 said:

I scaled back on sending pictures to parents and in-laws when I found out they were forwarding them to everyone they know. They don’t understand the idea of privacy, and they think I’m unreasonable when it bothers me.
And when my oldest was a newborn my MIL used the picture I was planning to use for our Christmas card for hers and sent them out super early. I found out when I opened it.

Oh my. I would be furious.

[DGM]

I'm the speshul snowflake who sends pics to my parents and MIL nearly every day except Sundays now that we live almost 500 miles away. I talk/text more with my MIL than her own son does though so like I said, SS. When we were all within 15 mins of each other, I rarely sent pics. My mom gets obnoxious if I don't send pics, but my MIL doesn't.