wedding
Emerald
Posts: 14,384 Likes: 77,750
|
Post by wedding on May 11, 2021 9:35:11 GMT -6
jewels, personally I would send him to K. I think the structure of it may help with behavioral issues and I would worry that behavior issues would be worse if he isn't challenged academically. If they think he would benefit from another year of K, you could do that. I don't recall what his problems are aside from the potty training. C had an IEP for speech and it helped a lot. C is one of the oldest kids in his class (9/1 cut off and he is 10/28). If we had the option to put him in early or if the cutoff was 12/31 like other schools, I would have sent him even though he wasn't quite there maturity wise. I think it would have helped him mature and may have set him up better academically.
|
|
wedding
Emerald
Posts: 14,384 Likes: 77,750
|
Post by wedding on May 11, 2021 9:38:08 GMT -6
Or follow what vino said!
|
|
wedding
Emerald
Posts: 14,384 Likes: 77,750
|
Post by wedding on May 11, 2021 9:39:35 GMT -6
mamabear, that stinks. Try not to worry too much about it. I didn't have my Dr either since I went 3 weeks early. I honestly didn't even notice. Will your Dr be around after for rotations and what not? That was when I felt like I really needed her.
|
|
jewels
Opal
Posts: 8,408 Likes: 44,277
|
Post by jewels on May 11, 2021 9:39:49 GMT -6
jewels and anyone. I’m not well versed in IEPs but can’t they be for behavioral reasons, too? You say he gets upset and misses lessons, would an IEP make it possible for him to have an aide of some sort or get him special attention from a TA when there are transitions through the day? That is more along the lines of what I was thinking, not really academically because you said he is super smart. Interesting. I emailed out to the school principal (who I love) to discuss. It's weird. It's behavioral, obviously, but he's so happy. Even when he's being a pain in the ass, he's a happy pain in the ass. His teachers are always pointing that out. Like he may be disruptive, but he's smiling while he's doing it. And there's no maliciousness or anything. So maybe an aide might help?
|
|
jewels
Opal
Posts: 8,408 Likes: 44,277
|
Post by jewels on May 11, 2021 9:40:57 GMT -6
Good morning from the office! I have been really struggling with what to do about B for next year (he is supposed to start K, he's about 7 weeks from the cutoff, he's very immature (like probably acts more like a almost 4 year old than an almost 5 year old) and still struggles with potty training (some weeks he's fine, some weeks he may have 2 or 3 accidents). But he's crazy smart. He's already sounding out the spelling of words, and doing basic math. He gets school concepts so quickly, but he often will miss entire lessons because he is upset about something (like they made him wash his hands or throw away his snack when he didn't want to), so he'll refuse to participate. I've been working with his teachers to try to fix it and he has a lot of good days, but a lot of bad ones too. Anyway, I need to decide by the end of this week. His DC is holding a spot in the 4+ class (I think it's called Jr. K in other places) and they told me I need to let them know so they can release the spot to someone else if he doesn't take it. I am so conflicted. Maturity vs academics. I know I've asked y'all before but any words of wisdom? It’s so hard. I was back and forth with Josie til the very very end, and I think waiting made the difference. Not that it really matters, but she is also still small and even though she is the oldest in her class, she is the third smallest (I also only know the real specificity on this because they just did some unit on Penguins where they had to measure themselves against some of the worlds tallest penguins). For us the maturity mattered more bc I knew her school could (and does) do things to enrich the curriculum for her. B is small too. But so is S and he's one of the oldest in his class. We are small people lol.
|
|
jewels
Opal
Posts: 8,408 Likes: 44,277
|
Post by jewels on May 11, 2021 9:41:54 GMT -6
jewels , not sure what I would do in your shoes, but do you think the summer months will give him a chance to mature? Also a big part of kindergarten is social development right? Might be something to consider. You could also do some enrichment activites at home if you decide to wait. It's tough he has matured so much in the past 6-9 months. But I just don't know if it's enough. So, maybe? That's what I have been holding out hope for, that he would keep maturing.
|
|
jewels
Opal
Posts: 8,408 Likes: 44,277
|
Post by jewels on May 11, 2021 9:45:12 GMT -6
jewels I've got a lot of thoughts about it since B is the same way, he is 7.5 and the youngest in his grade 2 class but always in the top two for learning, participating in class etc. The other day the teacher asked the class to pretend that B wasn't there and others had to give answers. ha! So I think that it's important to know that whatever you choose there will be pros/cons and work you will have to do in the home to keep him up to speed. 1. holding back - maturity could increase within the timeframe and he may match the class when he gets into school but at home you will have to provide additional work for him to learn and grow, think tutoring almost. If you hold him back it could mean that he would be frustrated with being bored and then lose confidence therefore setting him 'back' in maturity level as well. I also think that the timeline for keeping him in daycare could possibly be to long with the one full year, as he could show leaps and bounds within 6 months and then what, you're waiting for the next Sept to come around. 2. sending him - he could be the youngest in his class therefore immature a little but he would thrive and gain confidence through the in school learning and challenges presented to him. BUT within the home you will have to cradle his emotional needs, lots of conversations about feelings and I find spending quality one on one time is the key here. So in any case there will be adjustments within the home to reach his needs, either academically or emotionally. TO ME and in my home, meeting B's need emotionally is what mothers and families do best, I am not a teacher and he doesn't want to learn from me. He wants hugs, golf games, throwing the baseball to each other, bike rides, long conversations and quality time. I think that so much confidence can be gained by challenging the kids academically if that's what makes them proud. my disclaimer is that whatever you choose you will always think, what if I had chosen differently? It still happens to me when B will inevitably be crying about some art project that ISNT QUITE RIGHT and I then tell myself that I made the wrong choice..... Every time you talk about your B, I am amazed at how similar he is to my S. S has had a sub for the past few months and he has been showing her how to do things like screen share when they are remote learning lol. And I agree about thinking whatever choice would be the wrong choice. It's so tough and none of us have a crystal ball.
|
|
jewels
Opal
Posts: 8,408 Likes: 44,277
|
Post by jewels on May 11, 2021 9:50:11 GMT -6
jewels , personally I would send him to K. I think the structure of it may help with behavioral issues and I would worry that behavior issues would be worse if he isn't challenged academically. If they think he would benefit from another year of K, you could do that. I don't recall what his problems are aside from the potty training. C had an IEP for speech and it helped a lot. C is one of the oldest kids in his class (9/1 cut off and he is 10/28). If we had the option to put him in early or if the cutoff was 12/31 like other schools, I would have sent him even though he wasn't quite there maturity wise. I think it would have helped him mature and may have set him up better academically. Oh, I forgot to mention, his school doesn't believe in holding back except in the most extreme cases. The principal said once he starts, he will be in that grade forever. His speech is fine. REally his issues are so intangible. He just is super immature. Like you put him next to another 4.5 year old and he seems SOOOO young. He goes to preK soccer and he just clings to me the whole time. He'll still have times at DC where he gets really sad cuz he misses me. Plus the potty training stuff. And he just is stubborn, like if he wants to pee in his pants, he just will. No amount of discussion, reward, punishment, praise, etc will change that. S is old too (11/25 birthday with a 10/1 cutoff so same as C) and he would have been fine to be in 2nd grade. He was so much more mature at this age.
|
|
jewels
Opal
Posts: 8,408 Likes: 44,277
|
Post by jewels on May 11, 2021 9:52:00 GMT -6
sorry for clogging up the thread mamabear similar thing happened to me - the Dr I had been seeing through my whole pregnancy was on Vacation the week I was supposed to have my C Section. It ended up fine. Can you just choose to see the other Dr for some of your next appointments so you can build a relationship? For my C Sections, I felt the anesthesiologist was the most important person to me in that room lol.
|
|
vino
Opal
Posts: 9,054 Likes: 56,450
|
Post by vino on May 11, 2021 9:56:49 GMT -6
jewels you're not clogging up the thread, at all. This is what we do, discuss life and adulting decisions. and yes to the helping, B is the go to for helping the teacher with technology, I can hear him in his room; No Mrs S he needs to press this, maybe it's his headphones, you need to unlock the google slide. all the time.
|
|
|
Post by lahdeedah on May 11, 2021 9:58:03 GMT -6
vino All of what you said is great advice I think for everyone here. I could apply everything to both my kids. jewels I don’t think the immaturity should be what’s holding him back. I would be more worried about the academics. If he can handle the academics, which he clearly can, send him to K. Any time I had any small behavior issues with my boys, it was usually at the end of the academic year or when they got bored with the material. I had to move M up early when he was real young- because late birthday- and as soon as he was with the older kids, all the behavior issues went away. ETA: girl, stop. It’s always good to talk this out and get advice. It’s what we are here for.
|
|
vino
Opal
Posts: 9,054 Likes: 56,450
|
Post by vino on May 11, 2021 10:03:53 GMT -6
lahdeedah I am just really in my head about it because B and Julia are exact opposite of each other so I am constantly thinking about being mindful of their needs when I switch from one kid to the next. B thrives on routine, rules and loves to be complimented and told he is doing a good job and is emotionally needy af; Julia is super mature, independent and gives no fucks about relationships or feelings and HATES being recognized for doing good work, we dont dare scream out 'good job' after she has written her name, the alphabet or adds 2+2, she'll literally close the door and yell 'STOP IT' at me. Parenting is fun.
|
|
jewels
Opal
Posts: 8,408 Likes: 44,277
|
Post by jewels on May 11, 2021 10:34:06 GMT -6
It's interesting to me that most people here are leaning towards sending him. Most people IRL that I talk to are leaning towards holding him back to give him time to mature. Their reasoning is the school system is really good here and they will continue to meet him at his educational level, if it's above or below grade level. lahdeedah - I did that with S too, he moved up to the PreK 4 class halfway through preK 3 and he thrived being with the older kids. B has spent this whole year with the PreK 4 kids that are heading to K next year and he gives no fucks about "measuring up" or anything. He does seem to have plenty of friends and is happy, but I wonder if his friends view him as a peer or a younger kid. I have a conference with his teacher at 1:15 today so I will be discussing this with her again...
|
|
tgrimes
Diamond
Posts: 27,866 Likes: 138,914
|
Post by tgrimes on May 11, 2021 10:46:57 GMT -6
they only schedule the sedated ones for the morning appts. Gotcha. Is he doing it at a hospital or outpatient center? hospital
|
|
nam2013
Emerald
Posts: 13,725 Likes: 68,913
|
Post by nam2013 on May 11, 2021 12:00:36 GMT -6
jewels another thing I always think ‘they have the rest of their lives to be big, they can only be little for such a short time’. Glad to hear that school in im your area will do their best to engage him academically.
|
|
nam2013
Emerald
Posts: 13,725 Likes: 68,913
|
Post by nam2013 on May 11, 2021 12:09:04 GMT -6
mamabear oh I’m so sorry. It sucks when things don’t go as you had wished. Anecdotal, and not the same, but I during my three pregnancies I had all my checkups at a small midwives practice of four midwives. They alternate the appointments to make sure that you see everyone. I had my favourite and wanted home births. Long story short, three births, two hospital births, never had one of the midwives from the practice as my midwives... both my two last births midwives were amazing!
|
|
jewels
Opal
Posts: 8,408 Likes: 44,277
|
Post by jewels on May 11, 2021 12:14:36 GMT -6
jewels another thing I always think ‘they have the rest of their lives to be big, they can only be little for such a short time’. Glad to hear that school in im your area will do their best to engage him academically. I think this too sometimes. He is such a happy little boy. Like everyone that knows him well says they wish they could have 10 % of his happiness. He just has something special about him. But with that comes the lolligagging and silliness of a toddler, not an almost Kindergartener! I want him to behave, but I don't want to inherently change who he is. It's tough.
|
|
|
Post by wineallthetime on May 11, 2021 12:15:12 GMT -6
Good luck, tgrimes! Reading those numbers gives me chest pains. jewels, what a tough decision! I don't have advice but wanted to say I'm reading along and please never feel bad about bringing stuff like this up!
|
|
|
Post by wineallthetime on May 11, 2021 12:18:50 GMT -6
mamabear, you are the opposite of me. My third C-section I was just like, "when's the earliest you can do it? Give me whoever you've got!" Should have been careful what I wished for since he came at 31 weeks lol
|
|
inthekitty
Emerald
My eyes are up here.
Posts: 10,581 Likes: 69,399
|
Post by inthekitty on May 11, 2021 14:37:40 GMT -6
My work computer is a POS and it's eaten multiple comments I had so here goes again: tgrimes I'm guessing H is done or there now. Everything's crossed that it goes well. Eff US "health insurance" and how much $$ gets in the way. jewels with few rare exceptions I'm always of the go with the cut-offs in your area as far as school go. Someone has to be the tallest/smallest, smartest/most behind, most mature/most immature. Especially since it's one main area that he is lagging behind and not several. Another thing to look into is if your school district would allow him to go right to 1st if he has another year at his current dc/preschool. My nephew did that. mamabear that stinks. I hope it works out for you. What day are you hoping for? June is my month. My sister, older brother, cat, dog, and myself all have June birthdays plus my anniversary is in June. It's a good time for a birthday.
|
|
inthekitty
Emerald
My eyes are up here.
Posts: 10,581 Likes: 69,399
|
Post by inthekitty on May 11, 2021 14:44:32 GMT -6
vino thanks for checking in on C. I don't know what to say. Her pain/mobility issues are vastly improved, but still not resolved. Today was her first day back to school and I got a call this morning that she was in pain at the nurse's office. She iced her elbow and opted to return to class. About an hour later she was back in the nurse's office and they called to have me get her and the nurse said she was in pain and looked fatigued. Cass said she took it easy at recess and just walked around. She really, really wanted to go to school today (woke extra early) and has been wanting to be better (if it were Mad it could definitely be some drama for attention, but that's not Cass). She had 2 phone consults on Monday and both docs said likely some unknown virus, but it could be an autoimmune disorder so we need to get her right in if something like this happens again. Her illness started on the 1st and we were told if it was viral it would resolved in 7-10 days. MH is trying to get a hold of her doctor now to see what we do from here and if they need to schedule more tests. I figure might as well get an appointment and if it resolves before then we can always cancel.
|
|
nam2013
Emerald
Posts: 13,725 Likes: 68,913
|
Post by nam2013 on May 11, 2021 14:56:17 GMT -6
tgrimes hope h is done and things went okay. inthekitty so sorry C is still dealing with residual pains. How are you yourself holding up?
|
|
lfig
Sapphire
Posts: 4,417 Likes: 33,916
|
Post by lfig on May 11, 2021 15:27:40 GMT -6
jewels I would lean towards sending him as well. An IEP could provide some accommodations to help him. It’s not strictly for academic. There are provisions for social and emotional as well. However, based on what you are saying he may get occasional help from a general aide but I doubt he would be able to have someone with him all the time. They’ve tried to get out of providing an aide full time for S in the past (they soon realized that wouldn’t work) and she is very much in need. Mostly Non verbal, mobility issues, developmentally very delayed. She’s a “flight risk” 😂 (won’t stay in the room, must have eyes on her all the time).
|
|
inthekitty
Emerald
My eyes are up here.
Posts: 10,581 Likes: 69,399
|
Post by inthekitty on May 11, 2021 15:32:49 GMT -6
tgrimes hope h is done and things went okay. inthekitty so sorry C is still dealing with residual pains. How are you yourself holding up? Thanks for asking. I'm stressed. When MH took her in the doctor also mentioned kidney disease. I'm trying not to think the worst. It was a huge relief when we realized she was going to be ok. Now seeing that she may have some awful chronic issue my stress level is going back up. We're trying to keep level-headed. She has an appointment Friday.
|
|
lfig
Sapphire
Posts: 4,417 Likes: 33,916
|
Post by lfig on May 11, 2021 15:46:14 GMT -6
inthekitty I would def go ahead and get the appt. remember when S first lost her hand function? It came on so quick, and she also had trouble walking initially. They were saying it was possibly a virus then, but because of all her neurological issues and her shunt, they admitted her anyway, gave her a different neuro diagnosis that turned out not to be it. But 3 months later her other hand lost function (started in just the right hand then went to left later). I don’t know if there was any joint pain because not only is she non verbal mostly, but she doesn’t show pain often. But once the other hand went that’s when they tested for EVERYTHING. And even though everything came back ok, they decided it’s an unidentified auto immune issue. ETA: basically confirmed by the fact that the IVIG treatments help.
|
|
inthekitty
Emerald
My eyes are up here.
Posts: 10,581 Likes: 69,399
|
Post by inthekitty on May 11, 2021 15:54:04 GMT -6
lfig, I appreciate your take on things and definitely remember when S was going through that. I want to push them to test for everything they can if it's not fully resolved by then.
|
|
mwhip
Opal
Posts: 9,086 Likes: 56,291
|
Post by mwhip on May 11, 2021 16:20:10 GMT -6
inthekitty I would also get appointments set up ASAP. Kids specialists take so damn long to get into, even if you see improvement, you could cancel the appointment later, but I would get on their books. It can take months to diagnose autoimmune disorders, which is frustrating. Like lfig, the diagnose of a general virus was received by us as well, and why it annoys me when thats the response. Like, yes, I get that is the case for some individuals, but I expect the medical professionals to explore all options because I'm clueless on this crap!
|
|
vino
Opal
Posts: 9,054 Likes: 56,450
|
Post by vino on May 11, 2021 16:58:57 GMT -6
I agree with everyone inthekitty to try and get as many appointments on the books as possible. I’m sorry she’s still in pain, you’re doing a fabulous job of advocating for her. I have no doubt this is stressful, my heart breaks with every update. Vent here anytime you need, we’re here for you and if you need anything reach out, we got you.
|
|
vino
Opal
Posts: 9,054 Likes: 56,450
|
Post by vino on May 11, 2021 16:59:34 GMT -6
How did the appointment go tgrimes? I hope they were able to get what they needed this afternoon 🤞
|
|
tgrimes
Diamond
Posts: 27,866 Likes: 138,914
|
Post by tgrimes on May 11, 2021 17:04:23 GMT -6
How did the appointment go tgrimes? I hope they were able to get what they needed this afternoon 🤞 We just got home. I had to entertain him for 1.5 hours before the procedure. He was a champ foe the IV but wouldn’t sit still for the ct scan. We tried 3 times. So now I have to reschedule for sedation. I’m going to see if we can go to the other campus though because they only schedule them for 2pm, and he won’t be able to eat all day.
|
|