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Post by Nonniedee on Jul 14, 2017 12:40:04 GMT -6
So, just now my daughter was watching frozen, and she turned to me and said "I'd like to be white like Elsa, I don't want to be brown."
It floored me. She actually just got a little flippant when I told her brown is beautiful. She said "no I'd prefer white, and I'm getting mad."
Frozen is literally the only movie she's seen with white leads and heroes. I'm diligent about my kids being exposed to great images of black people. I damn near drill it into her head constantly.
I'm at the point of tears. How can 1 movie undo all of my work? I don't even know what to say to her. I don't want to scare her, or make her feel like she's in trouble.
Help please.
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Post by Nonniedee on Jul 14, 2017 12:47:53 GMT -6
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Post by miawallace on Jul 14, 2017 14:49:31 GMT -6
Hugs man. I can imagine why this is upsetting for you.
One of my fears is to potentially hear my daughter say she doesn't want to visit or like my family because of who they are. I've had visions of what those conversations can potentially sound like in the future and it breaks my heart.
I try to fill my daughter's life with as much PoC positivity as I can at home because I know there is plenty whiteness going on outside the home. I think I go the extra mile with keeping her toys and entertainment poc friendly for this reason. But she's still young. It's going to be harder to keep her in this bubble as she gets older.
My niece is dark-skinned and she has said similar things to to me while I've watched her. She's 4. She has said she wanted to look white like Cinderella. I said something like "you know mom, dad, and grandpa are dark right? And you don't love them less right? and they love you back huh?" I kept the convo casual.
It's hard man. It seems like parents have to fight 10 times harder so that kids don't develop hang ups about their skin color. It makes me angry how underrepresented poc are in today's society. Whether it's in politics, tv, films, and toys.
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jd
New
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Post by jd on Jul 14, 2017 15:04:19 GMT -6
Oh Nonniedee, I am so sorry. I'm not Black, but as a person of color and a foreigner, I worry about this happening too with my mixed-race kids. Is it possible that this was more of a passing comment than a true sentiment? Or maybe she's just responding strongly because it's different from the media she's usually exposed to? I would definitely keep it casual (especially if she's getting upset) and up the PoC awesomeness in your household. It is freakin' hard raising kids of color, but you are so committed to it that your daughter will be amazing, even if she goes through rough patches.
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lonefox
Gold
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Post by lonefox on Jul 14, 2017 15:14:59 GMT -6
Oh honey, nothing has been undone. She's just at an age where she's noticing differences so if Frozen is different from the things she's usually seeing of course she's going to pick up on that, but it doesn't mean that the groundwork you've laid was for naught. She will understand that black is beautiful because you are her mama and you're ome of the most beautiful people I know - inside and out.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 14, 2017 18:07:06 GMT -6
I was gutted when I read this.
But then I was confused like, "Nonnies daughter is fly and it seems like she knows it too". From what I can see in her pictures is that she loves the skin she's in and is confident in herself. Your work has not gone undone. I think your reaction was valid but I'd say just give it some time. I have a feeling that was a one time occurrence. Kids say weird shit.
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McBenny
Unicorn
#sickomode
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Post by McBenny on Jul 14, 2017 18:30:25 GMT -6
Let me say that I'm not saying I do anything the correct way but I handle stuff like that by saying
There is nothing special about being white. All colors are beautiful and the same.
Now I know society will show them different but for me, that comes later.
Our conversations probably started at an earlier age cause I'm a different color than my kids.
I would tell them you come out how your parents are. Y'all a combination of me and daddy.
Your words will resonate more for her. No cartoon will undo the words of her mother.
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McBenny
Unicorn
#sickomode
Posts: 52,182 Likes: 296,671
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Post by McBenny on Jul 14, 2017 20:37:13 GMT -6
I also teach mine that their black is beautiful and it all started with black people and Africa etc.
I have immersed myself in the history and culture. I taught myself black hair care cause I never wanted her to think it had to be straight or blonde to be beautiful.
Ultimately that's why I focus on the hair so much cause that's a big part of a black woman's idea of herself. Media shows all this other stuff that isn't normal to our eye.
When I was little for example I didn't want o play with barbie or dolls cause I was like, "that's not my baby she has yellow hair."
Anyway I focus on positive portrays but they're in a different world than we grew up in. Times are changing.
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Post by adulruna on Jul 16, 2017 18:55:51 GMT -6
I understand how you feel. It's hard. I don't have solid advice to offer but my sister (she's 9) will often say how "white is better" and just looks "prettier" it absolutely breaks my heart. I try to counter it and tell her how some people will go tanning to get close to her skin color but her mom and her side of the family all think that same way and I don't see her enough for my words to matter.
All i can offer are hugs!
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lolo
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Post by lolo on Jul 16, 2017 20:39:41 GMT -6
I agree with the other ladies that your work hasn't been undone. It really helps to have her see what you do even if it doesn't seem like it.
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puff
Silver
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Post by puff on Jul 18, 2017 9:21:45 GMT -6
I agree with what everyone has said. Your work is not undone. They say these things every now and then. I've asked them why and sometimes it's more about the character/situation than skin color. Just keep doing what your doing. Hugs.
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