My child is a thief

[wedding]

And he threatened to shoot me with a gun today. He says he has one in his secret hiding spot. Dh and I are disturbed about both things.


Last year he would occasionally try to smuggle a toy out of school. Funny at the time. Not big deal. The past couple of months I've found things that aren't his at least once a week.

Today he had a small stuffed animal in his pocket that he tried to take a few days ago and I told him no. I was getting him in the car seat today and saw the bulge and asked him "is that the giraffe I told you not to take?" He says "no its mine". I asked him to see it and said "I always put your name on stuff so if it's yours it will have your name." He says "it does, but don't check".

When we got home I found another toy in his bag. He claims his friends "bought" these for him. I told him they are going back tomorrow and I will speak to his teacher.

Then he told me if I take his toys he will shoot me with a gun he keeps in his secret hiding place. I told him we don't talk about guns (in fact he doesn't play with them either) and we never threaten to shoot people. He kept going on and on about shooting us and also said he would shoot the police.


So is my kid a sociopath/kleptomaniac? Is this normal behavior for his age? What can I do? I don't want him stealing from people and threatening to shoot them!

He has no other markers of sociopathic behavior so that's good. 😔

[klong11]

Cadence is a clepto and lies about it as well.
She calls guns "shooters" and has been talking about them lately because some of the boys she plays with do.
I have to remember that not everyone will have the same anti-fungals rules that we do and when she starts imaginative play with them I try to redirect.


ETA: anti-gun rules. Not anti-fungals. Wtf phone?

[cheeksmum]

Nanny bought N a toy gun once, I took it away and hid it the same day. A couple days later DH had told N he couldn't do/have something (I don't exactly remember) and N came to me
"mommy, where's my gun?"
Why?
"Because... I need to shoot daddy"

I don't know if it was appropriate but I flat out told him that people with guns kill people. When someone is killed they never come back. And that the person who uses a gun goes to jail forever. I then explained that we use words when we are upset but we never use an object to hurt someone.

We have had other discussions about guns but I don't sugar coat it.

I think it's normal behaviour and it's probably just something he's heard at the playground or from other kids.

[cheeksmum]

As for the stealing... I try to get N to put himself in the other child's shoes.
"How would you feel if Kaitlin took superman home and away from you" etc

I don't know if he fully understands but he does normally say he would be sad or wouldn't like it and then I can redirect from there.

[kim22]

T had $42 one day. I asked where he got it and he says his brother's wallet. I told him he can't take his brother's money. He said "but I'm little, how else will I get money?"

Another time, DD was talking about a lockdown drill at school. T told us they have lockdown drills at N's house (his sitter). He told us they all hide in a secret tunnel under N's house and J (sitter's husband) guards the door with his big gun.

The kids also taught him rock, paper, scissors but since they say "rock, paper, scissors, shot, T makes a gun out of his hand.

So basically, I will sit on your bench.

[tgrimes]

Coming from my sister who has 4 kids. Totally normal. Just continue what you're doing by telling him we don't take other people's things and we don't tell people we're going to shoot them.

[lahdeedah]

M is in the "take what I want" stage, too. A few months ago, when we went to NC for my niece's christening, he snuck her Sophie the giraffe into the snack bag before we left. I didn't see it until we got home 7 hours later. I asked him why he did it and he said because it's mine. I had a talk with him, then.

Also, for the past couple of months, he has brought stuff home from daycare. The teachers let him, but he always thinks they are his once they are home. I have to remind him that they go back to school the next day and are, in fact, not his. Anywhere we are, if he finds something he wants, he asks me 'I bring this home?'. I always have to say no and tell him why it doesn't come home. He usually accepts my answer and we go on with our day.

It's a phase. Keep talking to him and hopefully it passes.

[Sunny41]

wedding just tonight E was talking about shooting me and killing me and superman killing batman. I had been thinking maybe he heard about killing and shooting from Trolls or Zootopia. I was very disturbed by it. I like what cheeksmum said to N

[vino]

B used to take things from daycare at least once a week, I asked if it's his he says he just 'picked it up some where' i say 'right, daycare'. I tell him those aren't his toys and he'll be returning them in the morning. End of story, I dont even listen to his song and dance after that. He thens returns it to the teacher the next day with an apology. Since I've made him accountable, it's happening way less.

The other day they were playing and B said, ok J I'll shoot you dead. Instant time out.

I explained after that we not only not play with guns, but shooting anyone is not tolerated. Now when he 'shoots' something I say that it's shooting unicorns and rainbows, lol, he gets so embarrassed and moves on.

[cagoldi]

I can't say we have any experience with the stealing, but the threats!

Any time he's upset it's "I'm going to put you in jail, I want to live alone with no grown ups, I'm going to lock you out of the house, I want to kill X, I want to shoot daddy, etc."

I don't know. It's unlikely that all our kids are sociopaths so it's probably just an indication that all 3 year-olds say and do terrible things.

Not that it makes things any less stressful. He makes me cry LOL.


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[nam2013]

@goldi, kids are bastards, he's lucky you love him that much. Come cry here, virtual hugs are always available!

[mskatiep]

Layla has taken things from daycare too and we always return it the next morning.

She also has threatened to kill me and shoot me. She also says she loves bad guys. We drive by the Leavenworth Federal Penitentiary (big huge scary building btw) and I have told her that it is where people go when they kill people and they never get to come out again. It has not quite sunk in yet, but I'm hoping. She goes to daycare with kids of military members, so I expected to deal with "playing guns."

Tldr: normal, not a sociopath. Just keep instilling your values and it will stick eventually.

[cagoldi]

@makatiep Dude loves villains. They're his favorite characters on all cartoons. I notice that watching PJ Masks and Dinotrux seem to exacerbate his behavior. Paw Patrol seems much better because there are no "bad guys."


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[inthekitty]

While disturbing, it's normal. Once they are corrected (many times) and appropriately socialized it will eventually stop. In my Maddie aged mom group about a year ago many of the moms were so sick of the constant lying that they just quit asking the kids questions so they wouldn't have an opportunity to lie because it was so prevalent. Instead of "Did you brush your teeth?" just figured they probably didn't and said "Go brush your teeth."

I'm loling at kim22's T comment about how else would he get money. True that, kid.

I love cheeksmum's blunt and honest approach. The way I look at it, if they are old enough to say things like "I'm going to shoot you" they are old enough to be told the harsh truth of what their words mean.

[chrisy01]

Jul 14, 2017 8:54:37 GMT -6 cagoldi said:

@makatiep Dude loves villains. They're his favorite characters on all cartoons. I notice that watching PJ Masks and Dinotrux seem to exacerbate his behavior. Paw Patrol seems much better because there are no "bad guys."


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LO loves hook and at first cheered for the beagle boys until he realized they never get the money.

[vino]

mskatiep We're a military house and am strongly against playing guns, which I'm sure is not the norm. He picked it up from daycare.

[mskatiep]

vino i didn't mean to offend. I know not all military families are pro-gun.

[mskatiep]

cagoldi Layla love "scarlen" (aka Scarlett) from the minions. I just try to tell her that the bad guys always get in trouble and they are following the rules.

[vino]

Jul 14, 2017 10:15:36 GMT -6 mskatiep said:

vino i didn't mean to offend. I know not all military families are pro-gun.

Zero offense taken 😘

[flamingo]

Jul 14, 2017 9:30:06 GMT -6 vino said:

mskatiep We're a military house and am strongly against playing guns, which I'm sure is not the norm. He picked it up from daycare.

As an aside, and to mskatiep's point, Its interesting...the military families I know are all--well, I don't want to say anti-gun, but maybe just hyper conscious and cautious of guns BECAUSE of the parent's line of work. Including us, and DH does own recreational weapons. I see a lot of discussions about the topic in spouse groups I'm in, and we tend to run with a fairly conservative crowd. Just my experience, though!

We haven't really had this issue yet so I don't have anything terribly useful to contribute. I don't think N13 is raising a bunch of sociopaths, though...I think a lot of it is what they're exposed to from other kids (If playmates have an older sibling, for ex.) I've seen older kids (4-5) playing with imaginary guns on the playground after preschool but so far B hadn't picked up on it.

(Also, mskatie, lol at the Leavenworth pen...when we lived there we'd take B on drives to get him a nap and you could see all sorts of prisons around town!)

[calimocho]

I think this is all normal at their age and you are handling it correctly. My kids haven't started stealing yet, but they do pretend to play with guns and kill each other even though we don't have guns/watch anything with guns/have friends with guns. I talk to them honestly -- guns are not toys, they can kill people, and we don't play or joke about killing people. I assume the lesson will sink in eventually.

[snoopmommymom]

O just started the "I'm going to kill you" thing last week because he was playing with his 10 year old cousin. MH was shocked when he was wrestling with him last night and he said it.

[trtlcrzy]

I just saw this blog post and thought it might be helpful to some of you. The author is one of DH's friend's wives. She's a play therapist for children.
encompassmh.com/blog/what-do-when-play-turns-morbid/?utm_content=buffer9eff3&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer

[wedding]

Jul 18, 2017 19:59:25 GMT -6 trtlcrzy said:

I just saw this blog post and thought it might be helpful to some of you. The author is one of DH's friend's wives. She's a play therapist for children.
encompassmh.com/blog/what-do-when-play-turns-morbid/?utm_content=buffer9eff3&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer

Thank you! This had some good ideas!

Small update: DH ran into the mom of the girl that supposedly gave C her toy. The mom told Dh that she specifically brought that toy in for C with her moms permission. They then gave the toy back to C. So I guess he wasn't lying/stealing in that instance.

[cagoldi]

Today Atticus told Pete he wants him to leave so it's just me and him in the house, and if he doesn't go he's going to cut off his legs, burn them, and eat them.


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[klong11]

Jul 18, 2017 22:50:36 GMT -6 cagoldi said:

Today Atticus told Pete he wants him to leave so it's just me and him in the house, and if he doesn't go he's going to cut off his legs, burn them, and eat them.


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How is he supposed to leave if he doesn't have any legs?