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Post by alwayscheese on Jul 7, 2017 8:08:29 GMT -6
Hey, I'm cheese and I'm researching attachment parenting since I'm planning/hoping to be parenting in the next year. I've mostly posted on GKU so Idk if anyone recognizes me, but I heard there were people on this board that wouldn't mind talking about AP. 1. If I am only going to read one book about AP, which would you recommend? 2. I have a kind of vague grasp of what AP means, and I know that some parents take an eclectic approach and use parts of different parenting methods. What would you say is the most important aspect, or a short explanation of what it means for you as a parent. 3. What does AP look like for your SO especially if they work and you are SAH. This will be DH and I and he'll be working nights as well so any anecdotes or advice will be greatly appreciated. What else do you have to say on the topic? TIA tagging people I have seen mention it here or tcf. I searched AP so not creeping on anyone in particular lucilleausterobriarroselolacachia |
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nikkipal
Sapphire
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Post by nikkipal on Jul 7, 2017 8:25:56 GMT -6
I read The Baby Book by William and Martha Sears. I liked it. It's a good overview of the first two years of life, and it definitely takes an attachment parenting approach. For me, I think AP was/is about the bond between my daughter and me/my husband.
Baby wearing and breastfeeding were definitely key for me. However, I have a lot of anxiety, and there's definitely a balance between trying to meet your child's needs and making sure you don't lose all aspects of self care.
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Post by Dramaphile on Jul 7, 2017 8:51:55 GMT -6
I think attachment parenting looks different for a different families, and I don't consider it an all-or-nothing philosophy. I firmly believe that not all things work for all babies and you have to be flexible with your expectations of parenting styles. I babywear and am currently still breastfeeding my 19 month old, but we have never bedshared because my kid always has slept better in her own crib. With a different kid, I might have done differently. We've never really been into schedules, except for keeping a consistent bedtime. As a newborn, babywearing and doing skin to skin helped my husband to bond with our daughter. He's a SAHD and I work, so our family dynamic is somewhat different because of that.
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Post by lucilleaustero on Jul 7, 2017 9:05:49 GMT -6
Hey, I'm cheese and I'm researching attachment parenting since I'm planning/hoping to be parenting in the next year. I've mostly posted on GKU so Idk if anyone recognizes me, but I heard there were people on this board that wouldn't mind talking about AP. 1. If I am only going to read one book about AP, which would you recommend? 2. I have a kind of vague grasp of what AP means, and I know that some parents take an eclectic approach and use parts of different parenting methods. What would you say is the most important aspect, or a short explanation of what it means for you as a parent. 3. What does AP look like for your SO especially if they work and you are SAH. This will be DH and I and he'll be working nights as well so any anecdotes or advice will be greatly appreciated. What else do you have to say on the topic? TIA tagging people I have seen mention it here or tcf. I searched AP so not creeping on anyone in particular lucilleaustero briarrose lolacachia Hey alwayscheese ! 1) The Baby Book by the Sears 2) AP is pretty broad. For me it was about creating a bond based on what felt natural and intuitive to me. Before my first was born, I had a general idea of what I wanted my parenting to look like and that included breastfeeding, no CIO, and babywearing. I learned quickly that plans sometimes change as DD was born with health issues that made bfeeding impossible. I tried pumping, but my stress level was very high and I produced little. After mourning that for a bit, I found that formula feeding can be just as bonding as breastfeeding, even if it was not my ideal. I wore DD all the time, which she loved. DS was different. He took to bfeeding right away and was breastfed until he self weaned at 20 months. We also bedshared until he was 11 months. We practice positive discipline with both kids, but are practical about it and will switch to time outs and loss of priviliges if needed. AP can be what you make it :-) 3) We both work, so I can't really answer your question well, but I did stay home with DD for 19 months before going back FT. I was only home with DS for 14 weeks for maternity leave. One thing I found crucial when I SAH was me time. Because I was wearing her and engaged so much of the day, I needed time to just be by myself. I was 'touched out'. I would go get a coffee, go for a walk, get a pedicure, etc. |
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Post by lucilleaustero on Jul 7, 2017 9:08:06 GMT -6
I read The Baby Book by William and Martha Sears. I liked it. It's a good overview of the first two years of life, and it definitely takes an attachment parenting approach. For me, I think AP was/is about the bond between my daughter and me/my husband. Baby wearing and breastfeeding were definitely key for me. However, I have a lot of anxiety, and there's definitely a balance between trying to meet your child's needs and making sure you don't lose all aspects of self care. This! Balance is everything, whatever type of parenting you ascribe to. |
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tj
Moderator 
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Post by tj on Jul 7, 2017 9:10:41 GMT -6
I don't like parenting books. My version of attachment parenting was breastfeeding until 2, babywearing always and forever, and bedsharing when it was safe. I mostly tried to make sure my babies were healthy and happy and felt loved and cared for. My oldest needed all that constant love and touching and support. Now she's super independent. My youngest preferred her alone time, but now she's a huge snuggler. Every baby is different and AP looks different for every family. Don't try to follow rules. Do what feels right for you and your family.
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stringy
Opal
Posts: 8,306 Likes: 22,157
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Post by stringy on Jul 7, 2017 9:18:51 GMT -6
I think an eclectic approach is better than pinning yourself to one "style". Like if you go into it thinking you should babywear or bed share for so many years and then turns out it sucks for you- don't do it. That doesn't mean you won't have a great and secure relationship with your baby- which some hard core gurus might say.
I have no problem with AP and agree with many of its aspects- but neither of my kids loved being worn around the house. So we didn't. We bed shared with the first and she never slept and we never slept so with the second she was in her own room by 5 months (still doesn't sleep, though). But we have let her cry a few times for 10 mins or so and she is much better at putting herself to sleep than my first who we never let cry at all.
In my opinion the biggest key is being a responsive parent to needs and also taking care of your own sanity. The particulars are just particulars. Don't get all worked up if you cant BF or babywear.
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milano
Emerald
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Post by milano on Jul 7, 2017 9:49:07 GMT -6
I consider what we do to be "attachment parenting" but I've never read a book about it to recommend. For our family, it means breastfeeding, babywearing, positive discipline, no CIO and lots of snuggling. But, that's because that is what has worked for us. If I had trouble breastfeeding, I would have switched to formula without hesitation. It worked though and I bf my son until he was almost 2. And both kids used a pacifier sometimes
I wished my first would co-sleep because he's always been a crap sleeper and I thought co-sleeping would help whereas it actually made it worse (which I didn't think was possible). Both of my babies have loved being worn so far, at 4 months and 3 years old, so I'll do that as long as they'll let me. But they also both love riding in the stroller so I don't wear them everywhere.
I try to do positive discipline all the time but occasionally I lose my shit a bit and yell, because I'm human. And that's normal.
It's good to research but keep an open, flexible mind since all babies are different and what was easy for me might be hard for you, and vice versa. Ultimately, you love your child and go with your gut about what is best for them (taking into consideration safety standards and guidelines of course). Change it up if something you are doing isn't working. Parenting is like a big experiment.
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milano
Emerald
Posts: 10,914 Likes: 36,993
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Post by milano on Jul 7, 2017 10:50:27 GMT -6
Oh, and MH will babywear, he works and I sah. I get up at night with the kids because I choose to, but my cousin's husband does the motn baby feeding because he likes that extra time because he works all day. She just pumps once a day so he has a bottle to use. So your H has options. I try to give MH time with the baby when I'm busy doing something else so he doesn't feel like I'm watching him play with her, to give them that one on one time that he doesn't get much of. Really everything that you can do with your baby, your H can too- other than actually breastfeed, but bottle feeding still creates an important bond.
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Post by charlotte on Jul 7, 2017 11:24:12 GMT -6
Just do what feels right when the time comes. You will get a feeling of what works best for you and your child.
I went into motherhood thinking I would co-sleep (room share) for a year and breastfeed until 2, but it turns out nobody could get any sleep when we were that close to one another and DS weaned himself at 16mos. Other things like not doing CIO and baby-wearing worked out as planned (although he I think he might be done allowing me to wear him now at age 2).
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Post by alwayscheese on Jul 13, 2017 7:07:47 GMT -6
You guys. Thanks for answering my questions! I feel so bad I just realized I never came back to post. I did read it all and really appreciate all the advice. I don't think I will be hardcore AP but what y'all say really makes sense.
I think I'll read/listen to "The Baby Book" but the one on audible is not the revised edition. How much different are they?
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