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UO, FFS
Oct 17, 2019 8:01:17 GMT -6
Post by bearfootzcontinued on Oct 17, 2019 8:01:17 GMT -6
As long as my husband and I are on the same page about our marriage, I don't really care what everyone else's agreements are. I guess I thought that's how most people approached it?
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McBenny
Unicorn
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UO, FFS
Oct 17, 2019 8:01:44 GMT -6
Post by McBenny on Oct 17, 2019 8:01:44 GMT -6
I guess I just don't understand.
If you don't want the state in your business regarding your marriage but you want a short term lease marriage recognized by the state?
Why can't you write up your own contracts then?
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McBenny
Unicorn
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UO, FFS
Oct 17, 2019 8:02:12 GMT -6
Post by McBenny on Oct 17, 2019 8:02:12 GMT -6
As long as my husband and I are on the same page about our marriage, I don't really care what everyone else's agreements are. I guess I thought that's how most people approached it? I thought the same.
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STP
Diamond
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UO, FFS
Oct 17, 2019 8:02:29 GMT -6
Post by STP on Oct 17, 2019 8:02:29 GMT -6
That's the part that I think is BS. Sure it might take awhile to sort out the assets and custody, but dissolve the marriage when the person asks. I know friends who are still married a year or so after filing, because of the wrangling over money and stuff. Why can't that go on but they be properly divorced, so they can at least feel freer to move on from that part? And change their name back, because that was important to one of my friends. Ok but it's because they are "wrangling over money and stuff."
That's no one else's fault.
Sure. Not germaine to my point, which is that you should be able to dissolve the marriage while still advocating for your financial situation and custody.
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STP
Diamond
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UO, FFS
Oct 17, 2019 8:04:25 GMT -6
Post by STP on Oct 17, 2019 8:04:25 GMT -6
As in all things, just because you've never experienced attitudes about divorce doesn't mean they don't happen.
There are several divorces in DH's family, and there are askew glances over them all the time from not even just The Olds.
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Pizzaslut
Ruby
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Post by Pizzaslut on Oct 17, 2019 8:04:32 GMT -6
I guess I just don't understand. If you don't want the state in your business regarding your marriage but you want a short term lease marriage recognized by the state? Why can't you write up your own contracts then? One reason is because there are benefits to being married (like tax, healthcare, widower benefits, etc) that individuals wouldn’t have if they just wrote their own contracts.
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thatgolfb
Unicorn
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Post by thatgolfb on Oct 17, 2019 8:04:57 GMT -6
Oh my. If they love it, I love it for them. I will say, they did BBQ foods at their reception and it was amazing. So I wore my cowboy boots and pink chiffon with glee because that brisket and the corn bread was phenomenal. I would do the same because food.
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McBenny
Unicorn
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UO, FFS
Oct 17, 2019 8:04:59 GMT -6
Post by McBenny on Oct 17, 2019 8:04:59 GMT -6
Ok but it's because they are "wrangling over money and stuff."
That's no one else's fault.
Sure. Not germaine to my point, which is that you should be able to dissolve the marriage while still advocating for your financial situation and custody. You can divorce before custody is thoroughly hashed out.
I don't know if this varies by state. However I know a couple personally that did this.
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STP
Diamond
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UO, FFS
Oct 17, 2019 8:05:29 GMT -6
Post by STP on Oct 17, 2019 8:05:29 GMT -6
Sure. Not germaine to my point, which is that you should be able to dissolve the marriage while still advocating for your financial situation and custody. You can divorce before custody is thoroughly hashed out.
I don't know if this varies by state. However I know a couple personally that did this.
It absolutely varies by state.
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Kida
Emerald
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UO, FFS
Oct 17, 2019 8:06:57 GMT -6
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Post by Kida on Oct 17, 2019 8:06:57 GMT -6
I hold marriage on a high pedestal but I also feel like marriage for all so where do I fall? I think the idea that marriage should always be the ultimate goal of all romantic relationships is where we go wrong (as a society). Oh, I don't feel this way at all. I also don't care if Karen gets married and divorced 50x, whether she's gay, straight, bi, trans, non binary, any combo of races, I don't care. Love how you love with who you love. But for my marriage, it's on a pedestal for life (hopefully).
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McBenny
Unicorn
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UO, FFS
Oct 17, 2019 8:07:25 GMT -6
Post by McBenny on Oct 17, 2019 8:07:25 GMT -6
I guess I just don't understand. If you don't want the state in your business regarding your marriage but you want a short term lease marriage recognized by the state? Why can't you write up your own contracts then? One reason is because there are benefits to being married (like tax, healthcare, widower benefits, etc) that individuals wouldn’t have if they just wrote their own contracts. Can't you write a contract stating you are going to re-evaluate the marriage at whatever interval you agree to?
If both parties don't want to stay in that you agree to an uncontested divorce?
That wouldn't work for you and still be civilly married for the benefits?
My post was not about writing a contract in lieu of marriage. My post was about writing a contract out prior to in regards to your lease marriage.
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McBenny
Unicorn
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UO, FFS
Oct 17, 2019 8:08:09 GMT -6
Post by McBenny on Oct 17, 2019 8:08:09 GMT -6
You can divorce before custody is thoroughly hashed out.
I don't know if this varies by state. However I know a couple personally that did this.
It absolutely varies by state. I mean the way your post was worded it was like you didn't know it could be done.
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STP
Diamond
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UO, FFS
Oct 17, 2019 8:09:35 GMT -6
Post by STP on Oct 17, 2019 8:09:35 GMT -6
It absolutely varies by state. I mean the way your post was worded it was like you didn't know it could be done. Yes, I understand you read it that way. I am perfectly aware it can be done in some places.
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gussie
Amethyst
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UO, FFS
Oct 17, 2019 8:10:19 GMT -6
Post by gussie on Oct 17, 2019 8:10:19 GMT -6
As in all things, just because you've never experienced attitudes about divorce doesn't mean they don't happen. There are several divorces in DH's family, and there are askew glances over them all the time from not even just The Olds. Oh yeah, my mom's sister stopped talking to her for awhile after she divorced my dad. She lost a few friends too. They were pissed because her life seemed "perfect" and why would she ruin that? Even though they had no idea what went on behind closed doors. And MH's family's community has lots of feels about marriage. Maaaaybe 5% of people our age are divorced, and none of the olds. You get talked about big time if you get a divorce.
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sterling
Global Moderator
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UO, FFS
Oct 17, 2019 8:10:24 GMT -6
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Post by sterling on Oct 17, 2019 8:10:24 GMT -6
I definitely think there’s a lot of pressure to get married before a certain age (I’d say 30ish). And that romantic relationships should have a goal of marriage starting sometime in your 20s. I love my husband, but I felt this pressure for sure and I know it influenced me and my path in life.
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Kida
Emerald
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UO, FFS
Oct 17, 2019 8:10:30 GMT -6
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Post by Kida on Oct 17, 2019 8:10:30 GMT -6
If my h had said, let's reevaluate our marriage at the 10 year mark, we would not have gotten married.
If you think you might want out in 5 years or whatever, why get married at all, just live together.
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UO, FFS
Oct 17, 2019 8:11:04 GMT -6
Post by lemondrop on Oct 17, 2019 8:11:04 GMT -6
As in all things, just because you've never experienced attitudes about divorce doesn't mean they don't happen. There are several divorces in DH's family, and there are askew glances over them all the time from not even just The Olds. My exH and I both came from super Catholic families. There was much judgment on both sides and v v v helpful suggestions of "JUST GO TO COUNSELING MARRIAGE IS A SACRAMENT". My exH isn't allowed to take communion at his family church and I know his mother dies a little each time because he's a sinner. To be fair though, they didn't know we WERE in counseling. My exH just didn't stop trying to get some strange on Plenty of Fish.
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UO, FFS
Oct 17, 2019 8:11:12 GMT -6
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Post by goldenbird on Oct 17, 2019 8:11:12 GMT -6
Putting marriage on such a high pedestal still feels gross because we were withholding that from so many people until just a few years ago. 6/26/15 That's when gay marriage was legalized federally. Also, that's when our DD was born. We were already legally married in our state at that point, but holding our hours old newborn and hearing the news that morning was so emotional. I will never forget that moment. ❤ all the feels.
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STP
Diamond
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UO, FFS
Oct 17, 2019 8:11:17 GMT -6
Post by STP on Oct 17, 2019 8:11:17 GMT -6
If my h had said, let's reevaluate our marriage at the 10 year mark, we would not have gotten married. If you think you might want out in 5 years or whatever, why get married at all, just live together. Because of legal protections like tax exemptions and healthcare.
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McBenny
Unicorn
#sickomode
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UO, FFS
Oct 17, 2019 8:12:03 GMT -6
Post by McBenny on Oct 17, 2019 8:12:03 GMT -6
I mean the way your post was worded it was like you didn't know it could be done. Yes, I understand you read it that way. I am perfectly aware it can be done in some places. I mean don't make it like I am slow or don't know how to read.
You specifically said "you should be able to dissolve the marriage while still advocating to your financial situation and custody."
So I responded that you can.
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sterling
Global Moderator
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UO, FFS
Oct 17, 2019 8:12:11 GMT -6
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Post by sterling on Oct 17, 2019 8:12:11 GMT -6
If my h had said, let's reevaluate our marriage at the 10 year mark, we would not have gotten married. If you think you might want out in 5 years or whatever, why get married at all, just live together. Because of legal protections like tax exemptions and healthcare. With a side of societal pressure.
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STP
Diamond
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UO, FFS
Oct 17, 2019 8:12:40 GMT -6
Post by STP on Oct 17, 2019 8:12:40 GMT -6
Yes, I understand you read it that way. I am perfectly aware it can be done in some places. I mean don't make it like I am slow or don't know how to read.
You specifically said "you should be able to dissolve the marriage while still advocating to your financial situation and custody."
So I responded that you can.
Great? You misread an extreme that wasn't stated. It happens. You're making a fight that isn't happening, so whatever.
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McBenny
Unicorn
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UO, FFS
Oct 17, 2019 8:12:41 GMT -6
Post by McBenny on Oct 17, 2019 8:12:41 GMT -6
I mean I did specially say stigma in your family so there's that.
Just pointing shit out.
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Kida
Emerald
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UO, FFS
Oct 17, 2019 8:12:47 GMT -6
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Post by Kida on Oct 17, 2019 8:12:47 GMT -6
If my h had said, let's reevaluate our marriage at the 10 year mark, we would not have gotten married. If you think you might want out in 5 years or whatever, why get married at all, just live together. Because of legal protections like tax exemptions and healthcare. Well, if that works for you(general) that's great I guess, but it's not for me.
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sterling
Global Moderator
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UO, FFS
Oct 17, 2019 8:13:15 GMT -6
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Post by sterling on Oct 17, 2019 8:13:15 GMT -6
One reason is because there are benefits to being married (like tax, healthcare, widower benefits, etc) that individuals wouldn’t have if they just wrote their own contracts. Can't you write a contract stating you are going to re-evaluate the marriage at whatever interval you agree to?
If both parties don't want to stay in that you agree to an uncontested divorce?
That wouldn't work for you and still be civilly married for the benefits?
My post was not about writing a contract in lieu of marriage. My post was about writing a contract out prior to in regards to your lease marriage.
I agree, and I think some prenups are written this way, but it’s not the standard as I understand it.
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STP
Diamond
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UO, FFS
Oct 17, 2019 8:13:52 GMT -6
Post by STP on Oct 17, 2019 8:13:52 GMT -6
Because of legal protections like tax exemptions and healthcare. Well, if that works for you(general) that's great I guess, but it's not for me. ... Then you wouldn't do it. The healthcare thing is major, this is kind of a privileged thing to say.
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STP
Diamond
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UO, FFS
Oct 17, 2019 8:14:54 GMT -6
Post by STP on Oct 17, 2019 8:14:54 GMT -6
Again. Have whatever marriage you want.
That's sort of the point.
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UO, FFS
Oct 17, 2019 8:16:13 GMT -6
Post by lucilleaustero on Oct 17, 2019 8:16:13 GMT -6
Inspired by the Flake bar a coworker just gave me, British chocolate is far superior to American chocolate.
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Kida
Emerald
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UO, FFS
Oct 17, 2019 8:16:26 GMT -6
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Post by Kida on Oct 17, 2019 8:16:26 GMT -6
Well, if that works for you(general) that's great I guess, but it's not for me. ... Then you wouldn't do it. Correct. But I don't care what other ppl do, to be clear. DON'T MAKE ME SHRUG YOU STP
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STP
Diamond
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UO, FFS
Oct 17, 2019 8:16:37 GMT -6
Post by STP on Oct 17, 2019 8:16:37 GMT -6
Inspired by the Flake bar a coworker just gave me, British chocolate is far superior to American chocolate. American mass produced chocolate isn't real, that's why.
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