milano
Emerald
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Post by milano on Jun 30, 2017 9:39:38 GMT -6
Specifically, do you tell people things that they want to hear just to be nice?
For example. Someone buys a new house and you think it's yuck. When you see it, do you say "oh I love your house" or do you avoid lying and instead say something like "what a great neighborhood" and maybe compliment a couple features that you like about the house.
That's just an example, but basically my question is are you ok with little white lies just to make someone feel good? Or are you more of an 'honesty is best' kind of person? (Note that if you're honest it doesn't mean you're rude about it, you just don't say things unless you mean them).
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milano
Emerald
Posts: 10,914 Likes: 36,993
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Post by milano on Jun 30, 2017 9:51:15 GMT -6
I've noticed lately that I only give compliments if I really mean them. I didn't used to be this way. This question brought to you specifically because last night my cousin texted a lot of us a link to the house they're putting an offer on, and my other family members for commenting how pretty it was, how gorgeous it was, blah blah. And I do not like it at all, but I like the exterior so I just said "oh the exterior is gorgeous and looks like you'll have a lot of space". But I felt like I should have been gushing over it more, but I just couldn't find anything that I liked about the interior to compliment. MH was like " she's going to know you hate it by that comment about the exterior only".
Am I rude?
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Post by Dramaphile on Jun 30, 2017 10:01:16 GMT -6
I tend to not lie unless people ask me directly about something and there's not a good way to skirt around it. I try to find a way to say something nice about something I'm not a fan of, but sometimes have to tell a white lie that I like it if I can't do that. Like if someone asks me if I like their new outfit, my usual response is "Cute!" or something benign. If it's a family member or my BFF, I tend to be more honest. I do a lot of feigning interest in things my husband tells me about (usually related to video games...), although he usually sees right through me. I do usually tell white lies if someone tries to get me to back them up on something I'm not really on board with. Like if they get in an argument with someone and I don't see the big deal, I tend to half-heartedly support them (if they ask me directly), like "Wow that's messed up." Unless it's something racist or sexist and then I'm trying harder to express my disagreement.
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Post by charlotte on Jun 30, 2017 10:05:52 GMT -6
I do what you do. I can always almost find something I like in whatever the situation is, so I will focus on complimenting that specific thing.
I am pretty sure I am a horrible liar so it would probably be obvious if I was being fake with compliments.
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Post by briarrose on Jun 30, 2017 10:43:38 GMT -6
I do what you do. I also have noticed in myself that I don't do fake compliments anymore. I try to find something I can sincerely say something nice about.
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rugger
Amethyst
Posts: 5,768 Likes: 14,536
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Post by rugger on Jun 30, 2017 13:09:23 GMT -6
milano I don't think your comment was rude at all. You found something you liked and complimented it.
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Post by pbandj714 on Jun 30, 2017 13:40:00 GMT -6
I do the same thing. I really try to only give geniune responses, so I'll find something I do like (even if I don't like something overall) to comment on, just like you did.
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Post by ovenrack on Jun 30, 2017 13:53:48 GMT -6
All. The. Time.
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Post by grumpycakes on Jun 30, 2017 16:46:53 GMT -6
I never gush over something I don't genuinely like. Will I tell a white lie if someone directly asks me if I love something? Sure, sometimes. Maybe even most of the time. But I try to honestly pick out my favorite feature and comment on that. I would have said the exact same thing as you and I don't think that's rude at all.
On this topic, I think people need to get over whether other people approve of their major life decisions or not. I probably wouldn't want to live in any of my friends' houses. It doesn't mean they're not nice. It's just a very personal decision.
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Post by grumpycakes on Jun 30, 2017 18:29:17 GMT -6
Funnily enough, I have been told by a number of my friends that I am a very honest person/ not one to sugarcoat. It cracks me up because I approach situations SO diplomatically in my head. Like if you REALLY knew what I was thinking, you would appreciate that I sugarcoat most things for public consumption. Llol.
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mapleme
Amethyst
Posts: 6,065 Likes: 16,081
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Post by mapleme on Jun 30, 2017 18:54:55 GMT -6
If I'm writing a response I'll do what you did because I'll have time to think about a diplomatic response. But in the moment I'll sometimes freeze up, can't think of anything and just say that it's great.
IMO my opinion of someone else's house matters not one iota (unless there is some safety or scammy thing going on). My friend looked at my house after I put in my offer and before it was accepted and referred to it as "a good starter home but that kitchen has to go." I mean, yes, my cabinets are awful, but my kitchen is otherwise one of my favorite features of my house. And 1700 ft with 4 bedrooms for a (then) single person is not a starter home. But it's cool. That's why I was putting in an offer and not her.
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sarenu
Amethyst
Posts: 5,085 Likes: 10,330
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Post by sarenu on Jun 30, 2017 20:00:46 GMT -6
Homes are so subjective. It all depends on your style and what you can live with.
Most people would hate my kitchen cabinets because they are dated. I love them because they are old and solid. I can throw anything on them and they wont bend. And I've had no issues with kids hanging on the doors.
Some people look at my home and say 1100 sq ft is too small. I look at it as less to clean and maintain.
If I asked an opinion directly I would want an honest answer. But I would also listen to the reason behind it.
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Post by grumpycakes on Jul 1, 2017 5:31:58 GMT -6
If I'm writing a response I'll do what you did because I'll have time to think about a diplomatic response. But in the moment I'll sometimes freeze up, can't think of anything and just say that it's great. IMO my opinion of someone else's house matters not one iota (unless there is some safety or scammy thing going on). My friend looked at my house after I put in my offer and before it was accepted and referred to it as "a good starter home but that kitchen has to go." I mean, yes, my cabinets are awful, but my kitchen is otherwise one of my favorite features of my house. And 1700 ft with 4 bedrooms for a (then) single person is not a starter home. But it's cool. That's why I was putting in an offer and not her. Omg this reminds me that the first time we met in person, we were in the process of putting in an offer on our house and we showed you the listing on one of our phones. I remember your response being something along the lines of "Wow. That's a lot of wood paneling." LLOL! MH and I had already been joking about the paneling with you guys and I felt 0% offense that you didn't gush over the house. It IS, in fact, a lot of wood paneling.
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mapleme
Amethyst
Posts: 6,065 Likes: 16,081
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Post by mapleme on Jul 1, 2017 5:47:29 GMT -6
If I'm writing a response I'll do what you did because I'll have time to think about a diplomatic response. But in the moment I'll sometimes freeze up, can't think of anything and just say that it's great. IMO my opinion of someone else's house matters not one iota (unless there is some safety or scammy thing going on). My friend looked at my house after I put in my offer and before it was accepted and referred to it as "a good starter home but that kitchen has to go." I mean, yes, my cabinets are awful, but my kitchen is otherwise one of my favorite features of my house. And 1700 ft with 4 bedrooms for a (then) single person is not a starter home. But it's cool. That's why I was putting in an offer and not her. Omg this reminds me that the first time we met in person, we were in the process of putting in an offer on our house and we showed you the listing on one of our phones. I remember your response being something along the lines of "Wow. That's a lot of wood paneling." LLOL! MH and I had already been joking about the paneling with you guys and I felt 0% offense that you didn't gush over the house. It IS, in fact, a lot of wood paneling. Bwahaha! In my defense, I'm pretty sure that you had already been talking on the board about all your wood paneling, so I was just agreeing. And when I was talking about my friend's opinion of my house I was totally thinking of the opinions of board members who had seen my house (aka you and brandiewine11) and if y'all would be cringing in agreement.
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