Which is less rude or any alternative?

[roseinbloom]

So, I really wish we could just not make any public announcements about the baby until 25 weeks or so. But we are going to BIL’s wedding at 20 +2. I absolutely don’t want to tell DS until the 20 week scan, which is the Friday before the Sunday wedding.

Is it too rude to just show up at the wedding as I am and have people comment or not? We had someone at our wedding “announce” her pregnancy to us then, and it really didn’t bother us at all, but I can understand how it might for someone else.

We are only close with a couple people on H’s side of the family, and who’s to say whether this will be exciting for anyone. I don’t want the attention or fuss and I doubt I’d get much anyway. (For the record, we never had a baby shower, and last time I was out of the country until at least 25 weeks, so we just “announced” when I was back around the winter holidays and seeing family).

I don’t want to have to announce anything yet, I just want to have the kid. I don’t want to announce on FB beforehand, but I wonder if it would be helpful or worse to post it a couple days before the wedding.

I don’t know. Would you just say nothing? Would it be better to share online a couple days before? I really don’t want to do sooner than 20 weeks, which is already sooner than I wanted to have to say anything.

[moonandback141]

You shouldn’t have to announce for anyone but yourself. I’m team just show up

[cmb]

I would text the bride/groom in a “I don’t want to blindside you on your big day..” type of way a couple days prior and just show up for everyone else

[aeroplaneoverthesea]

Online announcements are not for me. I’d give my ILs (parents and BIL) a call after the anatomy scan and show up.

[goldenlove]

We haven't announced anything on social media and I don't really have plans to either. Our families found out through the grapevine though so we get congratulations when we see people.

I'm not sure what this wedding will be like but I can't imagine that you'd be taking anything away by being pregnant. People are going to be social and chat with each other so you'll just get some congrats and asking when you're due, etc. I probably wouldn't even notice that's happening if I was the bride. But if it's a smaller wedding, maybe it would be a thing.

[musicallyinclined]

I say show up. If my job weren't so public (pastor at a large mainline church) I wouldn't say anything, but I'm basically forced to so I can get maternity leave approved.

[marshian]

You don't have to announce anything to anyone unless you want to.

Specifically around the wedding, since you won't be actively saying anything about it (just confirming if people ask, I assume), you don't need to do anything. If you were going to make a big announcement during speeches I'd call that rude, but you're not messing up their day because you're pregnant. It's life.

[roseinbloom]

Thank you for the feedback! I read through most of these earlier, but didn’t respond right away. Sorry!

I started to write a novel, but with your comments and much further reflection on the nature of our relationships with people at the wedding in combination with everyone’s personalities and a couple changes to the logistics of who we see when, all those specifics don’t matter.

Long story short: we’ll just show up with no texts or announcements in advance. Obviously, this suits my quiet personality, but more importantly, it’s really going to be the least offensive and most low-key way of going about things for BIL & SIL. And most importantly, it doesn’t open H up to harrassment before the wedding that might lead him to not want to attend.