Monday monday...

[guster]

Hope J is okay, @peach.

We’re here if you need to vent, vino. Sorry it’s been tough.

[wedding]

vino I completely get it. Sometimes being a parent sucks so hard. I go through phases of feeling totally trapped in the day to day. I will say, my therapist has helped me a lot with mom guilt, coming up with new approaches, and just validating my feelings. She’s the one who suggested (about 5 times before I did it) the marble jar and it’s helped C a lot.

With him I feel like he’s in this spot where he has some really grown up feelings and wants to do more grown up things but then all of the sudden he reverts back to a toddler and I’m baffled and supremely annoyed. I’ve been giving marbles and lots of praise for the more mature things he does and mostly ignore the other. He hates being ignored so it often snaps him out of it. I also give myself time out and just hang in my room for a few minutes.

A lot of what you said does sound a bit like depression so if it continues for more than a couple of weeks it may be worth looking into medication or therapy or both.

That was a novel but I wanted you to know you aren’t alone. Call or text anytime!

[vino]

I hope you're feeling better lahdeedah.

I'm sorry about H tgrimes? Have you heard back form the immunologist?

[vino]

Thanks wedding , I appreciate it. I'm definitely in a funk and I know that a part of it is that everything 'seems' to be fine from the outside; we have great jobs, I'm applying for university to continue my education and create a career path, MH is doing better than last year, financially secure, just joined a gym, two happy and healthy kids that are angels everywhere we go, but I feel invisible most of the time just plunking away doing the same shit all the time for little to no appreciation or reward. I try really hard to focus on the good, but to be honest I'm lacking joy in my life and not sure where I can find it.

[kim22]

peachsmama I would only inquire about J’s rash because you are pregnant. I had to go for a blood test when I was pregnant once and kids in my class had 5th disease.

[peachsmama]

May 13, 2019 14:47:17 GMT -6 klong11 said:

peachsmama , Cadence had roseola back in the day. It was a crazy high fever and the rash was bright red on her cheeks. Not sure J's sounds quite like that. His rash could just be viral, though.

5ths disease is the one with the rash all over the cheeks, Roseola is the trunk, neck and arms/legs. 5ths disease is dangerous for me/baby girl. 

[tgrimes]

May 13, 2019 15:01:45 GMT -6 vino said:

I hope you're feeling better lahdeedah .

I'm sorry about H tgrimes ? Have you heard back form the immunologist?

Not yet.  My pediatrician said if I have any issues to let her know.  She prefers for her patients to see the immunologists at Texas Children's Hospital but if we need to make a change she will.

[snoopmommymom]

vino Hugs. I feel the same way most days.

[wineallthetime]

May 13, 2019 11:48:55 GMT -6 trtlcrzy said:

I haven’t read anything yet but I’m so pissed and frustrated right now that I just have to get it out. S started crying and whining about 11:10 and hasn’t stopped yet. She was a little shit at pick up, lunch and then right now at nap time. She’s not listening at all and I was so frustrated I just screamed at her. I feel a little bit bad but mostly I’m still hyped up. Anyone want a free 3 year old?

. haven't read, but 2 for 1 deal! 3 year old L added into the deal!

[lahdeedah]

May 13, 2019 10:52:51 GMT -6 wedding said:

That sucks lahdeedah. I hope you’re on the mend soon. Is your dh home so you don’t have to parent?

Yes, he is home.

[lahdeedah]

I’m sorry about your friend. cagoldi so heartbreaking.

vino Hugs, friend.

[jewels]

May 13, 2019 16:03:08 GMT -6 snoopmommymom said:

vino Hugs. I feel the same way most days.

+1 vino

In fact some of that is what I said to MH when we were fighting about him ingnoring yesterday. I literally said some of the same words- that everything I did was for the kids and our family and I felt totally invisible lately. It’s been a tough year for a lot of us, I think

All that to say, you are not alone. Don’t retreat from those that ‘get it’ when times are tough

[wineallthetime]

@peachsmana, honestly I wouldn't be considered. My kids have had lots of random rashes and the pedi isn't conernened, even while I've been pregnant.

[cagoldi]

vino that’s super relatable, and wedding is wise. I’m sorry things are so rough right now.

It might sound cheesy, but on top of therapy and medication, it definitely helps me if I make sure to add some joy into my everyday. Music while I do dishes, podcasts while I’m at my desk, candles and reading before bed, my skincare routine, etc. When there are little things built into each day, it seems a little easier. Hugs, friend.

You’re a badass and I hope you get back to feeling like one very soon.

[cagoldi]

snoopmommymom was your H receptive to that conversation?

[trtlcrzy]

Seems like a rough time for a lot of us lately. vino sorry you’re feeling that way, I have been a bit lately too.

S continued to whine after nap so as soon as DH got home I disappeared into my room. I don’t know what her deal is but I hope she’s not like this tomorrow. I’m currently sitting outside, enjoying the sunshine while DH bathes the children.

[snoopmommymom]

May 13, 2019 18:07:27 GMT -6 cagoldi said:

snoopmommymom was your H receptive to that conversation?

Yes. Surprisingly. He said give him til the end of the year. Or at least the fall. So at least i have a timeline. It’s been extremely hard to go from his job being 70% of our income to then living off my measly salary (and draining our savings). Also, i came home today in the middle of the day. He wasn’t expecting me. And he was not working. He was laying on our bed and had a tablet with him. I’m giving him a pass because he’s fasting, but you better believe I’ll be making surprise visits once Ramadan ends.

[lfig]

cagoldi I’m so sorry for your friend. That’s so heartbreaking.

vino hugs friend. I understand just where you are. You just verbalized it so much better than I ever could. You are definitely not alone. And I hope you are able to find some joy. I also want you to know that although you might not feel it, you definitely bring joy to us (N13 collectively). Your kindness, sense of humor, advice, and take on life, bring joy to us each time you post. 💜

[lfig]

Hi! I’m feel like I’ve been on the exhaustion train for weeeeks now. And I’m ready to get off!

- Work is killing me, half my staff isn’t starting when they are supposed to because their background checks haven’t been adjudicated yet. On top of that I’m still doing a bunch of stuff for Fire (the detail job I did over the winter) because they still haven’t filled the position. So I’m basically doing my real job, the fire job, and the job of my seasonal staff that hasn’t started yet.

- home is killing me. MH is gone this week, which is actually making it a bit better because when he is here he wants to go non stop. But I’m still behind on so much stuff around the house. My friend that babysat this weekend didn’t leave till 7 last night and 6 tonight (I get home at 4:30). I hate to complain because she made a delicious dinner for us last night. And I enjoy visiting with her. But I just really wanted to enjoy the solitude of my own home and try to get caught up on things.

BUT...this afternoon I got an eyelash lift and tint which I love! Then tomorrow headed to STL. I have a massage and facial scheduled in the afternoon.

[peachsmama]

One of my drivers made a huge mistake today and tried to throw me under the bus for it. It back fired on him, thankfully.

[Sunny41]

lfig the JB bridge is closed for the week so avoid it. Enjoy the pampering!

[Sunny41]

I grilled and we ate outside. E was with the neighbors playing while mh and I ate and watched from a far distance. Then I chatted with the moms while the kids were in the front yard. So peaceful! Also I realized that I don't talk to people in real life at work just messages and I really need that interaction to keep me going.

[lfig]

May 13, 2019 19:08:38 GMT -6 Sunny41 said:

lfig the JB bridge is closed for the week so avoid it. Enjoy the pampering!

THANK YOU!!! I take it a lot on my way into town to avoid the PSB. I would have been super annoyed if I headed that way just to find it closed.

[flamingo]

May 13, 2019 10:03:09 GMT -6 lahdeedah said:

Hi! flamingo Glad to hear all is well.

Sorry you're under the weather, hopefully you're feeling better tonight! When is the big move? 

[lahdeedah]

May 13, 2019 19:28:34 GMT -6 flamingo said:

May 13, 2019 10:03:09 GMT -6 lahdeedah said:

Hi! flamingo Glad to hear all is well.

Sorry you're under the weather, hopefully you're feeling better tonight! When is the big move? 

Next Thursday. I feel like there is still so much to pack and get ready 😩

[mwhip]

We had 2 companies come by to look at our deck and give us quotes. The main support beams are rotten, which we knew, but a huge majority of it is rotten as well.

The 1st guy said he'd send me a quote. The 2nd guy worked up a quote while here...$40,000. I laughed, like, that's a new damn car! He worked some numbers and got it down to $35,000 and said he'd wait outside while we discussed. I told him there was no point, I was not prepared to make that kind of financial decision tonight. He left in a huff.

[Sunny41]

May 13, 2019 19:14:01 GMT -6 lfig said:

May 13, 2019 19:08:38 GMT -6 Sunny41 said:

lfig the JB bridge is closed for the week so avoid it. Enjoy the pampering!

THANK YOU!!! I take it a lot on my way into town to avoid the PSB. I would have been super annoyed if I headed that way just to find it closed.

Apparently they found cracks in the steel beams 😮

[Sunny41]

May 13, 2019 19:37:56 GMT -6 mwhip said:

We had 2 companies come by to look at our deck and give us quotes. The main support beams are rotten, which we knew, but a huge majority of it is rotten as well.

The 1st guy said he'd send me a quote. The 2nd guy worked up a quote while here...$40,000. I laughed, like, that's a new damn car! He worked some numbers and got it down to $35,000 and said he'd wait outside while we discussed. I told him there was no point, I was not prepared to make that kind of financial decision tonight. He left in a huff.

LOL I would pass on that dude even if it was a competitive quote. But if he is way off I would make sure to make a comment or review because he sounds scammy

[peachsmama]

May 13, 2019 19:37:56 GMT -6 mwhip said:

We had 2 companies come by to look at our deck and give us quotes. The main support beams are rotten, which we knew, but a huge majority of it is rotten as well.

The 1st guy said he'd send me a quote. The 2nd guy worked up a quote while here...$40,000. I laughed, like, that's a new damn car! He worked some numbers and got it down to $35,000 and said he'd wait outside while we discussed. I told him there was no point, I was not prepared to make that kind of financial decision tonight. He left in a huff.

40k??? How big is this deck???

[flamingo]

This is a bit lengthy but I received it in an email this weekend from a family therapist that spoke to my MOPS group this spring. After reading today's thread, I thought I'd share it here. I found it to be lovely and encouraging, b/c I think the feelings some of us are experiencing are almost universal sometimes. 

Celebrating the Cathedral Builders

From "Invisible Mothers" by Nicole Johnson

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way
one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be
taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?'

Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping
the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see
me at all. I'm invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of
hands, nothing more! Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this??

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes
that studied history, music and literature -but now, they had disappeared
into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's
going, she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a
friend from England . She had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she
was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there,
looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to
compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when she
turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you
this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe . I wasn't exactly
sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: 'With admiration
for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover
what would become for me, four life-changing truths:

1) No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record
of their names.

2) These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never
see finished.

3) They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.

4) The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the
eyes of God saw everything.

A story of legend in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the
cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird
on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man,
'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that
will be covered by the roof. No one will ever see it'

And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost
as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you. I see the sacrifices you
make every day, even when no one around you does."

No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've
baked, no Cub Scout meeting, no last minute errand is too small for me to
notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see
right now what it will become.

I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of
the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work
on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went
so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime
because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's
bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the
morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for 3
hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a
monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there
is anything more to say to his friend, he'd say, 'You're gonna love it
there...'

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're
doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel,
not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the
world by the sacrifices of invisible mothers.

💖


Happy Mothers Day to you! I'm grateful for all the unseen things you do each day. They matter and so do you.