Tuesday Tuesday

[nam2013]

guster that is the perfect size! I’m sorry about the missing village. It made me realise how lucky I am.

[nam2013]

lfig & kim22 I’m sorry about your kiddos, hopefully they both feel better soon .

[guster]

Here you go, mamabear:
www.scarymommy.com/no-village-parenting-that-much-harder/?utm_source=FB

[tgrimes]

There is no way in hell I could ever live close to my parents. My sister says the same. Even though there are times that she would have loved to have help, it's a big nope.

[guster]

Apr 23, 2019 9:10:00 GMT -6 tgrimes said:

There is no way in hell I could ever live close to my parents. My sister says the same. Even though there are times that she would have loved to have help, it's a big nope.

That’s definitely true for some people I know. The distance is good for them.

[klong11]

This is scary! Girl hides to avoid car that is following her. TW: possible attempted kidnapping
www.kron4.com/news/bay-area/watch-girl-hides-to-avoid-car-apparently-following-her-in-vacaville/1944728668?fbclid=IwAR3I3pD-sxJKNYpsza-MJIqkDdj5zPsiM3pP06JlMlYHdoTkE0EzFDoV72o

[tgrimes]

Apr 23, 2019 9:10:47 GMT -6 guster said:

Apr 23, 2019 9:10:00 GMT -6 tgrimes said:

There is no way in hell I could ever live close to my parents. My sister says the same. Even though there are times that she would have loved to have help, it's a big nope.

That’s definitely true for some people I know. The distance is good for them.

You've heard stories about my mother.  Lol.  

My in laws did early retirement and I'm extremely grateful they did. Otherwise, they'd probably still be living in India.

[vino]

guster I can appreciate where you are coming from and understand that it's so hard to find your village, so to speak, but please know that it's not just family.

I have spent years really making a point of having people in my life that are a part of my village. I only have my Mom for family and she comes at the drop of a hat, but my village is so much more than that. I have the neighbours that we trade kid time with and spend a lot of time with, a mom friend that I actually met on the bus and we're pretty close now where I'll invite them over for BBQ's this summer, the daycare teachers help out tremendously as well*. I think that it makes it harder when it's not family, but many people anecdotes about having unhelpful family around is telling that family doesn't always equal a village.

*I am always shocked when there are parents that literally just open the room of their kids door at daycare and push their kid in a leave. I know the teachers names, some of their families stories, where they are from etc. I say good morning, have a good day, good to see you, ask about their weekends etc. The other day there was this stupid 'not a box' project that had to be picked up from kinder and for us ,as working parents, it's a goddamn nightmare to do these things but MH and I were going to figure it out, I mentioned to B when I dropped him off at daycare that he is to NOT take home the box in the daycare van because it's a pain in the butt and we'll figure it out. At noon that day, i got a call from B's daycare teacher saying she overheard me this morning and she had room in the van and got it for us, I thanked her endlessly because it's moments like that one that help us out so much. When I saw her the next day I thanked her in person and she replied, 'no problem, it takes a village'. It was a very warming moment.

So, all that to say that you have to ability to build your village and although it's quite a bit of effort it's sooooooo worth it.

[tgrimes]

Apr 23, 2019 8:34:12 GMT -6 Sunny41 said:

Apr 23, 2019 8:26:09 GMT -6 kim22 said:

Last night was long. T woke me up at midnight to report that he got up to pee and accidentally poop came out on the bathroom floor. After cleaning that mess, I couldn’t fall asleep and then DD woke me up at 2 throwing up again. I slept in the living room with her. She woke up insisting she was fine and wanted to go to school and ate breakfast and everything. I have now been researching abdominal migraines. Within 15 minutes of getting sick in the night, she wanted food. That is not her with a stomach virus. I have not taken her to a neurologist yet because the ped basically said there is nothing they can do but I may need to soon, if for no other reason than to get a letter stating she doesn’t have to stay home for 24 hours after throwing up if it’s related to this.

I think abdominal migraines are under diagnosed because people don't know they are a thing. But were you giving her migraine meds? That should help. Did she eat onions or anything that would upset the tummy the night before?

Onions?  Really?

[guster]

That’s absolutely true, vino. I think that’s the only way we will have a village if it becomes one that we create, and I am willing. I think part of it for me is a new town , new schools. I’ve made acquaintances, people I’m happy to see when Josie’s school does events, and other parents that I have met through the town’s moms groups, Gymnastics and soccer, etc, but nothing that has held firm, yet, but I haven’t put forth the effort to invite anybody either.
The director of Josie’s school always tells the moms group there that it will happen when the kids start elementary school because you’re with those parents for everything from K - 8, but I do know that it will take work, and I might have to do much more extending the invitation instead of waiting for it to “magically“ happen.

[peachsmama]

Been working all morning. Now I'm taking J to get a hair cut and the boys out to lunch and for icecream. Need some quality time before I leave. When we get back they'll nap and I have more work to do.

[wineallthetime]

Show the shoes, tgrimes!

Ugh, sorry for the sickness kim22.

[wineallthetime]

Guster, I was going to say similar to vino. I'm fortunate to have family nearby but I also have a very important nonfamily "village". There are a few families in our neighborhood we met slowly over time. It turned into playing in each other's driveways and then getting together for kid play dates, adult nights out, ect. When A was in the hospital they all would drop everything to run over and watch the kids if MH needed to get to the hospital quickly, dropped off meals, took C to basketball, ect. At first we were all just friendly and would wave as we passed by, but eventually as we got over the awkwardness of trying to form a relationship it just happened naturally.

ETA: I'm not trying to brag or anything. Just saying once we were more open to meeting people and put ourselves out there it was much easier.

[guster]

That’s so wonderful, @wine. I hope we see the same kind of growing relationships over time.

[wineallthetime]

Apr 23, 2019 9:42:57 GMT -6 guster said:

That’s so wonderful, @wine. I hope we see the same kind of growing relationships over time.

Please see my ETA on my post. Not trying to make it seem like it's simple to just build those relationships and I know it's tough when you don't have neighbors, people at work, ect that don't just kinda fall into place. You said YH is a major introvert too, right?

[Sunny41]

Apr 23, 2019 9:14:05 GMT -6 tgrimes said:

Apr 23, 2019 8:34:12 GMT -6 Sunny41 said:

I think abdominal migraines are under diagnosed because people don't know they are a thing. But were you giving her migraine meds? That should help. Did she eat onions or anything that would upset the tummy the night before?

Onions?  Really?

I know my coworker worked endlessly to get her abdominal migraines diagnosed. A lot of her triggers are typical indigestion foods. She took a lot of probiotics, indigestion stuff and something for the migraines. But not sure if she threw up from them.

[Sunny41]

flamingo where are you? Vacation?

[Sunny41]

E did great for screening but apparently got bored at 50 and didn't want to count to 100

[guster]

He is. He lets me run the show when it comes to being social. And I know he’d do anything to enrich the kids’ lives. But I do consider him when I’m thinking about what we’re planning for our weekend, and I bet I do hold back some because of it.

[tgrimes]

kim22 I sent you a pm.

[mwhip]

klong11 That is so scary. I'm glad she was paying attention to her surroundings and aware he was following her. I hope they find the guy in the car.

[cagoldi]

vino we're just starting to be able to expand our social circle like that, and it's so helpful.

This Friday is the elementary family picnic, but Dude's BFF's parents won't be able to make it. Pete is picking up a lunch to surprise him so he won't feel left out. They're taking Dude to their house this weekend so Pete gets a little help while I'm out of town.

A few weeks ago, one of the other moms had pneumonia and her H was out of town. I watched her kids at The park for a couple hours so she could go home and rest. She's picking up Atticus and taking him to the park tonight so I can do Xander's initial therapy visit.

Knowing that it's so easy to pitch in for others, and have them eagerly offer to help us, has been so great. It's making us feel a lot less isolated, and I do think it's really important for the kids to see that parents also have friendships that are important to them, and learn there are other adults who care about them as well.

[guster]

I’m at the beach. I have six shovels🐢two sifters and one bucket. So far they’re sharing, but I’m not sure how long this will last.

[tgrimes]

Apr 23, 2019 9:36:41 GMT -6 wineallthetime said:

Show the shoes, tgrimes !

Ugh, sorry for the sickness kim22 .

Nothing exciting.  They're on sale for $30 today.  My other sperrys are starting to wear out.

[cagoldi]

I'm sorry H is still not feeling well, tgrimes.

Not a great way to start the day, lfig. Hope it improves dramatically!

[peachsmama]

I guess A's grandma did eat one of my cupcakes at the party. She texted me to get my recipe 😏

[lfig]

Apr 23, 2019 8:20:24 GMT -6 kim22 said:

tgrimes I’m sorry H is sick again but so glad your MIL will help out. My parents won’t come near sick kids. I think my biggest returning to work fear is that I have like no sick days and 4 kids who will get sick.

My sister is a teacher and has 4 kids and it is a legit concern.  They are lucky though that my parents help out some when the kids are sick.  But still, my sister uses pretty much every sick day and personal day for her kids.

[lahdeedah]

Apr 23, 2019 8:47:13 GMT -6 mamabear said:

guster, can you share the article? I understand the feeling. Both our parents are about 30-45 min away. My ILs will only babysit if we bring the kids to them, which defeats the purpose for date night as it's a lot of out of the way driving , and also who wants to wake their kids up 3 hours after they've gone to bed drive them back home? ( they haven't babysat in 3 years)

My mom will babysit for the occasional date night, and even once took off when A was sick so I could go to work, so it's not all bad.

Re: vacation travel - Next year we want to travel out of the country for a few days for our 10 year anniversary. I thought my parents would be all in to watching them at their house for a long weekend ( and then my ILs could take over for a day or teo) but turns out my mom thinks that's crazy. I'm pretty disappointed, looks like my bucket list isn't shrinking anytime soon.

Ugh. That sucks. I’m sorry. It’s so hard when your village is far, not helpful, or just not existent. My village is far and will be closer when we move, but not close enough to help out a lot. We would have to schedule stuff in advance still when we move.

[lfig]

I rescheduled my meeting with my boss for tomorrow so I could have an office day to catch up on things since I have been working in the field for the last week. This makes me feel sooo much better to knock a few things off my plate!

I also sympathize with you guster on the "village" thing. Having no family here makes it hard and I am sooo jealous of my sister who has our parents at her fingertips. But we have a group of good friends and babysitters to help. The biggest problem is MH who doesn't like asking things of people. He feels guilty "dumping the kid off" with someone else so we can go have fun. He feels like we are inconveniencing others for our own gain. So convincing him that we need to get a babysitter for dates nights is tough. But I have found that having a few reliable trustworthy babysitters available definitely makes this parenting thing easier.

[lahdeedah]

I love that so many of you have a village that is not just family. I guess I have a little of that here through my work friend. One more than the other and she loves my boys like they are family. I will miss her terribly when we move, but she is from MS so we will still see her a few times a year. I have to make a new village and I’m hoping we have some great neighbors. I need to make it a point to really get to know my neighbors with this move, especially if they have kids around the boys age.