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Post by lucilleaustero on May 24, 2017 18:35:22 GMT -6
My bf is dating a heroin addict. Long story short, she goes with guys that need her. She put up with emotional abuse from her ex husband. Her now bf was clean for two months when they met. He relapsed three times recently, the most recent he overdosed in the high school he is a guidance counselor in. A student found him, knocked out with a needle in his arm. He was arrested.
She is staying with him. How can I support her? Any suggestions for resources is appreciated.
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Post by cassafrass on May 24, 2017 18:41:35 GMT -6
My younger sister is a long-time heroin addict. It's so tough. I would refer her to Nar-anon for resources. If you think she would listen to you, I would also have a CTJ talk about how this is not a healthy relationship for either of them - he needs to focus on his recovery right now. But that could also backfire - you know your relationship and what she will or won't be receptive to.
Good luck, I hope it works out.
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Post by lucilleaustero on May 24, 2017 18:46:03 GMT -6
cassafrass, thanks. I already told her that tomorrow night we are having a phone date. I will suggest nar-anon. She lives in Queens and I am two counties away so I cannot be physically there all the time. And hugs about your sister.
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Post by sterl724 on May 24, 2017 18:50:03 GMT -6
What so hard with addicts is that they don't get clean until if/when they want to. He's going to have a struggle, because he's now likely lost his job and his license to work in schools. (Or would in my state). If he's open to rehab/help, the best thing she can do to help him is to let go and let him focus on himself. It might be easier said than done for her, but it would be worth saying, I think.
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Post by sterl724 on May 24, 2017 18:50:38 GMT -6
And I agree with nar-anon.
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Post by lucilleaustero on May 24, 2017 18:53:34 GMT -6
sterl724, in NY, that would be a dismissal, but he works for a Catholic school, I don't know. She said he is in counseling, not rehab. I am definitely advising her on nar-anon. Thank you
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jlaur21
Gold
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Post by jlaur21 on May 25, 2017 5:30:06 GMT -6
My brother is also a long time pill and now heroin addict - in and out of jail and rehab for close to 10 years now. He's been sober for over a year now and I still don't trust him or feel like he's in a good place. My mom goes to a support group for parents of addicts, maybe your friend could find one for loved ones?
I also have a long time friend who's been clean for 13 years (which is highly unusual). He still goes to meetings 3-4 times a week because the desire is still so strong.
Addiction is so incredibly hard.
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Post by lucilleaustero on May 25, 2017 7:19:47 GMT -6
Gah. The web of addiction is dark and wide. I wish I could tell you what to do to just fix this for her. Is she into heroin? Addicts cannot be helped until they want to get help. They cannot stay clean unless they get up and every. Single. Fucking. Day. Make the choice to be clean. It is just so hard for everyone. My brother is an addict (alcohol) and for this first time in 15 years he is sober for longer than a month. What I learned in those 15 years is that you can only control your own actions and only be there for others to the extent there is not significant negative impact on you and your family. So I would agree with referring her to nar-anon. It's a great resource (assuming it's the counterpart to al-anon). For you, you can just be there for her as you have probably been for years. Maybe have conversations with her abiut the future and where does she see the path leading, etc. Slowly try to get her to gain perspective. Are there any kids involved? She smokes a little pot here and there, but nothing harder than that, There are no children involved, thankfully. We have tried to reach in so many ways. She is gorgeous, smart, funny, loyal, generous and has the worst self esteem of anyone I have ever met. I think that is why she goes for broken guys, she wants to be needed. I hope this is the first month of the rest of your brother's life sober. |
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Post by veganontuesdays on May 25, 2017 7:41:23 GMT -6
This is really difficult. This is what I do for work and it's such a devastating drug.
Since she is your BF would she/you be comfortable sitting down and writing out her expectations of being apart of his recovery and what her "line" is? Sometimes it helps to say out loud or even write what you will and will not tolerate while supporting someone who is battling addiction. And then what figurative line can be drawn in the sand to help her navigate when it is time for her to take a step back.
It's also really important for her to know that SHE cannot get him clean. He needs treatment. Has he ever done treatment before? A lot of times an intensive outpatient or even Day Treatment is not enough and an inpatient facility is necessary. Does he have insurance? I would start there. Contact his insurance and see what they cover. If she feels strongly about having a role then she can help him with that.
I also strongly suggest that SHE have a support person. You, her mom, someone who she will trust to let her know when she is in deep and when she needs perspective. Heroin takes no prisoners and does not have any fucks to give so having a life line for her will really help.
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Post by lucilleaustero on May 25, 2017 8:27:29 GMT -6
This is really difficult. This is what I do for work and it's such a devastating drug. Since she is your BF would she/you be comfortable sitting down and writing out her expectations of being apart of his recovery and what her "line" is? Sometimes it helps to say out loud or even write what you will and will not tolerate while supporting someone who is battling addiction. And then what figurative line can be drawn in the sand to help her navigate when it is time for her to take a step back. It's also really important for her to know that SHE cannot get him clean. He needs treatment. Has he ever done treatment before? A lot of times an intensive outpatient or even Day Treatment is not enough and an inpatient facility is necessary. Does he have insurance? I would start there. Contact his insurance and see what they cover. If she feels strongly about having a role then she can help him with that. I also strongly suggest that SHE have a support person. You, her mom, someone who she will trust to let her know when she is in deep and when she needs perspective. Heroin takes no prisoners and does not have any fucks to give so having a life line for her will really help. She would have no problem discussing her lines with me. We talked about it with her ex her cheated on 7 times in the 7 years they were married. She had lines for him, but never stuck with it. She strong armed him into seeing an addiction counselor, but I feel strongly that he needs to go to a rehab center. I am not positive he was fired yet, but cannot imagine the school can keep him on, so I do not know about insurance. Her parents do not know about the heroin. Her parents live in Queens, a few blocks from her, and are both retired so they could be a great support for her. I have toyed with the idea of telling them. |
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Post by Deleted on May 25, 2017 8:47:16 GMT -6
I think you've gotten great advice from PPs, so I am just going to add something I didn't see mentioned. Since he is using needles, she should be tested for bloodborne diseases (HIV, Hep B and C). Please encourage you friend to do so if she has not, and encourage her to always have safe sex.
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Post by Deleted on May 25, 2017 9:29:39 GMT -6
sterl724, in NY, that would be a dismissal, but he works for a Catholic school, I don't know. She said he is in counseling, not rehab. I am definitely advising her on nar-anon. Thank you Sorry, I'm a little late to this thread. He may have not been able to be admitted to a rehab on a technicality. You often need to be be under the influence at that moment to be admitted. This happened with my husband when he went to Seattle from NJ to get treatment. He took a train all the way out there but wasn't high when he walked into the intake. It was ridiculous because he was ready to go in, and ended up getting high with some random person when they turned him away. He ended up going to jail for 6 months because he couldn't get properly enrolled in a problem. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
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