Tlex
Ruby
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Post by Tlex on Feb 19, 2019 15:05:41 GMT -6
lemondrop Eames I am feeling the same way. I am hoarding every bit of leave I have because I really cant afford to go unpaid, which is why I am only taking 10 weeks its all the leave I have and I am hoping this kid comes out with some super immune system because my husband is a teacher and cant take leave very easily during the school year. I also have no idea what if anytime he will get off at this time of year, my other 2 were summer babies. My best hope is probably to go into labor at the start of spring break then he would be home for 9 days. But I guess I chose to have kids and no one else should have to pay for benefits for me. Its just extremely stressful. This line of thinking makes me so sad. No, no one else chose to have kids for you. But we all pay into a system in the US that SHOULD represent benefits for everyone. People with cancer. People who have parents/kids who need assistance. People who have disabilities. People who need mental health time off. Joe Schmo will never have to use maternity leave, but he might need to use benefits if his dad gets hit by a bus and needs 24 hour assistance as he recovers. My dad is deceased and my mother is cut off, so I'll personally never use that benefit. I would love for Joe to be able to use benefits to take care of a parent while he's recovering, even if I will never use it. His paying into the system helps me. My paying into the system helps him. I should really move to Canada. Yeah and please believe that we are paying our way into these benefits, they are a hefty chunk out of our paycheques and I’ve been paying into EI since I was 15... MH and I have individually more than paid what we’ve combined ever received in parental benefits - and I’m totally ok with that. My society needs kids to be born or it can’t continue so... it should be supportive of me choosing to do so. I have plenty of criticism for the Canadian system but I reserve it for complaining to other Canadians because we have more than enough to be thankful for. |
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Post by jewelsofthenile on Feb 19, 2019 15:27:29 GMT -6
lemondrop yeah thats not truely what i believe, but only what i hear from others. I grew up in a very conservative area, my family included. I would be happy with paying for some sort paid benefits for mental health or family illnesses, parental leave and the like. My mom feels fmla ruined her maternity leave because her particular job let her take more than 12 (I am assuming unpaid) weeks before fmla after it passed she only got 12. US government ruins everything... All i really know is going back to work and at 8 weeks or 12 weeks is stressful and I end up taking a ton of time off for sick babies since they are in daycare and i breastfeed so I am also sick for months too providing immunity for them. I would love to stay home longer its just not possible unpaid.
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Post by lemondrop on Feb 19, 2019 15:50:47 GMT -6
This line of thinking makes me so sad. No, no one else chose to have kids for you. But we all pay into a system in the US that SHOULD represent benefits for everyone. People with cancer. People who have parents/kids who need assistance. People who have disabilities. People who need mental health time off. Joe Schmo will never have to use maternity leave, but he might need to use benefits if his dad gets hit by a bus and needs 24 hour assistance as he recovers. My dad is deceased and my mother is cut off, so I'll personally never use that benefit. I would love for Joe to be able to use benefits to take care of a parent while he's recovering, even if I will never use it. His paying into the system helps me. My paying into the system helps him. I should really move to Canada. Yeah and please believe that we are paying our way into these benefits, they are a hefty chunk out of our paycheques and I’ve been paying into EI since I was 15... MH and I have individually more than paid what we’ve combined ever received in parental benefits - and I’m totally ok with that. My society needs kids to be born or it can’t continue so... it should be supportive of me choosing to do so. I have plenty of criticism for the Canadian system but I reserve it for complaining to other Canadians because we have more than enough to be thankful for. My Canadian cousins are just aghast at Americans deal with over here (I've got a plethora of family in Quebec). Anytime they start to complain I just give them THE LOOK lol. Obviously there are issues with every system - but Jesus. We're edging closer to a point where no one wants to pay for my baby or for me to have adequate healthcare, but goddamn it, I better have a slew of kids. Unfortunately with my direct lineage, I don't qualify for Canadian citizenship by a generation. Which is really a shame because FUN FACT I can trace my family line in Canada back to Montreal in 1653. |
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Post by lemondrop on Feb 19, 2019 16:00:57 GMT -6
lemondrop yeah thats not truely what i believe, but only what i hear from others. I grew up in a very conservative area, my family included. I would be happy with paying for some sort paid benefits for mental health or family illnesses, parental leave and the like. My mom feels fmla ruined her maternity leave because her particular job let her take more than 12 (I am assuming unpaid) weeks before fmla after it passed she only got 12. US government ruins everything... All i really know is going back to work and at 8 weeks or 12 weeks is stressful and I end up taking a ton of time off for sick babies since they are in daycare and i breastfeed so I am also sick for months too providing immunity for them. I would love to stay home longer its just not possible unpaid. I really do understand - I grew up in a super religious, conservative environment. An environment that told me that as a woman, it was my duty to have lots of babies. And also an environment that told me that it was my responsibility to pay for them 100% and tithe 10% of my earnings and give to charity and send my dozen kids to parochial school and I don't know where they got the impression that I was going to have a zillion dollars in the bank at age 32? Anyway, it's a goddamn shame that we have to struggle with feeling guilty about taking time off to bond with our children and provide them sustenance because there are some people who won't use maternity leave. |
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Eames
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Post by Eames on Feb 19, 2019 17:31:18 GMT -6
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to open any wounds about family leave! I just see our company waste so much $ flying execs around and other initiatives that could IMO be trimmed, yet they wonder why women leave the company (and the industry). And I know I've got it pretty good with 10 weeks full pay, so I don't want to sound like a brat.
I also realized I made it sound like my H works at the same company and gets paid leave, but he doesn't. He is still going to take 8 weeks unpaid when I go back, which I love. So I think that's why he was being salty (he wishes his company paid for him and thinks mine is just doing great).
I just couldn't understand why he didn't see my point, obvs it would be better for our family if he got paid leave AND I got disability payments, like it doesn't have to be one or the other, H!
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Post by haleyscott on Feb 19, 2019 18:14:17 GMT -6
Weeks pregnant/Due date/How old is baby: 36w2d/ RCS 3/11
Baby is the size of a: large canteloupe
FTM/STM/TTM/etc: TTM
Team: Pink
Appointments: Friday
Symptoms: Waking up every two hours to go to the bathroom, i'm very emotional, my back hurts, after doing any cleaning I feel like she's going to fall out. hah
Milestones: Just 2 weeks and 6 days until my RCS!
Rants/Raves/Vents: I'm getting nervous the closer it gets. I still have so much I need to do. I need to organize her room and put stuff away. Also wash some more clothes & I want to make a hat/outfit with her name on it. I'm also starting to worry that my kids are going to feel left out once she is here.
GTKY: If you were surprised with a $1000 shopping spree, where would you go? (Non baby related, and no you can't keep the money for savings or something boring 😉)
I have no idea. Amazon? I can get anything off amazon! Or a small getaway.
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Post by haleyscott on Feb 19, 2019 18:15:06 GMT -6
Tlex, His cheeks! He is so so so adorable!
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Post by Deleted on Feb 19, 2019 18:43:04 GMT -6
Oh gosh. I could have the paid leave/unpaid leave conversation all day. It’s frustrating that the US STILL cannot provide any sort of paid leave for new parents. For me, I have FMLA (unpaid) leave, about 2 weeks of vacation time, and STD (8 weeks at 2/3 pay) but, I’m not yet eligible. FMLA kicks in on March 19th and STD on April 1st so I’m basically giving this kid a pep talk every day because if he comes too early....well. Idk what we will do.
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Eames
Platinum
Posts: 1,893 Likes: 9,220
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Post by Eames on Feb 19, 2019 21:33:49 GMT -6
Ugh, I'm sorry @ges! I hate that it's even a worry for you. Stay put baby.
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Post by lemondrop on Feb 19, 2019 21:46:41 GMT -6
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to open any wounds about family leave! I just see our company waste so much $ flying execs around and other initiatives that could IMO be trimmed, yet they wonder why women leave the company (and the industry). And I know I've got it pretty good with 10 weeks full pay, so I don't want to sound like a brat. I also realized I made it sound like my H works at the same company and gets paid leave, but he doesn't. He is still going to take 8 weeks unpaid when I go back, which I love. So I think that's why he was being salty (he wishes his company paid for him and thinks mine is just doing great). I just couldn't understand why he didn't see my point, obvs it would be better for our family if he got paid leave AND I got disability payments, like it doesn't have to be one or the other, H! Gotcha, gotcha. I’m confused why he wouldn’t want the extra cash, tho lol. It would 100000% be better for you if you were both offered reasonable accommodation. Cripes, even if he just got 50% of his salary, that could mean the world to some employees. Certainly I don’t expect anyone to PAY me to give birth to my own kid, but other countries do so much more for their birth mothers in terms of support, the very least the US could do would be to fund mat leave for a few weeks. Or entice companies to do so. For example, my boss regularly flies from Florida to the west coast for meetings that could easily be done over Skype. Flight, hotel, food for a literal day? Probably around $1500. That’s 1/10 of what I would lose if I took 12 unpaid weeks. He does this multiple times a month. If my company said “hey, just... open your laptop 10x over 8 weeks and stop flying to Irvine”, I could take a fully funded 12 week maternity leave and be so fucking grateful, I’d probably shout it from the rooftops. Instead, I’m draining my savings and having a panic attack about sending my 6 week old to daycare. |
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Post by photomama2013 on Feb 20, 2019 7:15:41 GMT -6
Weeks pregnant/Due date/How old is baby: 38+4
Baby is the size of a:
FTM/STM/TTM/etc: TTM
Team: green
Appointments: this morning
Symptoms: pure exhaustion. My pelvis feels like its going to explode.
Milestones: getting closer.
Rants/Raves/Vents: I have been having consistent contractions for hours at a time since Friday. They are making it hard to get any rest and my back is killing me from them. This week is vacation week for my kids and they've been so good. I just hope for my sanity that my body knows that I need to make it through tomorrow and get some rest before this baby can come. I really hope for this weekend. DH would get the most time off and my kids would already be home, so I wouldn't have to worry about where they are when I'm in early stages of labor.
GTKY: If you were surprised with a $1000 shopping spree, where would you go? (Non baby related, and no you can't keep the money for savings or something boring 😉)
A long weekend with DH would be amazing. We've been wanting to do Nashville. It's at least a couple of years away now with baby coming, but something definitely on our list.
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loorin
Bronze
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Post by loorin on Feb 20, 2019 7:40:01 GMT -6
Weeks pregnant/Due date/How old is baby: 30+6, April 25
Baby is the size of a: motorcycle helmet
FTM/STM/TTM/etc: STM
Team: pink
Appointments: friday, growth US next thursday
Symptoms: peeing, SPD, lots of braxton hicks - had to call the other day because I was having them every 3-5 min for a couple of hours. Fortunately they went away after about 3 hours.
Milestones: I'm in the 30's! Nursery is pretty much set up at this point.
Rants/Raves/Vents: Add me to the leave issues - I work in one of the better states for parental leave, but my company's individual policy is making it not that beneficial.... there's some conflicting language in the company policies and they are (of course) choosing to go along with the language that is worse for the employee.
GTKY: If you were surprised with a $1000 shopping spree, where would you go? (Non baby related, and no you can't keep the money for savings or something boring 😉)
Might sound boring, but not to me - I'd get a new washing machine. I already picked out the one I want, but my H won't let me get it until the crap one we have officially dies. Cannot wait to get rid of the smelly front loader.
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Post by jewelsofthenile on Feb 20, 2019 8:55:33 GMT -6
photomama2013 hopefully you get a break and time to rest and relax before the real deal begins.
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Post by photomama2013 on Feb 20, 2019 13:09:54 GMT -6
photomama2013 hopefully you get a break and time to rest and relax before the real deal begins. Thanks! At my appointment today they said everything looks great. Baby is in a good position, so we are just waiting on go time. Fun fact: there are a lot of women who are due right now through my birth center. They have 3 certified midwives and one student. At the beginning of pregnancy they assign you a midwife and the student is your main provider. Today they told me that if I go into labor in the next 72 hours there is a good chance the student wont make it because she has some over due moms. So it would be two CM that come to me, which happen to be the same two that delivered DS2 3.75 years ago. |
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