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Post by strawberrykiki on Feb 12, 2019 10:51:50 GMT -6
CharlieB thinking of you this morning!! hrh thank you! The recovery seems to be getting better day by day a little at a time! Finn had a better appointment this morning. He’s gained a little weight and his jaundice is improved. He goes back Friday. I didn’t give him any formula and I’m just going to keep doing my thing!
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Post by sunshiney on Feb 12, 2019 11:09:02 GMT -6
ETA: tldr: didn't realize this would be so long, sorry, the gist is worries about feeling neglected by hubby when he's got so much on his plate after baby's here, and it's making me almost wish we could go back and not have this baby! I'm sure it's a normal feeling but wonder if anyone had/has similar feelings? .......... I'm starting to get more stressed/sad about the end of our time just the two of us. We married each other later in life than we would have liked (after longish sh*tty first marriages), so kind of hurried along with just a year of dating and engagement, then because of my past infertility and losses felt like we needed to start TTC Almost immediately, and three months after the baby arrives will be just 3 years since we even knew each other existed. I'm having trouble feeling thankful and blessed for my wonderful family, instead of like I'm missing out on so much. Suddenly thinking, who wants a kid? Our life would be so great without one.... I'm guessing this is normal cold feet near delivery. But I'm already feeling neglected/jealous for hubby's time/attention/effort/affection. Haven't quite figured out where the pendulum of responsibility lies between me being overly needy/hormonal at this time and him being less than thoughtful... But it feels like any time I talk to him about this (in the kindest most validating way possible!) Things change for maybe a day, then it's like gravity swings things right back to him having no time/awareness/interest in me or our relationship And I feel really inadequate/rejected. So how am I going to handle these feelings with a baby here?! And pp hormones/pain? As soon as he gets the feeling he's not being a super husband he goes straight into a place of shame and self criticism so withdraws even more and responds unintentionally with even more rejecting messages...a really tough cycle to get out of.
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sammysam
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Post by sammysam on Feb 12, 2019 11:28:18 GMT -6
sunshiney ***lurking***but I just wanted to say I'm sorry you're going through this. We had the oposite situation in terms of length of time lines but SO reacted similarly. I think because we had been together around 12 years by the time we had DD, SO had become accustomed to our lifestyle and him being the recipient of all my affection. Same with me I suppose. I was the one who wanted children initially and it took SO a while to come around to the idea and to get to a place where he would even agree to start trying. After DD was born I would say the first 6 months were really hard on both of us. I was alone with DD all the time and SO didn't seem to care or understand that I was struggling and I found him to be quite thoughtless and selfish. It was a pretty terrible time for our relationship to be honest. That being said, once we got used to the new dynamic and SO was able to become more involved with DD our relationship became better than ever. Our lifestyle changed drastically but neither of us would change it back for the world...and it was even SO who wanted to have a second and pushed for it when I was sure I was done. It took a few years before I was able to really talk to him about everything I felt while pregnant and during DD's first year but once there was enough time and space from the situation for him to be able to listen without feeling like I was criticizing him then he really started to understand. Sorry that's so long winded. Anyways, all of that to say that your relationship might take a hit for a while as you both adjust but just know that it is temporary and in the end it will be better than ever...even if it doesn't feel like it right now. Thinking of you❤.
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Post by thelittleredm on Feb 12, 2019 11:30:12 GMT -6
sunshiney, Everything you're going through right now? YH's responses, your feelings about it all, etc. is normal. H and my relationship was on pretty rocky ground already when we found out we were expecting DS1 and I remember getting cold feet about having a baby in the last month because I thought it was going to ruin everything we did manage to get back on the same page about (I'm definitely anti-"have a kid to save your relationship") but it worked out and definitely made things better. I thought I'd get resentful of lack of "my share" of H's attention but after the baby came, I actually think he felt smothering Lol I would be completely surprised if these weren't the same thoughts circling through his head right now and you guys are just responding to it differently. It's going to be work to keep a balance. It is so easy to put your new baby first in all areas and never putting each other first because well, babies actually need help with everything and it's easy to reason it that way. It isn't that you don't want to give the other parents attention, but it definitely takes work to make sure you're getting time together where you can focus on just the other person. Schedule date nights a month out to make sure you have someone set up to watch your little (again, hard to give someone else responsibility of taking care of said little, especially the first couple times). But it gets easier to adjust.
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Post by thelittleredm on Feb 12, 2019 11:38:18 GMT -6
@amc , I haven't checked my blood pressure since my last appointment. It was slightly elevated compared to my normal (118/76 vs. 100/70) but still normal range. Blood pressure isn't an issue I've ever had but maybe it is off. That was my first thought, actually. Luckily, I have an appointment this afternoon so we will see. Contractions today have intensified in my back which sucks. I really hope A hasn't rotated to sunny side up...
ETA: Also! So, I started taking a stool softener yesterday to help make life less awful after this baby shows up but I have no idea how much I should take just for prep? I just took one yesterday and today just one, too. Should I be doing more than that to prep or is that probably enough? I imagine this is easier when you know when you're going to be having your baby/labor.
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cch
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Post by cch on Feb 12, 2019 13:29:39 GMT -6
@amc that’s awesome lady! I’m stressing about getting myself, A and DD1 to a 10:00 apt next week so I’m super impressed!! sunshiney I don’t have any advice but I’m sure it’s super hard to be feeling those feelings right now. I’m sure everything will be just fine with you and YH but it’s so tough to not worry. So many hugs ❤️
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TashaLa
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Post by TashaLa on Feb 12, 2019 13:50:10 GMT -6
thelittleredm Body Glide is a savior for me with running chafing, maybe try to get some of that! sunshiney I’m sorry you’re feeling that way. I’ve found having those uncomfortable conversations with my H about my insecurities often lends to him being a bit more sensitive bc he recognizes just how vulnerable I am. Your body is performing a miracle. I will say, I’ve never felt more connected to H than right after giving birth. He’s in awe of the feat that’s occurred and is so grateful I’ve given him a child. Don’t get me wrong, the next few weeks, months etc are challenging bc you’re working through your new normal, but it just gets sweeter as your child grows and you two can relish in the fact you guys MADE that! Hugs!
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Post by sunshiney on Feb 12, 2019 15:35:47 GMT -6
Got this scam in the mail today...https://www.reddit.com/r/Scams/comments/aomvt1/scam_received_gift_cards_by_mail/ A PSA in case anyone else gets it. A congratulatory pregnancy card (a pregnancy avocado saying don't worry you're the good kind of fat) with a bunch of gift cards to those random over priced websites where you pay $15 shipping or whatever for their crappy supposedly $100 nursing pillow or something... Plus cut out coupons that make it look like a friend clipped them for you, and wrapped in a credit card receipt looking like they paid actual $200+ for all those gift cards (with a 5% Groupon discount that made it look more real). Note inside from "Jen", that's my therapists name and I was so stressed and confused that she would spend all this money on me and for something so useless and ridiculous and was stressing out about how to address it with her... Also thought it was weird she's send a card about being "fat"... So glad to find it is a scam!!!
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Post by wildflowers on Feb 12, 2019 17:52:36 GMT -6
I got that card today too sunshiney. I was like who the hell is Jen and why would I want this crap?! Then after some googling I confirmed it wasn't real.
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Post by thelittleredm on Feb 12, 2019 18:07:06 GMT -6
Well, my appointment was different today. They had a student midwife there and I'm usually fine with students being there to watch or run my appointments but today I was disappointed that she did my cervical check and strip. I don't know why. She said I was at a 4 still which was a little disappointing given how many more contractions I've had since last week but whatever. And I didn't even realize she was doing a membrane strip until she said she was which made me automatically assume she did a terrible job and it would be completely ineffective but the cramping that has gone on since then makes me feel bad for thinking she couldn't strip them correctly lol
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CharlieB
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Post by CharlieB on Feb 12, 2019 18:13:10 GMT -6
Damn, cch. I’m so sorry for the positive flu test. I’m hoping so hard that it misses you guys. strawberrykiki The doc suggested formula last week when B was under the lights for jaundice, and I was also annoyed...you have every right to feel that way. If your milk has come in and LO is nursing/pooping well, I don’t think there’s much benefit to be added from formula. FWIW, we supplemented B after he was born due to low blood sugar, and he still ended up with jaundice. 🤷🏻♀️ sunshiney Your feelings are completely valid and normal. MH had similar feelings before DS1 was born, but our relationship actually became stronger when we were joined in this parenthood journey (that is, when I didn’t want to smack him for sleeping so soundly). One thing you can do is to be intentional about keeping the lines of communication open - it might be a pause to check in with each other so that you keep your relationship front and center. It’s easy to lose sight of a partner’s emotional needs when both of you are absorbed in caring for a tiny human. The newborn phase is so hard but also short, and you will find your new normal as a couple before you know it.
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CharlieB
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Post by CharlieB on Feb 12, 2019 18:22:12 GMT -6
Thanks for checking in, friends. We’re still here. We didn’t end up moving to the nicu, but I’m not sure if that’s necessarily a good thing. After an uneventful evening, they tried to wean B’s oxygen today. It didn’t go too well, so I’m guessing we’ll try again tomorrow. It’s such a waiting game with viruses...we’ll just keep taking it one day/step at a time.
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Post by strawberrykiki on Feb 12, 2019 20:40:43 GMT -6
sunshiney the way you’re feeling is totally normal. I had some feelings like that in the weeks before I gave birth. Like omg what did we do and should we have done this and what if our relationship is never the same. It’s a LOT of unknown right before the baby comes and it’s scary no matter what. MH and I bonded so close during the delivery of our baby and since he’s been born. I think he’s amazed what I did to birth our baby. And once the baby is here oh my goodness..... my baby is the best most wonderful gift I could ever imagine. And now it feels like we’ve been the three of us forever. Talk to each other. Some moments will be tough but you’re a team and you can work through whatever comes up. You’ve got this! ❤️ thelittleredm I hope something comes of it for you! Mine were stripped twice and I had ridiculous cramping and was sure something was happening but nope! So frustrating walking around dilated with contractions and no labor! I got that scam today! I was so confused. MH and I have been trying to figure out who Jen is. I’m glad we figured it out!
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Post by thelittleredm on Feb 12, 2019 21:42:26 GMT -6
So, plenty of cramping and low contractions, especially when I'm on my feet or sitting down to pee. Another positive: Bloody discharge! Like. Really similar to MP discharge. After my membranes were stripped with DS2, I had my mucus plug come out in pieces over about a 36hr period before he showed up. 🤞
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k
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Post by k on Feb 13, 2019 6:34:01 GMT -6
MH has been taking DS1 to school to help me out. Except he is so freaking loud that he wakes up the whole house and it defeats the purpose 🙄.
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dashook
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Post by dashook on Feb 13, 2019 8:33:23 GMT -6
I’m nursing and then going to drop DD with my MIL while I head into Boston with my boys. I have an 11 am appointment for a BP check. I’m almost out of meds but my PP appointment isn’t til the 25th so they need to see me now. It sucks too because DS1 should be in school but pickup time is 11:30 and I don’t have anyone who can cover it, so I had to just keep him out today.
I love being a SAHM so far but I think the hardest times for me are when I have to actually try to take care of adult shit. Unless my MIL is available I don’t have anyone who can watch the kids during daytime hours. When I was working we had a FT nanny so I always had someone who could cover for whatever.
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Post by notagoddess on Feb 13, 2019 8:37:30 GMT -6
dashook, I'm going to be making the same adjustment except with 2 kids. I'm planning on doing some kind of regular child care for my toddler one morning a week and try to schedule as many appointments/errands during that time. I don't know if your H has the ability to WFH at all, but that is also part of my plan for occasional appointments during the day. I'm hoping to find another local mom to switch off occasional childcare too.
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CharlieB
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Post by CharlieB on Feb 13, 2019 12:40:09 GMT -6
B’s oxygen has been off for about an hour, and he seems to be doing ok so far. He’s due to nurse soon, and that will be the real test since his problems were mainly correlated with feeding. We just might get to go home later today. I don’t want to rush it, but I’m also really looking forward to life outside of this room.
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k
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Post by k on Feb 13, 2019 12:42:25 GMT -6
B’s oxygen has been off for about an hour, and he seems to be doing ok so far. He’s due to nurse soon, and that will be the real test since his problems were mainly correlated with feeding. We just might get to go home later today. I don’t want to rush it, but I’m also really looking forward to life outside of this room. I hope he tolerates it!
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Post by thelittleredm on Feb 13, 2019 12:52:06 GMT -6
B’s oxygen has been off for about an hour, and he seems to be doing ok so far. He’s due to nurse soon, and that will be the real test since his problems were mainly correlated with feeding. We just might get to go home later today. I don’t want to rush it, but I’m also really looking forward to life outside of this room. I hope he tolerates it! Ditto!
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Post by thelittleredm on Feb 13, 2019 12:53:21 GMT -6
Contractions and cramping weren't super close together first thing this morning but they were still there. Discharge still happening but slowing down. I'm going to meet my mom for lunch at Costco and we're going to waste away our lunch hour wandering around and getting some movement in.
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Post by notagoddess on Feb 13, 2019 14:42:20 GMT -6
I have 45 minutes of work left before officially starting my maternity leave. I am so excited! I would love a couple of days at least where I have childcare but don't have to go to work. But I don't mind baby coming ASAP either.
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tngrl3
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Post by tngrl3 on Feb 13, 2019 15:11:32 GMT -6
notagoddess the 2 days I had off work with the kids out of the house were so wonderful. I could have used a couple of more but was also so glad when my csection got moved up and I was able to have DD2 safely here.
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cch
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Post by cch on Feb 13, 2019 17:33:10 GMT -6
CharlieB I’m glad to see your updates. I really hope nursing goes well and he’s able to stay off the oxygen. I can’t even imagine how you must be feeling right now but I’m continuing to think about you guys! Hope you’re both able to go home soon ❤️
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Post by thelittleredm on Feb 13, 2019 17:39:27 GMT -6
CharlieB, Thank you for the update! I hope things continue to improve. Well, stuck in the car at the grocery store thanks to the big kid falling asleep. I can't get back there to grab him but I called my mom and she's going to rescue me (i.e. sit in my car) when she gets off work so that I can grab a couple things for dinner. Sigh. I hate nap jail.
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TashaLa
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Post by TashaLa on Feb 13, 2019 19:39:02 GMT -6
CharlieB hope the nursing session went well! I can only imagine how you’re feeling. Fingers crossed you’re home soon!
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Post by sunshiney on Feb 13, 2019 22:31:18 GMT -6
Can I just say, holy lighting crotch!!!
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CharlieB
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Post by CharlieB on Feb 14, 2019 3:33:57 GMT -6
We’re home! 🎉 It was so wonderful to see DS1 and to hear him yell, “MOMMYYYYY!!!” when I walked in the door. After giving me a 3-second hug, he was already requesting to hold baby bro. 💙
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TashaLa
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Post by TashaLa on Feb 14, 2019 4:14:37 GMT -6
CharlieB yay!!! So glad to hear that update!!!!
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cch
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Post by cch on Feb 14, 2019 4:18:14 GMT -6
CharlieB Aw that’s awesome! So glad y’all are home!
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