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Post by lemondrop on Jan 29, 2019 15:35:55 GMT -6
For 2nd/3rd/etc time moms.. how did you labor/ give birth the first time? I was just given my "birth plan" paperwork and I LOL'd until I realized DS is due in 82 days.
Knowing shit happens - ie, emergencies, baby wants to do something different, baby is breech, everyone's body shape is different, etc - what did you like and dislike? What worked and didn't?
My birthing center is pretty sweet - tubs, chairs, showers, the works. My OB office is actually 8 midwives and 5 doctors, so I'll most likely be with a midwife unless I have an emergency, in which case one of the doctors steps in. I generally have wide hips, an ass to grass Crossfit squat, and kiddo is already head down and crushing my vagina, if that makes a difference. (I know he could flip).
I would like: To try birthing on hands and knees/ using a squat bar/ laboring in the tub/ birthing ball Laboring at home for as long as possible Unmedicated/ limited medication (walking epi would probably be the most I'd want to do barring intervention)
I do not want: A full epidural (I have a severe, severe phobia of losing leg function) To use the birthing chair/stool (because it's mostly wood and when I saw it I was all, "oh, that's what Janine used in that episode of The Handmaid's Tale" so hard pass)
I've heard some differing opinions on the squat bar (can push baby's head into your pelvis vs opens the pelvis even more plus gravity!) and laying on your back (opens your pelvis 30%(??) more vs it does nothing but help the OB see better)
Anywho.. anecdotes are welcome!
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nmom
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Post by nmom on Jan 29, 2019 17:58:54 GMT -6
I keep going to respond then worry I’ll sound like a negative jerk. I don’t want to sound like that. I hope your able to do everything in your birth plan ❤️ When I was a FTM I had a pretty “loose” birth plan I felt overall I wanted un medicated... no epidural. Skin to skin delayed cord clamping delayed bath etc. then I got pre eclampsia and everything was “taken” from me. I just didn’t realize how much I didn’t have control over in some situations. I guess I just wanted to post and say as a FTM to be kind to yourself if things don’t go as planned❤️
I really really hope that doesn’t sound negative. It was just my experience that caught me off guard.
I can edit and add labor for me tho lol I forgot that. So that being said some wasn’t a choice obviously but I loved using the labor ball when I could and the bath. I was induced and eventually was given epidural and managed to avoid magnesium. I was given pitocin. The ball with my husband doing the massage on my hips/back was the best. Good ol back labor... but the ball and leaned over on the bed was where I was the most comfortable until needing more intervention I suppose from the doctors.
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Post by lemondrop on Jan 29, 2019 20:21:11 GMT -6
nmom no I totally get it! I don’t even know why they want me to fill this thing out bc truly anything can happen - my BFF had a perfect pregnancy and unmedicated labor until it was 24 hours in, her DS’s heart rate dropped, and they needed to do an emergency Csection, and everything went to hell (she had some pretty serious complications). Mainly I just don’t know what to believe when it comes to using a ball or the squat bar or a tub or traditional legs up with H holding my knee back. I know I’ll be able to use whatever options are available but it seems like it’s a never ending question of “what do you want to do”. No clue, this is my first time so I guess I’ll just wing it? Lol
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Post by jewelsofthenile on Jan 29, 2019 20:29:02 GMT -6
I had a birth plan but I dont think I showed to anyone but my husband. I had it in the hospital bag but never worried about getting it out. The ob said I should wait to call them until I had contractions 5 minutes apart lasting a minute for a good hour. So I followed those instructions. I believe i went through transition in the car on the way to the hospital. When i got to labor and delivery i was 10cm and ready to push. I didnt have an IV. I pushed for a good 45 minutes to an hour in the bed on my back which wasnt really my plan. They also broke my water which i was not really interested in according to my plan. Then my daughter was out. I couldnt tell you if they did delayed cord clamping. I got a shot of pitocin in my leg because i wasnt hooked up to an IV which hurt. It was a relief to walk in and know i couldnt get an epidural if i wanted to made the decision to go unmedicated easy. I was super happy with that experience. So all that to say its good to do your research and have an idea what you want but dont get too hung up on specifics. If things arent exactly the way you invisioned in the birth plan you can still have a good experience. Also, in my experience laboring at home for most of labor is nice its relaxing and you can do whatever feels best going for a walk resting the tub. I will be trying to do that again this time if possible.
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Post by lemondrop on Jan 29, 2019 20:45:28 GMT -6
jewelsofthenile Your experience sounds very much like what my ideal vision would be - the laboring at home, no IV, etc. At the top of the sheet, it asks for “objectives” to which I wrote “I want Max to get here safely and I don’t want to die”. I don’t really have any hard or fast “I need XYZ to happen or I’m going to be pissed” ideals for labor or birth. ESP knowing anything can happen. I just know I’ll want to move around, try different things, and am curious to know what others did. In my real life, no one talks about labor/ delivery unless they have a horror story.
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Eames
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Post by Eames on Jan 29, 2019 20:49:13 GMT -6
I had a plan for minimal interventions, but I was gbs+ at my 35 week appt with DD. This meant I had to go in as soon as my waters broke so that they could give me antibiotics.
My waters broke around 6 pm with her but no contractions started. I wish I had the option to labor at home longer, which was in my original plan. As soon I was at the hospital I got an IV, and then with no progress I got pitocin. I made it quite awhile until I needed pain relief (epidural).
I ended up getting fully dialated, but DD wouldn't come down with pushing. She was 9lb5oz and sunny side up and we ended up with a c section.
All that to say, I felt like I failed afterwards and had a really hard time coming to terms with a csection. But looking back I'm glad she was out safely.
I like the idea of birth plans, but remember it's ok of things change, and it's not your fault. You may want pain relief, etc. and that's ok. Trust in your team. We all got this!
Edited to add: just saw your post and that you want to remain flexible and take it as it comes. I think that's awesome! Sorry I don't have more good advice, lol.
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jacks
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Post by jacks on Jan 29, 2019 21:03:03 GMT -6
lemondrop I don’t have any specific recommendations, but I think it’s great to be prepared for ways to help you labor. Different things work for different people, so having a whole aresenal of tricks is helpful. My sister had an unmedicated birth twice and recommended hiring a doula to help with labor. I ended up being induced at 41 weeks and that basically blew all my plans out of the water. I ended up having a c-section, which I was so, so unprepared for. I do wish I had at least done some reading on recovery or c-sections ahead of time because I was just totally in shock since it never crossed my mind as an option ahead of time.
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Post by snickerdoodle on Jan 29, 2019 21:11:07 GMT -6
I don’t have feedback on unmediated labor as I knew I wanted and epidural and at the hospital I delivered at that means you have to be in bed. I am glad I got the epidural, but I would not recommend laboring on your back if you don’t have to. I would recommend doing birthing classes if you can. I felt like that is what helped me learn more about labor and make decisions. My hospital had one that was all about practicing different labor positions, not just breathing, which was cool. Also talk with your H about birthing plan and how you want him to be involved. My H knew I wanted an epidural and was actually the one to tell the nurse. I am really bad at speaking up for myself so I really appreciated him knowing and sharing what I wanted.
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pambee
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Post by pambee on Jan 29, 2019 21:18:53 GMT -6
I don't have any personal experience with labor (scheduled cs at 39 weeks due to breech) but want to echo what jacks said about reading up on cs and any other options you might not be expecting. I was pretty taken aback when the option of a CS came up but thankfully had time to research and become comfortable with it. Two of my good friends ended up with a last minute emergency cs and were pretty shaken up from it and felt unprepared. Hopefully you don't have to deal with any of that, but both of them said they wished they had at least asked their ob/midwife about it or done some research beforehand to make it less scary. It sounds like you have a good idea going in knowing anything could happen or change though, and I think that's most important! Hopefully others will have more anecdotes about ways to labor, etc for you too. I will say, just from what friends have told me, it sounds like when you're in it, you'll just do whatever feels right at the time - getting in a tub or shower or using the ball, etc, or all of the above (lol).
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pambee
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Post by pambee on Jan 29, 2019 21:21:29 GMT -6
Also, I laughed at your birthing chair/Janine comment because that's exactly where my brain went first too 😂
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Yogurt
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Post by Yogurt on Jan 29, 2019 21:24:21 GMT -6
Normal pregnancy, nothing special or issues. TW? Preemie/sudden birth. It all ends well and my kid is great. My crazy birth: spoilered for length
My husband is in Austin on a business trip. He is coming home late the next night (late Thursday night/early Friday morning)
Wednesday: Went for my 35 week swab for group beta strep. Told doc I had been having period like cramps all over my belly for a day or so (so 34+5 or 6). He dismisses, third tri is gonna suck, etc. Doesn't check me.
Thursday: More discomfort. Just so crampy. I assume these are the Braxton Hicks contractions everyone speaks of. I am at work setting up my classroom because school starts the next week. My friend is like, screw this let's get pedicures. So we do, it's like 3pm the day after that appointment where I was complaining of cramps. I go to the grocery store after and get a smoothie at the jamba juice inside the store. I'm sitting there because I'm pretty uncomfortable. I do some shopping and (HELLO!) I am stopping and resting leaning against the cart because of the cramps. I go home and I decide I'll go to the gym for a bit to do some easy cardio. Then I change my mind and just chill.
Cramps don't stop but don't seem like substantial enough to be a contraction.. I tell my friend who has 2 kids, but has never labored. She decides to come over and it like, well just let me time the contractions to see what's going on. I still don't think anything is really happening. Now its like 8 or 9 pm. She convinces me to contact my doc, just to give the heads up. He tells me to page him again if they get to be regular and a certain length of time apart. They never become regular; it's 2 min apart, 10 min apart, etc.
My friend is like, well why don't you just go in to get checked out. I feel like she's over reacting and this is nothing, etc. My h is now flying home and is is in San Francisco, and still has one more short flight to get home. I agree I will get checked when my h gets home we will go to the hospital. Pain isn't anything crazy, but now (DUH) at times I am like breathing through it and even on my hands and knees on my bed. But it seems like no where near enough to be labor.
late Thursday/ early Friday morning: Now it's midnight and his flight has landed. He gets home from the airport and to our house just after 1 am. We leave for the hospital immediately and I am there by 1:45. On the way there, shit got real. I am in PAIN. This was my first "oh fuck" moment.
We get to the hospital and I jump out of the truck, leaving the door open and just booking to the door. I stop and I am on my hands and knees laboring in the parking lot. I get up and get to the hospital ER door and it WON'T OPEN. I realize I am at the ambulance bay and not the actual ER door. A nurse sees me and is like OH SHIT.
They let me in and get me checked in. Some nurse tried to get me to pee in a cup. There is no way I am now in so much pain. I see 2 drops of blood in my undies and this was my real "oh shit this is my "bloody show and I am doing this thing right now" moment. I get onto the ER bed and they check me. I am 8 CENTIMETERS WITH THE BAG BULGING OUT. I start like pleading for the anesthesiologist and they are like GIRL NO, LOL. This makes me panic because I was always like, give me every drug they make! I NEVER planned to get no epi.
They page my doc, he gets there asap.
They have me pull myself onto the L&D bed and it seems like the worlds most impossible feat. I do it and my water explodes. Everywhere.
When my water explodes I am like, I am pushing! I couldn't stop for all the money in the world. My body was just like IT'S HAPPENING NOW. I pushed for what felt like 20 seconds and she was out. I pooped on the table too.
I had arrived to the hospital at 1:45 am. Ramona was born at 2:08am.
She was perfect. 4lbs, 12oz and Apgar was like 9. She spent 5 days in the NICU until she was able to feed independently. She never had any issues from coming early.
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nmom
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Post by nmom on Jan 29, 2019 21:28:52 GMT -6
nmom no I totally get it! I don’t even know why they want me to fill this thing out bc truly anything can happen - my BFF had a perfect pregnancy and unmedicated labor until it was 24 hours in, her DS’s heart rate dropped, and they needed to do an emergency Csection, and everything went to hell (she had some pretty serious complications). Mainly I just don’t know what to believe when it comes to using a ball or the squat bar or a tub or traditional legs up with H holding my knee back. I know I’ll be able to use whatever options are available but it seems like it’s a never ending question of “what do you want to do”. No clue, this is my first time so I guess I’ll just wing it? Lol Got ya! Yes so that was me too and I somehow got lucky with a doula in my room lol. She was on the NICU team and I just said idk someone tell me but really your body does somewhat guide you a little. But she brought in the ball etc they will help nurses where also my BFF they are so gentle and like slide in and out with things to keep you comfortable. But I was open going in I was like I’m not sure I’ve never done this before I’m going to need some help😂but dear god don’t ask me if I want the mirror again! Lol
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Tlex
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Post by Tlex on Jan 30, 2019 0:06:18 GMT -6
I was in preterm labour for 9+ weeks prior to when I reached the point of no return (4 cm dilated and my hospital wouldn’t intervene anymore to delay labour) so D1 came just before 37 weeks. By that point I was all too familiar with contractions and I learned that when they’re real I get really shifty, I try to kind of wiggle and shift out of my body to get away from them. I like to get on all fours, that’s another sign that it’s the real deal for me. By the time we’d made it through an exciting blizzard and I was checked in to my delivery suite, I was desperate to get in the tub. Water is very soothing for me and really helps me manage pain, especially that deep bone pain that I later learned is back labour - all my babies like to be sunny side up.
The tub helped for about 6 hours but I only progressed 2 cm in that time - very mentally hard to accept because I’d been trying NOT to dilate for so long, and then when it was go time it was so slow?! Not how I pictured things going. So I hovered at 6cm for a few more hours and things were pretty tough. They offered to break my water to see if that would help and I agreed. It didn’t really move things along and after another couple hours I was ready for an epidural, I was just so exhausted. Back labour tends to be back to back contractions with no break inbetween and I was injured from my SPD so a lot of pain management options/positions were out. When I got the epi they offered pitocin too, and I figured eh how much worse can it get, sure. Annnnyways I didn’t get any rest at all, laboured 21 hours total, pushed for 3, and it ended in a C section. The doctor reached his full hand and forearm inside me at one point to try to turn her, to no success.
I felt like a huge failure for not being able to push that kid out. It took me a long time to come to grips with that aspect of her birth. The c section itself was a fine experience and my recovery was brutal due to the labour, not the surgery. I am happy to say that I am now very at peace with how that birth went and totally accept that it wasn’t in my control or a failing on my part that I couldn’t push her out. She was huge and stuck as fuck. She came out safely and I did too.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 30, 2019 7:49:19 GMT -6
I'm of no help ( pambee and I are birth twins with a scheduled CS due to breech, no labor), so I just think it's important to be flexible. It makes sense to have a plan, but I would caution against being 100% set on it going a certain way. Birth is only the beginning, so I echo being kind to yourself if it does not go the way you envision!
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Post by lemondrop on Jan 30, 2019 8:14:08 GMT -6
Well, I feel like an a-hole since it sounds like many of you had kind of shitty experiences. I'm really sorry I'm definitely going in flexible as a "be prepared" boy scout. I've been reading more about c-sections since my BFF had such a horrible reaction. She hemorrhaged and needed 2 blood transfusions so I'm definitely aware of the complications. Unfortunately the birthing classes in my area are booked up - apparently I was supposed to schedule them at 14 weeks. Little did I know, my old OB office was very "figure shit out for yourself! good luck!" which is why I've been reading and looking for anecdotes, with the understanding that everyone is different. It just seems like every anecdote contradicts someone else's anecdote.
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pambee
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Post by pambee on Jan 30, 2019 8:52:30 GMT -6
It just seems like every anecdote contradicts someone else's anecdote. Welcome to parenting 😂😂
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pambee
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Post by pambee on Jan 30, 2019 8:54:31 GMT -6
Really though, it might be helpful to lurk the past few bmb's for birth stories to get more experiences. I remember I did that with my last bmb, mostly because I liked reading them lol, but it helped to imagine what could or might happen!
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grover
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Post by grover on Jan 30, 2019 8:57:59 GMT -6
I was induced at 39+2. Went in the evening before, got cervadil, slept, woke up, they removed cervadil and after breakfast started pictocin. Walked the halls, tried to nap, etc. Water broke around 1 pm, asked for Epi shortly after. She was born at 11:46 pm.
My birth plan was just "get her out safe and healthy, and keep me healthy". My nurse was thrilled. I have the same plan this time, but haven't yet prepared myself for a scheduled c-section (twin A is head down and low, B is sideways and is bigger than A. The OB I saw two appts ago is highly skilled at delivering both vaginally, but said there is a small chance with B being bigger I'd need an emergency c just for him after A was out already. That is something I'd like to avoid.)
Also, I didn't expect to be lips chattering/shivering after delivery. I was also legit starving. The cafeteria was closed, but the nurses do have sandwiches, snacks and drinks available for those who deliver after hours.
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Eames
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Post by Eames on Jan 30, 2019 9:03:29 GMT -6
lemondrop, don't feel like a a-hole! I just wish I had more advice on positions to labor in, etc. I just wanted to make sure to say that whatever happens, it's ok to change plans too. I wish I was more prepared for a variety of outcomes. It took awhile but I'm really at peace with it and planning another csection (twins and neither is head down at the moment).
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Post by lemondrop on Jan 30, 2019 9:05:53 GMT -6
It just seems like every anecdote contradicts someone else's anecdote. Welcome to parenting 😂😂 Lol true story
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Post by lemondrop on Jan 30, 2019 9:14:55 GMT -6
I was also legit starving. The cafeteria was closed, but the nurses do have sandwiches, snacks and drinks available for those who deliver after hours. Not that this is the most important thing that you wrote, but just yesterday I was telling my H how I kept reading about folks smuggling in champagne and wine for after the birth, and I was going to need him to smuggle me in a ham and turkey club sandwich. Champagne is cool, but momma wants some deli meat. lol.
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Post by lemondrop on Jan 30, 2019 9:20:27 GMT -6
lemondrop , don't feel like a a-hole! I just wish I had more advice on positions to labor in, etc. I just wanted to make sure to say that whatever happens, it's ok to change plans too. I wish I was more prepared for a variety of outcomes. It took awhile but I'm really at peace with it and planning another csection (twins and neither is head down at the moment). Thank you, I appreciate this. As Type A as I am, I'm ok with multiple options/ positions/ plan changes in this instance. It's all so up in the air.
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Post by photomama2013 on Jan 30, 2019 10:34:38 GMT -6
I have had two "textbook" births with no medication. With my first I labored in the tub on my knees, leaning over the side. I had to worst back labor and it was helpful for my H to push on my hips while I was contracting. I got out of the tub to deliver and sort of squatted with a contraction. They asked if that felt good. Sure? So they set up that terrible, awful birthing stool. 2 pushes and my water broke, 2 more and my DS was out. The stool certainly worked position wise, but you dont get any pressure relief with it. I tore a lot. It wasnt fun.
DS2 was born at home with a different team of midwives. When I switched practices and the new MW got my chart they were like so here's the thing, you have easy uncomplicated births, that's great, but we cannot do the type of repair you had last time. So we would have to transport you after delivery if you tore that bad again. So the whole second half of my pregnancy we talked about ways that I could avoid it and I was promised no birth stool.
I ended up with a super quick labor and hands and knees were where I got relief. The tub never got filled, so I just was in my living room layed over my chase lounge. My son was delivered in that same position. He was 1.5 pounds bigger than DS1 and I had no tearing at all.
This time I am really hoping to get my water birth. Hands and knees will probably be my go to position, just from past experience, but really anything that gives pain relief will be what happens.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 30, 2019 10:51:26 GMT -6
Not an a-hole at all lemondrop! I read so many birth stories during my first pregnancy, I couldn't get enough of them. Then I found out I'd be getting a scheduled c-section and was like, welp! So much for those.
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Post by tapdancer on Jan 30, 2019 11:06:03 GMT -6
I had a very complicated induction at 38 weeks due to preeclampsia and ended up on magnesium. After being in labor for basically 2 days I had a csection due to failure to progress.
That said this is what I recommend to you in terms of a birth plan based on my experience and my sister (who had a fairly normal vaginal birth with a sunny side up baby). Make sure your H knows what you want in terms of meds/ no meds, delayed clamping etc. when you are in full blown labor you cannot make rational decisions for yourself and it's good to have an advocate if you have a specific plan. If you don't think he can be a good coach while you are in pain then consider a doula.
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Post by lemondrop on Jan 30, 2019 11:13:18 GMT -6
photomama2013, Minus the tearing (omg I am so sorry), your previous births sound promising for water birth success this next round! I think a lot about what has made me feel "better" when I've had stomach pains/ period cramps, and it was often being on hands and knees. It's definitely something I'd like to attempt.
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Post by lemondrop on Jan 30, 2019 11:14:10 GMT -6
Not an a-hole at all lemondrop ! I read so many birth stories during my first pregnancy, I couldn't get enough of them. Then I found out I'd be getting a scheduled c-section and was like, welp! So much for those. Knowing my luck and the fact that I bothered asking this question, this will probably be my experience. lol.
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Post by lemondrop on Jan 30, 2019 11:19:28 GMT -6
tapdancer, H and I had a long talk about this a few nights ago, because I was worried my being in pain will throw him through a loop. I may hire a doula in this case but he's very insistent that he'll be fine. I'll see, lol.
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Post by photomama2013 on Jan 30, 2019 11:20:47 GMT -6
lemondrop I hope I labor just a little longer this time (probably I'm the only person whose ever said that), but I want the tub filled. I'm determined!
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Post by Deleted on Jan 30, 2019 11:22:38 GMT -6
Not an a-hole at all lemondrop ! I read so many birth stories during my first pregnancy, I couldn't get enough of them. Then I found out I'd be getting a scheduled c-section and was like, welp! So much for those. Knowing my luck and the fact that I bothered asking this question, this will probably be my experience. lol. Don't feel too bad if it is! There's a lot of advantages to scheduling a c-section, I found. MH and I were able to plan accordingly with work and our parents, and we knew we'd be able to go out for the "last supper" the weekend before. I just couldn't sleep the night before because I was nervous, lol.
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