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Post by alwayscheese on Jan 29, 2019 12:21:35 GMT -6
Eta: this got extremely tldr. Feel free to just skip lol.
Here's my brain dump re TFAS. I know I'm gong to regret spending time thinking and talking about this so much. My two local BFFs both have 3yo and 14 month olds(3 months older than DS) and comments about when we'll all have more happen periodically. One bff says she's taking a nice long break and will have more later. The other one has not said but I know she really struggles with life as it is. I feel like she'll have more than a two year gap until the next one. We discussed it last week again and they both try to convince me how much fun it is for the kids to be 2 years apart. So I did the math and if I got pregnant in 4 months they would be 2 yrs apart. Ya, no, do NOT see that happening. Oh I would do pregnant, giving birth and newborn and all the excitement again in a heartbeat. But having two LOs? NOT READY. Maybe if in 4 months DS is running around on his own it'll seem less crazy. I feel like I need to see DS being independent before committing. Like I can't imagine just thinking oh in 9 months he'll be grown enough and going off of that. Also NO thank you to two in diapers. But this summer I might try some very low key Eliminating Communication/early "potty training" and see where that goes.
Really though the biggest thing is I am envisioning just enjoying DS as a 3yo without having to split the time with a baby and it looks sooo much more fun than having a 2yo + infant.
But then I went and lurked M/A19 and TTGP and some old birth threads and whee I could really get wrapped up in that. So. I. Must. Stop. Hopefully baby fever will wait to hit at least until one of my local friends gets pregnant/gives birth. I predicting a year before that happens lol.
Then I'm thinking about my IUD. I may ask for the Mirena instead when I have my annual in March. So if I get another IUD I'll need to say we won't TTC for a year probably. So idk if I should keep my Paraguard and then did bcp on the side to regulate?? Maybe I'll take my bcp until my March appt to see if that works.
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Post by leatherpants on Jan 29, 2019 12:40:11 GMT -6
I don’t know what you should do about bc alwayscheese but I read it and I’m a little jealous about getting to plan for another one. And FWIW, I read those threads too and lurk brand new BMBs. I guess this is how the human race endures. Lol. So. You guys should know know I’m going to lurk all the new BMBs for you guys. I might even slip in a discreet tit every now and again but I try to keep my creeping under wraps.
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polson
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Post by polson on Jan 29, 2019 12:48:49 GMT -6
alwayscheese there are definite arguments for spacing, but i will tell you that i was in the firm “oh god no” until dd1 was about 14 months and then the baby fever hit me out of nowhere and i was pregnant 3 months later🙃. i currently have a friend that has 3 under 3 - and that is giving me extreme pause. it is chaos and craziness for her and i’m so glad it’s not me. however i think that in 4-5 yrs it will be great for them to be so close in age. i just don’t think i could make it unscathed. we would probably wait at least another year so we could move into a bigger house for serious lack of space issues. i’ll see what headspace i’m in at that point.
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Post by alwayscheese on Jan 29, 2019 13:11:46 GMT -6
Is everyone's LO in a convertible? Is it normal to not be able to recline it without loosening the LATCH strap???
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Post by leatherpants on Jan 29, 2019 14:18:10 GMT -6
Is everyone's LO in a convertible? Is it normal to not be able to recline it without loosening the LATCH strap??? Ill Have to look when we go out later. But I think the recline is in the front so when it’s rear facing and installed I wouldn’t be able to. I think
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Post by calendula on Jan 29, 2019 14:25:07 GMT -6
alwayscheese IME the convertibles need a complete reinstall in order to mess around with the incline setting. There's a lot to be said to being able to enjoy a 3 yo before adding another kid to the mix. Mine are 5.5 years apart...it wasn't my intention but oh my goodness we had so, so many good times with DS in those years. Especially after he hit two years. Like 2-4 was such an incredible sweet spot. While everyone else around us was doing the diaper life and barely surviving, we were traveling, camping, taking awesome day trips, teaching him so many cool things, working on interesting projects. We legit just enjoyed him so much.
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Post by alwayscheese on Jan 29, 2019 14:29:37 GMT -6
alwayscheese IME the convertibles need a complete reinstall in order to mess around with the incline setting. There's a lot to be said to being able to enjoy a 3 yo before adding another kid to the mix. Mine are 5.5 years apart...it wasn't my intention but oh my goodness we had so, so many good times with DS in those years. Especially after he hit two years. Like 2-4 was such an incredible sweet spot. While everyone else around us was doing the diaper life and barely surviving, we were traveling, camping, taking awesome day trips, teaching him so many cool things, working on interesting projects. We legit just enjoyed him so much. YES this is what I want to hear 😊
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cornpop
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Post by cornpop on Jan 29, 2019 14:50:45 GMT -6
alwayscheese, so you probably don't care about my opinion but my first turned 3 just a few months after having N and IMO that age difference has been SO great. E actually understands that she has to be gentle (most of the time) and helps out a lot. If she were 2, it would be a whole different story. And yeah, I basically went from being not at all ready to TFAS when E was 22 months, to NEEDING to be pregnant when she was 23 sooo...it happens quickly
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Post by woodenshoes on Jan 29, 2019 14:57:33 GMT -6
leatherpants I lurk all the BMBs too. I just live vicariously through them.
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Post by woodenshoes on Jan 29, 2019 15:06:25 GMT -6
alwayscheese IME the convertibles need a complete reinstall in order to mess around with the incline setting. There's a lot to be said to being able to enjoy a 3 yo before adding another kid to the mix. Mine are 5.5 years apart...it wasn't my intention but oh my goodness we had so, so many good times with DS in those years. Especially after he hit two years. Like 2-4 was such an incredible sweet spot. While everyone else around us was doing the diaper life and barely surviving, we were traveling, camping, taking awesome day trips, teaching him so many cool things, working on interesting projects. We legit just enjoyed him so much. My two are 4.25 years apart and I agree with this. The only downside is that I got used to being in the sweet spot and I feel like we have kind of started all over again. I love what I have but I liked the ease of doing things with the independence the DS1 is developing (I.e getting in the car seat alone).
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whatsit
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Post by whatsit on Jan 29, 2019 15:11:53 GMT -6
My semi- regular weekly catch up
Bumps on As head too
We haven’t fully agreed to a third yet but we have said if we do, it’ll be a bit of a bigger gap between them ( G and A are 2y 4m apart). At this point I’d still like to but A has proven to be a very mischievous little girl and might be even more of a trouble maker once she’s walking and talking.
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Post by sunshinedaisies on Jan 29, 2019 15:19:52 GMT -6
Well when there is an explosion of new intros in the next BMB, you all will have me to thank for starting this conversation!
I will say we originally wanted a 2 year age gap between DS1 and DS2 and we had just under 3 years instead and it’s been great. They get along so well, and I’ve gotten to enjoy each of them at their different stages in life. And we were lucky enough to potty train DS1 right after L was born, so we still only had one in diapers!
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Post by sunshinedaisies on Jan 29, 2019 15:20:49 GMT -6
sunshinedaisies those are solid numbers and doubling IMO. My RE always aimed for 3 day doubling, never held to the 48 hour standard that seems to be par for the course on the internet. Are you confident in your ovulation date? Sympathies for the crappy OB. I hope you are able to get in touch with the OB directly and bump up an appointment. Good luck!! Yep, I’m positive about dates. I was tracking. But thanks for the positive feedback, I need to hear it!
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Post by leatherpants on Jan 29, 2019 15:23:56 GMT -6
alwayscheese IME the convertibles need a complete reinstall in order to mess around with the incline setting. There's a lot to be said to being able to enjoy a 3 yo before adding another kid to the mix. Mine are 5.5 years apart...it wasn't my intention but oh my goodness we had so, so many good times with DS in those years. Especially after he hit two years. Like 2-4 was such an incredible sweet spot. While everyone else around us was doing the diaper life and barely surviving, we were traveling, camping, taking awesome day trips, teaching him so many cool things, working on interesting projects. We legit just enjoyed him so much. My two are 4.25 years apart and I agree with this. The only downside is that I got used to being in the sweet spot and I feel like we have kind of started all over again. I love what I have but I liked the ease of doing things with the independence the DS1 is developing (I.e getting in the car seat alone). Amen to all of this.
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Post by mintyblueair on Jan 29, 2019 15:32:44 GMT -6
My two are 21 months apart and it's been perfect for us. If I could get a similar gap between #2 and #3 that would be ideal. I want to get the baby phase of life out of the way all at once lol. I know that if I got to the "sweet spot" that others are talking about, I'd never in a million years want to go back to square one! And honestly, I haven't found there to be any downsides to the age gap we've got.
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Post by ArielMermaid on Jan 29, 2019 16:19:17 GMT -6
I based our age gap on my sister and I. We are 3.5 years apart and super close. I don’t know why but I had it in my head if the kids were 3 years apart they would be close too. It was a nice gap because we never had to share classes or friends and I feel like that helped.
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Post by clementine on Jan 29, 2019 19:58:36 GMT -6
Oh my gosh, you guys. H just mentioned the other day about baby #2 and I was adamant that I wasn’t ready. I think my target age gap is 2-2.5 years. I’m still pretttty sure I want to wait a bit longer but all this talk of new babies is making me a little unsure. Plus my friend just had her baby yesterday and now I miss my tiny newborn. I really enjoyed being pregnant (don’t hit me), despite all the not so glamorous and fun pregnancy things, but those first few newborn weeks were rough with a million capital Rs. I’m a little scared to do that again but with a toddler this time.
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snowmoon
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Post by snowmoon on Jan 29, 2019 22:38:29 GMT -6
We have had a million and one discussions about being done with two for multiple reasons and we're ok with it. We're ready to find ourselves again and I want to focus on my career more in the next few years. But, I just can't shake the feeling that we are supposed to have three kids. Like every time I envision my kids growing up they have another sibling. It's really intense and bizarre and kind of gives me goosebumps. Do I sound crazy?
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Leaf 🌱
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Post by Leaf 🌱 on Jan 30, 2019 8:11:13 GMT -6
alwayscheese, so you probably don't care about my opinion but my first turned 3 just a few months after having N and IMO that age difference has been SO great. E actually understands that she has to be gentle (most of the time) and helps out a lot. If she were 2, it would be a whole different story. And yeah, I basically went from being not at all ready to TFAS when E was 22 months, to NEEDING to be pregnant when she was 23 sooo...it happens quickly This was my exact situation and, like ArielMermaid, I based our gap of 2.75yrs off of my and my sister. We’re super close but not super competitive and that’s what I wanted for my kids. I got my BFP the day after DD1’s second birthday. We did have three glorious months out of diapers. I can’t remember who talked about early elimination training and this come with a HUGE TETO DISCLAIMER but that would be a big LOLNO for me. I would rather change diapers longer so I can have a super easy PTinh experience. Every mom that I know who did PTing early ended up carrying around a tiny potty in their car for months and dealt with regressions and accidents constantly. Maybe I just missed all the success stories, but it has convinced me to take the same super laid back approach with DD2. As long as she is PTed before preschool, IDGAF.
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polson
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Post by polson on Jan 30, 2019 9:07:16 GMT -6
we have 2 in diapers and it’s kind of no big deal to me. dd1 just turned 3 and i think she’s pretty close to deciding that she’s done with diapers herself. i mean people should do what works for them, but the potty training thing was definitely a source of anxiety for me until pediatrician basically urged us not to press the issue and it should be an easier transition. they kind (per my pedi) of say that 3-3.5 is the new age they talk about being out of diapers. i know that they are expensive but i guess that didn’t really factor into having a second for us. i probably should have thought about it more.
eta: i had anxiety because h really wanted to get dd1 out of diapers before dd2 came and i didn’t want to be the one dealing with the accidents and regressions while i was alone taking care of a newborn on top of it
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Post by mintyblueair on Jan 30, 2019 9:39:54 GMT -6
We were lucky because DS was 21 months when N was born, and he was daytime trained at 23 months. But I'm with polson in that I didn't find 2 in diapers to be a problem.
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Post by alwayscheese on Jan 30, 2019 9:48:55 GMT -6
Ha, the usual reaction to EC. 😊 and yes TETO for sure. But to make myself seem less crazy(hopefully lol)I will clarify that I'm not expecting to have him PT before two or anything. I'm planning on a very laid back approach, honestly if I see him straining to poop now I will stick him on the potty, but I haven't caught it in time yet. And I'm not really worried about regressions because like I said, low expectations, mostly just have him used to sitting on the potty. The theory is A:you start when pooping in diapers is less deeply ingrained in them. And B: for me doing EC is not really "training"in the sense that there's not an expectation of the child being independent and wearing underwear all the time. That will come when it comes.
ETA I SAH so I'm with him all the time. I can't imagine if I was working I'd be very enthused about doing anything early.
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cornpop
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Post by cornpop on Jan 30, 2019 9:54:59 GMT -6
polson, I was never in any rush to PT. I didn't really understand the point because I'd rather deal with diapers then worry about accidents on car rides or while we were out. Then I had a 2 year old who basically decided a week after her birthday that she was done with diapers during the day. ??? Luckily she did really well with it and the only accident she's ever had while we've been out was the day N was born, at the hospital, so the pictures we have of her meeting N, she's bare bottomed haha.
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polson
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Post by polson on Jan 30, 2019 10:03:55 GMT -6
cornpop my 2 yr old nephew decided a few weeks after his sister was born that he was done too. my sil was at least grateful she could have wine during the process! it definitely wasn’t in her maternity leave plan but he was determined
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whatsit
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Post by whatsit on Jan 30, 2019 12:39:46 GMT -6
I had 2 in diapers for about 6 months, and it honestly wasn’t horrible. We PTd G just before he turned 3 in October and I’m so glad we waited and didn’t push it beforehand. He was all about the candy though and even after using the potty consistently for a month or 2, would ask for a treat for using it. Lol.
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Post by clementine on Jan 30, 2019 19:52:46 GMT -6
Now all this baby talk has me looking for a bigger house. H will be so pleased.
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polson
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Post by polson on Jan 31, 2019 8:04:22 GMT -6
Now all this baby talk has me looking for a bigger house. H will be so pleased. he should have thought about that before he brought up #2😉
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polson
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Post by polson on Jan 31, 2019 8:06:53 GMT -6
still super cold here today but i need to get out. not being able to run an errand or go anywhere really messes with my mood. hoping to get to my moms for a change scenery after first nap. both girls have colds/coughs now but we managed to get some sleep. dd1 better pull it together because she will be going to daycare tomorrow!
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Post by woodenshoes on Jan 31, 2019 14:06:04 GMT -6
still super cold here today but i need to get out. not being able to run an errand or go anywhere really messes with my mood. hoping to get to my moms for a change scenery after first nap. both girls have colds/coughs now but we managed to get some sleep. dd1 better pull it together because she will be going to daycare tomorrow! Today was our 4th day in a row without school. These snow days are really messing with my timelines for evaluations for work. I can't complete the evaluations if students aren't at school. I kept the boys home the last 3 days. I was going crazy, and I think the boys were too, so I sent them to daycare today. It was nice to have a quiet house, get out of the house my first time since Sunday, and get a report done that I needed to get done if there is school tomorrow.
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Post by calendula on Jan 31, 2019 14:31:18 GMT -6
I've been in such a rut lately. Apologizing in advance for the whining, I just have to get it out.
Between my getting sick and the kids getting sick and DH traveling, my sleep has been compromised and I haven't been going to the gym. So that right there is making me twitchy. DH and I had to forego our annual winter getaway because of the cruel realization that now with 2 kids we no longer have an overnight babysitter. I was planning a ladies weekend with friends but flight prices were high and plans fell apart. DS has been going through a backtalk phase that is not enjoyable. I've been getting quotes on house renovation that are like 3x what we anticipated, which is such a disappointment and mean we either have to move (unlikely given how expensive everything has gotten around us), scale down to something short of what we need or just suck it up and deal. Which is annoying because my wish list is like, heat in my kitchen and not marble countertops or anything.
Basically I feel stuck, both short and long term, and rationally I know its all fine but right now I'm going crazy.
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