TTCAL Check In - Week of 6/20

[Speedy]

The Trying to Conceive After a Loss thread is posted once a week (generally on Tuesday) for those of us who have unfortunately experienced a loss. No matter what type of loss you've experienced, from miscarriage to stillbirth to the loss of a child, it is heartbreaking. This thread is to help us commiserate, get support, and to try to navigate trying to conceive, after a loss, every week.



Out of respect to all the ladies here, please add a trigger warning if you decide to talk about any living children and please hide your signature if it contains pictures or tickers of babies or children. We also kindly ask for grads to refrain from commenting in this thread.





**If this is your first check-in, and you would like to provide a gtky loss history intro go for it. If not, no worries!**







How are you doing?



Status (TTA, TTC, Benched):



Diagnosis (if applicable):



Updates/questions:



Debbie downer (a place to vent):


QOTW: Do you grow anything in the summer? If so, what?

[notelsie]

How are you doing? I'm doing alright at the moment. Life is pretty crazy so it helps keep my mind occupied. Getting answers also helped us find a little closure.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): Still waiting on my first period, but we kind of let things go too far the other day.. we need to control ourselves in the heat of the moment.

Diagnosis (if applicable): I never really know what to put here. I have PCOS and two losses. (blighted ovum, triploidy)

Updates/questions:

TW LC/Loss Mentioned:

Since blighted ovums seem to be so common, and triploidy is rare/not hereditary I'm trying to decide if we should get additional testing on H and myself. It took 21 months to get pregnant with DS, and it was a difficult pregnancy.. but he's fine. I'm wondering if we just ran into really bad luck.

I know testing would probably be a good idea, but I don't know how much that would break the bank. Then again, I don't want to go through this again.

What would you do?

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I'm just sad.

QOTW: Do you grow anything in the summer? I don't have a green thumb


I'm so thankful for you all, and hope you are doing well. <3

[Speedy]

How are you doing?: Getting frustrated with waiting again. Urgh.


Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): Benched


Diagnosis (if applicable): RPL


Updates/questions: Nada. I feel like I'm so boring with nothing to report.


Debbie downer (a place to vent):


QOTW: Do you grow anything in the summer? If so, what? I have a bunch of leafy greens and vining vegetables in my garden, and I just planted my flowers 2 days ago, but the thing I'm most excited about this year is I got some strawberry plants! I put them in a hanger, which I'm pretty sure they like, so hopefully I get lots of strawberries that I don't have to go but out my back door for ^^

[Speedy]

notelsie,I think this is one of those things where you have to trust your gut *hugs*

[thankfully]

Hi. I introd on TTCAL but the board is slow so I found this thread and here I am. TW--LC mentioned briefly in my intro below.

My most recent loss (12/2016) was a MMC discovered at 12w6d, failed medical miscarriage turned septic with emergency d&c and hospitalization. My previous loss was a blighted ovum at 6w4d back in 2014. I have a 6.5, 4.5, and 2.5 yo.


How are you doing? Shitty. My due date was 6/19. CD1 today. My bff had her baby last week.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): I have no diagnosis. My most recent loss was a baby boy with no chromosomal abnormalities detected.

Updates/questions: I'm 6 months out and my cycles are still irregular in length. They've ranged from 24 days to 45. They were not irregular pre MC-- pretty regularly 30 days. I don't know what to expect here, seems enough time has passed I should be back to normal? It's making me nervous that there is something going on with my body. I had thyroid tested with my last batch of labs and physical and my results were not remarkable.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I'm feeling extra sensitive to oops babies right now, this hasn't been something that bothered me in the past. This week on the main discussion board there was one that ended up right next to a loss post. Actually the first time I personally felt I would have liked a trigger warning and that is not usually me.

QOTW: Do you grow anything in the summer? I do, they're still growing for now anyway. I plant everything with the expectation that half will get eaten or die. Peas, beans, squash, tomatoes, Kale, broccoli, cabbage, lettuce, beets, melons, cukes, carrots, celery, peppers, eggplant, and a bunch of herbs.

[Radley]

notelsie ladies have listed PCOS and blighted ovum before in diagnosis that I can remember so what you've listed is fine, to me anyway. I always list my PID though I'm uncertain if it counts.
Is there anyway to get a quote on how much the tested to cost? My NP was able to quote me the cost of several of my labs to see if it was something I could afford.

@mthibodeau I tried strawberries in pots one year. They completely shriveled up on me. Let me know how well the hangers work!

thankfully I'm sorry TTCAL is dead. We were trying to pick it back up in TCF but we had just started when it imploded over there, I'm not sure where everyone went. For me, I found out about some health issues in the middle of the implosion so I don't really belong in TTC any more. I just still post here because some are my people and I don't want to lose track and I need the support sometimes.
I'm so sorry about your losses, and your shitty week. That is a lot to have happen at once. I also saw the Loss/opps threads and winced a little. I'm sorry it hurt you.
How are your peppers doing? I know that's a weird question and you probably don't live in a similar area, but both mine and my mom's peppers are not looking great this year.

[Radley]

How are you doing? Not the best. I scored badly on the mental health screening at my exam today. The NP was asking me about starting antidepressants. My body does not respond well to medication typically so I'm very nervous to try antidepressants. I told her I didn't want to try right now since I've been way deeper into depression than this and came out, but she is leaving it open for me to call at any time and get the prescription. For some weird reason, just knowing that is available helped a lot.



Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): Benched



Diagnosis (if applicable): PID and (not fertility related but the reason I'm Benched) liver disease and an enlarged spleen.



Updates/questions: I have a prescription for birth control now, I can't actually take it until I have my liver function test results back. I'm still working on weight loss but I've been consistent with going to the gym 3x a week for 3 weeks now.



Debbie downer (a place to vent): getting the BC makes me feel really sad, which is stupid because I requested it. But I'm also feeling a little alone right now. A years long friendship was broken (I was lied to for 9 years and subsequently an uninterested in continuing the closeness we once had), another friend tends to play competition and I have no interest in playing. Normally those two are the ones I confide in and I'm definitely feeling like I'm left floundering, since I'm uncomfortable with the friendships now.


QOTW: Do you grow anything in the summer? If so, what? I actually did a garden this summer. I have tomatoes, zucchini, cucumber, peppers, green onions, lemon balm and marigolds.

[notelsie]

Radley, I'm going to have to ask. We are about to move across the country at the beginning of next month so I have no idea who my OB will be.

I'm a bit worried about the genetic testing we had done already.. that bill shouldn't be too far out. I have no idea if insurance covered any of it or what to expect. I hear some people have been able to negotiate it down a little so we shall see.

thankfully, I'm so sorry. My heart aches reading your intro. My first loss due date is coming up next month right when my bff is due so I know how hard that must be. I wish I could give you a hug.

[notelsie]

Speedy, I can haz strawberries?

[Speedy]

Jun 21, 2017 21:24:00 GMT -6 notelsie said:

Speedy, I can haz strawberries?

Lol, if you were close enough, sure!
Actually, it's almost u pick season. The place I go is just outside the city and they charge $8 for a 2 liter bucket. I usually get 4 to 6 for eating and making strawberry jam ^^
I picked some rhubarb from boss lady's moms garden too, so I'll be making strawberry rhubarb jam this year.
I'll have to make sure to stock up on jars, sugar, and gelatin because I'm planning on making a boatload this year!!

[notelsie]

Jun 22, 2017 7:44:46 GMT -6 Speedy said:

Jun 21, 2017 21:24:00 GMT -6 notelsie said:

Speedy, I can haz strawberries?

Lol, if you were close enough, sure!
Actually, it's almost u pick season. The place I go is just outside the city and they charge $8 for a 2 liter bucket. I usually get 4 to 6 for eating and making strawberry jam ^^
I picked some rhubarb from boss lady's moms garden too, so I'll be making strawberry rhubarb jam this year.
I'll have to make sure to stock up on jars, sugar, and gelatin because I'm planning on making a boatload this year!!

That sounds incredible!

[notelsie]

Jun 21, 2017 21:21:51 GMT -6 Radley said:

How are you doing? Not the best. I scored badly on the mental health screening at my exam today. The NP was asking me about starting antidepressants. My body does not respond well to medication typically so I'm very nervous to try antidepressants. I told her I didn't want to try right now since I've been way deeper into depression than this and came out, but she is leaving it open for me to call at any time and get the prescription. For some weird reason, just knowing that is available helped a lot.



Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): Benched



Diagnosis (if applicable): PID and (not fertility related but the reason I'm Benched) liver disease and an enlarged spleen.



Updates/questions: I have a prescription for birth control now, I can't actually take it until I have my liver function test results back. I'm still working on weight loss but I've been consistent with going to the gym 3x a week for 3 weeks now.



Debbie downer (a place to vent): getting the BC makes me feel really sad, which is stupid because I requested it. But I'm also feeling a little alone right now. A years long friendship was broken (I was lied to for 9 years and subsequently an uninterested in continuing the closeness we once had), another friend tends to play competition and I have no interest in playing. Normally those two are the ones I confide in and I'm definitely feeling like I'm left floundering, since I'm uncomfortable with the friendships now.


QOTW: Do you grow anything in the summer? If so, what? I actually did a garden this summer. I have tomatoes, zucchini, cucumber, peppers, green onions, lemon balm and marigolds.

I'm just seeing this for some reason. I wish I could give you the biggest hug and distract you with Netflix and your favorite foods <3

[Speedy]

I'm going to come here because I'm so fucking mad right now and I know I'm totally basic white girl right now, but I literally can't even...

Trigger Warning btw

SPOILER: Click to show

{Spoiler}Was scrolling through facebook and an old friend of mine had put up a sonogram of twins. I felt that familiar sucker punch, especially because she's only been dating her boyfriend a few months, but decided to read what she had to say... and it was a joke. I felt that immediate anger set in, but scrolled on until it had dissipated somewhat, and went back to let her know that posting that wasn't funny. And basically got told that I'm being a square for not finding it funny. Things like a loss dad saying "Well, I literally had to drive my wife to the hospital for a miscarriage and found it funny. Just look away". And "What if I had had a miscarriage and was using humor to get over it?"

I replied as eloquently as I could, a few times, then decided that enough was enough, told them it just was not funny, period, linked a few news articles that I had shared in the past to show that no, I'm not the only one who thinks this way, and then turned off notifications.

It's been like an hour, I took a hot shower, and I'm still seething. The worst part is that a mutual friend of me and the OP had just approached me a couple of weeks ago about how to deal with the emotions of a recent loss. One of my very first thoughts was for her, and how she will feel when she comes across this post.

[thankfully]

Radley it's too early to say how my peppers are doing, but they're not the star performers for sure. The weather hasn't been great for them to my expectations are low.

[thankfully]

Speedy I saw the same shit in the past week, it was a friend of a FB friend that ended up in my feed.

[Radley]

notelsie my notifications are only working half the time so I totally missed your response.
Wow that is quite a move. That seems so overwhelming. Especially with needing to move doctors as well. I hope you are able to afford to do whatever you want, testing or otherwise. I know health care is incredibly expensive and something I have often dealt with was having to decide if the health problem was bad enough that it needed attention. I wouldn't want anyone in that position.
And thank you! You definitely speak my love language 😁

Speedy oh my gosh! How horribly insensitive and downright awful. I'm so sorry. I'm seething for you. What is wrong with people? It's not cute, and when someone comes and says "hey that's wrong and here is why", digging in and saying worse things is just... ugh. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that.

thankfully ah ok. We've had tons of rain. Which is nice but my garden looks like it's drowning.

[Speedy]

thankfully, it's freaking ridiculous. I'm pretty open about my losses. I usually post multiple times before April Fools about how it's not a joke, and I share any news article that I come across that explains why a loss mom would feel this way. And yet apparently people still think it's hilarious...
I have this particular friend unfollowed for now, so I can't see her posts, and I'll decide what action to take when I'm a bit calmer.

[Speedy]

Well, that made me feel a bit better. The mutual friend just messaged me to let me know that she saw what I had written, and she appreciated the fact that I spoke up.

[notelsie]

Jun 23, 2017 18:38:06 GMT -6 Speedy said:

I'm going to come here because I'm so fucking mad right now and I know I'm totally basic white girl right now, but I literally can't even...

Trigger Warning btw

SPOILER: Click to show

{Spoiler}Was scrolling through facebook and an old friend of mine had put up a sonogram of twins. I felt that familiar sucker punch, especially because she's only been dating her boyfriend a few months, but decided to read what she had to say... and it was a joke. I felt that immediate anger set in, but scrolled on until it had dissipated somewhat, and went back to let her know that posting that wasn't funny. And basically got told that I'm being a square for not finding it funny. Things like a loss dad saying "Well, I literally had to drive my wife to the hospital for a miscarriage and found it funny. Just look away". And "What if I had had a miscarriage and was using humor to get over it?"

I replied as eloquently as I could, a few times, then decided that enough was enough, told them it just was not funny, period, linked a few news articles that I had shared in the past to show that no, I'm not the only one who thinks this way, and then turned off notifications.

It's been like an hour, I took a hot shower, and I'm still seething. The worst part is that a mutual friend of me and the OP had just approached me a couple of weeks ago about how to deal with the emotions of a recent loss. One of my very first thoughts was for her, and how she will feel when she comes across this post.

This makes me rage so hard. People just don't get it

TRIGGER WARNING : loss



{spoiler}My friend had a stillbirth a few weeks before she was due, and her sister posted this bs within a few months after. Like what the actual hell? Do people just not think?


I failed so hard at my spoiler.. sorry I don't know why I can't figure it out.

[Speedy]

notelsie, I just wrote out what I had to say and then cut and pasted it in the spoiler box. Too much to write in one little box lol.


I just called a dirty liberal for speaking up, lol. Wrote a book on my FB page letting people know that, yeah, any time this comes up, I'm not going to keep my mouth shut. Sorrynotsorry.

[notelsie]

Jun 24, 2017 10:03:33 GMT -6 Speedy said:

notelsie , I just wrote out what I had to say and then cut and pasted it in the spoiler box. Too much to write in one little box lol.


I just called a dirty liberal for speaking up, lol. Wrote a book on my FB page letting people know that, yeah, any time this comes up, I'm not going to keep my mouth shut. Sorrynotsorry.

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