wakemom
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Post by wakemom on Sept 25, 2018 9:44:57 GMT -6
We only have them eat until they say they are full and they know that if they're only saying that because they don't like what I made then there is nothing else later. My 9 year old is my only picky eater, so I will make her try one bite of something new and she has to eat at least one vegetable on her plate. I know it's silly but she'll never eat anything healthy if we don't force her to eat that veggie. When she was little she would be hysterical about the one veggie rule or trying one bite rule, but now she does it without a fight, but that one bite is all she'll take. Food issues are so hard, especially when you have a strong-willed child!!
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wakemom
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Post by wakemom on Sept 25, 2018 9:48:32 GMT -6
Nota🎃, I just read the background. I think you're right...that's messed up and I'm glad your daughters told you about it.
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Post by lifesaverz on Sept 25, 2018 9:51:18 GMT -6
I’m probably a little different in that I don’t “trust my kid” as far as knowing when they’re full necessarily. Because there have been plenty of times where someone is supposedly done & then wants snacks shortly after. And I could fight the long battle by saying no to that & waiting for them to eventually break down & eat dinner, or I could just do the short battle & just say they need to eat a decent amount at dinner. So while they don’t have to finish their plate necessarily, I do have a general idea of the amount they should normally eat. I think there’s a balance to be had, & it can kind of be a know your kid situation.
As for adventuring, 2yo DS won’t try things but we do normally have 4yo DD take at least a couple bites of everything. She usually likes everything except she doesn’t love meats, but I do push that one a bit & make her eat probably half of what I give her, because I want her to have some protein.
ETA: just read the backstory. I’m sorry, that would definitely upset me too. Part of the “know your kid” thing I mentioned above is knowing things they clearly don’t like, like the potato salad you mentioned. Like with DD, she does not like any sausages in a casserole, like in a Mac & cheese dish, so we pull those out for her, or we pull the pepperoni out of a pizza pasta we make because she doesn’t like spicy at all. While I may push the issue with foods I know she’s okay with but doesn’t love, I don’t just make her eat things she hates.
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Post by doodlemommy on Sept 25, 2018 9:59:54 GMT -6
DD is 4. She doesn’t need to finish everything, just eat until she’s full. We don’t do snacks after dinner so if I see she hasn’t eaten much I will ask if she’s sure she’s full but I don’t push her to eat more
She does need to try at least one bite of everything served. I don’t make kid food and they eat what we eat. The exception being if I know it’s something she might not like due to being too spicy etc I will give her a variation (pre spices or something). She eats pretty much everything and there are few foods she doesn’t like so it’s not a big issue
We all sit at the table and eat together for all meals (or whoever is home does). She is the world’s slowest eater so we are often waiting on her to finish and sometimes I have to start cleaning up while she finishes (DH stays at the table) to get bedtime going on time. She asks to be excused when she is finished and clears her dishes
DS is almost 1 and will eat anything and everything. He double fists food and is the first one done most of the time. We usually have to cut him off or he will eat all food in sight, not nurse, and get grumpy from a sore stomach 🙄
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Post by lucilleaustero on Sept 25, 2018 10:04:15 GMT -6
Nota🎃, I think this has very little to do with dinner and a lot to do with him.
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Post by doodlemommy on Sept 25, 2018 10:07:07 GMT -6
Just saw the background. I do think there is an older generation mentality of clean your plate. I have witnessed my MIL try to get DD to finish her serving of food (more when she was littler) and DH and I have made it clear that we don’t expect that and aren’t ok with it. She eats as much as she wants to, period. But we have a good relationship with the ILs so it was easy to say hey, back off. I am so sorry your girls had that experience
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adelbert
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Post by adelbert on Sept 25, 2018 10:08:24 GMT -6
That so awful Nota🎃. I'm really, really sorry. I agree with your take of the situation.
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Post by justbecause on Sept 25, 2018 10:08:45 GMT -6
That doesn’t sound good. My oldest despises potatoes, too.
How does dinner end for your kids? When everyone is full and the kids clear their dishes. I’ve been letting them play outside while I finish and feed the baby.
Do you make them clean their plate, finish all their food? What if they say their full? I don’t make them clear their plate and I try to put small portions so there’s not a lot sitting on the plate. If they are full, that’s it. Only fruit or milk if they are still hungry later.
Do you make them try new foods? They have to have a “no thank you” bite of new stuff. Ds2 tried eggplant last night. Was not impressed.
What if they don't like anything you served for dinner? This is really rare especially since they help meal plan. They are allowed a yogurt or to make a sandwich if they want something else. They rarely do.
I think proper portions are a good place to start. Kids don’t need an adult size portion and it’s not realistic to expect them to eat it.
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emma
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Post by emma on Sept 25, 2018 10:08:54 GMT -6
DS has to try everything on his plate, if he doesn't eat much but tries everything and says he's all done we remind him there's nothing else to eat until breakfast so if he's still hungry he should eat more. If he still says he's all done then he asks to be excused from the table and then clears his plate.
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McBenny
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Post by McBenny on Sept 25, 2018 10:25:55 GMT -6
I try to make sure there is something they eat on the plate.
I don't make anyone do anything but will encourage to take a bite.
If they say they are full and they ate some, I am fine with them being done and going to bed. However, no snacks or anything else for the night.
After reading your post I can see grandparents doing the clear the plate thing. It's very common.
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Post by longtrail on Sept 25, 2018 10:46:58 GMT -6
Nota🎃 I'm so sorry, it is hard to know what is happening when he's telling your girls not to tell you things. My brother had Grape Nuts cereal for 3 meals in a row because he poured too much of it. I don't think anyone in our family will ever forget that. I can see how the grandparents would enforce the clean plate rule, it is very much from their generation. I hope you're able to have a productive conversation with his mother.
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Pistol
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Post by Pistol on Sept 25, 2018 10:50:41 GMT -6
How does dinner end for your kids? Do you make them clean their plate, finish all their food? What if they say their full? Do you make them try new foods? What if they don't like anything you served for dinner? Please help me understand what are general parenting acceptable ways for your kid(s) to end dinner. If they are full fine, but no snacks later. If they try a bite of what we serve and don’t like it then they are allowed to make their own sandwich. If they refuse to try a bite then they get nothing. I save the food until they are ready. We eat close to bed time so I feel comfortable with the no snacks if you don’t finish your dinner rule.
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Post by justbecause on Sept 25, 2018 10:52:06 GMT -6
Cleaning the plate is very old school. H has a vivid memory of his grandma making him sit at the table until he finished his plate of chipped beef gravy. His cousins fed it to the dog lol!
Mil tried to go the clear the plate route but she’s a terrible cook so it’s hard to make the kids eat all of something that I don’t want to eat myself. (Ham salad. Cough. Cough.)
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msdrdg
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Post by msdrdg on Sept 25, 2018 11:06:51 GMT -6
We have a bit of a special snowflake situation as food is a major anxiety trigger for DS.
Dinner ends when he is full and has brought his plate to ethe kitchen.
He does not need to clean his plate BUT if he wants candy or something after he needs to have eaten a decent amount.
We offer new foods all the time, but do not put them on his plate or require him to try them. He will try 1 out of 100 or so.
He only eats 5 things, so I only make him those things, however if I make him thing A and he decides he wants thing B, tough shit, I made A you like it eat it.
I grew up with my Poppa always making a big deal about the "clean your plate club". I think it's a generational thing. I'm sorry your X is an ass.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 25, 2018 11:11:09 GMT -6
How does dinner end for your kids? Do you make them clean their plate, finish all their food? What if they say their full? Do you make them try new foods? What if they don't like anything you served for dinner? Please help me understand what are general parenting acceptable ways for your kid(s) to end dinner. I do not make her clean her plate. But if she says she’s hungry later, and barely touched her meal, she gets dinner re-heated. Yes I have her try at least a bite of something new. It depends what it is - if it’s something spicy or new and she truly doesn’t like it, I just give her something else/ if it’s something I know she’ll eat and is just fucking around or asking for snacks, I tell her she doesn’t need to eat but when she’s hungry that’s what she’s getting.
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Pizzaslut
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Post by Pizzaslut on Sept 25, 2018 11:12:56 GMT -6
The having to finish your plate thing brings me back to my babysitter's house who made us finish everything. It was awful. You'd think it would teach me to take only what I could eat, but in actuality, it taught me to stuff myself until I can't breathe.
This same babysitter would not let us jump in her pool because she didn't want to lose water. We had to go in slowly from the ladder. I get it, but man when you are 6, it's just not as fun when you have to worry about splashing too much water out.
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Pizzaslut
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Post by Pizzaslut on Sept 25, 2018 11:14:44 GMT -6
Oh and I never answered.
I try to make something he likes at every meal. I make him take at least 3-4 bites of each thing. If he doesn't, or barely eats at all, he does not get dessert (usually fruit snacks or yogurt and every once in a while an actual dessert, like a cookie or cake pop or whatever my mom has left at my house after babysitting him). There are no snacks after dinner except for some milk after his bath. If he gives us a hard time at dinner, he only gets water until breakfast.
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olenka
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Post by olenka on Sept 25, 2018 11:24:45 GMT -6
She has to take a couple bites of everything served. Maybe once a week there is dessert, but otherwise no snacks after dinner.
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