Kids finishing dinner

[CestLaVie]

1. They don't have to clean their plate, just eat until they are full.

2. They have to try everything but don't have to eat a full serving if they don't like it.

3. Then they don't eat anything. They know we don't do snacks after dinner though so it's very rare that they just don't eat. But sometimes it happens and then they eat a big breakfast in the morning.

They have to sit at the table with us. So even if they aren't eating they have to sit and take part in the meal until it's over. That way they aren't choosing not to eat because they want to play or something.

[origami]

I let him trust his own body when he says he’s full but explained that that’s it for food. He can’t do it to get out of this dinner to get something else. He often doesn’t finish his plate and that’s ok.

That said, he usually likes his dinner because I make kid food. I like spicy and other complex flavors and eat later so I don’t battle him on eating adult food because it makes my life more pleasant. I do require an “adventure bite” to get him used to new flavors though.

[marygracerich]

My kid is only 3 and is generally a good eater so I have no idea if what we do is typical.

-She only has to eat until she doesn’t want anymore
-If it’s something new she has to at least try a bite. If she doesn’t like it, I will make her something she does like.
-if it’s something I know she likes, she has to eat at least a little bit. There are no snacks after dinner unless she eats at least half. I don’t give her large portions so it’s a pretty reasonable request.
-I prefer she sit at the table until we are all done but she is 3 and that doesn’t always go well.

[4PrivetDrive]

Dinner is a battle for me with my two boys, so I am very interested in the responses in this thread.

[filingjointly]

We all sit at the dinner table together until everyone is finished. MH and I tend to eat after all the kids are in bed but we still sit with them while they eat.

I serve everything family style and the kids fill their plates. They have to take at least a little of everything.

They have to take at least one bite of everything but not clean their plates. They basically get to choose what and how much they eat of what I serve.

Dessert is served most nights (it’s usually healthy) and is not contingent on how much dinner they eat.

No snacks after dinner.

If they really really dislike a dinner. I will make them either peanut butter bread or cottage cheese. This is very rare though as I usually have at least one thing I know they like on the table.

[angelashly]

Do you make them clean their plate, finish all their food? What if they say their full? I don't make her finish her plate, but I do check to see how much she has eaten and she has to eat some of everything. I don't have to worry about this to much.

Do you make them try new foods? I try to get her to try new things, but we are not that adventurous anyway

What if they don't like anything you served for dinner?
Some days I feed her first anyway so she eats a different meal. I keep some hotdogs and stuff just for days like this, but otherwise I try to cook things she likes or at least have something on her plate she does.

[Deleted]

He eats until he is full.

Polite bite of everything on his plate.

He does have a bed time snack.

[prontopup]

This is for our 3 yr old.

Dinner ends when our oldest says she is full or done.
I tell her that she needs to eat until her tummy says it's full.
I always make her try the new food. I tell her she has to at least try the new food, but I also make sure there is something she will eat. I have made it a point to not say "I don't know if you will like this" and I have to remind others that we don't say that. My brother and his ex gf used to tell their kids that all the time and then the kids immediately didn't like that food.

The biggest thing I make sure to do is to give small portions because they can always ask for more if they are hungry. When she asks for more of one thing and hasn't eaten her meat for example, I ask her to take 3 bites of the meat before she gets more applesauce. She is working on that.

Our one year old....I give her smaller portions and I have figured out that she is done when she hands me her plate or if she is impatient enough, she will drop her cup, plate, silverware on the floor.

[calendula]

How does dinner end for your kids? Dinner ends when the family has finished eating. Anyone who is done (either because they are full or have finished their food) before the others sits and chats until we all finish.

Do you make them clean their plate, finish all their food? What if they say their full? He has to try everything. He cannot be disrespectful about anything he doesn't like. I don't offer alternatives. He is allowed to be full but that means no dessert (which is usually fruit or a mini ice cream sandwich).

Do you make them try new foods? Yes.

What if they don't like anything you served for dinner? Eat what you can, be polite about the rest.

[byjove]

We struggle a bit with getting the kids to stay at the table after they have finished (ages 3 and 5), usually because they finish so much faster than DH and I (part of this is due to our house set up) and if they leave the table and start playing, then DH and I can usually chat for a moment.

They don't have to eat everything. If they don't eat much, we tend to leave out their plates and they will come back and eat a bit more later. Our dining room/living room is combined, so it's all right there.

If I made something I know they should like, they have to at least try a bite. This works better on the older one. The younger is really picky and she will not put it in her mouth if she doesn't want to. Sometimes she will copy big sis, but it's 50/50.

We struggled with them asking for a snack before bed. We really stressed about moving away from it. But finally, someone shook sense into us and said just make it part of the bedtime routine. Bedtime snack is like a piece of cheese/cheese stick, applesauce pouch, or yogurt, or other fruit. About 5/10 minutes before we go upstairs we do last call for a snack before bed.

[5280]

We do not make them clean their plate they can typically eat until they are full, but if they don’t eat enough (typically a few bites of 2-3 different items) they can’t have any dessert.

We ask them to try a bite of everything on their plate - unless it’s one of the few things they really hate (#1 hates cooked spinach and squash). It is on their plate in case they want to try it, but it isn’t required.

We present them with new foods and try to get them to eat it, but it typically isn’t required.

What is for dinner is what is for dinner. We usually give them a fruit and then there are limitless cut up veggies available, but that is it. We VERy rarely will make them something else if we want something spicy for dinner, but that is made before sitting down.

These guidelines on bites are mainly for the 5 year old. We tell them to the just 2 year old, but she eats 95% of her food before 4pm and typically just grazes for dinner and that is ok for now.

[geekygirly]

She can eat as much or as little as she wants of what is served until she is done. We typically eat family style with all food in the middle of the table with serving spoons.

Once she is done she is allowed to leave the table and permitted to play quietly in another room but no screen time and no attention from us until we are done eating. (If she wants to talk she can stay with us at the table.) She also needs to bring her dishes to the sink when she is done.

If she doesn’t want to eat anything/doesn’t like it that is fine. She knows dinner is the last chance to eat before bed. We don’t make her try anything but she isn’t getting anything else not on the table (other than occasionally a condiment like ketchup to put on her food if she requests). We do try to have at least one thing on the table (even if just a side) that we know she likes, particularly if dinner is something new or something she hasn’t eaten before.

[trueblue]

Do you make them clean their plate, finish all their food? What if they say their full?

They are to eat until they are full and then stop. 2nds are allowed freely, thirds have a waiting period to give their brains time to catch up - but they aren’t unheard of during growth spurts.

If they say they are full after a nominal amount eaten they are warned that no dessert/after dinner/pre bedtime snacks will be available and if they are hungry they will be hungry until breakfast (one of ours will skip dinner and immediately request dessert)

Do you make them try new foods?
We do a no thank you bite - you have to take a taste and then you can say no thank you.

What if they don't like anything you served for dinner?
I always have something built into the meal that they like. A new protein will be served with 2 sides they like. A new side gets served along side a protein I know will be eaten.

I used to say they were free to make a PB&J, which neither kid likes, but that turned into a power struggle so now they choke down what I make or they don’t eat until breakfast. The only exception is when a new recipe is a total fail and I declare dinner a failure and it’s a free for all.

[lucilleaustero]

Sept 25, 2018 8:22:45 GMT -6 Nota🎃 said:

How does dinner end for your kids? When they are excused from the table.

Do you make them clean their plate, finish all their food? What if they say their full? As long as they eat something, I am good.

Do you make them try new foods? Yes. But my daughter will try anything, my son is trickier.

What if they don't like anything you served for dinner? I always include at least one item that I know they both like. But, dinner is dinner. You don't eat it, I am not making you something else.


Please help me understand what are general parenting acceptable ways for your kid(s) to end dinner.

[calendula]

Sept 25, 2018 8:44:26 GMT -6 trueblue said:

The only exception is when a new recipe is a total fail and I declare dinner a failure and it’s a free for all.

This is making me laugh. Last week I made a cauliflower "risotto" that tastes like absolute ass and DS got quite a giggle out of the three of us trashing our dinners and heating up leftovers instead for dinner. 

[sweptaway]

He does not have to clean his plate. If he says he is full before his portion is done, but later asks for a snack (which happens often) he gets his dinner back to finish. Sometimes he asks for seconds, but usually he eats most of his meal.

I try to always serve something I know he will eat most of. A lot of times his veggies will just be cut up raw veggies, because that is what he likes (H and I often eat a cooked, more adventurous vegetable). I keep cut up veggies always in the fridge.

If we serve something I know he won't eat (which is rare, but sometimes H and I just want something different), he'll get something easy- previous night leftovers, a sandwich, etc. However, I do always require that he at least try a new food- then if he doesn't like it that's fine. We keep trying.

He must asked to be excused from the table. If he's eaten a decent amount of a good dinner, we occasionally allow an after dinner snack or dessert.

[GhoatMonket]

Do you make them clean their plate, finish all their food? What if they say their full?
 Cleaning your plate is not a requirement in our house, especially if he does not plate it himself. H is awful about giving him portions that are too large. If he comes back within an hour or so saying he's hungry, he gets more of what was for dinner, not a treat or something different.


Do you make them try new foods?
 If it is something "normal" and he has not tried it before, yes. Something spicy or odd consistency I will not force. 


What if they don't like anything you served for dinner?
 I make things that I know in advance everyone in the family will eat. Frankly I find it mean to make something you know someone if your family does not like and won't eat and then try to force them to eat it anyway. If we make something spicy or something he has tried multiple times and does not like, he will generally get a sandwich. 

[gussie]

I make them try what we're eating, if they like it, I get them some, if not, I get them something they like. They eat healthy and they are good about trying things, so I don't force anything on them they don't like. And I don't want to change what we're eating just to accommodate them because then I'll miss out on things I like.

I don't make them finish their plates but I usually start small and they ask for seconds.

[peachtree]

How does dinner end for your kids?
When they are full and dinner is wrapping up they take their plate to the kitchen .

Do you make them clean their plate, finish all their food? What if they say their full?

No, but we make it clear if they say they are full they get no more food after dinner.

Do you make them try new foods?

Yes quite often. They have to take two bites and if they don't like it that is okay.

What if they don't like anything you served for dinner?

We always have something on the plat ewe know they like. Not always the main dish but the fruit or something we know they will eat.


Please help me understand what are general parenting acceptable ways for your kid(s) to end dinner.

Ellyn Satter Institute

Some of the info on this website has been really helpful for us. We have one kid who will eat until he is so full he is sick and always seems hungry and one who is not big on dinner and sometimes we struggle. But by following Ellyn's division of responsibility and some of her other rules it makes us treat them the same and lets them be in control of how much they eat.

[valiente]

This is evolving in our household and I'm interested to read everyone else's replies.

How does dinner end for your kids? After fruit. Then everyone is excused. If the kid cannot sit still at the table they may be excused to their bedroom or the washroom.

Do you make them clean their plate, finish all their food? What if they say their full? They don't need to clean their plate. We reinforce the importance of listening to what their stomach is telling them.

Do you make them try new foods? No, but it's encouraged. They don't get seconds of anything unless they've tried everything.

What if they don't like anything you served for dinner? They don't have to eat it. (It has never happened that they eat nothing.) Sometimes their serving of fruit will turn into a smoothie so we can get some more calories in, but we don't tell them that.

[mothafuckinteatime]

Dinner ends when we’re all done. If someone finishes first sometimes they’ll start helping clean up (even DS does this), but we don’t generally leave the kitchen area so we’re all still together. If we’re running late and pushing into bedtime sometimes DS is dismissed to go take a bath while we finish/clean. Usually we have dinner and then play a game together, so everyone just sticks around at the table anyway.

He does not have to clean his plate, but does have to try everything. He loves to negotiate numbers of bites left and I instituted a hard and fast “I will not discuss numbers of bites with you” rule this summer. He eats until he’s full and knows I watch what he consumes and from there decide what kinds of treats we might have that weekend. We don’t eat anything after dinner.

We also have taught him his taste buds change every seven days (I know this is inaccurate) to get him to re-try foods he hasn’t liked before.

I always make something I know he likes, but I also make unusual or unique foods and he also has to try those.

If the food turns out terrible (too spicy, didn’t turn out, gross recipe) I’ll make a sandwich or something for everyone. This is rare but I’m still learning to cook and sometimes it’s a failure. I have never made him a special meal just because he doesn’t like it.

[billyhorrible]

How does dinner end for your kids? they say they're full
Do you make them clean their plate, finish all their food? What if they say their full? I don't make them clean their plate, but for all intents and purposes the kitchen is closed after dinner, so I do make sure they're not going to complain about being hungry and remind them of that fact.
Do you make them try new foods? I don't make them finish anything, but they always have to at least try it.
What if they don't like anything you served for dinner? I usually make sure there's something they like on the plate. But if they won't eat anything, then they go to bed hungry. It won't hurt them, they've eaten all day and will have breakfast the next morning.

[longtrail]

Sept 25, 2018 8:22:45 GMT -6 Nota🎃 said:

How does dinner end for your kids? Usually the youngest (7) is still eating while we are all done. They bring their dishes to the sink when done.

Do you make them clean their plate, finish all their food? What if they say their full? We used to do this. But realized it wasn't benefiting anyone if they are full. So we try to get them to eat as much as they can but when they're full, they can stop. Then they will not get a snack post dinner if they didn't finish.

Do you make them try new foods? Yes, try it. If they don't like it they don't have to continue.

What if they don't like anything you served for dinner? I make an effort not to make things that I know they don't like. But in some instances we will make a modified version leaving the thing they don't like out. 

[Bluebird]

How does dinner end for your kids? - He is just under 3, so we do our best to have him sit at the table with us until everyone is finished. If he keeps getting up, he gets a couple of reminders to finish eating before we clear the table.

Do you make them clean their plate, finish all their food? What if they say their full? - He can eat until he feels like his tummy is full. Sometimes it’s a lot, sometimes not, but we do not force eating.

Do you make them try new foods? - It is highly encouraged, and he is often open to it. We always put some of everything in his plate. He does have to have additional bites of meat or veggies before getting more helpings of other things.

What if they don't like anything you served for dinner - I try to make sure there is always something he will eat with dinner. He can have an apple or a banana before bed if he needs something extra.

[Bubblegum]

1. The 3 year old will push his plate away and say he's full. The baby throws her food when she's full.
2. They don't have to clear their plates. I see how much he has eaten and will usually ask him to take another bite of each category on his plate. If he says he is full I don't push it.
3. Yes, and they love trying new things.
4. Luckily this doesn't happen very often because I try to make things that they like. I say he has to have 2 more bites and if he still doesn't like it I give him cereal and fruit.

[kittyriot]

All of this is very helpful. We have a very picky 4 year old so dinner time is often a disaster.

Generally dinner ends for her first - because she eats much quicker than Dad and I. But we have an open concept main floor so she's allowed to go play in the living room after she brings her plate to the sink.

Cleaning her plate would never go over well. If she says she's full and wants to leave she's reminded then there's no dessert. And that's when the negotiating kicks in - well how much more do I need to eat to get a treat? We make her eat about 80 - 90% of her plate before agreeing that dessert is an option. I don't mind so much because she's proven if she's really full she won't stuff herself. So even if dessert is a small bowl of ice cream, if she's full half way through, she stops eating.

We make her try new stuff, with a one bite rule but she's stubborn and will really dig her heels in on this one. So if for example chili is for dinner. I will remove some of the ground beef before I put in the rest of the ingredients and she'll get on her plate...ground beef, a few peppers that got pulled aside before tossed in the pot, some cut up cucumber and a bun. I quite hate that I am struggling with expanding her palate, but she's more stubborn than her Dad and I put together and neither of us are slouches.

[jaidit]

DD is 3

How does dinner end for your kids? When adults are done.

Do you make them clean their plate, finish all their food? What if they say their full? No, but I serve the portion and try to have her finish most. If she hasn’t finished most she doesn’t get dessert.

Do you make them try new foods? Yeah she eats what we eat and I usually cook new things each week.

What if they don't like anything you served for dinner? Not usually an issue, she’s a pretty good eater.

[adelbert]

Dinner is a work in progress for us. We do family meals and often times we are frustrated with our kids behavior (not sitting nicely facing the table, spilling drinks because they weren't placed in a good spot, etc) but it is getting better. Just very very slowly.

How does dinner end for your kids?
They ask if they may be excused and put their dishes in the dishwasher.

Do you make them clean their plate, finish all their food? What if they say their full?
I'm against making them finish their plates BUT we also try to start with small portions or they are allowed to serve themselves so they can learn how much to take and how much is enough. The goal is empty plates but if you took too much we don't make them finish.

Do you make them try new foods?
I make them try what I make.

What if they don't like anything you served for dinner?
They have to try it but then if they really hate if they can make themselves a sandwich. This is very age dependent though. The two year old eats basically everything I make, the 6 year old is super picky and only has to try a few bites, and the eight year normally needs to eat a small portion of what is being served.

[kellykapow]

Dinner is a struggle right now with our 3 year old. He doesn’t want to sit at the table or eat his food. He doesn’t have to clean his plate, but I try to get him to eat at least a couple of bites. I don’t cook him separate meals, but if he eats enough of his dinner, he’ll get a snack of his choosing- crackers, fruit, cheese, etc. if he doesn’t eat his dinner at all, he gets nothing else. It’s a fight almost every day.

As far as new things, he has to at least try a bite before he decides he doesn’t like it. He appears picky but he usually ends up liking most things. It’s just getting him to take the first bit that’s the challenge.

[Pizzaslut]

Nota🎃, this clearly more than just dinner.

Speaking to just the meals issue. It is definitely an older generation mentality. I am just kind of talking off the top of my head but do you have any conversations with their dad? Could you mention something along the lines of "hey, DD has been really picky about food lately and I'm trying not to push it. Can you make sure they have small portions at dinner so they don't waste food?"

I know this isn't helping the bigger issue.