jewels
Opal
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Post by jewels on Aug 9, 2018 8:13:08 GMT -6
lahdeedah, I have to say the first year with 2 was tough for me as well. But it really has gotten easier as B has gotten more independent and S can "help" and play with him more. I hope you find the same as M2 gets a bit older.
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Post by wineallthetime on Aug 9, 2018 9:19:02 GMT -6
mamabear I’m not trying for three, but pre kids had always thought my number was three. Going from 1-2 has been quite the adventure and not easy for me and I wasn’t expecting it because I’m a person who takes everything in stride. I think a little of my struggle coincides with me being full-time at work. It’s what I wanted, but now I realize I need the time at home more than ever. I’ve been talking myself into M2 being my last because I just feel like I don’t want to go through this struggle again. This past year has been one of my hardest and I’m ready for things to get easier. I think if I lived near one of our families and we had the help of grandparents occasionally, it would be easier and a third would be a definite possibility down the road. If I didn’t have to be pregnancy again to get a third, that would probably be easier, too. I don’t love pregnancy. 1-2 was really hard for me! 2-3 has been so much easier! People always said that and I thought they were crazy. Now I'm the crazy person saying it. |
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cagoldi
Opal
Vegan Demon
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Post by cagoldi on Aug 9, 2018 9:56:41 GMT -6
Tomorrow is career day at dc. Cadence's teacher told them they can't be princesses, so Cadence asked if she could be a Ninja turtle. Ninja Turtles are not a job, they are a character. Ok, I guess I'll be a construction worker then. So, my daughter will wear her construction hat, tool belt and various tools. It's all I could come up with the night before it's due. I was going to make her a doctor, but mh doesn't own a white button down to use as a Dr jacket. Oh well. Reminds me of Atticus. They are life twins. He told my sister he wants to be a Sewer Ninja. He meant Ninja Turtle. |
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cagoldi
Opal
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Post by cagoldi on Aug 9, 2018 10:21:12 GMT -6
Well, Baby # 3. I love Poppy and I look forward to doing things with her as she gets older, but I was very much done after two. Physically, emotionally, mentally, and financially, this has been very difficult. She’s worth it, yes, and I don’t feel like I regret having a third, but at this particular moment in time I still feel like it wasn’t really my choice. I’m not sure my marriage will survive it and TBH, if I became pregnant again, I would elect not to carry to term. I think it seems as though nobody is getting their needs met as well as they should. Three kids might as well be eighteen as far as I’m concerned. I just cannot devote enough time and attention to them individually, especially since X continues to be very high needs at this point. I don’t think that having a baby in the house is fair to him, and if we do end up getting divorced I would think it was unfair to add another baby to the mix. Some of those feelings (a lot of them, really) have more to do with the circumstances surrounding my pregnancy with P, so I realize that’s particular to my situation and may not apply since you’re weighing your options and thinking it’s something you might want. There has never been any point in my life where I thought I wanted more than two kids, maximum. mamabear |
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vino
Opal
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Post by vino on Aug 9, 2018 10:31:00 GMT -6
I've been thinking about you cagoldi and wondering how you and YH have been doing? |
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cagoldi
Opal
Vegan Demon
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Post by cagoldi on Aug 9, 2018 10:45:08 GMT -6
I've been thinking about you cagoldi and wondering how you and YH have been doing? Not sure. Better, I guess. I'm not as consistently feeling hostility towards him. We're making sure to go on a date twice a month, and that's been nice. A few weeks ago, he acknowledged that he had been inconsiderate and he knew I was thinking about leaving him. We agreed it's not healthy for me to hold onto these feelings but I need to figure out how to get past them. In time, I think I can. But I'm also late on my period, so... |
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chrisy01
Emerald
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Post by chrisy01 on Aug 9, 2018 10:52:46 GMT -6
I've been thinking about you cagoldi and wondering how you and YH have been doing? Not sure. Better, I guess. I'm not as consistently feeling hostility towards him. We're making sure to go on a date twice a month, and that's been nice. A few weeks ago, he acknowledged that he had been inconsiderate and he knew I was thinking about leaving him. We agreed it's not healthy for me to hold onto these feelings but I need to figure out how to get past them. In time, I think I can. But I'm also late on my period, so... Oh no! Pee on a stick!!! |
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cagoldi
Opal
Vegan Demon
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Post by cagoldi on Aug 9, 2018 11:05:49 GMT -6
Not sure. Better, I guess. I'm not as consistently feeling hostility towards him. We're making sure to go on a date twice a month, and that's been nice. A few weeks ago, he acknowledged that he had been inconsiderate and he knew I was thinking about leaving him. We agreed it's not healthy for me to hold onto these feelings but I need to figure out how to get past them. In time, I think I can. But I'm also late on my period, so... Oh no! Pee on a stick!!! I will if I haven't started in the next few days. I've been early each cycle so far after starting back up following P's birth. I'm hoping it's still just irregular. |
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vino
Opal
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Post by vino on Aug 9, 2018 11:10:16 GMT -6
 I'm sure it's just irregular, it does take a while to regulate. Hormones, man. |
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Post by wineallthetime on Aug 9, 2018 11:16:07 GMT -6
cagoldi, oh my. Like Vino said, I'm sure it's just irregular though. Mine has been all over the place since A was born.
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joelies
Sapphire
You must chill
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Post by joelies on Aug 9, 2018 11:18:47 GMT -6
I've been thinking about you cagoldi and wondering how you and YH have been doing? Not sure. Better, I guess. I'm not as consistently feeling hostility towards him. We're making sure to go on a date twice a month, and that's been nice. A few weeks ago, he acknowledged that he had been inconsiderate and he knew I was thinking about leaving him. We agreed it's not healthy for me to hold onto these feelings but I need to figure out how to get past them. In time, I think I can. But I'm also late on my period, so... Did not love tit. |
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Post by lahdeedah on Aug 9, 2018 11:20:44 GMT -6
lahdeedah , I have to say the first year with 2 was tough for me as well. But it really has gotten easier as B has gotten more independent and S can "help" and play with him more. I hope you find the same as M2 gets a bit older. Gosh I hope so. I don't want M2 to grow so fast, but at the same time, I can't wait until he is a little more independent and can actually "play" well with M. |
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jewels
Opal
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Post by jewels on Aug 9, 2018 11:43:10 GMT -6
lahdeedah , I have to say the first year with 2 was tough for me as well. But it really has gotten easier as B has gotten more independent and S can "help" and play with him more. I hope you find the same as M2 gets a bit older. Gosh I hope so. I don't want M2 to grow so fast, but at the same time, I can't wait until he is a little more independent and can actually "play" well with M. They don't so much play together, as S likes to give him toys and "show" him how to play. Either way, they're both entertained, so I call it a win. Also, I know not everyone advocates screen time, but I'm fine with it. He recently discovered tv and it's great that they can watch it together. As a side note, watching him pat his little legs along with the little einsteins might be the cutest thing ever, and S loves trying to pick shows that he thinks B will like (he likes the super musical ones). |
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Post by lahdeedah on Aug 9, 2018 11:43:33 GMT -6
cagoldi you are for sure In a different situation but I appreciate the insight about having enough time for all three. I feel pretty stretched with 2 as it is. I also want to make sure we can give as much as we can to the 2 we already have, whether it is college savings, extracurricular, or just family vacations.
As a side note you are an awesome mom and all 3 of yours littles are lucky to have you! I'm here as well. If I added a third, now, I definitely don't feel like I could do the above. We are not stretched financially, but a third would put us there. Circumstances could change either way, though, so that's something else I think about. While we have two good paying stable jobs, I'm trying get us in a position where if (more like when) I drop back to part-time, We would still be able to do the extras without breaking the bank. |
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Post by lahdeedah on Aug 9, 2018 11:59:47 GMT -6
Gosh I hope so. I don't want M2 to grow so fast, but at the same time, I can't wait until he is a little more independent and can actually "play" well with M. They don't so much play together, as S likes to give him toys and "show" him how to play. Either way, they're both entertained, so I call it a win. Also, I know not everyone advocates screen time, but I'm fine with it. He recently discovered tv and it's great that they can watch it together. As a side note, watching him pat his little legs along with the little einsteins might be the cutest thing ever, and S loves trying to pick shows that he thinks B will like (he likes the super musical ones). Same. M likes his shows and plays a lot. M2 is just starting to show an interest in MMCH and I am doing my happy dance. |
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inthekitty
Emerald
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Post by inthekitty on Aug 9, 2018 12:54:18 GMT -6
We stopped at 2 but in a perfect world I think I would have had 3. I still think about babies now and then and all that jazz. But I started having kids a little later in life and MH started having kids a lot later in life. Working 2 jobs I'm already stretched for time and energy and feel like I'm bursting at the seams to do what I'd like for my family and myself. It's bittersweet realizing I'm done and I still haven't fully accepted it. But Maddie turns 7 this year, Cass turns 5, and I don't like big age gaps. Next year they'll both be in school full-time and we'll fully move into the life of parenting school-age kids. It would be insanely difficult to start over and definitely strain my marriage. I feel very fortunate to have 2 healthy kids so I try to focus on that and not what could have been.
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lfig
Sapphire
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Post by lfig on Aug 9, 2018 13:17:41 GMT -6
I always said I only wanted 1 child. But when we got Sierra’s diagnosis that solidified it for us. The emotional toll the pregnancy took on us, not knowing for sure what we were about to face was tough. Once she got here, going through so many surgeries in the first month of her life, dealing with PPA, being 3 hours away from home at the hospital, it was all a lot on our marriage as well. We did not communicate well, nor have the same thoughts on how to do a lot of things in regards to parenting a new baby, especially one with special needs. I feel like 4 years later, we finally co-parent quite well. But could not even begin to imagine what throwing another child into the mix would do. Not to mention, S still is like a baby in some ways...and needs a lot of individualized care. She doesn’t understand the dangers of the world, busy streets, pools, ect. I literally have to have a hand on her at all times outside of the home or else she will take off, whether it is into a street or pool. So if I had another little one...well, I just don’t have enough hands. I know people do it all the time. But I just don’t think I’m one of those people that can handle it. Physical or emotionally.
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tgrimes
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Post by tgrimes on Aug 9, 2018 13:26:06 GMT -6
Y'all know when I got pregnant last year it scared the shit out of me. So we're done at 2. I can't afford to SAH and I can't afford 3 daycares. I can barely afford the 2 I'm paying now. After having PPA with both kids, I'm a nope to a 3rd.
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Post by xolastunicornxo on Aug 9, 2018 13:27:45 GMT -6
I always wanted four, dh was good with three. Even though I wanted a fourth, the bigger the age gap grew, there just always seemed a reason to not get pregnant. Then we were majorly surprise with C and I couldn’t imagine our life without her. Financially it’s fine, but we’re certainly not living the high life, especially with only one income. Dh worries about college, because we both left college with no student loans and would like to be able to do that for our kids. I’m 97.5% sure we are done, although if we won the lottery tomorrow I might change my mind.
I love having a big family. Our lives are chaotic and crazy sometimes, but I really love it. I’m sure I could do it better, and sometimes I want to pull my hair out and I’m sure I yell too much... but it’s worth it.
I will miss having babies. I love the baby stage.
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Post by xolastunicornxo on Aug 9, 2018 13:28:18 GMT -6
cagoldi I’m sorry you are still struggling, but I’m glad you are working through it and communicating.
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vino
Opal
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Post by vino on Aug 9, 2018 13:30:26 GMT -6
lahdeedah , I have to say the first year with 2 was tough for me as well. But it really has gotten easier as B has gotten more independent and S can "help" and play with him more. I hope you find the same as M2 gets a bit older. Gosh I hope so. I don't want M2 to grow so fast, but at the same time, I can't wait until he is a little more independent and can actually "play" well with M. This is how I am with J. I find myself wanting her to grow up and be a tad independent. She and B definitely play together and B has recently started watching a show on the tablet in his room to chill after daycare, and tried to close the door on J. She was hysterical so he lets her in; she destroys his room, he watches a show and we can cook dinner. It's a win-win-win. M2 will get there, and it'll happen before you know it. |
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Post by dapostrophe on Aug 9, 2018 13:34:37 GMT -6
I will say FOR ME, not having enough time for everyone has actually been a good thing in some respects. I am much less "trying to do it all" and they are more independent. They have had to learn how to do more things for themselves, entertain themselves, help each other out and negotiate relationship challenges on the their own. Theo is already so much more independent and resilient than his 6 y/o brother was at that age. I think it was partly because I hovered and did a lot for him when he was the only baby. Then I tried to do the same for Evelyn and burned myself out. Now days, it is certainly chaotic, but more collaborative because there is just no other way. Mama can't do everything for everybody.
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Post by dapostrophe on Aug 9, 2018 13:42:10 GMT -6
cagoldi I'm sorry things are so tough right now. FWIW I was in a legit depressive episode when I got pregnant and it took a long time to sort through those feelings (and I'm still doing that work). Give yourself space and time to work through things. Hugs, friend.
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joelies
Sapphire
You must chill
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Post by joelies on Aug 9, 2018 15:05:03 GMT -6
Despite PPA/PPD, relationship issues, and even just plain enjoying the boys more as they get older, I'll admit to being sad sometimes that our family is complete. The boys only have 1 cousin so they'll never get to experience a big, crazy family. But our plan was always for 2 and we can't logistically or financially live the lifestyle we've always planned with more kids. I'm pretty good at making rational decisions about emotional topics, but I obviously never fully felt at peace with being two and through, based on how I felt last May when I had my brief pregnancy scare. DH's reaction was so diametrically opposed and that certainly has stuck with me.
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guster
Emerald
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Post by guster on Aug 9, 2018 16:04:41 GMT -6
I don't think I'll ever feel finished. I'll always want more. I'm a lot like this with many things in life.
I won't say that two feels right in general, but my two feel right for our needs and lifestyle for now.
We don't see mh's family very much – they're far away. Mine are all much older, and now relatively far away. Our life feels very inclusive, and for that reason, especially for later in life, I would like more.
I just mentioned last night that I'd like to have a third. And MH said, "sure," but I don't think we'll be acting on that anytime soon.
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